When Solomon Sings (18 page)
Read When Solomon Sings Online
Authors: Kendra Norman-Bellamy
Shaylynn had never been inside DeKalb Medical before, but finding her way around wasn't a challenge. Once she knew where the labor and delivery area was, locating the waiting room was a cinch. There weren't many people gathered there, and Neil must have been a magnet for her eyes, because as soon as she walked in the space, they focused in on him. He was occupying a chair in the back corner with his head resting against the wall, like he was either already in sleep land or well on his way to getting there. The closer Shaylynn got to him, her question was answered. Soft snoring sounds gave him away.
She smiled as she placed the food on an empty chair and removed her coat. She sat beside him, picked up his arm, and carefully draped it around her shoulder before laying her head on his chest. The snoring stopped, and at first he made a subtle movement, but then he jerked into an upright position and slid his entire body as close to the wall and away from her as possible. Shaylynn laughed out loud as he wiped his eyes and recognition set in.
“Woman, don't be doing that.” He was clearly embarrassed, but he was a good sport.
“I'm sorry. I couldn't resist. You looked so peaceful.”
Neil yawned and stretched his arms. “What are you doing here? What time is it?” He was wearing a watch, but didn't bother to look at it.
“Eight-thirty.” When he draped his arm back around her, Shaylynn leaned into his chest again. The sound of his heartbeat was music to her ear. “No word on Theresa?”
“No, and I'm actually surprised. Last time CJ came to give me an update was around six-fifteen.” Neil pulled her closer and kissed her temple. Shaylynn's insides moaned. “At that time, he said she was eight centimeters dilated, and her water had broken. When he came by to give me the update, he said, âI can't stay, bruh. I'm just coming to let you know that the next time you see me, I'ma be somebody's daddy.'” Neil chuckled and said, “
Somebody's daddy
. He's a mess.”
Somebody's daddy
. He's a mess.”
“She was eight centimeters dilated at six-fifteen? That was over two hours ago,” Shaylynn observed.
“I know. She's probably delivered by now, but I'm sure they wanted some intimate family time before bringing anybody else in on the celebration.” He stopped talking and sniffed the air. “I smell something good. Do you smell that?”
“Oh.” Shaylynn didn't want to move from being nestled so close to Neil, but she had to in order to give him his food. “I stopped and picked up some breakfast for you.” She handed him his bag. “I figured you hadn't eaten yet. You hungry?”
“Thank you. Yes, I'm starved.” The grace he quietly said was the quickest Shaylynn had ever seen. When Neil closed his eyes, it was like an extended blink. Two seconds later, they were open again, and he was tearing into the sandwich wrapper like he hadn't eaten in days. “What?” he asked with a jaw full of chicken biscuit when he caught her staring at him.
“Nothing.” Shaylynn giggled and held up her bag. “I bought one for me too, but maybe I should let you have both.”
“No, suga. You eat yours. I'll be fine after this one.” He washed down the first mouthful with several swallows of the sweet tea, and then immediately took another bite.
Shaylynn bit into her sandwich too, but her bite was much smaller. “Did Pastor Loather say whether she had broken down and accepted the meds yet?” Shaylynn had a feeling that she already knew the answer. If anybody could tough it out, Theresa could.
Neil wiped his mouth with a napkin. “I don't know about now, but as of two hours ago, she hadn't.” He released a grunt. “Poor CJ was a mess. He was happy and stressed at the same time. I think when he came out here it was largely just to get a brief break from seeing Theresa in so much pain. He said he had been begging her to get the epidural ever since she was five centimeters, but she wouldn't.” Neil looked toward the door. “I expect he'll be coming with the good news any time now. I've already called Ms. Dasher because it looks like I might miss a day of work after all. When he came down to tell me that the doctors said she'd be ready to start pushing anytime, I figured by now she would have had the baby, and I would have seen it, held it, and been on my way to work.”
“Childbirth is something else,” Shaylynn told him. “It can take awhile sometimes. You all get to experience the fun part.” When Neil's eyes questioned her, Shaylynn broke it down. “Making the baby is a lot of fun, but not a whole lot of fun stuff happens between that and this.” She pointed toward the opening that led into the hospital hall as if the room wherein Theresa was giving birth was just beyond the door. “But it's well worth it,” she added as she thought about Chase. “There's nothing like the rewards of motherhood.”
Neil shifted in his seat a little, and then in a guarded tone, he asked, “Do you want more children?”
