Whistling Past the Graveyard (24 page)

Eula made me go to sleep in Lulu’s bed. It made my skin all crawly to think of her laying her fake blond hair on one of these pillows. I laid there until I heard Eula feed James and tell him a sweet good-night, same as she done with me. I hoped James wasn’t as wound up inside as I was. I worried I’d still be awake when Lulu come home. I didn’t want to see her face ever again.

But the night moved on and Lulu didn’t show up. The apartment stayed hot.The street outside stayed noisy. Music come out of the doors of the bars and met on the street before coming up and in the window. The voices of men and the laughter of the women made me wish we was sleeping in the bed of Eula’s truck. I heard a fight. Eula fed James again. After I heard her get back on the couch and start snoring real quiet, I finally picked up my pillow and went around the curtain.

The light from the street made the room look like it was just a rainy day and not nighttime. James was laying on a folded blanket on the floor at the foot of the couch where nobody would step on him. He was just wearing a diaper. Eula was on the couch. She wasn’t wearing her nightgown, but had put on one of her baking dresses like she was ready to get up and run if need be. Her Sunday hat and nice dress she’d worn on the bus sat on top of her grip. At least she wasn’t wearing shoes.

I got down on my knees and studied her for a bit. Her hair stuck out from her head like a dark halo. I kinda wished I’d just stayed quiet in that room at her house and let her be my momma; let her and Wallace and James and me be a family, the way she’d wanted.

It was a silly thought. Wallace wasn’t never gonna let that happen. I laid down on the floor and put my head on my pillow. I’d just closed my eyes when Eula whispered, “I feel bad for your

momma.”
My eyes sprung back open. “Why? She’s so awful.”
“’Cause she’ll never know what she missin’ in not knowin’ you.” Eula’s hand come over the edge of the couch and I took it. We stayed that way, just bein’ for a while, before I finally fell asleep.

27
A

three-rap knock woke me. I jumped up, my heart skitterin’ along like a startled rabbit. It took me a second to figure out where I was. The couch was empty. Eula was at the table feeding James his bottle.

