When You Least Expect It (28 page)

             
“Ma’am?” 

             
Carrie turned around to see the officer heading her way.  What was this all about?  She stopped to wait for him, a knot of fear gathering in her throat.  “May I help you?”

             
“Are you Carrie Knight?”  The officer stayed a safe distance away from her. 

             
“Yes.”  Carrie’s knot continued to grow.

             
“These are for you.”  He handed her an envelope addressed to her.

             
“What’s this all about, Officer?”

             
“You have been served with divorce papers.  I’m sorry, ma’am.  Have a nice day.”  He turned on his heels and hurriedly went and got in his car.  He drove away without as much as a glance back in Carrie’s direction.

             
She opened the envelope and stared at the document.  She couldn’t believe Ray had done this so soon.  What was his hurry?  Carrie slowly walked into the house.  She was going to have to get a lawyer.  How would she afford it?  Why was Ray doing this?  Her first reaction was to tear up the document and pretend she never got it.  Who would know?  With a heavy heart, she realized that the sheriff deputy who gave it to her must have to report to the court that she received it.  She had no choice but to proceed.  Without warning, Carrie began to cry.   Angry with herself for this show of emotion, she shoved the document back into the envelope and went inside.

             
Nikki walked out of her room bringing Carrie back to the present.  “Mom, why were talking to that guy?”

             
Carrie stared at her daughter, still shell-shocked.  “Your father served me with divorce papers without warning.”

             
“I don’t think he’s supposed to actually warn you, Mom.” 

             
Carrie glared at her daughter.  Of course, she’d take his side.  “Shut up, Nikki.  What the hell do you know about it?”  She thought about this for a minute then turned to her daughter, accusingly. “Did you know about it and not bother to tell me?”

             
“No Mom, Dad didn’t tell me.  I had no idea, really.”  Nikki knew she had pushed the wrong button.  It was so easy these days to set her off.

             
“Sure you didn’t.  You only care about how this affects your father, not how this affects me.  It isn’t easy you know.”

             
“I’m sorry Mom.”  Nikki didn’t know what else to say.

             
She looked at her daughter sadly.  Without saying anything else, Carrie carried her papers into the bedroom where she stayed behind closed doors for the remainder of the night.

~~~

              Ray had just gotten off the phone with Nikki.  She had called to let him know how it had gone with the deputy.  Ray was stunned at how emotional Carrie was getting.  He was sure it was all an act, but still, it made him feel uneasy.  In fact, it made him downright nauseous.  Amanda kept telling him that divorce was ugly no matter how you looked at it, and he was beginning to think she was right.  No matter how he felt about Carrie, he didn’t want to hurt her like this, but could see no way around it.  He was just carrying on with the steps his lawyer advised. 

             
He hoped that she realized she would now have to get a lawyer.  There were many steps to go through, this just being the tip of the iceberg.  There were classes to attend, counseling; it was insane.  But, if the court wanted him to jump through hoops to grant him this divorce, then jump he’d do. 

             
He looked at the clock.  Still too early to call Amanda; she would just be getting out of work.  He liked to give her time to get supper and relax before calling her.  One of his favorite parts of this newfound freedom was being able to call Amanda at night.  They were getting to know each other even better this way, and she filled a void that no one else had ever been able to touch.  He didn’t quite understand it, but he loved it.  She was so easy to talk to, and always brought things into perspective for him, even when he was at his most negative.  She was amazing. 

~~~

             
Carrie sat sulking on her bed, not being able to believe Ray had served her divorce papers today.  Not even Ray, a deputy!  You would think when divorce papers are being handed out; at least the soon to be ex-husband would give them to you.  Along with some explanation as to why the marriage was over.  Carrie sighed.  That was the saddest part of all.  With all the drama over the packed up room, telling the kids, and wanting him out as soon as possible, she had never taken a moment to ask Ray exactly why.  It’s not as if things had actually changed recently, things hadn’t been all wine and roses for a long time, in fact, for years.   She couldn’t even remember when they were last happy.  She struggled to remember the last time they had kissed--really kissed. She couldn’t. As for sex...she plopped her head down on the pillows, it had been years!  Sex with Ray had not been bad; she had enjoyed it at first.    Then as it happens to everyone, life got in the way.  The crying babies to contend with, cleaning the house, and what seemed like endless loads of laundry.  Ray had worked long hours, and then came home to take a turn with the kids. By the time bedtime rolled around, all either of them wanted to do was sleep.  Every so often romance would sneak in and they would rekindle their intimate relationship.  Then life took an ugly turn.  Money problems, problems with her parents, problems with each other, and they just moved further and further apart as a couple, all intimacy gone.  Carrie admitted that she had been the one who stopped wanting Ray, to the point of sleeping on the couch, or making him do so.

             
She got up and walked to the window.  She hugged herself, feeling chilled.  She thought of Ray, the Ray she once knew.  She missed him.  She wanted to know why he left.  He owed her that didn’t he.  She decided to call him, knowing that he would talk to her.  Maybe even meet her for coffee.  Even though he was gone and wanted a divorce, Ray Knight would never be hurtful on purpose.  She looked up his new number and dialed the phone, feeling slightly foolish.

             
“Hello.” 

             
“Hi Ray, its Carrie.”  Hearing his voice made her go from feeling slightly foolish to downright stupid.

             
“Carrie?  What’s wrong?”  Ray’s first thought was that something had happened to one of the girls.  Then he remembered the sheriff and inwardly groaned.

             
“Nothing is wrong. Oh, except for I got the divorce papers today.  Thank you.”  Carrie heard the sarcasm in her voice and tried to stop herself.  She didn’t want to fight.

