When To Let Go (32 page)

Violet had been gone a month, back to college with her brother for the spring semester. Parker had already made the decision he was going to fight for her when they said their goodbyes, she just didn’t know it yet.

There were two things Parker had to take care of before he went to her. The first one had his heart pounding as he knocked on his boss's door.

“Yeah?”

Parker stepped inside, “Do you have a minute?”

Noah looked up from his paperwork, “What's up?”

Parker took the empty seat in front of Noah’s desk. “I really don't know how to put this without you trying to kill me, but here goes,” he rubbed his palms on his thighs, let out a deep breath, and proceeded to tell Noah the most important thing he had ever said out loud, “I'm in love with your daughter.”

Noah leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest, expanding its size, his expression made of stone.

Parker continued, never letting their eyes drift apart; he needed Noah to see his sincerity, “I've fucked up a lot in my life. The thing I regret the most is hurting her. She's the only person to ever care for me exactly as I am, and not because she had to. I need her in my life and I want her there as more than a friend. I want her by my side. That's the only time life seems to make any sense.”

“How do you know if she feels the same way?”

“I don’t, and quite honestly, I don’t care.”

Noah grunted.

“I don’t care, because regardless, I plan on spending every day for the rest of my life making sure she knows that I'm completely hers. Hopefully in return I can have back her heart, even if I have to work for it piece by piece.”

“How do you plan on doing that when she's two states away?” Noah's voice matched his stoic features.

Nothing was going to detour Parker, “This is the part of the conversation I give my notice. I'll stay until you find someone new and make sure they have it under control, then I'm gone. I already found an auto shop to work for and an apartment close to hers.”

Noah swiped the top of his overgrown buzz cut, “You work on your personal shit? Because that's not going anywhere. It'll be ready to take you down when it senses any kind of weakness.”

“I have a plan for that too...” or at least one he hoped worked. “If it doesn't work, I'll figure out a new one, until one day it's all just my past and it’s left there, where it belongs.”

“I only have one condition.”

Parker tried joking to lessen his nerves, “Only one?”

Noah didn’t seem amused, “When she graduates, convince her to come home, find a job around here. I can't stand the stress of my kids not being close by.”

That was it?

Parker exhaled and slouched back in his chair.

“I don't think that'll be a problem.” The only reason she had left was because of Parker. She would have preferred to stay.

“Good.” Noah looked back down at the work in front of him, “And you'll always have a job here if you need one.”

Parker had to swallow back a lump that was forming, “Thanks.”

Noah nodded, “Now get out of here. I have a lot of work to do.”

Parker only had to stay around for another three weeks before his car was loaded, ready to head to Texas.

He had one last thing to take care of, the second part of his plan. If he could come out of it and survive, it would be proof he was ready to be the man Violet deserved.

Parker's footsteps echoed down the hall as the soles of his shoes hit against the linoleum. He stopped at the next entryway to empty his pockets and be inspected by a guard. Then he walked through the metal detector, following a guard to a room filled with others just like him.

He took an empty seat at a two person table. He waited, not allowing his mind to think, afraid it would take over and force him to get up and leave.

Babies cried around him. Women pushed up their cleavage, reapplying lipstick. Others talked with those they had come with. It all stopped when a metal gate opened and guards escorted the prisoners in.

All Parker could hear was his own breath as it kept rhythm with the frantic beat of his heart.

The man from his nightmares, the one he had allowed to control his life for far too long, took a seat across from him. He looked at Parker, his eyes taking him in, wondering who he was and why he was there. He didn’t seem to recognize Parker. And why should he? He hadn’t seen Parker since he was nine.

Parker took a moment to take the man in. What he saw when he truly looked was not a monster to be feared, but an old, washed-out man, who had wasted his life away on booze and gambling. It showed on his sallow skin, wrinkles that far surpassed his age, and lifeless eyes that had lost their soul a long time ago.

For the first time in Parker’s life this man no longer had a hold on him. He felt it in the blood traveling through his veins, in his relaxed muscles. Most importantly, he felt it in his chest. The constant pressure bearing down on it was gone and he could finally breathe. He had finally let it go.

He'd never forget, but it would no longer rule his life. This man wasn't worth it. He wouldn't allow a man of so little worth to take Parker down with him. He wouldn't be worthless just because this man was.

Parker got up, having nothing to say to the man. He had only come to prove to himself that the past had the possibility to stay there; that it had only gained control because he allowed it. Not anymore.