Thump, thump, thump. It wasn’t a knuckle knock, it was a fist. I looked toward the curtain that hid most of Lulu’s bed. Feet were sticking out, red toenail polish looking like stoplights. Nasty and bossy as Lulu was, I was surprised she hadn’t woke me up and made me go get in her bed when she come in. I almost wish she’d tried.
The knock was louder the third time.
I got up and peeked around the curtain. Lulu’s hair was wild, her raccoon eyes smeared and her mouth hangin’ open. “Someone’s at the door,” I said. She didn’t open her eyes. I poked at her foot. “Lulu. The door.”
She rolled over and covered her head with the pillow.
I turned to Eula. She looked nervous, but put James down—he didn’t like his breakfast interrupted and started to bawl. She motioned for me to stay back, then went and opened the door just a crack.
“Sorry, ma’am. Must have the wrong apartment.” It was Daddy.
My bruised heart wasn’t ready to see him, but I come up behind Eula and pulled the door open all the way.
Daddy almost didn’t look like Daddy. His hair was all messy and his face had some beard on it. But his eyes were the most wrong. Daddy’s eyes was always laughin’—Good Time Charlie, some folks called him, even though his name wasn’t Charlie at all. But now his eyes was red and bloodshot and had dark circles under them. I held my breath, waiting for him to start yelling.
His eyes lit on me and changed. “Starla! Thank God!” He picked me up off the floor and squeezed me tight before I even saw him moving. He kept saying over and over, “Thank God. Thank God. Thank God.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist. I buried my nose in his neck and breathed him in. He was still Daddy. (Thank you, baby Jesus.)
He felt skinnier, but his shoulders were still strong and his arms hard as rocks like always.
I heard him sniff and that broke my tears loose. We cried some. Then he set me down. He wiped his face with his hands, and his beard made a scratchy noise. Eula handed me a Kleenex. When I took it, I saw she was crying, too.The only one who wasn’t was James,’cause she’d picked him up again.
Daddy looked at James, his white face against Eula’s brown arm. I could tell he was trying to figure out where James come from. Maybe since Lulu was married now, he thought maybe James was her baby.
That made my stomach feel sick. I hoped no baby ever had to have Lulu for a momma.
Daddy didn’t ask about James, though. Instead he looked past us into the little apartment. “Where’s your momma?”
I pointed to the curtain. “Lulu is sleepin’.” I was never gonna call her Momma again.
His face changed. He looked like a storm. “Get dressed. We’re leavin’.”
“But, Daddy, I need to tell you somethin’.”
“You can tell me on the way. Get dressed.”
“I can’t go without Eula and James.”
He looked at me. “James?”
“The baby.”
He looked at them. “Why not?”
“’Cause they need our help.” I thought of Miss Cyrena and of those folks at Mt. Zion Baptist, how they helped just ’cause we needed it, without asking a lot of questions. I wanted Daddy to be like that. “Eula done saved me from gettin’ killed.”
“Killed!” His eyes got big. “Last night? Here? What in the hell happened?” He looked like he wanted to break something.
“Not here. Back in Mississippi. She kept me safe in gettin’ here. That’s what I need to tell you—”
“Quiet out there!” Lulu sounded like her tongue was thick and sticky.
“What happened!”Daddy was getting riled. It was an unusual thing.
“I had to run away so I didn’t get sent to reform school, but got kidnapped almost right away—”
“Shut the hell up!” Lulu again.
Daddy looked mad enough to stomp snakes. He stalked over to the end of Lulu’s bed. “Don’t bother yourself to get up.” I’d never heard Daddy sound so . . . nasty. “In case you’re at all interested, we’re leavin’.”
“Porter?” Lulu mumbled his name, like she wasn’t sure it was him.
“Jesus, you reek of booze! As far as I’m concerned, you just burned your last bridge. One night! One fu—One night and you couldn’t stay here and take care of her?”
Daddy being so mad at her made my heart float.
“Hey, I had to work!” Now she sounded awake. “It ain’t my fault she showed up here! If your mother had been doing what we pay her for—”
“Pay her for? Is that how you see it?” He made a real disgusted sound. “You make me sick.” He kicked the foot of her mattress, then turned around and run his hands through his hair. After a second, he said, without looking at Lulu, “You might want to drag your ass out of bed, since you probably won’t make any effort to see your daughter again.”
“Fuck off.”The sheets flounced like Lulu was covering up her head.
Daddy come stompin’ back to me. “Get your stuff, you can change in the car. You can tell me what happened on the way.”
“But Eula—”
He looked at her. “You want to come with us?”
Eula nodded and held James tight.
He pointed to her grip, all packed and ready to go—just like Lulu had ordered. “This yours?”
Eula nodded again and he picked it up.
I grabbed my shoes and Barbie suitcase and we was out the door lickety-split. Daddy slammed it behind us. His jaw kept working and his breath was real rough. We went down the stairs and got in his car. He started it up and drove off, so anxious to get gone he didn’t even ask where baby James come from. I reckon by now he’d figured he wasn’t Lulu’s.
As we drove away, I was busy inside—hoping Daddy’s being mad was all on Lulu and not me, getting my story organized, worrying ’bout Daddy getting Eula fixed up with the law, worrying ’bout baby James and what was gonna happen to him. I kept worrying about those things so I didn’t have to think about that horrible person who used to be my momma. It didn’t come to me until we’d gone six blocks that I didn’t even say good-bye to Lulu.
After seven blocks, I decided I didn’t care.

Daddy didn’t say a word for fifteen minutes. He just drove, then pulled into a parking lot, told me to get dressed, and got out. I real quick put on my dress, ’cause it was fastest and I could put it right over my pj’s. Then me and Eula and James followed him into the diner.

The waitress brought coffee for Daddy and orange juice for me. Eula and baby James was at a little table way in the back. Daddy told the waitress to let Eula order whatever she wanted and bring him her check. Then he said to me, “You said you were almost killed. Did you mean that or were you exaggerating?”

