White Boots (16 page)

“Brackets.”

Always when the word was used Nana saw in her mind's eye some brackets that had been in her home when she was a little girl. They had been made of wood, covered in a pinkish plush, and on each bracket stood photographs of relations. To her it meant nothing what sort of skating Lalla did, one figure was the same as another, but she had grasped that something called brackets, though not made of pink plush, was part of the silver test, and had to be practised.

“And Harriet's quite right. I was thinking we weren't seeing much of those brackets myself. Now back you go on
the rink, and let me see them right away, or I'll go outside and call Mr Lindblom and tell him how you're behaving.”

As they skated back across the ice Lalla, her temper quite gone, squeezed Harriet's hand.

“I'm going to imitate you doing curves. As I finish them you are to clap and say what lovely brackets they were.”

Lalla was very good at imitating people. Standing ready to start, looking serious, she stopped being Lalla and became Harriet; almost she looked as thin as Harriet. Harriet forgot that she ought to be cross with Lalla, because she still had not practised her brackets, and laughed and laughed. It was very painful sort of laughing, because it had to be done inside where Nana could not see it. Nana watched Lalla being Harriet doing curves for a few moments, then she nodded in a pleased way: “Very nice too, dear,” and went back to her knitting.

As the day of the test grew nearer and nearer Harriet worried more and more. It was not that she thought Lalla would not pass exactly, but even if she only just passed everything nice might come to an end. Aunt Claudia was sure to say that Lalla was doing worse instead of better since she had known Harriet, and stop her going to lessons with her, and that would mean no more fencing, no more dancing and, worst of all, no skating lessons from Max Lindblom. When Harriet thought of that happening a lump came in her throat. No more lessons from Max Lindblom! It would be the most terrible thing that could happen to anybody.

As the date of the test grew nearer Harriet stopped reminding Lalla about practising her figures; for one thing, Lalla was practising them without being reminded; it was not the sort of practising Max expected her to do, but she did practise them for a bit, and then dash round the rink in a mad-doggish way, and then come back and practise them again for a few minutes. The other reason why Harriet stopped reminding Lalla was because of what Miss Goldthorpe had told her when they were waiting for Lalla to be called for her inter-silver test. That lots of people passed examinations who did not know much, and people who knew a lot sometimes failed. Lalla was the sort of person who passed even if she didn't know a lot, and it was no good worrying her now that it was almost test day; it was much better for her to go on feeling certain that she would pass with almost full marks, as she had passed the inter-silver.

That Harriet was worried was noticed at home.

“Hallo, Long-face,” Alec said.

Harriet flushed, for she did not want anybody to notice she was worried.

“I haven't got a long face.”

Toby looked up from a sheet of figures on which he was working.

“You haven't usually, but lately you've seemed as if it had been raining for weeks and weeks.”

Edward was lying on the floor, making something out of the Meccano set Lalla had given him for Christmas.

“This morning a lady said that seeing me was as good as the sun coming out.”

Alec made a face at him.

“One more word like that and we'll drown you. You get more loathsome every day.”

Olivia looked at the clock.

“Put that Meccano set away, Edward. I dare say you make strangers think the sun is coming out, but you make me think it's time you were in bed.”

Edward gazed reproachfully at Harriet.

“If you hadn't looked miserable I wouldn't have remembered what that lady said, and then I wouldn't have been sent to bed for another ten minutes, would I, Daddy?”

George was doing accounts. He murmured, “Two rabbits, ninety-two sacks of winter greens, eight of them too decayed to sell, a rook that probably got in by mistake… what was that, Edward?”Then he turned to Olivia. “A rook should cook nicely with a rabbit, shouldn't it?”

“I shouldn't dream of cooking the poor rook. You can give it to the cat up the road if you like. We were saying Harriet looked worried. Are you worried, Harriet?”

George looked at Harriet.

“Seems all right to me. Has the doctor seen her lately?”

Harriet was standing by George; she leant against his chair.

“Not as a doctor, in the street. He said I was his walking advertisement.”

George said “Good” and was going back to his accounts but Toby stopped him.

“All the same she is looking worried. I suppose it's because she thinks Lalla won't pass that skating test.”

Hearing Toby say her worst thought out loud like that made Harriet feel as though she had the wind knocked out of her. She glared at him.