It also helped that the man was going to spend the rest of his life in prison. An anonymous tip had been made about the pictures and videos he had of young boys on his computer – another debt he owed to Noah. Judges weren’t lenient towards pedophiles, and rightfully so.

One last thing came to mind before Parker left and never looked back.

He came up to one of the guards, who automatically put a hand to their weapon, demanding Parker step back.

Parker shot his hands up, “I only had a question.”

The guard jutted his chin out, hand still at the ready.

“Do inmates know what others are in for?”

“Sometimes...” the guard seemed unsure of why he’d asked.

Parker raised his voice, making sure the whole room heard him, “Do they know how that man,” he pointed to the useless waste of a life a few tables down, who was still wondering who the hell Parker was, “likes to rape six year old boys, threating their baby sister’s life with worse if they ever told?”

The guard tried to hide a smirk, “I think
now
they do.”

Every prisoner in the room focused their beady-eyes on the man; pedophiles were never accepted, even among the most evil of men.

A bead of sweat trailed down the worthless man’s temple from the scrutiny.

Parker let go of the last remaining parts of his hate, leaving it behind with his parting words, “What goes around comes around, asshole. I hope you enjoy getting butt-fucked.”

He left with his head held high, his hands shaking from the adrenaline as he took back his keys and wallet.

“You alright?” The guard who handed it back to him asked.

Parker smiled, a true, genuine one, “Never been better.”

Once inside his fully packed car, he started the ignition and headed towards his future, a smile still firmly in place.

Violet checked in at registration, receiving a clip-on badge. She looked around the conference room for a place to sit for the next eight hours. The large room had a stage at the end, PowerPoint already glaring today’s theme: Get Into the Minds of Today’s Youth. Supposedly it wasn't the biggest child psychology conference, but her psychology professor believed it was one of the best, and it happened to be held every year in Austin, Texas. He had thought it would be of interest to Violet, offering her extra credit to go. Eight hours of a droning voice going over bullet points on a projector seemed doable for her worst test grade to be dropped.

The rest of the room had chairs starting from the front and filing to the end, most of the seats already occupied. Violet looked for a seat in the back, hoping to avoid sitting next to anyone talkative.

A woman in her mid-thirties in the back row caught Violet’s attention. Not because she was the only person besides Violet who wasn't dressed professionally; it was the messy ponytail and faded Smith's shirt. Violet moved closer, knowing if she could relate to anyone in the room, it would be this woman.

Violet pointed to the seat next to her, “Is this free?”

The woman gestured to it, “It's all yours.”

She inspected Violet as she placed her own bag next to her, equipping a notebook and pen, “You seem young to be a counselor.”

“Its extra credit for a college course,” Violet explained, popping the cap off her pen.

“Is it just for the class or are you planning on a career in the field?”

“Both. I have this crazy idea of starting a non-profit organization for troubled kids,” Violet explained, surprised she was sharing her secret dream to a complete stranger. “I want to open an auto shop where adults volunteer their time to teach and monitor kids who are in need of guidance, or just a place to go and be left alone. Ones that need a healthy outlet. They'd work for free on cars for those that can't afford the repairs but need it for survival, like single moms and stuff. It would give them a chance to feel good about themselves...” she trailed off, embarrassed to hear it all out loud. It still had a lot of holes to work out.

The woman's eyes lit up, “That's amazing! Seriously, it's a great idea. I know of a lot of kids who would benefit from something like that.”

Violet blushed, “Thanks.”

“Well, this is a great conference to come to. It's the only one I ever attend. The name’s cheesy, but the woman who runs it really knows her stuff. You should learn a lot.”

“Are you a counselor?”

“Yeah, I help kids grieve over the loss of loved ones, show them ways to deal with it or simply offer them a stress free place to just
be
.”

“Wow,” Violet admired her. “That must be really hard at times.”

She shrugged, “It can be, but I have an amazing family to come home to that keeps me grounded. That's the key to this kind of profession – you need to find what helps you let it all go at the end of the day. There will be a lot of days that suck you dry.”

“Okay, thanks for the advice.” She reached her hand over, “I'm Violet, by the way.”

The woman shook her hand, whispering her name as the introduction started for the speaker, “Anna.”

“So what do you think so far?” Anna asked as they gathered their belongings to break for lunch.

“It's a lot more interesting than I thought it was going to be. I can see why you come every year.” Violet meant it. Not once had she been bored.

Anna grinned at her, “Good, I'm glad.” They walked together out the double doors. “Have plans for lunch?”

Violet shook her head no.

“Want to join me and my husband? I can answer any questions you might have about the profession?”

