Where There's Smoke: inspirational romantic suspense (Montana Fire Book 1) (21 page)

Jed stared at the stars winking at him, as if they might be listening.

“God didn’t leave you to yourself, Jed. He sent Jock. I can’t tell you how many times people asked him if you were his son. I know, because I was there. We’d just come off that fire in Minnesota—remember, with your buddy Darek? Jock had stayed behind to run a small fire out here. We were unwinding, playing darts, and in you walked. He walked over, in front of the entire crowd, and gave you a hug.”

A smile worked up Jed’s face, the memory swift and sweet. “I remember that.”
Jock, I miss you.

“You weren’t nothing to him. And you’re not nothing to Kate. She’s just scared of losing everything she is. And you’re not making it easier. Back up, let go. I didn’t realize you two had finally—well, it’s about time. But I know you, and I’ll bet you had you two halfway to the altar.”

“Oh, I was way beyond that, well into the honeymoon,” Jed said, matching Conner’s grin. “Yeah, okay. I might have conjured up a few plans for us.” He a made a fist, tapped it on the arm of his chair. “Now...I don’t know.” He leaned his head back. “I don’t know anything.”

“I do, bro. I know that God loves you. And that He’s not interested in obeying your plans. He’s interested in giving you the best. And all you need to do is believe that. When you know God loves you, then faith is simply the expectation that God will show up, that love in hand.”

“I’m losing her, Conner. Again.”

“No. You never had her, not really. But you might, if you make room for miracles.”

Chapter 9

For once, Kate would admit that Jed was completely, absolutely right.

She stood in the bedroom of her Airstream, her clothes strewn on her bed fighting the great and terrible urge to shove it all in the back of her Jeep and floor it. Head south to Missoula and the smokejumper team where her father’s reputation could land her an interview, if not a job. Or maybe she should just head north, back to Alaska.

By now they’d be short staffed with a few injuries...

She picked up a pair of socks wadded in a ball, hearing Jed’s caustic words.
And you just don’t have the guts to face that kind of risk, do you? A home, a family. And the scariest thing of all—a happy ending.

She threw the sock ball the length of the camper. It hit the rounded glass windows, just in time for her to see Gilly recoil, peer in, and stare at her.

Of course her best friend, the one who knew her history with Jed, would come to help her nurse her wounds. Kate didn’t bother to wait for Gilly to knock. “Come in already.”

She stared at the clothing on her bed, not sure if—or how—to hide her gut reaction to their fight.

And then it didn’t matter, because Gilly came in and plopped a plastic bag on the counter. “Red Velvet ice cream and hot fudge. They didn’t have mint chocolate chip—this is the best I could do. Oh my—did we have a fight with our laundry? Or...” Her expression caught up to the evidence, her mouth opening. “Oh Kate, you’re not thinking of leaving, are you?”

“Grab a couple spoons,” Kate said, and Gilly rooted around in the utensil drawer as Kate unscrewed the hot fudge jar. She stuck it in the microwave while Gilly peeled back the lid on the ice cream box. Gilly stuck the spoon in her mouth, bowl down. “What happened? Did he commit the unforgivable sin and propose?”

“You here all week? Because I don’t see a tip jar.”

“That one’s for free, because I’m still trying to understand. The parts I heard sounded like he was offering to settle down with you, start a family—yeah, he definitely deserves a kick in the knees.” She handed Kate the container. “Are we eating this straight out of the carton?”

Kate lifted two bowls from the cupboard. “Apparently, Jed thinks I’m afraid of being happy, that I’d rather run away like a peeved teenager every time someone tells me something I don’t want to hear.”

Silence as Gilly dished up the ice cream.

“Gilly, that’s not fair.”

“I didn’t say anything.” She dug into the ice cream, taking a bite. “Your temper tantrums did make excellent fodder for some awesome adventures.”

Kate scooped out the ice cream, not smiling. “Jed said that I was scared of being betrayed.”

“Who isn’t?”

“He said I love fire more than him.”

Gilly put the spoon down. “Wow. Okay, I didn’t realize we had
that
fight.” She touched Kate’s arm. “I’m so sorry.”

She sighed. “He said I’d never be his when I belonged to fire. And that I’d rather keep looking for the next epic fire than stick around and face the danger of loving him.”

Gilly cast a look at the jeans, sweatshirts, running clothes, and the one pair of high heels tossed on the double bed. “Now he’s just talking crazy.”

Kate’s mouth tightened as she poured the hot fudge over the ice cream. “He just couldn’t get the fact that I was born to this. Smokejumping is in my DNA.”

Silence.

“Gil?”

“I don’t know. I was just thinking. What if...what if you only just
wanted
to be like your dad? I do remember ballet class.”

“Are you kidding me? Ballet was my mother’s pitiful attempt to get me to stop hanging around the fire camp.” Kate scooped out another spoonful of ice cream. “You, on the other hand...”

Gilly gave a half smile, something of sadness in it. “Yeah, well, my ballet days are long over, unless you include aerobatics.”

“In an Air Tanker?”

“Exactly.” Gilly picked up her bowl, and Kate gestured to the front door. The evening air had cooled with the leaving of the sun, a scant humidity gathering in the grasses, and with it a breathy nip lifting the hair on her neck. Her bare feet chilled against the boards of the deck. She slid onto the picnic table, her gaze falling to Jed’s house. Dark.

Gilly sat next to her. “But the ballet thing only brings up a point. You were different before your mom left. Happy. Girly, even. I remember thinking—what would it be like to be an only child? I was so jealous of you. I remember we’d be in church, and I’d be squished between Abe and Colt or next to Jake, trying to get him to stop pinching me. You’d be across the aisle with your dad and mom and I’d be thinking—what must it be like to be the center of all that love? And then, you lost it. Just like that—your mom walked away and started a new life, without you. Of course it changed you, Kate. I might be a little skittish of getting hurt, too.”

