While the Light Lasts (14 page)

What a pity that Jane was such an inveterate liar.

‘I suppose that's it,' said Jane reluctantly.

‘Let me see her.'

He strode into the flat. Jane followed him with disarming meekness. He found the delinquent Alice in the kitchen. There was no doubt whatever as to her condition. He followed Jane into the sitting-room in grim silence.

‘You'll have to get rid of that woman,' he said. ‘I told you so before.'

‘I know you did, Alan, but I can't do that. You forget, her husband's in prison.'

‘Where he ought to be,' said Everard. ‘How often has that woman been drunk in the three months you've had her?'

‘Not so very many times; three or four perhaps. She gets depressed, you know.'

‘Three or four! Nine or ten would be nearer the
mark. How does she cook? Rottenly. Is she the least assistance or comfort to you in this flat? None whatever. For God's sake, get rid of her tomorrow morning and engage a girl who is of some use.'

Jane looked at him unhappily.

‘You won't,' said Everard gloomily, sinking into a big armchair. ‘You're such an impossibly sentimental creature. What's this I hear about your taking Winnie to the seaside? Who suggested it, you or Isobel?'

Jane said very quickly: ‘I did, of course.'

‘Jane,' said Everard, ‘if you would only learn to speak the truth, I should be quite fond of you. Sit down, and for goodness' sake don't tell any more lies for at least ten minutes.'

‘Oh, Alan!' said Jane, and sat down.

The painter examined her critically for a minute or two. Mrs Lemprière–that woman–had been quite right. He had been cruel in his handling of Jane. Jane was almost, if not quite, beautiful. The long lines of her body were pure Greek. It was that eager anxiety of hers to please that made her awkward. He had seized on that–exaggerated it–had sharpened the line of her slightly pointed chin, flung her body into an ugly poise.

Why? Why was it impossible for him to be five minutes in the room with Jane without feeling violent irritation against her rising up in him? Say what you
would, Jane was a dear, but irritating. He was never soothed and at peace with her as he was with Isobel. And yet Jane was so anxious to please, so willing to agree with all he said, but alas! so transparently unable to conceal her real feelings.

He looked round the room. Typically Jane. Some lovely things, pure gems, that piece of Battersea enamel, for instance, and there next to it, an atrocity of a vase hand-painted with roses.

He picked the latter up.

‘Would you be very angry, Jane, if I pitched this out of the window?'

‘Oh! Alan, you mustn't.'

‘What do you want with all this trash? You've plenty of taste if you care to use it. Mixing things up!'

‘I know, Alan. It isn't that I don't
know
. But people give me things. That vase–Miss Bates brought it back from Margate–and she's so poor, and has to scrape, and it must have cost her quite a lot–for her, you know, and she thought I'd be so pleased. I simply had to put it in a good place.'

Everard said nothing. He went on looking round the room. There were one or two etchings on the walls–there were also a number of photographs of babies. Babies, whatever their mothers may think, do not always photograph well. Any of Jane's friends who acquired babies hurried to send photographs of them
to her, expecting these tokens to be cherished. Jane had duly cherished them.

‘Who's this little horror?' asked Everard, inspecting a pudgy addition with a squint. ‘I've not seen him before.'

‘It's a her,' said Jane. ‘Mary Carrington's new baby.'

‘Poor Mary Carrington,' said Everard. ‘I suppose you'll pretend that you like having that atrocious infant squinting at you all day?'

Jane's chin shot out.

‘She's a lovely baby. Mary is a very old friend of mine.'

‘Loyal Jane,' said Everard smiling at her. ‘So Isobel landed you with Winnie, did she?'

‘Well, she did say you wanted to go to Scotland, and I jumped at it. You will let me have Winnie, won't you? I've been wondering if you would let her come to me for ages, but I haven't liked to ask.'

‘Oh, you can have her–but it's awfully good of you.'

‘Then that's all right,' said Jane happily.

Everard lit a cigarette.

