When Stars Die (The Stars Trilogy) (31 page)

Oliver told me nothing has to change when I become a Shadowman. This is a lie. Everything changed when Colette turned. I will accept becoming a Shadowman though. This life…it is no longer for me. This life never was for me. Life as a Shadowman may offer more stability because I will be bound by the will of someone else, and not bound by my own earthly wills. Serving Deus, too, will allow me to seek the repentance I desire. This life has nothing more to offer. I have nothing more to offer it.

Nathaniel falls into my lap, and faces my stomach, his hands curled beneath his head. “Amelia, what will we do from here, when they come back?”

I tangle my fingers in his hair, relishing in the warmth radiating from his scalp, the warmth I will no longer have when I turn. Best to cherish it now. “Cardinal Brandon, I’m certain, has something planned for you.” Theosodore had no reason to let Pope Gilford know Nathaniel is a witch. I am confident he is safe.

Nathaniel flips on his back, his eyes widening with worry. “Something planned for me? What about you?”

“Don’t worry about me, Nat. There is something out there for me. I don’t know what, but there is.”

He bolts upright and throws his arms around me. “Don’t talk like that, Amelia. Please? I can’t take this anymore. I can’t take not knowing what’s going to happen to us next. I need you.” He pulls away, his face painted with tears. I hope one day that same face will be painted with nothing but the smiles of a better life. “Why do you have to do this to me?”

The doors to the common area burst open. In white robes stands Nathaniel’s answer. Pope Gilford points at me, then gestures me forward, and I know this is it. This is the end of Amelia Gareth.

#

Pope Gilford has had boarded me in a cell for the past week, keeping me alive with the barest minimum of food and water. It’s enough so that I am breathing, but not so much that I don’t feel the pain of my own existence. I haven’t felt much this past week. No bitterness or resentment, anger or sadness. Nothing. I have only wished for this day, today, to come. The day I will be executed. I will not be burned. Mother Aurelia begged for a humane death: beheading.

My jailer brings me my final cup of water. I never caught his name, or even what he looks like. He is a faceless thing. “That pretty little head of yours will be lying in a cushioned casket. You’ll be all but forgotten.”

I hold no ill-will toward him.

“Oh, and you have several visitors.” He clinks his keys against the door, teasing me with tempting freedom I no longer care for. “Make it meaningful.”

His laughter echoes down the corridor.

A slat opens from the outside. In peeks the teary blues of Nathaniel. “I-I--” He cracks, covering his face with a dirty hand. “I should have saved you.” A pair of unlined hands gently move him out of the way. Cardinal Brandon’s eyes replace Nathaniel’s.

“He will miss you, you know.”

“I know.” I raise my voice. “I love you, Nat. Always remember that. I will be here for you, and some day, I will come back to you, one way or another. I promise that.”

He speaks up, though his voice is small. “Promise?”

“I will come back.” And I will because I can. “This will not be the end.”

It is never the end for a Shadowman until all that is left is nothingness.

Cardinal Brandon speaks up. “Also, I am resigning from being a Cardinal. I will simply be Pastor Brandon, from now on.” He lowers his voice. “I’m going to--I’m going to open a sort of safe house for witches. Nathaniel will be able to participate. It is now sanctioned law that all witches be executed, and the search for them is more fierce than ever. I have done things in the past I am not proud of. This is my way to repent.”

I smile at Pastor Brandon. “That sounds like a wonderful idea.” I close my eyes, imagining a safe place for Nathaniel. “That is a wonderful way to repent.” I open them. “Tell Isis to take care of Nat, Pastor Brandon. He will need her, now more than ever.”

“I will.”

I raise my voice again. “Nat, no matter what happens in your life, hold on to all your feelings. Don’t let a single one slip from your grasp.”

They leave me alone.

Hours pass. Mother Aurelia appears around what must be evening, for I can hear the bells ring for the third time, signaling evening Liturgy. My execution awaits me, and I suppose she is brazen enough to fetch me.

“Amelia,” she says, her voice soft and sad, “it is time.”

She opens my cell, bounds my wrists with rope, and takes me down the corridor.

“This is no easy thing for me, Amelia, to see one of my own girls executed, in spite of innocence filling every bit of her soul.”

I almost want to laugh. “I am no saint.”

“Regardless of what you think, Amelia, I saw that desire to change the world in you from day one. I never once saw it wane. When you die, Amelia, pray for that same change you came to Cathedral Reims for. Whatever reason you came here, pray that your wishes will one day come true. Do not let your dream die with you. Speak your dream out loud, if you must.”

Mother Aurelia says nothing more after that. She is not one for sentimentalism; however, I can tell she does not approve of what Pope Gilford wants to do to me. She is powerless to stop this, though. Pope Gilford is the merest of mere men, but he will only discover that on his own death bed one day.

Mother Aurelia brings me out to the steps of the west portal, where sawdust--to catch my blood--and a chopping block with a cloaked axman await me. Although this execution is far more humane than being burned, it is still horrific. All of Malva has turned out for my execution--not that they had much of a choice. They will later attend a mass witch burning. Parson Hill will not have a spot of grass when this day is through. At least I can die knowing these people do not want to see me die. I do not want to look at them, though. Nathaniel is out there somewhere, and I do not wish to see his face.

