When Least Expected (5 page)

“So how's work?” she finally asked to start up a conversation. She couldn't take the awkward silence anymore.

He glanced over at her before answering.

“It's been good. I just updated the site for the guy who rents to me, and I'm developing a Web site for the senator.”

“Hmm. I've never had the overwhelming urge to visit a senator's Web site before,” she said, trying desperately to keep him talking.

“As long as he pays me to develop the site, I can't be responsible for how many hits it gets.” He smiled.

God, she loved his smile, the way it warmed something deep inside her.

“I'll be sure to take a look.”

“Because I made it?” he asked.

She nodded, feeling kind of stupid.

“You'd do that, wouldn't you?” he asked.

“Just because you don't make something tangible doesn't mean it's not worth seeing,” she said, like she always had.

He laughed and nodded. The silence returned.

“I'm sorry about dinner last night. You shouldn't have left,” she said.

“Well, you shouldn't have felt the need to leave either.”

“Still, they're your parents.” She pointed out.

“And they love you more than me.”

“That's not true.”

“I think it is. Besides, I didn't leave because you were there. I remembered something I had to take care of.”

“You couldn't even say good-bye?” she asked.

“Apparently, it's rubbing off,” he said. She twitched at his comment. Had he heard her and his mother discussing Meeghan? Shit.

“I need to apologize to you, Lex,” he blurted out.

“No.” She didn't need to know what for. He didn't owe her anything. He had married a happy girl who loved him dearly, and he'd ended up with a depressed shell of a person who barely noticed anything about him other than his sperm count.

“Yes, I do. Please just let me say this.” She waited, knowing she couldn't jump out of the car. “I'm sorry about bringing Meeghan to the viewing, and for whatever she might have said to you that was inappropriate. It wasn't her place to stand there next to me. I'm not saying I expected you to do it, but I should have offered. I should have known you were hurting. I should have helped with that.”

“It's okay. You have a new life now. I'm . . .” She wanted to say she was happy for him, but she couldn't force the words out. “. . . dealing with that. I can understand why you would have wanted her there with you.”

“I appreciate that. It still wasn't right.”

Lexi suddenly wondered what Meeghan thought of this arrangement. Granted, she was elated the girl wasn't with them, but surely Meeghan didn't approve. Not when she'd been so pissed just seeing them in her car together at Kelly's house.

“Is Meeghan okay with this?” she asked.

“It's fine,” he said rather abruptly.

“She's fine with you spending the weekend alone with your ex-wife? She didn't even seem comfortable with me in a room with you and a hundred other people,” she said.

“It doesn't matter.”

“If you wanted to bring her this weekend, I could have stayed at that little hotel in town or something.”

“Lex, I said it doesn't matter. We . . . broke up.”

“Oh. I'm sorry.” She was. A little. Just because she never liked to see him sad.

He nodded but didn't seem to want to say anything else. They went back to silence for a while until it became unbearable again.

“So, when was the last time you were up here?” she asked him, bracing herself for his answer. He had most likely brought the new girl up to the cabin in the past six months. That was to be expected, and she wasn't going to cry.

“Hmm. I guess the Christmas before last, when you and I came up.” Her heart relaxed. “You?”

“I was up with Jimmy last fall. We went hiking to look at the leaves changing.”

“I'm sorry I missed that,” he said sadly.

Just then her ears popped from the pressure as they climbed farther up into the mountains. Some things couldn't change, like gravity or air pressure or how much she still loved the man sitting next to her. She sighed and pushed the thought away. It was such a beautiful April day, it was impossible not to be happy on some level.

They drove through the small town near the cabin. There were two places to eat, a post office, a tiny grocery store, a gas station, and four churches.

“Why don't we stop and pick up some food? I can make dinner,” she suggested.

He eyed her with a little smile.

“You're going to make me dinner?” he asked.

“I'm going to make dinner and you can have some. Don't make a big deal out of it,” she said, trying to hide a smile.

“You always need to feed everyone,” he teased her as he pulled in at the grocery store.

“It's not the worst problem to have.” She stuck out her tongue as she jumped out of the car.

He pushed the cart while she filled it with the ingredients needed to make the few meals they would need over the weekend. She also got some lunch meat and breakfast items. Ian hissed an enthusiastic “Yes!” when she threw the bacon in the cart.

At the checkout, Ian held out his credit card and pushed hers away playfully.