Kate let the ice cream dissolve in her mouth. “I was always a little worried that my dad regretted taking me in. Here I was, underfoot all the time. He had to ask your dad to take care of me when he got called out, and when he came home, I’d be there, bugging him with questions and details and...I just wanted him to be glad that I stayed with him. I can agree I went into smokejumping to make him proud of me.” She stirred her ice cream. “I never in a million years dreamed he’d be so angry.” She took a bite, let the spoon linger on her tongue, remembering.

“He was so—undone when he came to Alaska after the fire. He came right out to the hospital, stormed in, and practically took me apart, right in front of Jed. I was mortified. I thought he was going to grab me by the arm and drag me home.”

She took another bite, hearing his words, seeing his distraught expression.
God isn’t a parachute!

“He was pretty scared.”

She glanced at Gilly. “I see that now.”

Gilly nodded, gave her a wry smile. “Only took seven years.”

Kate put down her ice cream, traced a falling star that unlatched from the sky. “I should have come home earlier. You have no idea how I regret that. But I...I was angry and embarrassed. And fueled by this insane need to prove him wrong. I only saw all that fury as rejection, not as love.” She wiped a hand across her wet cheek. “I probably should have stopped, taken another look.”

“You’re not running now.”

“Only because you brought ice cream,” Kate said, not entirely kidding. She dipped her spoon back in. “Jed overheard me tell Gemma Turnquist that if I didn’t have smokejumping, then I didn’t have anything.”

“Oh. So that’s what the call to bravery was.”

Kate glanced at her.

“Jed said something like, if you stuck around, that would be a real act of courage.” Gilly held up her hands. “Hey, I was trying not to listen, but I thought someone should tune in, in case you needed a replay.”

“I don’t need a replay. He was furious, hurt, and basically called me a coward. But he doesn’t get watching your parents’ marriage unravel, seeing your mother walk away, your dad retreat into himself.”

“So you stop Jed from hurting you before it begins, is that it?”

Kate shrugged.

“For a woman who likes to take risks—yeah, I think Jed’s right. You’re afraid.”

“I’m not—” She sighed. “Okay, yeah. The fact is, yes, I want it, okay? Everything Jed had unspoken in his eyes. The home. The family. The guy. Jed. I want it all—but—”

“You’re afraid to reach for something that could burn you.”

Kate pursed her lips, shrugged. “All I know is that I thought I was born to jump fire. Then, suddenly, everything turned on me. The fire, Jed, Dad...and the even God did it. Do you know how rare it is to have to deploy your fire shelter? There are some firefighters who spend their entire careers without deploying it once. And me—twice. What does that tell you about God’s love for me?”

“It tells me He’s pretty crazy about you.”

Kate stared at her. “Are you serious?”

“Kate—think about it. You’ve got this all backwards. Yes, you got trapped by a fire—twice. And. You. Lived.
Lived.
There are smokejumpers who say that the only good reason for a fire shelter is so that they can identify your body, that you can have an open casket. People don’t live through fires—even in fire shelters. But you did. Twice. Wake
up.
I’m not sure how God can be
more
on your side.”

Kate closed her eyes against a rush of thick emotion.

“God loves you, Kate. You just don’t want to admit it. Because if you admit God is on your side, then you might have to admit that you
haven’t
done this alone. That you need help—and that, right there, is a killer. Because then you aren’t Blazin’ Kate Burns, but rather just regular old Kate needing God like everyone else. And if God is with you on the mountain, then He’ll be with you in—dare I say it?—marriage.”

“I’m not afraid to need God.”

“Are you kidding me? Of course you are. Because if you need God, then suddenly you have to listen to God. And if you listen, He might tell you something you don’t want to hear. Like—swallow your stupid pride, go and reconcile with the man you should be with.”

Or reconcile with your father.

Her throat burned.

“But here’s the kicker—even if God asks you to do something hard. Like forgive. Or even—horrors—give up something you love for something bigger, it’s because He wants you to succeed! All this time, you’ve been thinking God is like your father—ready to turn on you. But God is
for
you, Kate. He is on your side. And any warning flags He waves—like, perhaps, your father or Jed—is not meant to steal your dreams but help them come true. I’m not trying to break your heart here, but what if you had stuck around, let your dad teach you his tricks? Pass along his jump boss hat to you?”

Kate looked away, her eyes slick.

“I love you, Kate—and I’m not trying to hurt you. But that guy over there”—she pointed to Jed’s dark house—“he’s your dad’s protégé, and I can guarantee that he is just as miserable as you are. He loved your dad.
You
loved your dad. And you love each other. I think the last thing you should be doing is sitting over here cooling off with ice cream when you should be over there, rekindling that fire.”

Down the road, across the fire base, Jed’s porch light flicked on, and she saw the front door open. Her heart gave a traitorous leap until she saw Conner’s truck back out of the driveway.

“He thinks I take too many risks. That I’m stubborn and refuse to ask for help. He thinks I run away when someone stands in my way, go off and do my own thing and, most of all, that I don’t want to build a life with him. I don’t think he wants to have anything to do with me, Gilly.”

“Oh, Kate. If anyone can prove Jed Ransom wrong, it’s you.”

Kate let Gilly’s words sink in, settle into her bones.

“The question is, do you have the courage to face the fire? Because that’s what love is—consuming, mesmerizing, exhilarating, terrifying, complex, and amazing.” Gilly got up, turned to her, her voice soft enough to heal the bruises. “The good news, Blazin’ Kate, is that nobody understands fire behavior like you do. Right?”

She left Kate sitting on the table watching the stars fall behind the outline of Jed’s once-again dark house.