When I'm Gone: A Novel (18 page)

“I’m saying that I think . . . I think Natalie had a child with someone else and didn’t tell me about it.” He punctuated each word, lingering on “someone else.” It hurt to think it, but to say it out loud? It was cathartic. The anger he’d been hiding and holding inside rose to the surface, seeping through his skin like sweat.

“Luke.” Annie grabbed his bare arm, her cold hands shocking him. “What haven’t you told me?”

“It’s possible”—he shook his head—“no, it’s probable that Natalie had a baby with Andy Garner and put it up for adoption.”

“Wait, her high school boyfriend? From Pentwater?” Annie’s nails dug into his skin. “Why would you think that?”

“Will found this envelope in some of her old stuff. It was from an adoption agency in Chicago and postmarked fourteen years ago. Will was having a hard time at school one day and told Ms. Mason . . . Felicity . . . that the envelope was proof he was adopted. So, to calm Will down, I went to visit one of the agency’s maternity houses in Kalamazoo.”

“And they actually told you about Andy and Natalie? I thought that was illegal.”

“They didn’t tell me anything,” Luke confirmed, wondering why he was telling her so much, “but there was a picture of Andy and Natalie there. Another one in the brochure they gave me.”

Annie stood in silence for a moment, playing with the cord to her headphones. “First, I think you should take a paternity test. That should take care of Will’s concerns.”

“We already took a test,” Luke interjected, “after that trip. Will’s imagination was coming up with some wild scenarios. I thought it was the simplest way to get proof.”

“Perfect. So, what did it say?” Annie asked, tossing her headphones over her shoulder. Luke thought she answered with more curiosity than someone so sure of Natalie’s fidelity should.

“Still waiting on results, but I’m not worried about who Will’s dad is. I’m more worried about . . .” Luke shrugged, hoping Annie would pick up on the hint so he wouldn’t have to explain his suspicions again.

“And that brings me to my second thought.” Annie slid her hands down Luke’s forearms, sending goose bumps across his skin. Holding both of his hands in hers, she looked him square in the eyes. “
We
are going to Pentwater—to figure out this so-called love child Natalie had with Andy Garner.”

“No, I couldn’t,” he sputtered. “I’ve already taken off so much work, and besides, I’m not very good at confrontations.”

“We can’t leave today. We need time to plan,” she said, swinging his arms back and forth. “Brian and I go to DC the twenty-eighth for some house hunting, but I come home before his final interview. That means I’ll be here alone for the Fourth of July weekend. Is Andy still a realtor?”

“Yeah, took over his dad’s business.”

“Okay, I’ll make an appointment to look at houses with him in Pentwater. We’ll drive out there, and when he shows up for our appointment, we’ll get the whole story, together.”

Luke considered the plan, staring past Annie at the pinkish-yellow sunbeams filling the sky, the sun rising slowly from behind the house across the street. Her plan could work, but there was only one flaw.

“I might not want to know.” He wanted to know, and he also didn’t want to know. Imagining Andy confirming that he and Natalie had a child together out there somewhere made Luke want to go back to bed and hide under his covers.

“Take a few days to consider it. I think talking to Andy is what you need. There has to be a less complicated explanation for
all
of this.”

Luke sighed and nodded, not sure being in the same town—much less the same room—as Andy would be good for anyone. “I’ll be able to think a lot clearer when Terry is gone.” He let go of Annie and checked his pockets for his phone before remembering he was still in his boxers. Desperate, he tapped the screen on the phone strapped to Annie’s arm. Six thirty already. “She’s going to be here in two hours. I need to get breakfast made, cleaned up, and maybe some clothes on Clayton before she gets here. I better go.”

“Sounds terrifying.” Annie readjusted her rogue bangs in a large tan clip and tightened her stubby ponytail. “And I better get back to my run.”

“Okay,” Luke said, folding his arms again, this time from a sudden chill. “I’m sorry, again, for interrupting. I’ll call you later this week about Pentwater.”

“Or you can always text me,” Annie added, raising her eyebrows and pushing her sporty pink earbuds back in. Luke nodded—texting would be a far easier way to turn down Annie’s offer. Turning back for one quick wave, she launched off the driveway and headed down the nearly sunny street. She bounced from one foot to the other in one fluid motion, like it came to her as naturally as walking. He’d never been interested in running before—he’d rather spend his workouts with some dumbbells or a punching bag—but watching Annie run made it look almost enjoyable.

When Annie turned at the end of the street, Luke headed back into the house through the open front door. Sheets of notebook paper littered the entry, crinkling under the ball of his foot. Luke shut the door with his elbow and then leaned over to pick up the pages off the floor, the squeaky voices of cartoon characters echoing through the entry. He tried not to read any of the words scrawled across the papers. Lifting his foot, he grabbed the last remaining page, this one folded in half. Definitely not Natalie’s.

Luke unfolded the page. The stiff, fancy card stock felt strange after spending so much time reading off cheap lined paper. On the top of the page was Annie’s name, written neatly in black lettering, and below it, one sentence:

You were right.