“You fry, I'll buy,” he joked.

The awkwardness between them was completely gone by the time they loaded up the groceries and continued on their way.

When they pulled into the parking area in front of the cabin, her whole body relaxed. It was impossible to be there and be tense. It was as if the mountains wouldn't allow it.

She looked over at Ian and saw him relaxing, too. He gave her a grin, like he couldn't help it.

The scents that greeted them when Ian opened the door for her were like coming home. The smell of wood, from the floors and the paneling. Smoke from the fireplace, mixed in with the light smell of dust, old air, and whatever had been cooked there last before it got sealed inside.

She smiled as she looked up at the high ceiling in the main room. Opposite the front door was a large wall of windows that looked out over the small backyard, the deck, and then the view of the mountains and the valley below. To the right was a two-story stone fireplace with a rustic mantel that held photos of the Montgomery family over the years.

To the left, the wall went up to the loft. It was covered in frames. More photos of family mixed in with some paintings and other art. It was eclectic and probably assembled over the years without much planning, but she always thought it was laid out beautifully.

Under the loft area was the eat-in kitchen and laundry room. Up the stairs were two bedrooms and the bathrooms. It was cozy and perfect.

She and Ian unloaded the groceries together. They made sandwiches side by side, sharing the condiments and laughing when they reached for the same thing at the same time. When they were finished with their hasty dinner, he opened a bottle of white wine from the cellar and poured both of them a glass.

“You want to sit out and catch the sunset with me?” he offered.

“Sure. Thanks.” She took the glass and grabbed a blanket off the sofa before she followed him out on the deck.

In the past they used to share one of the large wooden chaises that lined the deck. They would snuggle up so long they'd sometimes fall asleep out there.

This time, they each took their own seat. Hers felt too big, like it would swallow her up. Ian slid it so it would be positioned for a good show. As he bent to move his, she saw the top of his boxers sticking out above his cargo shorts. His muscles flexed under his T-shirt, and she gulped down her wine and tried to look away.

Ian was hot. She'd thought it the first time she met him, and it was just as true today. He was tall and muscular, with dark hair and warm brown eyes that made her melt.

She already knew she missed Ian. His comfort and how he could make her laugh when she was having a bad day. But she hadn't fully realized how much she'd missed him in the physical sense.

She hadn't allowed herself to think about him sexually because sex—or at least the ineffectiveness of it—had kind of been the root of their problems. But being there with him, drinking wine and watching the sunset, brought memories of passionate times flitting through her mind. She drank more wine in an effort to keep them at bay. Ian was waiting to refill her glass when it was empty.

“This is nice,” she said stupidly.

He looked over at her and smiled. “It
is
nice. Thanks for agreeing to come with me.”

“No one says no to Jimmy.” She shrugged and finished her second glass of wine.

“Did he boss you around in his letter?” he guessed.

She nodded slowly. “Pretty much.”

“Me, too,” he said as he took a drink and then filled their glasses again. “To Jimmy. Telling us what we don't want to hear, because I guess we need to hear it anyway,” he said.

“To Jimmy,” she said in agreement, and tapped her glass against his before taking a sip.

 

Lexi's teeth were chattering, but she still insisted she didn't want to go inside yet.

He didn't blame her. The stars were out, and without the light pollution from civilization, it looked like they could reach up and help themselves to one.

They finished off the second bottle of wine, and he was feeling very relaxed. He had been nervous about this trip, but so far they'd been able to chat about easy things and have a good time, considering.

Seeing her huddled up in the blanket on the chaise made him want to snuggle in beside her and offer his warmth, but he didn't.

He watched her openly as she looked up at the sky. Her dark hair scattered around her shoulders and a content expression on her face.

She yawned.

“Come on. Let's go in before you fall asleep out here and I have to chisel your frozen body off that chair in the morning,” he said.

She laughed a little easier than normal. Alexis was a lightweight, and the wine had made her tipsy. God, he loved her laugh. Another thing he'd taken for granted when they were together.

As he helped her up, she stumbled, and he instinctively put his arm around her back to right her so she wouldn't fall. God, he loved touching her, too.

He followed her inside, keeping his focus on the floor so he wouldn't look at her when they were so close.

It was only when he lifted his head that he realized he was a bit tipsy as well. The room slanted slightly.