I was so glad he didn’t want to talk about Lulu, I almost sounded too happy when I started my story. “It’s true! It was a kidnapper, Eula’s husband, Wallace. He kidnapped me and James both. Eula had to save me with a skillet—”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!”

Dang! I’d been planning this for days; how I was gonna explain all nice and careful, but when that first word come out, the rest was right behind it. All because of Lulu. I hated her even more.

My insides felt like Jell-O. What if I’d already messed it up? I took a deep breath and got ready to start again. I had to get this done right. And I had to do it while we was separated from Eula, in case she decided to be contrary about what I was gonna say.

I got my mind organized to start over. I thought about asking baby Jesus for help, but it seemed wrong, since I’d be bendin’ the truth some.
“Afore I get tellin’ what happened, you gotta promise not to stop me to ask questions or scold me. I know I done wrong and gotta get consequences.” This was the first thing I was supposed to say. “But you listen to everything so we can help Eula.”
“After what you just told me, I reckon it’s best to start at the beginning.”
That’s when it come to me that he probably already knew about some of it from Mamie. But Mamie would make me look as bad as possible. Daddy had to know my side so he really understood.
“Okay, but I mean it, Daddy. You gotta hear it all. No interruptions.”
He made an
X
over his heart like we did when we was swearin’ to keep a secret from Mamie.
“Mamie pro’bly already told you ’bout my gettin’ put on restriction for breakin’ Jimmy Sellers’s nose.”
Daddy kept his eyes fixed on mine and tilted his head. He turned his palm up and flipped his fingers, telling me to come on and tell it. I was some disappointed, but not surprised. Daddy always made me tell him what I done wrong my own self, even if Mamie had already told him and punished me.
“It’s gonna take a long time,” I said.
He folded his hands around his coffee cup, raised his eyebrows, and waited.
I told him about Prissy Pants—but I called her by her real name so I didn’t sound snotty—and Jimmy Sellers. When I got to the part where I punched him, it looked like Daddy was fighting a smile, but I couldn’t be sure. Daddy never smiled when I lost my temper and leaped without lookin’. I told him I apologized to Mrs. Sellers and tried to act like I meant it. Then I explained how much I love the Fourth of July and the fireworks and how Mamie always punished me with the worst possible thing. I was glad I’d made him promise not to interrupt, ’cause he’d say that’s what punishment was supposed to be; if Mamie did something I liked, it’d be a reward. He always said that when I complained about Mamie’s unfairness.
Then I had to tell him about breaking restriction and Mrs. Sellers finding me, and me pushing her down, and I was really glad he couldn’t say anything. His eyes was doing enough scolding.
“I didn’t want to go to reform school, like Mrs. Sellers was sayin’, so I run off. I figured Mamie’d be happy to be rid of me anyway.”
Daddy opened his mouth and I gave him the stink eye. He closed it. Daddy always kept his cross-heart promises.
The waitress brought our breakfasts, but I wasn’t hungry anymore.
“I was gonna come to Nashville to live with Momma. But I didn’t know then that she’d turned into Lulu.” I shivered. “If I had, I might’a gone back home and waited on the front steps for the law to come get me.”
“Starla, she’s always been—”
I held up my hand. “Daddy!” Truth be told, I didn’t stop him because of his cross- heart promise, but because I didn’t want to hear that she’d always been Lulu. If I got to thinking about that, I’d be a goner and not be able to finish my story. And I didn’t want to cry in front of Daddy, not over Lulu . . . ever.
He blinked and nodded. “Sorry.”
I spun a story about Wallace grabbing me off the road and him taking me home. I said he’d already had James with him. From there on I tried to stick close to the truth. As long as Wallace was the one who took James from the church steps, Eula should be okay. I still wasn’t sure how we’d get around the law when it come to Wallace’s deadness, but Daddy’d think of something.
I took a glance at Eula. Her fork was moving her food around, but I didn’t see any leave the plate and go to her mouth. From the way her eyes kept peekin’ from the side, I figured she was working hard not to watch what was going on at our table.