Shaylynn enjoyed talking to Neil about anything that sounded like family planning. This kind of talk fueled her hope. “When I was a little girl, I was adamant about my desire to have two children, but now it's just about what God desires for my life. I definitely wouldn't mind more.” She looked at him. “Why do you ask?”
Neil shrugged. “I just remember you saying awhile back that you were glad that I didn't have any children, so I was wondering if that meant you didn't want any more.”
Shaking her head, Shaylynn replied, “No; I was just happy that being with you didn't mean I'd also have to deal with another woman and your responsibilities to her and the child or children you'd had with her.”
Something was bothering Neil. Shaylynn could tell. He finished his sandwich quietly, and then stuffed his trash in the bag his food had come out of before walking it all to the garbage can across the room. Shaylynn rewrapped what was left of her sandwich and placed it in the bag on the vacant chair beside her along with her drink. When Neil returned to his chair, she looked up at him, and he looked down at her and smiled. She didn't want to pry, but there was definitely more on his mind.
He sighed and draped his right arm back across Shaylynn's shoulders, pulling her back into his chest. Then Neil slid his left hand under her left hand and linked their fingers. “So ... would it be a big problem for you if you didn't have more?”
Shaylynn felt like Neil's questionnaire was more than just a conversation to kill time. She was glad that there were no other people sitting close by to overhear their personal discussion. “Well, I was an only child, and that was a lonely existence for me. That was the biggest reason that I'd made up in my mind all those years ago that I wanted two. I didn't want any child of mine to feel the same sense of isolation and abandonment that I experienced.”
“But unlike your parents, you've been and will always be very active in Chase's life,” Neil pointed out. “He's a much happier, healthier kid than you ever were, I'm sure. I don't think he's ever felt a day of loneliness. With a mother like you, how could he?”
Shaylynn looked at their linked hands and smiled. “I know, and I'd never let him feel abandoned or like I didn't care. But still ... if I married the right guy, I think I'd want to give him a child of his own.” When he became silent, she sat up and looked at him. “Do you want children of your own?”
Before he answered, Neil took in a deep breath and slowly released it. It wasn't a heavy sigh, just a long one. “I love kids, always have,” he began, “and there was a time when I badly wanted children. Not just one or two, but lots of them like my parents had. I think that's why I'm so good at my job. I get to be around hundreds of children every day who I can play around with, help nurture, and be a role model for. Those are all the things that I wanted to do with my own, but now ...”
Shaylynn was sure that she knew what he was thinking. He was a man of forty-six years. Having one baby at his age probably wasn't so appealing, let alone having ten like his parents. She'd never considered that Neil wouldn't want to have children if he remarried, but that was certainly what it sounded like he was saying. “Go on.” She squeezed his hand, hoping that he would feel her support and know that there was nothing he couldn't share with her. If they were headed toward a lifetime relationship, she had to be willing to listen and be considerate of his feelings on any matter.
“Audrey and I were married for a long time, you know that.”
“Yes.”
“We never had any children, but it wasn't because we didn't want any. She just never got pregnant. We tried, but nothing ever happened. She couldn't ...” He paused and seemed to regroup his thoughts. “I couldn't ... I can't ... I don't think I'm able to have children.” It was an obvious struggle, but Neil had finally gotten through the confession.
Shaylynn squeezed his hand tighter. Neil had never shared this with her before, but hearing it didn't make her feel any stress or distress. If she and Neil got married, she was ready and willing to give him all the children he wanted, but if he didn't want them, or wasn't able to have them, then so be it. She had Chase, and she was happy. This was actually something she could live with, but before she could voice that, Neil spoke again.
“If I ever remarried, the woman would need to be okay with not having any children.” His eyes cast down to his lap, and his voice dropped to a whisper when he added, “At least not with me.”
There was so much sadness on his face that it broke Shaylynn's heart. Did he feel less of a man because of this? Was his sterility the reason he hadn't proposed? She had to build him back up, and Shaylynn was sure that she knew just what to say to do it, but if she did, it might easily turn into another one of those situations like the night they had the romantic candlelight dinner at Neil's home. She didn't want to go through another four or five days of the silent treatment, but desperate times called for desperate measures.
She allowed a slight grin to crease her cheeks. “Well ... you're able to go through the motions, right?”
That brought his eyes up to the level of hers, and his brows furrowed in confusion. “What?”
Shaylynn's heart pounded two beats at a time. She couldn't believe she was about to release the words that dangled at the end of her tongue. “I mean, you
can
do ... what is usually done to make babies, right?”
can
do ... what is usually done to make babies, right?”