“Really? That would be awesome. Your husband won't mind?”

“Nah, he loves meeting new people.”

“Annie!” A male’s voice shouted, swopping Anna up into his arms and swinging her around as though she had just arrived after months away.

Violet couldn’t help but smile at the obvious way Anna's husband adored her.

Anna demanded he put her down. Violet could tell from the way Anna was grinning that it didn't really bother her, that she'd let him twirl her around all day if he wanted to.

Violet hated that she immediately thought of Parker, her heart still longing for the man her brain new better than to waste her time on.

He placed her down while Anna motioned to Violet, “This is Violet. She’s coming with us to lunch.”

“Great!” He wrapped an arm around Violet's shoulder, giving it a squeeze and a jiggle, “I'm Adam.”

Anna gave Violet an apologetic expression, “Sorry, he always treats people like they've been his friend for ages.”

Normally Violet would be trying to find an excuse to leave, but Adam had this charming smile that put her at ease. She almost believed they
had
been friends for ages.

“Do you guys live around here?” Violet asked as they sat in a booth at a café a block down from the conference.

“Nope, I travel with her when she comes. It’s our chance to get away for the weekend and have some alone time.” Adam laughed as though remembering something funny, “Although we spend most of the time talking about how perfect our daughter is, which kind of defeats the point of having ‘us’ time.”

“You have a daughter?”

Adam proudly showed Violet pictures on his phone.

“She's adorable.” She really was. She had her mom’s dark hair and gray eyes, mixed with her dad's charming, outgoing smile.

Violet listened as the two went on about their future genius child. She always loved the way parents thought so highly of their kids, even at a young age, believing they would be the one to save the world. It reminded her of her parents. A moment of homesickness swept through her.

Adam didn't give her time to dwell on it, wanting to know more about her even though they'd probably never talk again. Anna jumped in and excitedly explained Violet's hope for a non-profit.

“That's brilliant!”

“That's what I thought!” Anna agreed.

Adam whipped out a card from his wallet and handed it to Violet, tapping the name on the front, “When we get home I'm calling this guy about your idea. When you’re ready to make it happen, call him; he'll help get you started.”

The card read: Kenward Enterprises, and underneath it had the name Asher Kenward, VP, then a list of various phone numbers.

Violet's mouth dropped open, “There's no way he'd help me.”

“He will,” Adam seemed confident. “He takes on a new charity every year. I'll tell him to make you his next one when you call.”

“Am I being punked?”

Adam and Anna laughed.

Anna spoke next, explaining, “It's his older brother.”

“You’re a Kenward?” Violet gaped. They were in the Fortune 500 or something crazy like that. The family owned resorts all over the world.

“I'm basically the black sheep of the family,” Adam said with pride. He lowered his voice and covered the side of his mouth with the back of his hand, leaning over as though what he was about to say was to be kept secret, “I'm a high school English teacher.” His eyes got wide, moving back into the booth as though what he had said was blasphemy and should never be spoken out loud.

Violet laughed, hard.

She wished these two did live in the area; she didn't care how much older they were than her, they were awesome. They were the kind of couple she hoped to be one day. They further proved it by spending the rest of the lunch talking about random things with her, all three of them laughing and having a good time.

As much as Violet tried to ignore it, thoughts of Parker constantly surfaced. He would have loved them. Hell, they could
be
them. The two acted like best friends, but there was no denying their chemistry.

Violet was sad when the lunch hour was over and she had to say goodbye to Adam, knowing she would probably never see him again.

“Violet, seriously, please call my brother. He'll help fund it, get the thing started. You have a great idea, one a lot of kids would respond to and benefit from.”

She promised she would, meaning it. What did she have to lose? The worst case was the guy would hang up on her. Besides, what if her meeting these two wasn't by chance? It's not often Violet felt at ease around new people, actually wanting to spend more time with them.

Anna and Violet went back to their seats as the second half of their day began. Melancholy distracted Violet. At first she tried figuring out why not seeing Adam again would make her feel that way. It didn't take long for her to figure out that it had to do with Parker.

Everything always came back around to him.

Violet missed their friendship. She missed the way he could always make her laugh. She just plain old missed
him
.

At the end of the day, Anna hugged her, also making her promise to call Asher, and giving her a business card for Anna Monroe-Kenward, Children’s Grief Counselor, wanting her to call if she ever had questions or needed help.

Violet stayed awake all night thinking about the couple she had met and wishing that could be her and Parker a decade from now.

Was it ever too late to start over?