Where the Staircase Ends (7 page)

God, she was such a bitch.

“I don’t want it,” I said, trying to knock it from her hands and push my way past her. She stepped in front of me again and shoved her lower lip out into a pout.

“Why are you wearing our gym uniform?” I asked her, scanning the navy blue shorts and gray-and-blue Morris High T-shirt. She shrugged and looked down at her ensemble, like she’d forgotten she was wearing it, then smiled and held up the flower again. Instead of offering it to me, she plucked one of the yellow petals and mouthed the words,
he loves me
. Then,
he loves me not.

“Stop it,” I said, as a pile of petals fell to her feet. She pulled them off one at a time, each one fluttering to the ground like a snowflake. “Stop, you’re ruining it!”

When the flower was almost completely bare, she bent down and collected the pile of petals with a final, wicked grin.

He loves me
, she mouthed.

“He doesn’t,” I said, but my voice was shaky and unsure.

I opened my mouth again to argue, but she tossed the pile of yellow flakes into my eyes, and I was racked with the same nauseating sensation I had the first time my hand made contact with one of the ghosts.

The petals fell all around me, thickening until there was nothing but a wall of yellow. Everything was blinding, like I’d stared too long at the sun, until finally it all fell away and pulled me down with it. Down, down, down until I was no longer on the steps, but somewhere else entirely.

“He doesn’t,” I managed to whisper one final time, but I knew it was useless. The ghost Sunny had faded with the wall of petals, revealing a Sunny from several weeks before.

Then the blackness set in, and I forgot where I had been only seconds before.

* * *

“He’s gone,” Sunny said, her eyes trailing towards the door leading to our high school’s gym. “You can stop running.”

We’d been sent outside to run laps for talking, but it was more of a reward than the punishment our gym teacher intended. Mr. Thomas was proof that you didn’t need much going on between the ears to teach a gym class. He only watched us long enough to make sure we started running, then left us unattended for the rest of the period under the assumption that we’d keep running even though he wasn’t there.
Stupid
.

I slowed my pace, my feet slapping against the black tarred surface until I finally came to a stop next to Sunny. My breath fought for space inside my lungs even though we’d barely run a full lap around the track, yet Sunny hardly seemed winded.

She flipped her hair behind her shoulder and gave me one of her impish smirks. “I hope you never get chased by a psychopath with a knife, because you suck at running.”

I gave her a playful shove and followed her to our usual spot on the bleachers. “Lucky for me knife chases aren’t a regular occurrence.” I pressed my hand against the metal bleachers to test the temperature. They were hot, but not too hot to sit on.

“You never know,” she said, plopping down next to me and angling her body toward the field where the soccer team practiced. “No offense, but you are definitely the slowest seal. And everyone knows the slowest seal gets eaten.”

“If it’s by one of them,” I inclined my head toward the field where the varsity soccer team was running drills, “I might not mind so much.”

Sunny raised an eyebrow at me and tipped her head back so the sun could warm her face. “And what would Logan say if he heard you talking like that,
hmm
?”

I shrugged and readjusted my gym shorts. The thick polyester had inched up my thigh and was giving me a wedgie. As usual, Sunny rolled the waistband of her shorts up so many times that the full length of her tanned legs was exposed. You could almost see her thong. I tugged my shorts down lower, trying to hide as much of my pale skin as possible.

“You guys are, like, official now, right?”

I didn’t need to look at her to know that she glared at me expectantly, but I didn’t feel much like answering. Answering made it real. Answering made it final. And I hadn’t decided whether or not I wanted him to be my boyfriend yet.

It’s not that I didn’t
want
to be with Logan. He was like one of those cardboard picture books with huge block letters and primary colored illustrations that needed no interpretation. He liked me, and it was a nice change from the enigma that was Justin Cobb. But no matter how much I wanted to say yes, I couldn’t shake the gnawing feeling I got in my gut whenever he said the word girlfriend, like the word was covered in rocks and once he attached it to me I would sink to the bottom of the ocean, drowning in the fact that he was not Justin Cobb.

Sunny ignored my silence and snapped the piece of gum she chewed in my direction.

