Where the Wild Rose Blooms (20 page)

They were at the creek now, and Clayton stopped by the water, a small tree at his back, his face reflective.

"Nothing
wrong
exactly, but I'm not sure how far it is to the school, and my grandmother may have certain house rules that won't work for me. I'm not anticipating trouble, but I am trying to keep my mind open."

Jackie nodded. She wanted to say more, to be witty and amusing—anything to keep him talking—but no words would come. Feeling suddenly very shy with him, she knelt and began to pull flowers from the ground. Clayton took his cue from her and moved off a little way to do the same. While he was working over the grasses, it came to him very suddenly and without regret that Jackie was not the woman for him. At times his heart had dreamed of her taking an interest in him and even growing old enough to know her true feelings, but now he could see it was not going to work.

Clayton thought about Eddie and once again realized how he missed her. Although not in love with her, he did know she was the type of woman he was looking for. Maybe in a few years Jackie would be like that, but by then he would be away from Georgetown for most of the year. Depending on the available teaching positions, he might never live in Georgetown again. As he fingered a tiny bloom, Clayton felt an incredible peace steal over his heart. At one time he would have mourned not having something deeper with Jackie, but now it was all right.

He chanced a look in her direction and found her back to him. Clayton rocked back on his heels and just stared at the back of her. It was amazing, but now he felt utterly detached. Jackie could even fall in love and marry someone else right now, and Clayton would say nothing more than congratulations. He still cared, but then he cared for all of the Fontaine girls.

Clayton now looked over to see how the others were doing and rose to join them. He hadn't taken two steps when Jackie cried out.

"It's in my collar! What is it? I'm going to get stung!" She was frantic in a matter of moments, and Clayton rushed to her side.

"What is it?"

"I don't know," she howled. "I'm afraid to touch it."

Clayton saw what looked like a flutter of wings at her throat, and risking the sting, he reached up and plucked at the insects legs.

"A grasshopper," Clayton said with relief and tossed it to the side. "Are you okay?"

"What's the matter?" Danny shouted from way along the creek line. Jackie turned in alarm. Milly and her sister had stopped to stare at her. She'd been screaming like she was on fire. Her face now reddened with

embarrassment, and she turned swiftly away.

"It's nothing," Clayton, seeing her embarrassment, called to the others. He turned to Jackie. "Are you all right?"

She wouldn't look at him. "Yes, Clayton." She sounded angry. "I'm fine. Just leave me alone."

Clayton hesitated for only a moment. Turning to join the other girls, he realized he'd come to his new resolve just in time. He saw then that he'd been walking around Jackie as if on eggshells. Well, no more kid gloves. He was a kind, fair man, but he wasn't doing her any favors by putting her on a pedestal. From now on he was going to treat her like he did everyone else.

"I just don't understand," Milly admitted to her parents when Clayton was out one week. "First he tries to be kind to her, and she hates him. Then she's kind back, but now Clayton acts like he doesn't care one way or the other. He's back to teasing her. Jackie laughs more than she ever has and watches him whenever she doesn't think anyone notices, but Clayton's not making any effort to get closer to her."

Elaine sighed gently and made herself leave the dishes. Kevin was already at the table with Milly, so she joined them.

"May I tell you something, Milly?"

"Sure, Mom."

Elaine sat quietly for a moment and then began. "I think your father would agree with me if I told you that I'm not a very complicated person. I lived in the same house from the time I was born until I married your father. I had a father, mother, and brother who all loved me. I had my share of crushes on members of the male population, but nothing like what I felt when I met your father. I had some adjustments when he wanted to move from Denver to Georgetown, but our life here has been wonderful. I have you and your brother, and I have Gods Word and your father. Your father and I have remained faithful to each other, and God has repeatedly blessed us. It hasn't always been easy, but God has taken care of us and we've kept our eyes on Him.

"I grew up next door to a girl whose name was Nadina. Some of the boys from church were attracted to Nadina, but she was always interested in the wild boys at school. We were fairly close, but she never wanted to talk about Christ or the things of the Bible. I realized later that my parents struggled with how close we were, but they prayed for me daily, and with God to strengthen me I was spared much heartache.

"Nadina and I haven't had any contact for years, but my mother used to keep me informed. Nadina never married but had babies with several different men. She eventually left them all, her children included, and went to California. The last I heard, she'd committed suicide."

Milly bit her lip, but she was still listening.