Neil's eyes brightened and his skin blushed. He looked like a little boy who had just been kissed on the cheek by the schoolteacher on whom he harbored a secret crush. The smile that started at his lips eventually overtook his entire face. “Yes. I'm very well capable of doing ... what is done.”
“Well, that's the fun part I was talking about earlier, so I think if another woman is ever blessed to be called your wife, she'll be quite satisfied just having fun with you.” She leaned her head back in his chest and added, “Lots and lots and lots of fun.”
Neil released a quiet laugh, and squeezed her tight before pulling his hand from hers. Shaylynn complied with the pressure of his fingers as he used them to lift her chin so that she looked up at him. “Thank you.”
“For what?” Shaylynn tried to look innocently clueless.
“For being you,” Neil answered. “You're one of a kind, you know that? I love you.”
Shaylynn could stare in those eyes of his forever. “I love you too.”
Neil's lips immediately covered hers when she finished the sentence, and Shaylynn complied with that too. Neil had told her once, early in their relationship, that she was a good kisser. But to her, he was the one who deserved a blue ribbon. She'd kissed a few men in her lifetime, but none compared to Neil.
“It's a girl.”
Pulling apart, both Shaylynn and Neil turned to see CJ standing in front of them, breathing like he'd run all the way from wherever the delivery room was located.
Shaylynn gasped and excitement had her bouncing in her seat. “She had the baby?”
CJ's eyes were red. Probably from crying. Even the toughest of men had the tendency to showcase their tender side at the birth of their child. “Yes. It's a girl,” he repeated.
Neil stood, grinning wide. “Man, you mean to tell me you somebody's daddy now?”
“Yeah.” CJ's voice broke, and then his eyes did the same, flooding his cheeks with tears. “It's a girl,” he said for the third time before collapsing in Neil's arms.
The sight of it made Shaylynn stand up too. These weren't happy tears. Something was wrong.
SEVENTEEN
What a difference a day made. And the difference made by a span of one week was seven times more flabbergasting. Neil stood at the door of ICU 14 and took a deep breath. Over the past week, this had become a common ritual, and he hated every minute of it. It was hard to believe that at this time last week, he was sitting in the waiting room with the love of his life, counting down the minutes to when they'd hear the news of CJ and Theresa's baby's birth. Theresa had indeed brought a new life into the world, but now, she was fighting for her own.
Neil said a silent prayer before pushing open the door. What he saw when he entered the room was the same bleak picture he'd seen every single day at this same time. There in the bed lay Theresa, with one tube going down her throat, another running up her nose, and yet another that was connected to her arm, feeding her body whatever it was that was in the bag hanging on the pole behind her bed. With her sat CJ. He had been a fixture in the chair beside his wife's bed from day one. Today he had an open Bible on the mattress beside Theresa's lifeless body, and he held one of her hands in his, with the back of it pressed against his lips. CJ didn't even look away from her when Neil entered.
With quiet movements, Neil picked up the only other chair in the room and moved it beside CJ's. “How's it going, man?” It was a dumb question, but Neil didn't know what else to say.
CJ lowered Theresa's hand from his face. “I'm losing her.” His voice trembled, but if there were any tears, he successfully held them back. “I've been asking God why, but He's not answering.” He finally pulled his eyes away from his wife's swollen face and looked at Neil. “How's our baby?”
True enough, Neil's daily scheduled had been shuffled because of Theresa's hospitalization. He always came straight to DeKalb Medical after work instead of being able to go home and unwind, and he'd had to alert Adam that he probably wouldn't be joining him at the gym for a while. But those were changes that didn't seem to deserve mentioning when he compared them to what his sweetheart had done. Ever since the child was released from the hospital as a two-day-old, Shaylynn had put the normal flow of her entire life on hold to become the infant's full-time caretaker.
Everyone could see that CJ was in no condition to care for his daughter, so at Neil's suggestion, Shaylynn had readily stepped up to the plate. The still nameless baby was eight pounds, healthy, and beautiful. Her almond-shaped eyes, caramel skin, and thick thighs made her the spitting image of Theresa. As a child, growing up in farm country, Neil would hear the old folks say that when a child looked too much like the mother, it meant they were taking her place. The mother had to die so that the child could live. Neil had never believed it, and despite the strong resemblance between Theresa and her daughter, he still didn't. His mother had ten children, and in Neil's opinion, all three of his sisters looked like Ella, but birthing neither of them had cost her life.