“Whoa.” He laughed, and Lexi laughed with him. “You're so beautiful when you laugh. Did I ever tell you that?” he said without thinking first.

She stopped laughing and just blinked at him.

“Um. Yeah. You did. A long time ago.”

“I should have told you every day.” Why couldn't he stop talking? Oh, right. He'd drunk a bottle of wine.

Lexi flopped down on the sofa and let her head rest on the pillow.

“I'm just going to sleep here. I can't make it upstairs.”

“Come on. I'll carry you,” he offered.

“You can't carry me.”

“Why not? You're skinnier than you were the last time I carried you.”

She glanced down at herself and frowned.

“It's strange that I lost weight after so many nights of eating cookie dough and ice cream for dinner. Maybe I cried the weight off,” she said with a sad giggle.

“Lex, I'm—”

“I'm so sorry. Pretend I didn't say that. Damn, I'm drunk. That wine is like truth serum.”

“Let me help you to bed. You might want to be near a bathroom in case this goes bad.” Something he was expecting to be inevitable after seeing her try to get up from the sofa.

He wrapped his arm around her waist and hefted her to her feet, which caused another bout of the giggles.

“I like your muscles. Did I ever tell you that?” she said.

“Yeah, Lex, you did.” He smiled at her confession.

“I should have told you every day,” she said, repeating his words.

“I think you might have,” he joked.

He got her into her room and flipped on the light in the attached bathroom so she could find it easily when she needed it.

She sat on the end of the bed and tried to unlace her sneakers.

“Here. Let me.” He bent down and untied them. When he got them off he looked up. Her face was so close. Her beautiful face.

Her blue eyes studied him intently. They were inviting him. He leaned in, wanting to kiss her.

His mouth was so close to hers that he could feel her breath against his lips. His heart was pounding like it would be their very first kiss, instead of the millionth time he'd kissed her.

Just when they were about to touch, she pulled back quickly. Her blue eyes were wide with surprise.

For a second, he assumed she realized what was about to happen and stopped because it was such an incredibly bad idea, but then he saw her skin tone change from her normal ivory to a putrid greenish color.

“I don't feel well,” she announced, and with that, she jumped up and ran to the bathroom to throw up.

S
he couldn't believe this was happening to her.

Not just that she was on some strange weekend road trip with her ex-husband and was now sick, but that he was in the bathroom with her, holding her hair and wetting a washcloth for her neck.

It was surreal.

The only thing she could seem to get out between the heaving was a torrent of apologies. All of which he assured her were unnecessary, while he rubbed her back in that soothing way of his.

“Why did you drink so much?” he asked when it seemed her stomach was content to stay inside her body.

“I was having a nice time talking to you. I guess I wasn't paying attention.” She sounded so stupid, but he simply brushed his hand down her hair and sighed.

She was able to stand long enough to brush her teeth and stumble to bed, where she fell in and closed her eyes, hoping to disappear.

That didn't happen.

When she opened her eyes, she thought she was dreaming.

Ever since Ian had moved out, she'd had dreams of him in bed with her. Holding her. Smiling. Sometimes other things, but for the most part, he was just there. The reassurance of him helped her sleep, whether real or imaginary.

She put her hand out slowly and touched his face.

This was real.

He was in bed with her.

One glance down and she could see they were both still clothed and lying on top of the covers. They had literally crashed there; Ian's one foot wasn't even on the bed.

Moving quicker than was comfortable, she grabbed some clean clothes and jumped in the shower, hoping not to wake him.

She wasn't sure how to deal with their sleeping together, despite the fact that nothing had happened. They'd had a great time the night before. The wine and the laughter had made it feel like old times.

She froze with suds on her face.

Had he almost kissed her?

Surely she was mistaken. Or maybe it was wishful thinking. A drunken hallucination? Maybe she had dreamed of him moving closer, with those chocolate eyes melting.

She tiptoed out of the bathroom with her hair still dripping.

There he was. Lying across the bed, looking like a god.

Without a sound, she grabbed her sneakers, left the room, and went downstairs.

She grabbed a granola bar and a bottle of water before heading out for a long walk. She needed to make sense of this situation and get her feelings in check before she did something even worse than throw up in front of him.

 

When Ian woke up, he was alone in Lexi's bed.

He was both relieved and saddened by this.

Crawling into bed next to her had been like a soothing relief for his heart. He hadn't even realized how much he missed lying next to her just to sleep.