CHAPTER 18

“Who are you texting? Is it Natalie’s friend again? What’s her name?” Terry asked for the fourth time since Luke parked the car in the airport parking lot. The week with his mother-in-law was mercifully over, and the only reason he felt any sort of sadness was because the kids would be leaving with her.

“Annie. Her name is Annie,” Luke reminded Terry for the tenth time since they had dinner with Annie two nights ago. Terry knew Annie’s name—she’d seen her every day for weeks before Natalie died—but for some reason she’d been “forgetting” it recently. Undoubtedly some form of passive aggression aimed directly at Luke.

“Ah, yes, Annie.” She said her name like she was holding out a stinky sock. “Why doesn’t that lovely Jessie girl take care of Clayton full-time? I really think he needs more consistency, and that Jessie is impressive. Have you ever heard her sing? She was playing that karaoke video game with the kids in the basement. She can’t carry a tune, but if talent was measured by spirit, she’d be starring on Broadway.” Terry stopped in front of the sliding doors as if she doubted they’d open. When they slid apart, she waved the children through so she was standing next to his side when they entered the busy terminal. “If it’s about money, I’m willing to pitch in.”

Pitch in? The last time Terry had to pay a sitter, the price would’ve been in cents per hour rather than dollars. She’d probably send him a crisp ten-dollar bill every month and feel like a saint.

“Jessie was in college, and she’s looking for a teaching job. We’re lucky to get as much of her as we do.” Luke searched for the correct airline counter.

“That girl in a classroom full of children? No, she’s far too frail for that. She’d probably catch every cold. I saw her bracelet.” Terry raised her eyebrows like that explained everything. “Think about it,” she said and then entered the line for the ticket counter.

Standing in line at the ticket counter, Luke took every opportunity to squeeze May’s shoulder or bump Will’s side or wrap an arm around little Clay. Six weeks with no kids—it felt like an eternity, and he didn’t know if he should be excited or reticent. Part of him craved a few extra minutes of sleep, eating a meal while it was still hot, or using the bathroom without small fingers waving at him from under the locked door. But another part of him knew that as soon as they went through the point of no return and headed toward security, he’d miss them. The house would be too big and far too quiet.

“You guys be good for your grandma.” He tried to put on a stern voice with limited success. “And don’t forget, you can call me anytime you want.
Anytime.
”

“We know, Daddy,” May said like she was annoyed, but she gazed up at him with wide eyes, filled with admiration. Luke gave her cheek a quick peck.

“Yeah, you told us like six times on the way here.” Will wrapped his hand around the tall handle of his suitcase and wheeled toward the security area, stopping a few feet away expectantly. “You need help, Grandma?”

Terry wrestled with three bags, all plainly too big to be carry-ons. One of them was so heavy she had to pay a fifty-dollar fee to get it on the plane. But letting Will bring his guitar was “too much of a hassle.” Luke would never get Terry and her priorities.

“Aren’t you a dear?” She beamed at Will. He’d always been Terry’s obvious favorite, though she’d never admit it. At five foot two, with her bobbed silver-streaked reddish-brown hair and faded gray eyes, Terry usually looked nothing like her daughter. But when she smiled, Luke could see some of Natalie in her, and it made him remember why he was happy the kids were going to spend the summer with her.

Terry handed over her shoulder bag and second roller suitcase. Everyone, including Clayton, was pulling some kind of carry-on at this point. “Thank you, Willie; you get an extra scoop of ice cream tonight. Don’t let me forget.”

“I could never forget ice cream,” Will said, without even flinching when she called him Willie. Only Grandma Terry could get away with that name.

“May, get Clayton’s hand, please, and take him to the couches over there.” She pointed to a cluster of upholstered chairs kitty-corner to the security lines. “I need to speak to your father for just one more moment. You too, Will. You can look through those bags and make sure we got out all the fluids.”

Will shrugged and adjusted the bag on his shoulder before following May and Clayton. Luke turned to face Terry. Her muted gray eyes stared back at him in that critical way he was well used to. Instead of waiting for whatever she was going to say, Luke took the silence as an opportunity.

“All right, don’t forget May needs Benadryl if she’s going to be around any animals. She can’t take the pills though, only the liquid. And Will has to have his EpiPen nearby during all outdoor activities where there might be bees. And it’s not just bee stings, also wasps and hornets and yellow jackets. Basically anything that flies and has a stinger is dangerous . . .”

Terry held up a hand, interrupting and unapologetic. “Luke, I already know all this. That’s not why I wanted to talk to you alone.”

“Oh, okay,” Luke said weakly. He worked on pulling down the edge of his shirt, bunched up under the duffel hanging by his side.

“Before I go, I want to know one more thing.” Terry crossed her arms and took a long breath through her nose before finishing her thought. “How long have you and that Annie woman been lovers?”

“What?” Luke ejected, not sure if he should yell or laugh hysterically. “Lovers? Is that why you want Jessie to watch the kids? My God, Terry. What the hell?”

“I didn’t expect you to be honest, but don’t treat me like an idiot. If you want to make a fool of yourself with a married woman, that’s your choice. But I need to know when this started. Did you at least keep it in your pants long enough for my daughter to die?” Terry’s cheeks burned crimson, and her voice was getting loud enough that the security guards chatting about twenty feet away were starting to take notice.