I kept talking, wanting to get it all out as fast as possible. I explained how Wallace had seen some colored girl leave James in a basket on the step of a church. And that Eula couldn’t have babies and wanted them more than anything. Wallace seeing that colored girl leaving that bundle was God telling him this baby was for Eula. It shoulda been okay ’cause James was supposed to be colored and not wanted by anybody.
“On his way home, he musta decided I’d make a good kid for them, too.”
Daddy was frowning. I wasn’t sure he was believing me, so I added that it turned out Wallace was plum crazy, and once he got home and Eula made him see how much trouble they was in for taking white children, he went crazier yet with being scared.
“First we was locked up,” I said. “Eula tried to take us back to Cayuga Springs, but Wallace was sure the white folks would come and murder them both and stopped her. He was big as a bear, and mean as a snake. Eula was afraid of him before I ever got there, but she tried to help me anyway—and got hurt while goin’ about it, too.”
In my mind, I made like I was telling a story that happened to somebody else; otherwise, when I come to the next part, I’d’a been too shook up to talk at all. It was better if Daddy didn’t know how scared I’d been.
I told Daddy about me escaping in the night with baby James, and his eyes got so wide I thought they’d pop right out. I could tell he wanted to talk, but he kept his promise—until I told the part about Wallace coming after us and trying to drown me in the swamp.
His fist hit the table and he said, “JesusfuckingChrist!” so loud that everybody in the diner looked at us.
I started to shake a little and forgot that I was telling about somebody else. Then I looked over at Eula, sitting there, stiff and tall, with her eyes white and her hands working in her lap. I pushed feelings of not being able to breathe and the picture of Wallace through the water out of my mind. I couldn’t let Daddy stop me here. “You promised,” I said.
He got up and walked outside. I saw him through the window, pacing back and forth, running his hands through his hair and then wrapping them behind his neck and looking up at the sky. My stomach hurt like it was being poked with knives. I couldn’t go make Daddy feel better ’cause I had to get my own self back to where it wasn’t me in the story.
Finally, Daddy come back in and sat back down. He took a deep breath closed his eyes and breathed out long. Then he nodded for me to go on.
“Well, I reckon it’s obvious he didn’t get me killed.” It helped to talk sassy. “He stopped and cried around that he couldn’t do it, and then took me back and locked me in that room again. But Eula was worried still, so she stayed in there with me. Later, when Wallace got all juiced up—the moonshine—he come in and tried to finish me off. But Eula killed him with a skillet.” I was quick to add, “She didn’t mean to kill him. She just wanted to stop him from hurtin’ me and he ended up dead after one whack.”
“Oh my God.” Daddy looked kinda sick and covered his face. I was afraid he was gonna throw up right there. I should feel sick, too. But truth be told, I got to feeling better the more I got out. Every word said Wallace couldn’t hurt us anymore.
I switched sides in the booth and put my arm around Daddy. “It’s okay. Eula saved my life, that’s why we gotta help her.”
“Why didn’t you come back—”
“I ain’t done.”
He nodded, but still looked peaked.
“Eula, she wanted to go to the law right then and tell them she’d done Wallace in. But I made her take me to Nashville first,’cause that’s where I was headed and it was Wallace’s fault I didn’t get there. Eula’s very interested in doing the right thing. We put Wallace in the springhouse to keep him cool. I just wanted to get away and change her mind about goin’ to the law about it.”
“Wha—”
“Daddy!”
He held up a hand and nodded again.
“Eula and me and James started out in her rickety truck. We was gonna make sure James got back to his family.  .  .  . I was thinking Mom—Lulu’d help with that. And Eula was gonna turn herself in to the police when we got there, but I was still hopin’ to convince her not to. Lulu was supposed to help with that, too.”
I told him about how the truck broke down and I got sick and how Miss Cyrena took us in and all the rest of what got us to Lulu’s apartment.
When I got done, he just sat there.
I went back to my side of the booth. “You can talk now.”
Daddy was shaking his head, looking at his cold bacon and eggs. “Honest to God, I don’t know where to start.”