"Now, what's my point?" Elaine continued. "I'll tell you. We are all responsible for our choices, but sometimes life is complicated. Sometimes we cause the complication and sometimes others make it that way. I don't know why it was so different for Nadina and me, except to say that I was a simple girl."

"You understand that your mother is not talking about intelligence, don't you, Milly?" Kevin cut in. "She talking about how simple life can be if we obey God; not easy, but simple."

Milly nodded and Elaine went on. "I would say that Jackie is not a simple girl. Eddie is. Here they are, sisters, raised in the same home and yet completely different. Eddie trusted God for the man she loved, and she is able to give of herself. For reasons that no one seems to understand, Jackie guards herself carefully. If she were a poker player, I'd say she keeps her cards very close to her chest. She doesn't let herself out, nor does she let anyone in.

"When you can't give of yourself, Milly, your world is very small. Addy Fontaine came to town, and I befriended her. I took a risk. For all I know, she could have hurt and used me in a terrible way, but she didn't. Jackie is not willing to give of herself. She's pretty, so Clayton was probably attracted to her, but I think he's found that she's not the girl for him. Remember how you felt when Pastor Munroe's nephew was here?"

Milly was blushing, but she nodded.

"You wouldn't go out the door unless every hair was in place. We were late for church all summer because you took so much time in front of the mirror fretting over your appearance. Do you worry like that when Paddy's around?"

"No," Milly admitted with a smile.

"Do you understand what your mother is saying, Milly?" her father wished to know.

"I think so. Clayton can relax now because Jackie's just a friend."

"Right."

"How do you know all of this, Mom?"

"Clay has talked to your father off and on. His heart is so big and caring, but he wants a woman who will care as much as he does and not keep him at arm's length. Changes come with age, but by 16 you can usually tell what a person is going to be like. Outgoing, independent, shy, talkative, bold, levelheaded ..." Elaine shrugged. "It usually comes to
the
surface by the time you're Jackie's age. I think Clay is seeing this and feels that a relationship would not be what's best for both of them. Besides, he's leaving at the end of the summer. It will make it all the harder to leave if his heart is committed here in Georgetown."

Milly nodded. It made so much sense. Her young heart had prayed many times about this, and now she understood.

Had she only known it, she would have continued her prayers for someone down the road who was struggling as well—someone much closer to Jackie than herself.

"I wish I understood, Danny," Addy said softly, trying not to cry. "I told Jackie that she couldn't be afraid of the risk, and now Clayton treats
her like
anyone else. For a while there I thought there might be something special. I think she's going to feel betrayed."

Danny looked with compassion at her mother, but said, "She's having a better time with him these days, Mother. I mean, she's laughed more in the last few weeks than I've seen her laugh in a long time."

Addy nodded. "She's missed Eddie more than any of us do."

"And in all fairness, Mother," Danny now spoke beyond her years, "Jackie is very prickly if she gets embarrassed. She's also arrogant and sometimes behaves like a child when she doesn't get her way. It's a wonder Clay even
wants
to befriend her."

Addy burst into tears, and Danny felt terrible. She went to her mother and sat close.

"I'm sorry, Mother; I shouldn't have said that."

Addy took several minutes to compose herself. Danny sat quietly, feeling utterly wretched.

"I'm sorry, Mother," she repeated.

"It's not your fault, Danny. You spoke the truth, but a mother never thinks it's going to happen to her child. A mother never thinks
her
child is going to be the unlovable one. Years ago I knew a girl who was so inquisitive that no one wanted anything to do with her. She listened in on conversations, read our diaries if she had the chance, and then went home and told her mother everything. She was so intrusive that we just shunned her." Addy sighed. "And now my own daughter is so hard to get close to that people won't even give her a chance."

Danny didn't know what to say, but a little bit of anger was kindling inside of her toward Clayton Taggart. She knew it wasn't his fault exactly, but Danny didn't want Jackie to be hurt.

"Have I upset you, Danny?" Her mother had been watching her face closely.

"I feel angry with Tag," she admitted.

Addy turned her daughters face toward her and spoke gently, reminding herself that Danny was rather young to be burdened with this. "As you reminded me, honey, Jackie is having a good time with Clay right now. That means Jackie's hurt is probably bigger in my mind than in real life."

Danny nodded.

"You won't say anything?"

"No. "

"Good girl. We'll just keep praying, Danny. We'll pray until we get this right."

"Why do you want to teach school, Clay?" Jackie asked.

"Yeah, Tag," Sammy added. "I can't wait to be done with school, and you want to be there every day, all day!"