Had he almost kissed her last night?

He ran his hand through his messy hair and went to his own room to clean up and get dressed. The more he tried to remember, the more it seemed he had indeed almost kissed her.

Not that he was happy she had gotten sick, but it was for the best. Kissing would have messed up everything.

It didn't matter if they had a great time talking about old times. It didn't matter that her smile made his body respond in the same way it did when he was twenty-two. Under all the happy times and the great memories were still two people who had major problems.

Problems that wouldn't just go away with a bottle of wine—or two.

She wanted things he couldn't give her, and he had obliterated any chance they'd had to reconcile by moving out and filing for divorce without even talking to her, and then taking on a girlfriend immediately. She would never be able to forgive him for that. The fact that she was even able to be civil was a testament to how incredibly generous she was.

The downstairs was empty, and for a second he worried she'd left, but her purse was still there. Her suitcase had been in her bedroom. She was coming back.

She'd probably just gone for a walk, like she normally did when they came there.

Should he go after her? Should he leave her alone?

He decided to leave her alone, mainly because he didn't trust himself to be near her when he was still thinking of how warm her body was when she was lying next to him in bed.

He definitely needed to clear his head before he saw her again.

After breakfast, he wasted a bunch of time straightening things. Then he jumped in the car and went for a drive into town to stock up the wine cellar. Because wine had worked out so great the night before.

When he got back, he decided to go looking for her. He told himself he only wanted to make sure she was safe, but he knew the truth. He wanted to be with her. He wanted to make her laugh. He wanted to talk with her about easy things. He wanted to be happy again.

He was also aware of the other things he wanted. Things he couldn't have. Things like touching her, and kissing her.

Hopefully, she wouldn't remember how close he'd come to kissing her the night before.

 

Ian had definitely planned to kiss her.

Lexi determined this while walking around the lake for the second time. Needing to talk to Roslyn or Kelly, she pulled out her phone to find she had no reception. She was on her own to figure this out. Why else would he lean down close to her lips with that unmistakable look in his eyes?

He was going to kiss her.

She didn't know why, other than the fact that he had been drunk, too, and maybe he had slipped into something that had been so normal he never needed to think about it.

So many times she'd kissed him and never given a thought that it might be the last time. Until it was too late.

She sat on the same bench she had sat on with Uncle Jimmy in the fall. Back then, the leaves had been a multitude of warm colors. Now everything was sticks and buds. A reddish haze, threatening to burst open and unleash the green at any moment.

Her phone was still able to tell her the time at least. It was after noon.

She needed to get back before Ian launched a search party.

Before she got up, someone sat down next to her.

“I was just about to send out a search party,” Ian informed her, making her heart hurt. She knew him so well.

She gave him a smile and looked out over the lake.

“I was just thinking and lost track of time,” she said.

“What were you thinking about?”

“How much I hate white wine.” They laughed together.

“I just got back from the store. There's plenty of red in the cellar.”

“Good.”

“Were you hiding from me?” he asked quietly.

“Yeah. That, too.”

“Sorry. You know how much I hate being alone.” She did. He hated it, thus he got himself a girlfriend immediately after leaving her.

It wasn't like she liked being by herself, but what choice did she have? She wasn't going to force herself into a relationship just so she didn't have to be alone.

“Maybe you should talk to someone about that,” she suggested.

“I have. I talked to you,” he reasoned.

“I'm a guidance counselor, not a therapist.”

“Still.” He shrugged it off, missing the point.

Ian had never been alone. His mother and older sister had taken care of him when he was little. He'd always had tons of friends and cousins to hang out with. He didn't know how to be content on his own for very long. He would get restless and seek out companionship.

Just like he did when they got divorced.

“I guess we should get back,” she said as she stood and stretched.

“I made us lunch,” he said.

“Thanks.”

“I guess that leaves you to handle dinner, if we're taking turns.” He grinned innocently at her, making her laugh.

As they walked down the trail to the cabin, her hand seemed to want to reach out to him on its own. Twice she noticed his hand twitch. Maybe he was having the same problem.

Before she realized it, they were at the Place. She had been so focused on not touching him, she hadn't noticed which path they were taking back to the house.

This path led them right past the downed tree where Ian had proposed.