“Of course I'm not worried. She's going to pass just as easily as she passed her inter-silver, probably better.”

Toby shrugged his shoulders.

“All right, keep your hair on, but if she's going to pass I don't know what you're getting in such a flap for.”

“I'm not in a flap.”

Olivia was helping Edward put away his Meccano set. She smiled at Harriet.

“It's natural you should worry for her, darling. Everybody worries when people are going in for examinations, but I'm sure you needn't.”

“Of course you needn't,” said George. “I thought the child was a genius when I saw her. Passes my comprehension how you spin round like that on a pair of skates, bad enough to do it on the floor.”

“Anyway,” said Alec, “you haven't long to wait. I wouldn't get into a state if I was you.”

Olivia had finished clearing up Edward's Meccano set. She stood up and gave Harriet a kiss.

“I shall be very glad when that test is over, because Miss Goldthorpe is planning some nice Saturday afternoons for you two this summer.”

Harriet was surprised.

“Saturday afternoons, but…”

Olivia shook her head.

“Don't ask me, it's a secret until after the test, but it's something to look forward to, I promise you that.”

Because all the family seemed so sure that Lalla would pass, and Lalla herself knew she would pass, Harriet did worry less, and came to the rink on the test morning not feeling too scared. Miss Goldthorpe was the perfect person to wait with, when you were scared of something. She thought it unimportant if Lalla passed or not, though she did realise that other people thought it important, so she was happy and calm. She knew Harriet would not feel happy or calm, so she did not bury herself in one of Shakespeare's plays, but talked to her about ordinary things.

They were using the big rink for the tests that morning, so part of it was roped off, and on the other half Lalla and the other people going in for tests were practising. Lalla, as usual, was wearing a white kilt and jersey and white bonnet, and because it was a test, white gloves. She looked calm and unconcerned, but presently she skated over to Miss Goldthorpe and Harriet. She leant on the barrier.

“You won't forgot about holding your thumbs, will you, Harriet?”

“Of course not. I was going to anyway.”

Lalla looked at Miss Goldthorpe.

“Haven't you anything you can do to bring people luck, Goldie?”

Miss Goldthorpe was just going to say that she did not believe in luck, but believed in knowing your subject before the examination and then hoping for the best, when she saw that Lalla was fidgeting in a nervous way with one of her gloves. Lalla never fidgeted in a nervous way, for she was never nervous. Seeing her nervous surprised Miss Goldthorpe and made her sorry, so she tried to think of something which would help.

“I shall sit on my handkerchief. When I was a child I remember hearing an aunt say when she was playing whist and was having bad luck she would improve it by sitting on her handkerchief. As soon as it's your turn I shall sit on mine.”

“Did your aunt win after that?”

Miss Goldthorpe took her handkerchief out of her pocket.

“Of course. That's why I remember it, it seemed such a simple thing to do.”

Lalla hesitated, as if she would like to say something else. Instead she nodded as if she were satisfied, and skimmed back across the ice to her practice.

Half an hour later it was Lalla's turn. There were two judges, as there had been for the inter-silver. This time they were two women, one fat and one thin. They both seemed to know Lalla and greeted her with friendly smiles. Lalla, just as she had done
when she went in for her inter-silver test, seemed completely at ease. She found a piece of ice with no tracings on it and stood calmly waiting to be told to start. Standing by the barrier close to where she and Miss Goldthorpe were sitting Harriet saw Max. His eyes were on Lalla, but he was looking quite at ease, his hands in his pockets. “He doesn't seem fussed,” thought Harriet, grasping her thumbs, “so I shouldn't think there's anything to fuss about.” At that moment Lalla was told to start her first figure, and Max's attitude changed. Harriet saw that his face looked grave and she could see by the bulge it made that he had clenched the hand in the pocket nearest to her. She turned to Miss Goldthorpe.

“You are sitting on your handkerchief, aren't you, Goldie? It's now.”

Miss Goldthorpe patted Harriet's knee.

“Of course I am. Don't worry.”

