Where Love Grows (12 page)

“What about me, Menno? Do you think I'm happy to hear this? I know I'm an old woman, but I still have a heart beating inside of me.”

“I know you do.” He took her into his arms. “I'm so sorry for what I did. You don't know how many times I've wished it could be undone, but it can't.”

“So this is why you risked so much for Teresa? You understood her pain?”

“
Yah
…but I also love her as my own daughter. This is not a feeling I made up.”

“I believe you.” She stroked his arm. “In a way, I'm glad I didn't know of this before I was old. I have come to know your heart by now.

“After all these years,
Da Hah
has had compassion on you, and I can do no less, Menno. And this took place so many years ago. We will bear this burden together.”

“I'm so sorry. Would you have wed me if you had known?”

“Perhaps.” She met his eyes. “I don't know.”

“You've been a wonderful
frau
, Anna. You are everything I could have hoped for. I have no regrets about our love and life together.”

“You loved her, this other woman?”

“
Yah
, I cannot say I did not love her. But it was a long time ago. And my heart couldn't live in her world nor would she follow me back into my world. We parted in sorrow. It was a thing that could not be.”

“If you were a young man and I a young woman, Menno, we would have ourselves a
gut
fight over this. And perhaps we will after Teresa's wedding. But for now, I will comfort myself in knowing that this explains something I've often wondered about you. There always was a sorrow that hung on you the days after each of our children were born. Daughters all of them. Were you hoping for a son, Menno?”

“Perhaps.” He looked away. “But I am satisfied with what
Da Hah
gave. I was always thinking of what the other might have been. Asking what if the child had been born.”

“You've been a
gut
man and a
gut
husband, Menno.” She wrapped her arms around him. “Even though you've sinned, you've lived honorably since then.”

“And it was a great sin.” He spoke into the top of her hair, the length of his beard falling over her shoulder.

“It was, but so was Teresa's, and you forgave her. Welcomed the girl into your home. Promised her a wedding like she was one of your own daughters. If you can forgive Teresa, then I can forgive you.”

Menno smiled as tears ran down his face.

“You're a wonderful woman, Anna.
Da Hah
has blessed me greatly.”

Anna pushed him away. “Now, I have to get dressed before someone finds me still in bed. And you have a letter to write. You must write to this Donald…to your son.”

“Oh, Anna! I knew you would know what to do. It will be a much better day now. I'm so sorry I didn't confide in you before.”

“It may have been for the best, Menno. So let's not question the timing of
Da Hah
in bringing this to light now. He knows what is best for us and when. I'm comforted that you have finally told me.”

Menno got up and walked out into the living room, leaving the lamp behind. The first streaks of dawn were in the sky, sending a soft glow through the window. He lit another kerosene lamp and sat down at the desk. He had a child in the
Englisha
world. A son. And now it was time to write him a letter.

Menno addressed an envelope, folded the letter, and slid it inside. He placed a stamp on the outside. Rising, he picked up the letter, found his way into the mudroom, and lit the gas lantern. Squinting, he walked back into the kitchen, setting the light on the kitchen table. Anna walked in, and her smile was soft in the lantern light. This woman loved him. There was no question about that. And he deserved none of her devotion, and yet it was his. It had been his before she knew of his sin, and it remained his now, and it would be so tomorrow and every day thereafter. Swinging the lantern by his side, Menno walked out to the mailbox and slipped the letter inside.

M
enno stood by the living room window and watched the dawn brightening into the early morning light. At any moment now buggy wheels would be rolling down the driveway as the cooks would be stopping in for brief instructions before heading on down to Ada's place where the noon meal would be served.

And here he was thinking of his son. He had mailed the letter, and now he had to practice patience. This was Teresa's day, and his tumultuous emotions must be kept out of the way lest he mar her happiness. This was as it should be. Teresa didn't deserve to suffer because of his sin.

Behind him he heard the stairway door open and soft steps coming down on the hardwood floor. Menno turned and smiled as he caught sight of Teresa. Her eyes were still sleepy, but she was dressed in her work dress, as if she planned a hard day's labor.

“Is
Mamm
in the kitchen?” Teresa asked.

He nodded.

Mamm
popped out through the kitchen doorway at the sound of Teresa's voice. “You're not helping with breakfast. It's your wedding day.”

“I couldn't sleep. And I want to help. Everybody is doing so much for me.”

“You can come out to the barn with me,” Menno offered. “I don't have any work for you, but it will do your nerves
gut
to get out in the fresh air.”

