When You're With Me (19 page)

“What’s the matter, babe?” he whispered.

“I don’t deserve this,” Jude gasped between sobs and shook her head. “I’m not worthy of you.”

Ramon wiped her tears away with the pad of his thumb. “Babe, talk to me. Tell me why.”

As much as Jude wanted to be happy—she couldn’t. When would Ramon laugh? When would he tell her to grow up or walk away in disgust? Men expected things of her—when would he fall into that inevitable trap? Sure, he’d said he loved her…but men changed their minds. He could, too. But, if she didn’t come right out and give him the truth, she had no idea what he’d do.

“No one else wanted me.” She stared at the floor. “Why
did
you, Ramon? I’m no one. I’m not perfect, not skinny, not…”

He cradled her face in his palms, cutting off her rant. Jude had no idea what he thought and feared his ridicule. His jaw tightened. “Who? Who didn’t want you? I’ll make it right. Please tell me.”

She took a deep breath to calm down. Jude regained her composure and came to a realisation. He wasn’t like the men in her past. He was her future. A safe, honest and equal future. “I’m just scared you’ll walk. I’m not good at keeping…a man’s attention.”

“Then he’s an idiot.”

“Thanks.” She snorted to hide the chuckle.

“My pleasure,” he soothed. “Take a deep breath and tell me what’s on your mind.”

Could he handle this? Would he run? Jude didn’t want pity, so she decided to lay it all out for him, but hesitated long enough to rake her fingers through her hair. She closed her eyes to prevent more tears. The truth would set them free. It had to.

“You are the first person who’s truly wanted me.” Jude wiped her face with both hands. Her makeup smeared as the tears flowed. She had earned her freedom from the past and no one could take that away, but maybe Ramon could ease the hurt to a bearable level.

“When I was little, my folks split. Fighting, arguing, split lips, bruises…that sort of thing. When Mom took off to meet the other men, Dad beat the living hell out of me. He thought I looked too much like her. I spent most of my elementary school career with bruises and long sleeves.” She paused to catch her breath.

Ramon quietly stroked her cheek. Jude couldn’t gauge his expression. She had no idea what he thought and there was so much information to digest. Better press on.

“In court, they asked me who I wanted to go with, Mom or Dad. I was like seven years old. How did I know they were using me? It came down to money—who got child support and who had to shell it out. I didn’t know that so I told them that I wanted to live with the both of them and not split. After four years of going from house to house, both parents gave up custody of me. Money was more important.”

He gathered her body in his arms. She knew his sigh was out of sheer frustration. He didn’t act like he planned to escape. No, he acted like he understood and wanted to take the hurt away. He could be her rock in life.

“I ended up living in the children’s home until I was sixteen. For whatever reason, that’s when my mother decided that I needed to live with her.” Shame settled heavy in her mind. “I never got to date, attend the prom, or do what normal kids my age did. Instead, I found ways to run away and places to hide.”

“Why?”

Jude began to rock back and forth in his arms. No one knew her complete story and here she was spilling it with little care. “I ran away at seventeen because she abused me. Nothing physical—her tactic was purely emotional. When I didn’t make decent grades, she called me lazy and stupid. Even if I did, the names continued. When I stayed over at school to work on my art projects, she told people I was sleeping with the faculty. If I joined a club, I supposedly did the jocks.” Her bottom lip trembled. “My own mother ruined my self-esteem, so I held tight to the only thing I could control. I stayed a virgin to prove I could. Stupid, huh?”

His voice was soft and soothing. “Is that why you began dancing?”

“Not really.” Jude nodded and took another deep breath. “I didn’t have to think. No one cut me down and I made enough money to be my own person, instead of counting on others for anything. It was all rote. Well, it was until you showed up. I guess I’m more naïve than I thought.”

Ramon rocked her gently in his arms and touched his forehead to hers, breathing her in. They would muddle through life together, he’d guarantee it. “You’re not naïve or foolish or any of those things you think, but you are safe with me. I promise.”