Harriet knew more about skating than she had when she watched the inter-silver. But the place Lalla had chosen on which to skate was near the centre of the rink, and she could not see the tracings. She watched the faces of the two women judges, as they stooped down and examined the tracings, and tried to gather from their faces, and from the way they wrote on their cards, how Lalla was doing, but people like judges, she discovered, did not have faces that told you things. Because she had watched Max giving Lalla lessons, and because for the last two or three days the lessons had been a run-through of exactly
what she had to do in her test, Harriet knew when the figures were finished. She let out a gulp of breath.

“She's finished the figures, Goldie. She'll do her free skating presently, she likes that better.”

But Lalla had not finished her figures. The two judges called her to them and told her something. It was clear from Lalla's way of standing that she was surprised at what she heard; she threw up her head so that her chin was in the air, and clearly was answering in a proud way. Max moved up so that he was standing next to Harriet.

“It is those brackets. She must do her forward inside again.”

“If she does them right this time will she pass?”

Max had his eyes on Lalla. He spoke as if he were talking to himself.

“How can she do well if she will not work?”

It seemed as if everybody round the rink was holding their breath. It felt to Harriet as if Lalla took hours and hours doing the two repeat figures. When at last she had finished Max, who was wearing his skates, went across to hear the results with her. The judges seemed to take a long time adding up. Harriet, who remembered exactly how everybody had looked when Lalla had got good marks for her inter-silver test, saw that things were different this time. The judges smiled, but it was a different sort of smile from the ones she had got last time, and Lalla did not dash over to Max and hold his hands. Instead, she said some quick thing, which Harriet could not hear, threw her chin in the air and skated towards herself and Miss Goldthorpe. As she reached the barrier she said in a be-sorry-for-me-if-you-dare voice:

“It will surprise you to know that Miss Lalla Moore has failed her test.”

Miss Goldthorpe said:

“I'm sorry, dear. But not by much I hope.”

Lalla looked prouder than ever.

“If you want to know, very badly indeed. I needed fifty-four marks to pass, and all I got was forty-one.”

IT WAS AWFUL for Lalla going home after her test. Miss Goldthorpe tried to talk about other things, but nobody answered; Harriet kept looking at Lalla's face, and answers to Miss Goldthorpe dried up inside her mouth. She was sure, if it had been her who had hoped to pass and had failed, she would have cried, but Lalla did not look a bit like crying, she looked much more as if she might bite somebody. Her face was pink, her lips pressed together tight, and she had a very angry look in her eyes. Just before the car reached the house Lalla, still speaking in a proud voice, said:

“No one is going to tell Aunt Claudia instead of me. I know I ought to have passed, it was those silly old judges who were wrong.”

Miss Goldthorpe looked worried. Too often in the past she
had heard girls blaming the examiners when they did not pass examinations, but she did not say so. It was not the moment to make Lalla feel worse than she was feeling already. Instead she said that of course Lalla must tell Aunt Claudia, and explain that Max Lindblom had said she would try again in the autumn. She and Harriet would go straight up to the schoolroom and Lalla could find Wilson and ask when her aunt would be in.

Aunt Claudia was not in but Wilson said she thought she would be in for lunch, then she looked at Lalla.

“What's the matter, dear? You passed your test all right, didn't you?”

Lalla was standing on the bottom of the stairs leading into the hall; she swung on the banister rail so that her back was turned to Wilson.

“Actually I didn't, but I ought to have. It was the silly old judges' fault.”

Wilson, like everybody else in the house, had got so used to the idea that Lalla was destined for great things in the skating world that she was sure, if she had not passed a test, it wasn't Lalla's fault.

“What a shame, but I wouldn't worry if I was you, dear; skating as prettily as you do I don't see what you want with any old test. Look at the lovely pieces in the paper about you.”

“You have to do figures, that's the awful part. Do you know, Wilson, I hate, hate, hate figures.” Lalla sat down on the stairs. “I shall wait here for Aunt Claudia. I want to get telling her over.”

Wilson knew just how Lalla felt; when she had to tell Aunt Claudia something had gone wrong she would hang about waiting to get it over; but it was not the best way to please Aunt Claudia to be found sitting on the stairs in your outdoor things.

“I know how you feel, dear, but if I was you I'd run up to Nana and change into something pretty; you know the way she likes you to be dressed up. The moment she comes in I'll ring Nana's bell three times.”

Lalla got up slowly.

“All right, I'd much rather sit here, I don't want to tell Nana, still Aunt Claudia would rather I was dressed up, so I'll do it.”