“Look, now that you’ve got a boyfriend or whatever, I think it’s time I let you in on a secret. But you can’t get mad, okay? I mean, you kind of gave up your right to get mad once you started seeing Logan.”

The sun was bright in the afternoon sky, and I had to raise my hand over my eyes to block the glare so I could get a better look at Sunny. There was something in her eyes I didn’t like, something dark and threatening that only crossed her face when she wanted something.

“I’ve been watching Justin recently, you know, since you point him out all the time.” As she spoke her jaw worked feverishly at the piece of gum in her mouth, like she was sharpening her teeth on the pink gluey surface. “And I totally get why you’ve been obsessing over him. I mean he’s hot. Like,
hot
hot. Plus, he hangs out with all those guys at the water tower, and that’s kind of our scene, so it only makes sense that one of us starts dating him. I know you’re probably not completely over him yet, but now that you’re seeing Logan, it kind of makes him fair game. So I was thinking that maybe I could take a crack at him. You know, try to hang out with him or whatever.”

She blew another bubble as she watched me curiously, and I had to sit on my hands to keep myself from plucking the gum from her mouth and throwing it in her hair. If I were a cartoon character the speech bubble above my head would’ve read, “!!!” Because I couldn’t seem to form the words to tell her what a terrible, horrible idea it was.

Sunny answered my silence with a wide-eyed and innocent nonverbal plea. Then she sighed and held up her hands as if she was about to catch me in a trust fall rather than steal my man. “Look, I knew you weren’t going to be happy about it, and I debated whether or not I should tell you, but I just didn’t feel right keeping it from you. And I know this is going to make me sound like a bitch, but it’s not fair for you to call dibs on all the cute guys in the school. You can’t date Logan
and
claim Justin. You have to pick—do you want to keep the cake or do you want to eat it?”

I hated that saying. Why wouldn’t I eat cake if someone gave it to me? It was stupid. Almost as stupid as Sunny’s interloping crush announcement. I narrowed my eyes at her, irritation bubbling underneath my skin as she popped her gum at me again. I couldn’t shake the feeling that she popped it to piss me off.

“I never
said
Logan was my boyfriend,” I whispered, glaring at her so she would know she was getting on my last nerve. “And it shouldn’t matter anyway. You know how I feel about Justin. How could you even want to date him knowing how much I like him? And when do you even see him enough to have a crush on him? He’s not in any of your classes. I mean, you barely know the guy.”

She looked back at me thoughtfully, her green eyes flashing in the sun. “I see him enough. Plus you point him out, like, every single time you see him and give me a play-by-play of every single one of your conversations. How could I not have a crush on him when you’re constantly selling me on how great he is? You can’t be mad at me for agreeing with you.”

I made a
humph
noise so I wouldn’t have to agree with her. Maybe it wasn’t fair for me to contemplate dating one guy while clinging to the idea of another, but I couldn’t help it. It was the way I felt, and I couldn’t snap my fingers and wish away my feelings.

“Look,” she said, placing her hand on top of mine. “I would never do anything to hurt you. How about this—if I get the smallest inkling that he likes me back or whatever, I promise I’ll tell you. And if you’re still not over him and it really bothers you that much, I’ll back off, okay? Besides, don’t you think it’s only fair to Logan that you give him a shot? Maybe he’s exactly what you need to finally get over Justin. Maybe in a few weeks you won’t even
care
whether or not Justin likes me.”

I found it hard to believe that I wouldn’t care, but she had a small point. Since I’d started talking to Logan, my Justin obsession had waned ever so slightly. I didn’t think I’d ever get over him completely, but the daily “does he or doesn’t he like me” drama had become an ulcer-inducing suck-fest, and Logan was a welcome distraction. And what if I was wrong about the intentions behind Justin’s studious glances? I could end up a high-school old maid who never did anything with a boy because she was too busy waiting on The One.

I picked at my nail polish, weighing my options.

Option 1: Full blown tantrum, complete with crying and threat of friendship revocation if Sunny so much as looked in Justin’s direction.

Option 2: Dump Logan so Sunny couldn’t use the stupid cake analogy anymore.

Option 3: Let it ride and assume she really would call things off if by some miserable chance Justin liked her back and I still had feelings for him.