In answering CJ's inquiry, Neil said, “I spoke to Shay on the drive here, and she told me to be sure to let you know that the little miss is doing fine.”
Instead of CJ perking up at the news as Neil hoped he would, his posture slumped. “I'm sorry to have disrupted your lives like this. I know that having the baby at Shaylynn's house has thrown a big wrench in your normal dating schedule, and if I'd had any other reasonable options, Iâ”
“Man, don't even go there,” Neil interjected. “You know we don't mind at all. Shay and I have adjusted our schedules, and it's not a problem. This is way more important.”
CJ acted as though he hadn't heard one word of Neil's interruption. “Other people in the church were willing, but Theresa thinks the world of Shaylynn, and I think I trust you more than I could ever trust a blood brother.” That last part of CJ's statement hit hard when Neil thought about the paper in the red folder that was still stuffed in his briefcase. He swallowed the onset of shame as he continued to listen to CJ speak. “Sending the baby so far away from us to live with other family members was just not something I wanted to do. I can't care for her right now, but I want to at least be close to her and be able to see her as much asâ”
“Why are you explaining yourself to me, CJ? Shay and I wouldn't have wanted this any other way.” Neil thought of their week-old conversation. “She likes babies. Yours couldn't be in better hands. And none of this is an inconvenience for us, so put that out of your mind.”
CJ looked back at Theresa. “I hope she's not disappointed in me for not being there for our daughter. I haven't even named her.” CJ shook his head, almost like he was ashamed of himself. “I'm a man of the cloth. I should be handling this better, but I can't even think straight right now.”
“Your position as a preacher or pastor doesn't stop you from being a human being, man. Any guy who loves his wife the way you love Theresa would feel the same way. Whether he was the pastor of a church or the president of the United States, he would feel the same way you're feeling right now.”
CJ's head did a slow nod. “I guess you're right. That's similar to what Reverend Tides said when he was here this morning.”
He was speaking of the pastor of one of Atlanta's largest congregations. Reverend B.T. Tides was a famed and revered preacher. He was pastor of New Hope Church and the overseer of the Hope fellowship of churches, of which Kingdom Builders Christian Center was a part. The mention of Reverend Tides made Neil sit up straight. Having a man of his stature take out time to personally come and visit and pray with Theresa spoke volumes about the respect Reverend Tides had for CJ. There were ministers under Reverend Tides who were set in place for things like this, so for the top man in the church fellowship to do the honors himself ... this was major.
“Reverend Tides was right,” Neil said, trying not to look as impressed as he actually was. “Nobody expects you to act like this isn't tearing you apart. This is your wife.”
“Yes, she is.” CJ was once again having trouble steadying his voice. “Our baby is my daughter, and God knows I love her too, but I can't be in two places at once. Resa needs me more. I can't leave her. Not now. If I weren't here when she took her last breath, I ... I ...” He never finished the sentence, opting to shake his head once more.
Listening to CJ's heartbreak was breaking Neil's heart, and he found himself fighting his own tears. This couldn't have happened to two nicer people. It just didn't seem fair. Why CJ? Why Theresa? Why now? He reached over and squeezed CJ's shoulder. “She understands, man. And both of you can rest assured that your little girl is getting the best care possible.”
“I know.” CJ tried to smile.
Neil looked around the small room. There was nothing but white walls and medical machinery. It looked drab, colorless, lifeless. It was cold, too. The morgue-like setting did nothing to increase the hope of anyone with the misfortune of having to visit a relative or friend there. Neil broke into the lingering silence with, “Have the doctors been by today? Have they given any updates?”
“They're always stopping in. Doctors, nurses, orderlies. . . all of them. They come to take vitals, change tubing, clean her up, and document the numbers on the machines, but they haven't really told me anything new. She's still not expected to make it. Her brain activity continues to decrease. Any day now, they're going to ask permission to disconnect all this.” CJ pointed at the medical connections, and then looked at Neil. “What am I gonna do, bruh?” A tear rolled down CJ's cheek, and he wiped it away with the sleeve of his sweater. “I just don't understand it. Resa has always had good health. Women have babies every day of the week. Why would she stroke out like this when it's her turn?”
The news of the massive stroke had taken everyone by surprise. Friends, family, the church members. Nobody could believe it. Neil's eyes averted CJ's. He couldn't stand to see what this was doing to his friend. When Neil replied, he did so while looking down at his hands. “I was talking to Shaylynn last night while I was visiting her, and she was telling me that childbirth is about as close to death as a woman can get. She said that anything could go wrong just because of how haywire a laboring mother's vitals go during that time.”
