Where There's Smoke (23 page)

“It was never the right time, except now of course.” Her lips curled ruefully at the corners.

“Huh?”

“He's offered a family if I return.”

“Are you considering --”

“Hell no. Not in a hundred years, plus some.” Her horrified expression appeared sincere, and he released the breath he'd held. Wondering why it mattered so much that she'd wouldn't be returning to her ex.

“I'm divorced.” Her head whipped around. He nodded. “It was final two years ago. We weren't married as long as you, but we'd dated all through high school and college. When I graduated from college I hit the rodeo circuit for a while, saved up some money and got married. Funny thing, once we were married, it didn't take long to discover we didn't love each other like that. I wanted to end it right then but she wanted to try and make it work. We had a lot of history, she was comfortable, so it drug out another two years. I discovered she just wanted the time to shop for another husband. Once, she hooked him she gave me the divorce.” He shrugged at the look of horror on her face.

“That's awful. Why would anyone treat someone like that?” Her palms cupped each side of her face.

“No, Lena.” He stared into her eyes to impart this truth. “That's real life. She didn't love me, I didn't love her. Sometimes people make mistakes. Painful mistakes. But life continues.”

“How long did it take you to reach this point?”

“What point?
She waved her arm. “This point of not caring, being rational, over the hurt.”

“My pride took the most beating.” He chuckled, pulling his ear. “Once I realized I was more embarrassed that everyone knew she'd been cheating, than I cared the marriage was over, I let it go. I didn't miss her, although it was nice having someone in the house. I didn't want her back when she made the offer.”

“Your ex wanted you back?”

“Doesn't yours?”

She nodded slowly, thinking. “Yeah, he's sorry and wants me to stop the divorce. He wants me to come home.” She shook her head. “There's no way I can ever trust him again.”

Kurt thought that was a tough line. Most people were imperfect and could be forgiven most things. “Why? Why can't you forgive him?”

She sighed and shook her head. “I don't want to talk about him right now.”

A knock sounded at the door. Kurt swore beneath his breath at the interruption.

He stood and looked at the door. “Yes?”

Jeff, his best friend and top salesman, opened the door. His eyes swept the room, looking between the two occupants.

“Sorry to disturb you. Faye's looking for you. She's made a decision about a car.” He offered a small smile in her direction as she walked past him, but sent a puzzled frown to Kurt.

“Don't ask,” Kurt said following her out the door.

Chapter Two

Lena left Faye at the dealership to complete her paperwork for her new car. Her conversation with Kurt slashed open the new scabs on her heart.
Kurt.
She closed her eyes remembering the blue-green eyes that laid her soul bare. It wasn't his six and a half feet of muscular perfection that grabbed her attention. Nor his wavy black-brown thick hair layered perfectly over his head. His angular face, with high cheekbones and straight narrow nose topped off an interesting masculine package. But without a doubt, she would've overlooked all of that if it weren't for his over-whelming self confidence. At a time when hers was at an all time low, his strength of conviction penetrated her morass of self-hatred, and offered a balm for her bruised ego. His words made her think, and that was a good thing.

After parking the car in the driveway, she leaned back against the headrest and swallowed hard. What did she feel? Embarrassment? Most definitely. Pain? Did it stem from the embarrassment or her heart? Did she ever love Elijah and miss being with him? Squeezing her eyes, she thought long and hard. Waiting for the pain of not seeing him the past few weeks, not hearing his voice or feeling his touch.

Once she dismissed the shame, there was nothing. They'd been good friends, or so she thought. Would a friend treat another friend the way he'd treated her? God, she hoped not. Slowly, she opened her eyes. Frowning, she pulled out the letter from her purse her attorney sent earlier this week. With new eyes, she read.

Dear Lena:

Your attorney won't give any information on your whereabouts and after my dad hit you, I can't blame you. First and foremost, I want to say I am sorry. Sorry that I've failed you as a husband and as your spiritual leader and Pastor. The day you walked in on Anthony and I, my life stopped. You said I'd wasted five years of your life. That I was incapable of ever loving you the way a man loves a woman. I guess you believe that based on what you saw in the bedroom that day, but you are wrong. I love you. Have always loved you.

You are the bright beam into my dreary existence. Every since I was a little boy, I'd been told I was special, that God's hand was on my life. Consequently, my life consisted of church and preparing for my own church and little else. I have no interest or love for sports, I was never allowed to play. I had no friends outside of church members, I needed to remain pure. I had no idea what happened between a man and a woman. I was told God would teach me when the time was right. I came to you as a man. But I wasn't one in truth. I was a male, but hadn't been taught how to be a man or a husband. I'm not sure I know how to be one now. But, I'm willing to try. Meeting you was the highlight of an otherwise bleak existence. You were my first in so many things and I will always treasure the time with you. I know these sound like excuses, but I’ve been trying to figure out why we're at this difficult place in our lives.

You deserve the best this world has to offer and I messed up. You are beautiful inside and out. I understand you want nothing to do with me or my crazy family. I pray that will change, that we can start our family like we planned. I beg your forgiveness. I wanted to let you know, I do love you and will always love you.

Your Husband

Elijah Pace