Option 3.5: Bring Sunny gifts in the form of fattening, pimple-causing foods to reduce the chances of attraction and eliminate the need to call her bluff via option three.

Option 4: Forget about Justin and focus on Logan. Logan, Logan, Logan.

She smiled one of her radiant smiles and gave my hand a reassuring squeeze. The afternoon light turned her glossy hair into a coppery shawl spilling down the length of her back, and I couldn’t help thinking how pretty she looked. Somehow the color of her hair made her perfect peaches-and-cream complexion look warm and flushed, and the green of her eyes reminded me of springtime.

That’s when I realized what was really bothering me. Knowing Sunny had a crush on Justin made me nervous. What if I misread the way he watched me? What if he stared at everyone that way, or I had a perpetual booger hanging out of my nose and that’s why he kept looking at me? Added to the uncertainty of his feelings for me was the fact that I couldn’t deny that Sunny was pretty. And even though I knew Justin was smart and special and different from all the other guys, he was still a guy, and guys liked pretty girls.

My heart said to tell her no, to tell her that I liked Justin first and I didn’t want her laying a single one of her perfectly manicured claws on him. But my head reminded me that she was my best friend, and no matter what happened that was more important than anything else.

“Okay,” I said, turning my face toward the soccer fields. “But you promise you’ll back off if I’m still not over him?”

“I promise,” she said, slinging her arm around my shoulders and giving me a light squeeze. I swallowed thickly and kept my eyes on the soccer field.

There was a loud buzz as a dragonfly darted out from behind the stands, zipping out in front of us and then circling back in the direction it came. Sunny lurched to her feet, a shriek ripping from her throat as she jumped down and ran in the opposite direction. Her arms helicoptered around her head as she hopped from foot to foot, screaming like the thing had launched a personal attack.

“Get it away get it away get it away!” she shrieked.

I slapped a hand over my mouth, trying to hide my laughter because I knew it would piss her off, but she looked ridiculous. And I couldn’t help but feel like the dragonfly was somehow on my side.

“Stop laughing!” she said, turning in a frantic circle to see if it was still there.

“It’s harmless. They don’t even bite. And it’s gone anyway.”

“It’s post-apocalyptic is what it is.” She looked around once more before taking a hesitant seat next to me. She tried to act all cool as she smoothed her hair back into place, but her hands were shaking. I hid a smile behind my hand.

After several minutes of silence, Sunny clapped her hands together and looked at me, a wicked smile stretching across her face.

“I almost forgot to tell you. Did you hear about skank-the-tank Tracey Allen and pervy Mr. Thomas?”

I shook my head. “You mean our
gym
teacher Mr. Thomas?”

Sunny nodded vigorously, jumping up and down at the excitement of getting to be the first to share the new gossip. “Someone saw Tracey mugging down with him at some booshie restaurant this weekend.”

“Oh come on, even Tracey Allen isn’t skanky enough to mess around with a teacher. That’s gross.”

“Don’t be too sure about that. I have it on very good authority that Tracey and Mr. Thomas are doing the nasty and have been for a while. And apparently he shows up at the Walgreen’s where she works, like, all the time. I mean, can you be any more obvious?”

I narrowed my eyes at Sunny. She decided years ago that she didn’t like Tracey Allen, even coining some of her infamous skank-themed nicknames. It seemed a little too convenient that her nemesis was involved in such a juicy scandal. But gossip was fuel at my high school, and we needed people like Tracey Allen to feed our moral ambiguity, giving us a clear delineation of where the line between
teenager
and
slut
was drawn. Whether the rumor was true or not, I was as guilty as the next person—I wanted it to be true.

“Are you sure? I mean, he’s
old
.” I made a face for emphasis. I mean,
yuck
.

“I can’t reveal my sources, but I can totally vouch for the fact that it’s one hundred percent true. And he’s not
that
old. He only graduated from college a few years ago, not that that makes it any less gross. I mean, he’s a teacher. Bluh.”

“Wow. Who knew Mr. Thomas was such a perv?” I shook my head in awe, watching as Sunny stood and walked over to the water fountain, filled her cupped hand with water, and splashed it across her shirtfront.