“I had never seen anything like it in my life.” CJ sniffed. “One minute, I was coaching her through pushing and breathing techniques, and the next, she was convulsing with her eyes rolling back in her head. I didn't know what was happening. The nurses got frantic, and Dr. Daniels started calling for medical backup. I knew it was more than something as simple as her passing out, or even something as serious as a seizure. Next thing I knew, they were ordering me out of the room and carrying out an emergency cesarean. How on earth did we go from there to here; from expecting a life to expecting a death?”
Neil knew the story. CJ had told it to him almost every day over the past week, and each time he told it, it was as if it were the first. Neil just about knew the entire story word for word, but he always allowed his friend to unload the details with no interruptions. If CJ needed to keep talking about it, Neil wasn't going to stop him. He wished he had an answer for CJ's question, but he didn't.
“I think this is why I got an urgency to pray right before leaving home to bring Resa here.”
This was a part of CJ's story that Neil hadn't heard before. His ears perked into full attention. “You got an urgency to pray?”
“Yeah, but I think I misinterpreted the unction. When I felt the Holy Spirit's urging, I focused on the baby; praying that God wouldn't let anything happen to her that wouldn't allow us to bring her home. I prayed away the spirit of death from our child, but now, I wonder if it was Resa I should have been praying for. Maybe if I had prayed for her, she wouldn'tâ”
“Don't do that to yourself, CJ.” Neil's voice was stern. “Don't start looking for reasons to blame yourself for this. This ain't your fault, and you know it. Don't go there.”
“I know, bruh. I know.” CJ's tears were constant now. “I just don't know what I'm gonna do without her. I love her. I need her. I'm not ready for this. A piece of me is dying with her.”
Neil wiped tears from his own eyes. He knew the feeling. He'd felt the same way when his brother passed away, but he imagined that it was worse for CJ. After all, this was his wife. All he could think to say in response was the same thing that CJ had told him all those years ago. “God will never leave you or forsake you, man. He made your heart and He's the only one who can mend it. It's gonna take awhile, but eventually today becomes yesterday, and then it'll be last week, last month, and last year. You'll get through it a day at a time, and I'm gonna be right here to help you. I got you, man. You hear me? I got you. Anything you need me to do, just let me know.”
With his face glistening with tears, CJ looked Neil square in the eyes. “You know what I need you to do? I need you to ask Shay to marry you.”
“What?” Neil wasn't sure what he was expecting CJ to say, but that wasn't it.
“Life is too short not to take chances, Neil. Tomorrow ain't promised to nobody. You love Shaylynn, and she loves you. Emmett Ford is dead, okay? He's dead.” CJ's teeth were clinched, like he was angry to even be addressing this subject again at all, let alone at a time like this. “You keep harboring all of these stupid feelings of inadequacies when you compare yourself to him. You hear Shay talk about him, and it makes you feel like you can't measure up to his greatness, and that she'll never love you the way she loves him.” CJ wiped tears from his face. “Look at Resa.” Neil did as he was ordered, but only for a fleeting moment before looking back at CJ and allowing him to continue making his point. “Tomorrow ain't promised to nobody. Contrary to popular belief, Emmett wasn't perfect. He wasn't without some shortcomings, but I believe he truly loved his wife. Even so, you don't have no reason to feel like you don't measure up. That man had a lot of flaws, but I think he did all he could to make up for them and be a righteous, honest man before it was over. Don't ask me how I know all of that; I just do.”
CJ turned his eyes toward his motionless wife, and in a quivering voice added, “I don't want to lose her, but if I do, I don't have any regrets. I love her more than I have ever loved any other woman in my life, and I was able to show her that in every way. Her parents had more than I had when I met her. Resa had more than I had when I married her. By anybody's definition, when she married me, she married down. I could have let that intimidate me and scare me into second thoughts and hesitations, but I didn't, because I knew God said she was mine.
“No couple has a perfect marriage. But with me and Resa, whatever we've endured, we've endured together, and in the end, our commitment to each other paid off. God gave me all I needed in order to give her the life she deserved; a life, I must add, that she couldn't have had without me. Resa's better off for having met and married me, and I'm better for doing the same with her. When you put an almighty God and unconditional love together, there's nothing you can't overcome. You and Shay have all the ingredients.” CJ's look turned pleading. “Don't put off making the decision until the decision is no longer yours to make. Don't live with regret, Neil. Don't live with regret.”
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