Miss Goldthorpe and Harriet had not told Nana that Lalla had not passed, but of course Nana knew. She had said the moment they had come in,“Where's Lalla?” and when they said that she was downstairs waiting to see Aunt Claudia Nana had made upset, clucking noises, and gone into Lalla's bedroom thinking, “Oh dear, there'll be trouble about this.”

When Lalla came in, still looking as though she would bite if anyone spoke to her, Nana said nothing about skating. She took Lalla's coat and hung it up in the cupboard and was just her usual cosy self. Because she was her usual cosy self and not looking sorry or worried, Lalla stopped feeling angry, and the moment she stopped feeling angry she felt miserable and had to cry. She flung her arms round Nana, and sobbed and sobbed. Nana sat down in an armchair and took her on her knee, and heard, between the gulps and the sobs, that Lalla was shamed for
life, that Aunt Claudia would be so angry that she would probably kill her, that she ought to have passed, that it was the judges' fault; that she would be the greatest skater in the world and then they would be sorry; and, as the tears grew a little less, that Aunt Claudia would say she had not worked very hard, and the awful thing was that it would be true, that she hated those old brackets and she thought she could do them without working, and now, because she had not passed, Harriet would not be coming for lessons any more, and nothing nice would ever happen again.

When at last she finished crying after explaining Nana stroked the hair out of her face, and lent her a handkerchief to blow her nose.

“Now come along and wash, we don't want your aunt to see you swelled up like that. It would never do. You know, dear, you've been a bit of a madam lately, as often I've told you. You had to know best, you wouldn't listen to that Mr Lindblom when he said you weren't working at those nasty brackets, but you'll be able to try again, won't you?” Lalla agreed that she would in the autumn. “Well then, what are these tears for? If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.”

Lalla choked back a sob.

“But I'm not used to trying again, I'm used to doing things right away.”

“I know, dear, but pride comes before a fall. Now come along, let me get you tidied up, and then you run down to your
aunt and tell her quietly what's happened, and that you're expecting to do well in the autumn, and I'm sure she'll be very nice about it.”

Lalla was at her basin turning on the water to wash her face.

“You don't think that, Nana, you're only saying it to make me feel better. She'll be awful about it, you know she will.” Lalla's lips began to wobble again. “Oh, what will I do if she says Harriet can't come here any more? Harriet only comes here to make me work harder, and now I've failed at my very first test after she's come. I just couldn't bear it if I had to go back to doing things alone again.”

Nana was laying a frock on the bed so her back was to Lalla. Lalla could not see, but her face was worried. It was only too likely that Aunt Claudia would say that lessons with Harriet were to stop; she had always said that a child like Lalla was best kept by herself, not mixing with other children, and now at last, when they had managed to get her a friend, look what had happened. To Nana that Lalla had not passed her test mattered nothing, unless it meant that Lalla once more was made to work alone.

“Did Wilson say what time your aunt would be in?”

“She just said she'd be in for lunch.”

Nana looked at the clock.

“It's only just gone half-past twelve, she's not often in before one. Do you know what I'd do if I was you? I'd telephone your Uncle David at his office and tell him what's happened, and ask
him the best way of explaining things to your aunt. Gentlemen, having business heads and all, are good at knowing how things had best be put.” She gave Lalla a little push. “Run along down, dear, and do it right away before he goes out to his lunch, you can tidy for your aunt after.”

Uncle David was just leaving his office when the telephone rang. He was going to signal to his secretary to say he was out, when he heard that it was Lalla. His cheerful voice came down the line.

“How's the child wonder this morning?”

“Not a wonder any more.” Lalla's voice rose in a wail. “Uncle David, I've failed.”

Uncle David laughed.

“Failed in your figures? Isn't that shattering!”

“I knew you'd laugh, but Aunt Claudia won't. And Nana said I was to ask you how best it was to be put, so Harriet wouldn't be sent away.”

At once Uncle David grew serious. He had not thought of that. He had been glad that he had arranged that Lalla had Harriet to learn things with and play with, and had not thought of it coming to an end, but now he saw what Nana meant. How best could it be put?