‘Isobel show you the new portrait?' he asked rather indistinctly.

‘She did.'

‘What did you think of it?'

Jane's answer came quickly–too quickly:

‘It's perfectly splendid. Absolutely splendid.'

Alan sprang suddenly to his feet. The hand that held the cigarette shook.

‘Damn you, Jane, don't lie to me!'

‘But, Alan, I'm sure, it
is
perfectly splendid.'

‘Haven't you learnt by now, Jane, that I know every tone of your voice? You lie to me like a hatter so as not to hurt my feelings, I suppose. Why can't you be honest? Do you think I want you to tell me a thing is splendid when I know as well as you do that it's not? The damned thing's dead–dead. There's no life in it–nothing behind, nothing but surface, damned smooth surface. I've cheated myself all along–yes, even this afternoon. I came along to you to find out. Isobel doesn't know. But you know, you always do know. I knew you'd tell me it was good–you've no moral sense about that sort of thing. But I can tell by the tone of your voice. When I showed you
Romance
you didn't say anything at all–you held your breath and gave a sort of gasp.'

‘Alan…'

Everard gave her no chance to speak. Jane was producing the effect upon him he knew so well. Strange that so gentle a creature could stir him to such furious anger.

‘You think I've lost the power, perhaps,' he said angrily, ‘but I haven't. I can do work every bit as
good as
Romance
–better, perhaps. I'll show you, Jane Haworth.'

He fairly rushed out of the flat. Walking rapidly, he crossed through the Park and over Albert Bridge. He was still tingling all over with irritation and baffled rage. Jane, indeed! What did
she
know about painting? What was
her
opinion worth? Why should he care? But he did care. He wanted to paint something that would make Jane gasp. Her mouth would open just a little, and her cheeks would flush red. She would look first at the picture and then at him. She wouldn't say anything at all probably.

In the middle of the bridge he saw the picture he was going to paint. It came to him from nowhere at all, out of the blue. He saw it, there in the air, or was it in his head?

A little, dingy curio shop, rather dark and musty-looking. Behind the counter a Jew–a small Jew with cunning eyes. In front of him the customer, a big man, sleek, well fed, opulent, bloated, a great jowl on him. Above them, on a shelf, a bust of white marble. The light there, on the boy's marble face, the deathless beauty of old Greece, scornful, unheeding of sale and barter. The Jew, the rich collector, the Greek boy's head. He saw them all.

‘
The Connoisseur
, that's what I'll call it,' muttered Alan Everard, stepping off the kerb and just missing being
annihilated by a passing bus. ‘Yes,
The Connoisseur
. I'll
show
Jane.'

When he arrived home, he passed straight into the studio. Isobel found him there, sorting out canvases.

‘Alan, don't forget we're dining with the Marches–'

Everard shook his head impatiently.

‘Damn the Marches. I'm going to work. I've got hold of something, but I must get it fixed–fixed at once on the canvas before it goes. Ring them up. Tell them I'm dead.'

Isobel looked at him thoughtfully for a moment or two, and then went out. She understood the art of living with a genius very thoroughly. She went to the telephone and made some plausible excuse.

She looked round her, yawning a little. Then she sat down at her desk and began to write.

When
The Connoisseur
was finished, some months later, Alan invited Jane to come and see it. The thing was not quite as he had conceived it–that was impossible to hope for–but it was near enough. He felt the glow of the creator. He had made this thing and it was good.

Jane did not this time tell him it was splendid. The colour crept into her cheeks and her lips parted. She looked at Alan, and he saw in her eyes that which he wished to see. Jane knew.

He walked on air. He had shown Jane!

The picture off his mind, he began to notice his immediate surroundings once more.

Winnie had benefited enormously from her fortnight at the seaside, but it struck him that her clothes were very shabby. He said so to Isobel.

‘Alan! You who never notice anything! But I like children to be simply dressed–I hate them all fussed up.'

‘There's a difference between simplicity and darns and patches.'