Jude’s head dropped against his shoulder in relief. “Looks like we’re both damaged goods, huh?”

“It doesn’t matter. You’re perfect enough for me,” Ramon soothed and held her tight.

Jude raised her head to look him in the eye. Ramon barely moved—in fact, he stayed put and smiled. Shock and renewed desire heated her body. “No running away? I haven’t scared you into retreat yet?”

“I’m a lot tougher than you give me credit for being.” He nuzzled her cheek. “Just give me time to prove it.”

Chapter Ten

“We have an hour before we have to leave to get to the club on time.” Jude grabbed his hand. “Why don’t we go for a walk?”

“A walk? Now?” Ramon furrowed his brow and looked at her. They’d been back at the apartment for only a few hours, but he couldn’t seem to get the antsy feeling out of his system. His police issue phone buzzed in his pocket again.
Damn
. Wallace wanted him to move, to get the goods on Balthazar. She was too close to the fire. “Where did you want to go?”

“I know how to get up onto the roof.” Jude grabbed his hand. “It’s private and a good reason to get some fresh air.”

Within minutes, they stood beside the fire door and stared at the skyline. Light cascaded around her shoulders. Ramon led her to the edge of the roof to sit along the wall. Instead, she straddled his lap like she might at the club. It wasn’t a matter of intimacy, but more to pin him down…and he liked it. Blood rushed straight to his groin, but Jude didn’t seem interested in sex. She acted like she needed to talk.

“You do realise someone could come up here, or, worse, lock us up here.” Ramon forced a laugh and tried to take her face in his hands. Instead, she shied away. “What’s wrong?”

“You’ve been acting screwy since you said the L word. Why don’t you tell me what happened or whatever’s on your mind? I don’t want you to change your mind, but it happens. I’m a big girl and I can take it.” Jude squirmed and tucked her hair behind her ears. “Start with your folks. I don’t like to know I look like the woman who abandoned you. If it’s clouding how you feel about me, I want to know.”

Ramon stared out at the array of tall buildings and radio towers. Jude knew half of Drew’s story already. She deserved to know the truth—who he really was and why he needed to bring Tiny down. He guessed she wanted his side, nothing more, nothing less. Except he couldn’t talk about his real life. Then again…how could he tell her that his life and childhood weren’t normal? How could he explain that he still couldn’t deal with his past? Because Ramon Decker didn’t have a screwy past, but he could talk about Drew’s. He sighed and began to speak.

“I’m not who you think I am, but let me start at the beginning. You told me your story—here’s mine. My father drank and Carol didn’t want kids. He was a nineteen-fifties conservative. She was a hippie, complete with caftans and leather sandals. She was
too free
for us and he was extremely straight-laced. Their love affair was a good time and I was the accident that spoilt it. They got married because of me.”

Ramon drummed her thighs with his thumbs and looked away. Bringing up the past killed his sex drive and constricted his throat. Overriding guilt over things he couldn’t change rattled through his brain. Still, she made it easy to talk.

Jude took his face in her hands. “So you became his whipping post?”

Tears he wasn’t ready to shed threatened the corners of his eyes. “Yeah. They fought all the time and Carol wanted to bail. When the girls came along, they were included in the beatings. I stepped in to keep them from getting hurt. As a result, I got the worst of it.”

Jude clenched her teeth and slowly closed her eyes. Worry etched her face. Ramon could only imagine what she thought.

“I’m not thrilled you went through that, but I’m glad you told me.” Jude dropped her hands. Her eyes searched his. “You needed the release, didn’t you?”

The tension building between his shoulder blades lessened. The need to reveal his identity surfaced and he tried in vain to shove it back down to the pit of his stomach. “I don’t know what I need, but bottling that up didn’t help much.” The words came out in a jumble.

Jude cocked her head. “So, who are you really? A master spy, or a runaway convict or something? Your accent isn’t foreign or anything, and you talk with more eloquence than any bouncer I’ve known.”

Ramon sighed heavily and looked away again.

Jude caught his face in her hands and brought his eyes to hers. “It won’t change how I feel about you. You’re special to me.” The lines around her eyes softened and a smile curled the corner of her mouth.