“Half a moment, poppet, while I think.” He sat down at his desk, the receiver in his hand, and doodled on his blotting paper, which always helped him to get ideas. He drew Lalla on skates. Then he drew Aunt Claudia. As he drew Aunt Claudia he knew
the only thing that would make it safe that Harriet was not sent away. He spoke carefully, because it was a difficult thing to explain. “You know how important Aunt Claudia thinks this skating of yours is, and she's brought you up to think as she does. But, of course, really skating is like a game; it's grand to be a first-class tennis player or cricketer, but it isn't wrong for somebody not to want to be first-class.”

“But I do want to be a first-class skater. I'm going to be the greatest skater in the world.”

“Do you think Harriet's going to help you to be that?”

Lalla remembered all the times that Harriet had tried to make her practise.

“It wasn't her fault I failed, she tried to make me practise my brackets and I wouldn't.”

“Harriet sounds fine. I should think you'd listen to what she said next time, wouldn't you? If I were you, if Aunt Claudia says that Harriet is to go away, I should tell her that if Harriet goes you don't want to skate any more.” He heard Lalla gasp. “Well, it wouldn't be as much fun, would it? It's nearly summer and you don't skate much in the summer anyway, and I think you would find that Aunt Claudia wouldn't want you to stop skating, and when she hears you would rather not skate than let Harriet go she will let Harriet go on working with you. In the autumn you can work so hard that you can show her what a help Harriet's been.”

Lalla came back to her bedroom looking solemn. She told
Nana what Uncle David had advised. Nana made fussed noises with her tongue against her teeth.

“What a thing to ask a child of your age to say! Don't want to skate any more! Whatever next! Still, you don't skate regular in the summer. Mind you, he's right, there isn't no more reason why you should skate than why I should ride a donkey.”

That made Lalla laugh.

“Silly Nana! Think of you on a donkey!” Nana was putting Lalla's frock on. When Lalla's head came out through the top she was serious again. “Do you know, I think Uncle David really and truly doesn't think it matters if I skate. I thought before, when he said things like that, he was teasing, but I think he really doesn't think it matters. That makes me feel very peculiar.”

Nana buttoned the frock.

“He's right, dear, you won't be eleven till the autumn. There's no reason a child of your age should be set on anything. Of course, with your father behind you and your aunt so fond of the skating and all, it's got into you.”

Lalla moved to the dressing-table for Nana to brush her hair.

“I feel like Alice in Wonderland felt when she fell down the rabbit hole. I mean, it's like me having fallen down a rabbit hole and found things were different at the bottom. At the top everybody knew I had to be a great skater, and at the bottom people like you and Uncle David say it doesn't matter much.” Nana's bell rang three times. Lalla looked at Nana. “I'll make
Aunt Claudia let Harriet stay. But you and Uncle David aren't going to make me think skating doesn't matter, so there.”

Aunt Claudia had a lot of afternoon engagements, and had hurried home for a quick lunch before changing for them. She had no time to waste, but when she saw Lalla she wanted to hear how many marks she had got in her test.

“Did you do well, darling?”

Lalla, having screwed herself up to confessing, did not waste time.

“Very badly. I failed.”

The word “failed” made Aunt Claudia flinch as if someone had thrown a stone at her.

“Failed! But, Lalla, that's impossible.”

“It was not impossible at all, and if you want to know I failed badly. They let Max have my marks. I only got forty-one, and the reason I didn't pass was because I was bored with brackets and wouldn't work at them. Max tried to make me, and Harriet tried and tried but I wouldn't.”

Aunt Claudia had come in thinking what a lovely day it was; she was happy and she felt that Lalla was deliberately spoiling everything for her. She so believed in Lalla's skating future that she found it hard to take in what she had said. Failed! Failed badly! Forty-one marks, it was impossible. Everybody knew the child had a brilliant future. Then she remembered that in the afternoon she was going to a bridge party, with some of the people she had persuaded to take tickets for Lalla's first skating
exhibition. Since that night they had been interested in Lalla and had asked after her. She had told them that this morning Lalla was to take her silver test, and that she was extraordinarily young to try for it, and they had said they hoped she would pass, and she had laughed and had said: “I don't think we need worry about that.” They were sure to ask how Lalla had done. It made her feel quite ill to think that she would have to admit that Lalla had failed. As she thought of her bridge party her voice grew cold and hard.