Teresa smiled. “I guess it could do me some good. I'm up for it.”

“Come…” Menno took the gas lantern from its hook, and Teresa followed him outside, the morning sky lighter but the lantern light still erasing some shadows. They crossed the lawn, and Menno pushed open the double barn doors, exposing the rows and rows of benches they had set up yesterday along with the tables set up at Ada's place. In the back, the horses nickered, their hooves rustling the straw in their stalls.

“It's going to happen right here, Teresa.” Menno waved his hand about. “
Yah
, right here in a few hours you will be seated. And in a few more hours you will say the marriage vows with James.”

Teresa stared in silence, her face glowing.

“Do you like how everything is arranged? Steve and I finished around midnight.”

“How could I not like it? It's perfect. I can never thank you enough,
Daett
. All of you—
Mamm
, Susan, Steve, and everyone…for all you've done for me.”

“And we can never thank you for what your life has brought to us,” Menno said. “Remember, Teresa, none of us are islands in the sea. We all touch each other, and the
gut
effects from our lives go on and on.”

“I still thank you,” Teresa said. “Besides my mom, you are my family now.”

“
Yah
, and we want you to always feel that way,” he said. “We want you to come home for visits just like any of our other daughters whenever you wish.”

“Oh,
Daett!
Truly
Da Hah
has given me the father I never had.” Teresa threw her arms around his neck and pulled until he lowered his head. She kissed him on his cheek.

He laughed. “And now, my daughter, I must take care of the horses before the cooks arrive. It's going to be a very busy day, believe me.”

Teresa gave Menno another kiss on the cheek and then turned and ran back toward the house.

Before Teresa disappeared inside, a buggy came rattling into the lane. Menno walked out to help the first cook unhitch. Before he finished tying up the first horse, two more buggies were waiting. The rush didn't slow for another hour. And his breakfast was little more than gulping of food in the kitchen and racing right back out again. Menno found himself standing in the field, helping unhitch horses from a long line of buggies that were flooding into the field. Teresa might not have been born Amish, he thought, but she was clearly fully accepted in the community. This was a credit to her even above the fact that she was marrying James, the deacon's son.

“
Gut
morning,” several boys greeted him, coming up to offer their help.

“
Gut
morning,” Menno replied.

“We'll take over now,” one of them said with a smile. “We can't have the man of the house working on the day of the wedding.”

“
Ah!
” Menno laughed along with them. “Then I'll go catch my breath over by the barn.”

While the boys gathered around the next buggy, Menno walked across the pasture, stopping to check the line of horses tied along the fence. There was still room in this section, he decided, but the space was filling fast. Along the barn a few other drivers had tied their horses. They stood contented enough for now, but they might have to be moved later in case they started making noise during the service. He would move them now, Menno decided. Even a momentary banging of a horse bumping against the barn siding or a squeal of a horse squabble was something Teresa shouldn't have to deal with on her wedding day.

“I need some help!” he hollered to Ada's boy, Duane, who was standing with his friends in the barnyard. Steve stuck his head out of the barn at the same moment. Duane, his friends, and Steve all headed toward Menno.

“What do you need,
Dawdy
?” Duane asked.

“These horses should be moved down to the fence behind the barn,” Menno told them.

They nodded, each grabbing a tie rope and leading a horse away.

“Anything I can do?” Steve offered.

“Not unless you want to do women's work in the house,” Menno said with a laugh.

“I think I'll leave that to the women.” Steve joined in the laughter as they walked over to the line of men gathered in front of the barn.

It was time he relaxed, Menno told himself. He shook a few hands when they arrived. The younger generation could take on the rest of the morning's duties. Before long Susan's wedding day would come, and all his daughters would be married off. Then he could settle down in a
dawdy haus
between here and Ada's place. What an easy life that would be. No more rising before the sun was up and thinking about farm troubles. All he would have to do was stop by the farm to offer Thomas advice. And maybe help out with the little things. A smile spread across Menno's face as he continued to greet arriving guests and shake hands with the men. Moments later Deacon Ray came out of the barn and whispered in his ear.

“Are you expecting any
Englisha
visitors today?”

“Not that I know of,” Menno said. “Except for Teresa's mother, of course.”

“Well…” Deacon Ray stroked his beard. “There was a fellow came by my place yesterday, asking where a Menno Hostetler lived. Did he stop by here?”

Menno shook his head. “How does he know me? Did he say?”

“He seemed to know you, but he didn't say much. Asked if you had worked in a St. Louis hospital during the war. What would that be about, do you think?”