With that, the Ramon façade melted. No more hiding—no more fear. He massaged her thighs with his strong hands. “I’m not a convict, but I’ve been known to spy.”

Jude laced their fingers. Mirth coloured her voice. “You do strike me as a real wild child.”

Ramon allowed a chuckle to slip past his lips. “I’m still a wild child…er…man.”

Her voice dropped an octave. “You are.”

Ramon kissed her nose. Damn, he hated being emotional. Whose idea had it been to bring up the past? He wasn’t so sure he liked it. Jude wrapped her arms around him and Ramon pulled her even closer. “You make being wild fun.”

“Good.”

Ramon felt lighter, like the weight bringing him down had evaporated once and for all. At the same time, he had no idea what Jude was thinking because she simply smiled.

Instead, Jude smoothed his hair and continued to hold him close. “Whatever your secrets are, you’re not alone. I won’t leave you,” she whispered. “You don’t always have to be so tough.” Her words tickled against his ear, making him shiver. Women just didn’t affect him like that, but Jude could without trying. Her compassion scared him.

Ramon looked up. “I don’t suppose you have any deep dark secrets you’d like to get off your chest?”

Jude grinned through her own tears. “You know all about me. My father’s dead. My mother’s in Cleveland raising her second family, and I’m a stripper trying to put myself through college.” She stifled a giggle and chewed on her bottom lip. “Should I make something up? I’m not very good at fibbing, but I could try to conjure a doozy if it’d make you feel better.”

Ramon paused to consider her words. She didn’t let her past blot out what she wanted to do with her life. “No, you’re special just the way you are.”

Her grin grew. “Good, now tell me some really juicy stuff.”

“Like what?”

“Food, radio stations, colour, song, TV shows, and hobbies—other than drawing,” she said. She rubbed her pussy along his cock, making him weak in the knees despite the denim barrier. Amusement and smouldering sexuality sparkled in her eyes. “What are your favourites?”

Ramon couldn’t help but grin along with her. Damn, he loved her blunt honesty.

“Greasy cheeseburgers, metal, the pale pink of your skin,
anything by Korn
, sports events, and dirt races.” Ramon didn’t need further convincing—he was head-over-heels in love. Lord, she made being in love so easy and natural. Now he needed to make her fall for Drew, not Ramon.

Jude slipped down between his knees and opened the fly on his jeans. “Art is one of my favourite things.” Ramon sprang to attention in more ways than one. She pushed all his buttons and muddled his common sense. Blood pounded hotly through his veins. He clenched his hands on the edge of the wooden seat.

“Whoa.”

Jude looked up only a moment. “I forgot to mention that I like this, too,” she said huskily. His erection popped free from his boxers. A sexy smile graced her sweet face. In one smooth stroke, she took him to the back of her throat and sucked greedily. Her skills improved by leaps and bounds each time she gave him pleasure.

Ramon groaned and gripped the bench. Her action took him by surprise and made it hard to think straight. Any fleeting thought of moving on without her went right out the window. Jude’s lips felt sinful as she took her time, savouring, sipping him. She could torment with the best of them. “God, woman, you’re perfect.”

Jude continued to pump her hot wet mouth up and down on his cock, bringing him to the brink before switching speeds to prolong the climax. He felt like a horny cad and she took the edge off by loving him. And damn it if he didn’t like it.

Her tongue grazed along the thick vein on his penis. She winked and kissed the crown.

“Someone could…oh fuck,” Words failed him and he gave into the heady sensations. “Oh, what the hell…” He gripped her hair and guided his orgasm. He didn’t want it to end, but he needed finish. What a sweet conflict.

Jude hummed her approval. Before he came, she slithered up along his stomach and dropped her jeans, displaying her bare ass to the entire skyline. God, he needed to break her nudist tendencies, well at least when they were in public.

“Take me here on this roof,” Jude whispered and straddled his dick. The wetness between her legs lubricated their union. “Who cares who sees us?”