             
Ray decided a ‘you’re welcome’ here was not warranted.  He silently waited for her to continue.

             
Carrie softened her tone.  “I have to say Ray; I was more than a little shocked.  It seems to be happening so fast.”

             
Ray didn’t know how to respond. 

             
Carrie went on.  “Ray, I was so discombobulated when this all started happening that I haven’t allowed myself to feel anything.  The reality of the sheriff’s deputy coming here, of him handing me divorce papers, really hit me hard today. Why, Ray?  What made you finally come to the decision to leave?  Is there someone else?”  Carrie held her breath.

             
“No, Carrie there is no one else.  Our marriage has been over for a long time.  You know that.  We were two people who lived in the same house, raising kids.   We never slept together in either sense of the word; we never did anything together. What we were doing wasn’t living…it was barely even existing. I want more, Carrie, I need more.”  Ray took a deep breath.  Why was this so painful?

             
Carrie listened on the other end.  She heard the emotion in Ray’s voice.  She heard the sincerity of it.  Instead of touching her, it infuriated her.

             
“Your answer then is to throw away almost twenty years of marriage because you want more?  More what?”   Carrie’s voice had become shrilly.

             
Ray’s first reaction was to stop this conversation.  Why did he even try?  But he at least owed her this explanation.   “More of everything, Carrie; more intimacy, more love, more companionship.  Maybe I can even have more quality time with my daughters.  You don’t want me, and you haven’t in a long time. It’s not as if I haven’t tried to repair our marriage.  You were never interested. Let’s just admit it and move on, hopefully for something, or someone, that we both can be happy with.”

             
Carrie was indignant.  She suddenly lost all control.  “If you think that I’m just going to roll over and play dead you’re a bigger idiot than even I thought you were.  You want a new life.  Fine, but I will always be there Ray, in the background.  We have kids together, and if you think you’ll just get to walk away from your responsibilities here at this house…Ha!   Think again, Mister.  By the time, my lawyer is through with you; you’ll be living at the Y and taking the fucking bus to work.  No one will want you because you won’t have anything to offer, except an ex-wife and three kids.  It’s ‘baggage’ Ray, and no woman will want that.  Your baggage will be so heavy around your neck; even YOU won’t be able to carry it. Let’s just see how happy THAT makes you. See you in court, honey!”  She slammed down the phone.  She was livid, but renewed.  How dare he treat her like an old pair of shoes?  She’d show him!  She’d been a good wife; she refused to let him toss her aside.   He may have won the first round, but she will win the next one.  She’d make sure of it!

~~~

             
Ray and Amanda had been talking on the phone for hours.  Ray had gone through the ugly scenario he had just been through with his wife, Amanda listening and assuring Ray that divorce makes every woman ugly.

             
“There’s nothing worse than a woman scorned is more than just a cliché, Ray, it’s the damned truth.  Carrie is pissed, and what she wants more than anything is to get back at you, any way she can think of.  It’s pretty normal.”

             
Ray found it hard to believe that Amanda could ever be so malicious and told her so.

             
Amanda laughed, a little too loudly.  “Ray, I was never as angry as when Randy left.  The reason I know what Carrie is thinking is that I’ve been there, done that.  My best friend, Kara, she’s been there done that; I witnessed it.  In fact, I learned from her.  I wanted nothing more than to hit Randy where it hurt the most, and it took me a while to find out where that was.  It was guilt.  He had a lot of it.”  She laughed aloud, “I was a woman transformed.  I went from doormat to bitch in zero to sixty seconds flat!  Being a bitch wasn’t an insult, it was a statement.”  She laughed at the memory.  Kara used to ask her all the time what had happened to the ‘old’ Mandy.  She was always telling her how proud she was of the new side to Amanda. 

             
Ray silently mulled this statement over.  “Mandy, are you telling me that you’re a bitch?”  Ray was only kidding when he asked this…kind of. 

             
She could hear the fear in Ray’s voice.  She wasn’t really a bitch, but she never wanted to revert to being a doormat either.  “If being an independent, outspoken woman is a synonym for being a bitch, then yes, I guess I am.”

             
Ray raised his eyebrows.  Was she trying to freak him out?  He sighed audibly.  He’d been out of the dating scene for so long; it was going to take some getting used to.  He had no idea what to say to this so he opted to try to change the subject.  “How is Elisa doing in her new apartment?”

             
It was Amanda’s turn to raise her eyebrows.  “Not to change the subject or anything, but, she’s doing great.”

             
Ray laughed.  “Sorry, it’s how I get myself out of potentially dangerous conversations.”  Ray was embarrassed that he had been so obvious.  He had a lot to learn.

             
Amanda laughed with him.  She enjoyed the easy banter they had with each other.  He was easy to talk to and always had something to say.  More important, he made her laugh. 

             
She glanced at the clock.  “Oh wow, Ray, it’s midnight over there.  We’ve been on the phone for three hours!”  She was amazed.  It hardly seemed like three hours, and she could have easily gone for more, but since they were both on a budget, they were going to have to watch this, and she mentioned this to him.

             
“It’s worth every penny, Mandy.  I would pay ten times the amount.  I love talking to you.  Of course, I have to get some sleep so I’m not useless at work tomorrow.  I hate the three-hour difference, but it’s just one more thing we have to deal with; that, and the distance.” 

             
She could hear the tone of his voice change.  It always got quieter when he got sad. “Sleep well, Ray.  Take care.”

             
“You too, Mandy...I love you.  ‘Night.”