Isobel said nothing, but she got Winnie a new frock.

Two days later Alan was struggling with income tax returns. His own pass book lay in front of him. He was hunting through Isobel's desk for hers when Winnie danced into the room with a disreputable doll.

‘Daddy, I've got a riddle. Can you guess it? “Within a wall as white as milk, within a curtain soft as silk,
bathed in a sea of crystal clear, a golden apple doth appear.” Guess what that is?'

‘Your mother,' said Alan absently. He was still hunting.

‘Daddy!' Winnie gave a scream of laughter. ‘It's an
egg
. Why did you think it was mummy?'

Alan smiled too.

‘I wasn't really listening,' he said. ‘And the words sounded like mummy, somehow.'

A wall as white as milk. A curtain. Crystal. The golden apple. Yes, it did suggest Isobel to him. Curious things, words.

He had found the pass book now. He ordered Winnie peremptorily from the room. Ten minutes later he looked up, startled by a sharp exclamation.

‘Alan!'

‘Hullo, Isobel. I didn't hear you come in. Look here, I can't make out these items in your pass book.'

‘What business had you to touch my pass book?'

He stared at her, astonished. She was angry. He had never seen her angry before.

‘I had no idea you would mind.'

‘I do mind–very much indeed. You have no business to touch my things.'

Alan suddenly became angry too.

‘I apologize. But since I have touched your things, perhaps you will explain one or two entries that puzzle
me. As far as I can see, nearly five hundred pounds has been paid into your account this year which I cannot check. Where does it come from?'

Isobel had recovered her temper. She sank into a chair.

‘You needn't be so solemn about it, Alan,' she said lightly. ‘It isn't the wages of sin, or anything like that.'

‘Where did this money come from?'

‘From a woman. A friend of yours. It's not mine at all. It's for Winnie.'

‘Winnie? Do you mean–this money came from Jane?'

Isobel nodded.

‘She's devoted to the child–can't do enough for her.'

‘Yes, but–surely the money ought to have been invested for Winnie.'

‘Oh! it isn't that sort of thing at all. It's for current expenses, clothes and all that.'

Alan said nothing. He was thinking of Winnie's frocks–all darns and patches.

‘Your account's overdrawn, too, Isobel?'

‘Is it? That's always happening to me.'

‘Yes, but that five hundred–'

‘My dear Alan, I've spent it on Winnie in the way that seemed best to me. I can assure you Jane is quite satisfied.'

Alan was
not
satisfied. Yet such was the power of Isobel's calm that he said nothing more. After all, Isobel was careless in money matters. She hadn't meant to use for herself money given to her for the child. A receipted bill came that day addressed by a mistake to Mr Everard. It was from a dressmaker in Hanover Square and was for two hundred odd pounds. He gave it to Isobel without a word. She glanced over it, smiled, and said:

‘Poor boy, I suppose it seems an awful lot to you, but one really
must
be more or less clothed.'

The next day he went to see Jane.

Jane was irritating and elusive as usual. He wasn't to bother. Winnie was her godchild. Women understood these things, men didn't. Of course she didn't want Winnie to have five hundred pounds' worth of frocks. Would he please leave it to her and Isobel? They understood each other perfectly.

Alan went away in a state of growing dissatisfaction. He knew perfectly well that he had shirked the one question he really wished to ask. He wanted to say: ‘Has Isobel ever asked you for money for Winnie?' He didn't say it because he was afraid that Jane might not lie well enough to deceive him.

But he was worried. Jane was poor. He knew she was poor. She mustn't–mustn't denude herself. He made up his mind to speak to Isobel. Isobel was calm
and reassuring. Of course she wouldn't let Jane spend more than she could afford.

IV

A month later Jane died.

It was influenza, followed by pneumonia. She made Alan Everard her executor and left all she had to Winnie. But it wasn't very much.

It was Alan's task to go through Jane's papers. She left a record there that was clear to follow–numerous evidences of acts of kindness, begging letters, grateful letters.