Luke stared at her incredulously, trying to figure out why in the world Terry would think something sordid was going on between him and Annie. After Annie’s trip with Brian had been delayed a few days, she’d come over for dinner to see the kids and say hi to Terry.

Nothing seemed off back then. Terry and Annie spent a few hours after dinner reminiscing about Natalie and some of the better times they’d had together. When she left, Annie hugged Terry tightly, like they’d finally bonded. Annie came back two days later to say one last good-bye before she left for her trip to DC with Brian. She’d given Luke a hug too, maybe an extra squeeze of his shoulders than normal, but that was only because she knew how much he was struggling. And the texting . . . okay, there had been a lot of texting.

“Terry, I’m only going to say this once—Annie and I are not now, nor have we ever been, lovers.” Luke cringed at that word. Somehow he managed to keep his voice steady, not letting on as to how hurtful her accusations were.

Terry wheezed a quick breath in and out. If she kept breathing like that, she’d pass out, which would solve Luke’s annoyance issue but ruin the kids’ trip.

Luke continued before Terry could open her mouth and make him say things he’d regret. “Annie and I are definitely close friends, but Natalie wanted that. I’d never cheat on Natalie, and I’d never encourage Annie to be unfaithful to her husband.” Luke had more reasons to question Natalie than Terry had to question him. Then again, if Natalie had had a baby with Andy Garner, then Terry probably knew about it. She was such a hypocrite. “Now, if you don’t mind, I think you should be going. You don’t want to miss your plane.”

Terry’s face went from red to stark white. Luke had turned to join the kids and escape the accusations when he heard Terry mutter something so low he was sure she didn’t mean for him to hear it.

“I always knew you’d end up like your father.”

Luke’s foot froze midair. Like his father? Like the abusive drunk who destroyed everything beautiful and innocent in his childhood? Who robbed him of his mother, his sister, and his home? Before he could think better of it, Luke whipped around. Terry crashed into him, her bronze-rimmed glasses smashing up against the bridge of her nose.

“If I find out you are telling my children anything about Walter Samuel Richardson, you will never be allowed to see your grandchildren again. Understood?” Luke was trembling and about five seconds from pulling the plug on the Florida trip altogether. Clayton ran up and tugged on the handle of one of Terry’s suitcases. She didn’t seem to notice, still staring Luke down, her glare saying more than any words could.

“Gramma. Hurry. Will says we’re gonna be late.”

Luke looked down at his son’s eager face, the dimple on his right cheek showing like it always did when he was ecstatic about something. The fury immediately drained out of him as if someone had pulled out the stopper in a tub.

“We’re coming, bud. No one is going to miss his or her plane today. Right, Grandma?” Luke gave Terry a pointed look, eyebrows raised.

“No, no, dear, we have plenty of time. Go get your brother and sister, and we’ll be on our way.”

“Okay!” Clayton dragged the dark-blue carry-on behind him, even though it probably weighed as much as he did.

“Good-bye, Luke,” Terry said coldly, not making any effort to look at Luke as she walked past him. The wheels of her suitcase rolled over his toes. Every part of him wanted to tell Terry where she could shove it, throw the kids in the car, and never see that woman again. He could do it, and he would do it, if it weren’t for the kids and Natalie.

So, he went through the motions and said his farewells to the children. Clayton and Will were unfazed, while May cried like she was going off to war. Once he got May settled, Luke managed a polite wave to Terry and then stood back so they could go through security together.

Unfortunately, the line was short, so much sooner than he wished, they’d all passed through the metal detector and were gathering their belongings on the other side of the X-ray machine. He tried not to watch as they disappeared down the hall leading to their gate. He briefly contemplated purchasing a ticket and rushing through security for one more hug, and then his phone buzzed. A text.

He slipped the phone out of his pocket. He’d finally put it in a black case and tempered-glass screen protector after dropping it three times in the first week. When he glanced at the screen, he couldn’t help but smile. A text from Annie.

Hope airport goodbyes went okay.

Luke used the tip of his index finger to answer, still finding texting awkward and slow.

Luke:
Goodbyes okay. A few tears.

Annie:
You or May? Haha.

Luke:
Both.

Annie:
Aw. Terry is gone! Focus on that. Don’t forget—I come home tomorrow which means: ROAD TRIP!

Luke had been trying to figure out the best way to tell Annie he’d changed his mind, that facing Andy and finding out the truth was not his idea of a fun way to spend his holiday weekend. Felicity had asked him to go to the fireworks on the fourth. They’d been exchanging e-mails since their last date, but Luke hadn’t had the gumption to take her out again while Terry was there.

But this could be his best chance to finally discover the truth. And if Terry was going to stand over him all preachy and morally superior while lying to him about his wife’s past, Luke needed to know. How could he find a future with someone if he couldn’t stop obsessing about what happened in the past? Fine. He needed to know what really happened between Natalie and Andy Garner, and he needed to know now.

Luke:
I’m in.