My father may even be out there. I have not seen him since the day I left to find Nathaniel.

Mother Aurelia hands me over to the axman, who pushes me to my knees and plants my head on the chopping black. He moves my braids out of the way, my bare neck exposed to the biting winter that still pervades Malva. I prefer this to the blooming plum orchard Oliver brought about, because at least this is real.

“Do you have any final words?” the axman asks.

I close my eyes, unwilling to leave these people with any amount of hope, for who knows if hope ever existed in the first place. I must though. It is what Mother Aurelia wished of me.

“My name is Amelia Gareth. I died at the age of eighteen, on this cold winter day. I wish for you to never forget my name. I wish for you to never forget my dreams. This world will change.”

A sob cuts through the silence. It is Mother Aurelia. Her stoic composure has cracked, and I have been blessed with this human side of her on the day of my death. It is a gift, one I will never forget.

“All right, does anyone else have any final words?”

I expect to hear Nathaniel’s voice. Thank Deus I don’t.

“All right then.” He raises the ax. “Three…”

My life should fly out on a film reel. It stays locked in the prison of my mind.

“Two…”

It is because death is all there is for me.

“One…”

Amelia Gareth will die today. But she is a star. She will scatter. And she will be reborn. A new star.

“Ready…”

I am--

Epilogue

I am Dervla Adair. The name means ‘daughter of bile’ in some forgotten language. A new name for a reborn girl.

It has been five years since my death. Death changes those who are unfortunate enough to remember how they died. Annarelius, or Anna as I call her, told me it took a year for me to change because I was not burnt. For some reason, she protected my body during the change, and when I came to, I discovered Anna and I were hiding deep in the woods. I suppose she wanted to prevent further maiming of my body so that I did not appear like a rag doll when I changed.

Because I was beheaded, I bear a thick scar around my neck from where the axe sliced.

“It could have been worse,” Anna told me. “They wanted to cremate your body, but I saved it. I know you want to change things, and so do I. We should try to change this world together.”

And so, here we are, five years later, back in Malva, where everything started. The city is slowly being rebuilt, but people’s lives are still fractured, and their patchwork hearts match the patchwork layout of the city. I can’t even tell the backstreets from the main road anymore.

Anna steps out beside me. Since she has already infused herself with human blood, her green eyes stand out wildly against the gray sadness of Malva. “Do you think we will have to destroy this place again?”

I dislodge a cobblestone with my steel-toed boot. “We will have to do whatever we can to free ourselves from this pain, to free all Shadowmen from their suffering.” I stop toying with the stone. “This isn’t just about us, Anna. Even if we have to level this entire city, we’re saving everyone in the end, especially from themselves and their bitter hatred.”

Anna sighs. “I know, but--”

“But nothing.” I have hardened over the years. “I wanted to die so I could have the power to do something, and now that I do, I intend to make well on that promise. Sacrifices will happen, Anna. You should understand that more than anyone.”

Anna gulps. “I do.”

“Then we have to strip the city bare to find this girl and kill her. Theosodore said it is this girl that will break this endless cycle of suffering.”

“But why someone so innocent, so young?”

“It is Deus who put the fate on this girl. She is Deus’s daughter, so Theosodore says.”

Anna frowns and casts her eyes downward. “It’s not fair that everything has led up to this, that we were given such special powers to complete our Exaltations, and then sent on a goose chase to find a child who never asked for any of this.”

I give her a sad smile. “She is your Exaltation, Anna. You will be freeing us. She will be a martyr, remembered.” I pause, then let out a sigh. “None of us asked for any of this.”

“I know, and you’ve already freed yourself.”

“I did.” My Exaltation was simple: kill my father. When Shadowmen change, we feel the Exaltations in our blood. I’m not sure why Deus would do this to me, but I fulfilled it nonetheless. It was that Exaltation that hardened me, made me so single-minded that whatever I must do to achieve a goal becomes top priority.

I no longer cry. I can no longer cry. But I have no more urges to cry.

I begin walking down the main road that reminds me of a collage. “Are you ready, Anna?”

She nods. “Where should we light the first fire?”

“Let’s start with Cathedral Reims.” I close my eyes. “If we have to flush out every last person in Malva to find her, then so be it.”

We light the first fire. The smoke climbs high to the stars. Those stars have born witness to the thousands of years of human tragedy and suffering. When all is said and done, we will die into dust that the stars will take back into themselves. Or we will die to be used once again by Deus.

However we die, Anna and I will make certain we all die free.

###

About the Author

Amber has been writing seriously since she was fourteen, the age she began the sequel to
When Stars Die
. She began
When Stars Die
at fifteen and shelved it for five years before finally deciding it needed to be brought out and made the first book in The Stars Trilogy.

She has had several short stories published, including a piece in The Oddville Press and two installation pieces in Sorean: A Gothic Magazine. She was a slush pile reader for The Oddville Press, Executive Editor for Sorean, editorial and communications intern for YALITCHAT, and is currently founder and fiction editor of The Corner Club Press. She also does freelance editing.

When not engaged in literary endeavors, she attends Augusta State University for a BA in English Middle Education, dances ballet, reads, plays video games, and works as a marketing trainee.

Learn more about Amber and her books at:

AmberSkyeForbes.com

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