He had brought her to the cabin for a romantic weekend on spring break. On the way back from the lake, he'd stopped suddenly on the path, pretending he had something in his shoe. She'd sat on the benchlike branch, looking up at the trees while he bent down to remove the irritation.

Then she felt something touch her knee, and when she looked over there, he had the ring box open, a huge grin on his face.

It had never crossed her mind it wouldn't last, so she'd shouted “yes” almost before he got the question out. That had been a long time ago.

She froze at the sight of the tree and that memory.

Ian stopped when she did, and then awareness came over his face as tears streamed down hers.

“I'm sorry, Lex. I'm so stupid. I wasn't thinking about which way we were going,” he apologized.

She brushed the tears away quickly and gave him a strained smile.

“It's fine. It's not a bad memory. It's one of my favorites. It just hit me a little hard. I'm okay.”

For a second he looked uncomfortable as his hands flexed into fists by his side, and then he grabbed her and pulled her against his chest in a hard embrace.

He didn't say anything for a long time. He just held her, rubbing her back. She wasn't crying anymore; she was too busy taking him in. She couldn't get enough of his smell, the hardness of the muscles in his chest, and the feeling of his hands on her back.

She felt treasured and protected, like she always had in his arms.

“It's one of my favorite memories, too,” he whispered as he let her go.

She instantly felt alone again.

To cover the overpowering loss, she wrapped her arms around herself and started walking again.

“We have a lot of great memories,” she said, not looking at him.

“Yes, I know. I haven't really allowed myself to think about them lately. It seemed unfair.” He sniffed and shook his head. “I hope someday you can forgive me, so I can remember all those great times without the guilt.”

“You don't have anything to feel guilty about, Ian.”

He nodded, but it was obvious he didn't agree with her; he just didn't want to argue.

As promised, the red wine came out for dinner.

Ian made a show of marking down how many glasses she had on the notepad hanging on the refrigerator.

“I'm cutting you off after three,” he said as he helped her carry the dirty dishes to the sink and wash them.

He was always a partner with household chores. When they were married, he was content to do laundry and dishes. He always said it saved time, so when she came home they could just relax. They still worked together in perfect synchronization.

Soon they were done and sitting on the deck again, with wine refill number three.

 

As he sat next to Lexi on the deck, Ian tried to see things from her perspective. He couldn't comprehend what she had said on the way back from the lake that afternoon. How could she not hate him, much less not want him to feel guilty for leaving her?

She was already hurting from the failed attempts to start a family, and he'd left her to deal with everything on her own. Not only had he hurt her but he'd kicked her while she was down. The divorce, the girlfriend? God, how could she even stand to be near him without stabbing him? Men had been stabbed for lesser offenses.

It wasn't as if he remembered his wedding vows word for word, but he knew there had been a lot of promises of forever in them. Or at least until he died.

Maybe that was it, though, the loophole that absolved him of this traitorous act.

Ever since that afternoon when he'd closed the door at their home for the last time, he had felt dead inside. A shell of the man he was when he bent down beside that tree and held up the ring with hope in his eyes and love in his heart.

His heart had become a cold lump. A rock weighing him down.

At least until he gave in today and held her.

She felt so good. Even better than that day at the cemetery. She was soft and warm and everything he wouldn't allow himself to remember.

He looked over at her as she gazed up at the darkening sky.

How had he let this get away?

It had been the most important part of them, but when they weren't looking, it just slipped away.

The sun went down, leaving them exposed to the mid-April chill. Lexi shivered. She hadn't brought out the blanket from the sofa this time. He had nothing to offer other than the inadequate T-shirt he was wearing.

She rubbed her arms and shivered again.

“Let's go in before we freeze our asses off,” he joked. Ian was feeling pretty good. His three glasses of wine had him sitting nicely between introspective and jovial. The guilt and self-hatred had transformed into just a mild irritation with himself. He could almost see the allure of staying drunk indefinitely.

He helped her up, both of them laughing at nothing as they made their way inside.

They sat on the sofa together. He pulled the blanket over to cover her, and she smiled as she pulled it closer, accepting the warmth. He was envious of the stupid blanket.

“This is the painting I wanted.” She pointed up at the wall of photos and paintings.

“Which one?” He leaned closer to her so he could see which one she was indicating.

“The one with the mountains.”

He stood to figure out the best way to retrieve it for her. It had to be then. He wouldn't make her wait another minute. She wanted it; he would give it to her. It was as simple as that.