When I Look to the Sky (37 page)

Geni looked closer; Ronnie couldn’t be more than eight or nine.

“I told her when she cries it makes me sad.”

“Have you told her why it makes you sad? I know that would be hard, but if she doesn’t really know, then the two of you can’t move on,” Amber explained. “So if she were here right now, what is something you might say to her?”

Geni listened
, and her heart was breaking. Suddenly she heard her name.

“Ms. Geni, could you help us out?” Amber asked.

“Sure,” she said and rose from her seat.

“Can you be Ronnie’s
mom for just a minute?”

“Oh, I…” Geni stammered.

“It’s OK, I can tell you’ll be a fine stand-in,” Amber said.

“OK, Ronnie, pretend that Ms. Geni is your mom. She’s been crying. You want her to know how you feel
; what would you say?”

Ronnie thought for a moment and took a big breath. She put her hand on Geni’s back; Geni held her breath.

“Mommy, don’t be sad.”

“Ronnie, she’s allowed to feel sad, but you need her to know how it makes you feel. Think about that just a minute,” Amber suggested.

“OK,” she paused a minute, “Mommy, I know you’re sad, but it makes me sad too.”

“Go ahead, you are doing fine,” Amber encouraged.

“When you cry all the time it makes me sadder,” Ronnie continued.

“Good,” Amber encouraged her.

“I feel like you think I’m not going to get better.”

“Great,” Amber added.

Ronnie stopped to think. “I want to get better, and I want you to help me, so we can laugh again, like we did before.”

“Great!” Amber said again.

With no hesitation the little girl, with the bluest eyes Geni had ever seen, happily threw her arms around Geni’s neck, and Geni hugged her back. When the activity was over, Geni returned to her seat. The session went on for another thirty minutes.

As everyone was leaving, Ronnie came and sat beside her, slipping her small arm around Geni’s back, a move that had her fighting tears. “I heard you’re going to help us bake cookies tomorrow!”

“I sure am!” Geni told her.

“I can’t wait!” Ronnie said. “I’ve never made real cookies before. Chocolate chips are my favorite, but not the ones with the nuts,” she added with a whisper, like it was a big-secret. Geni held her breath again, thinking of Carlee. She blinked back tears as Ronnie hugged her.

“I’ll see you later,” Ronnie said, smiling the biggest smile Geni had ever seen as she hugged her once more.

Geni was getting ready to leave, when Amber joined her. “Thank you. Sorry I blindsided you. I could see your emotions. I knew it would help Ronnie, and you. First time here…?”

“First cancer experience,” she said. “I came for several reasons; first because I wanted to know what Carlee has been through losing her
mama, and…”

Amber smiled and finished her sentence, “Carlee’s passion!”

“She really is passionate about all of this!”

“What was the other thing?” Amber asked.

“I lost my husband in November. I need to learn my own grieving process, I guess,” Geni smiled.

Amber hugged her, “I can’t think of a better place, or more passionate, caring people to surround
yourself with. I am sure looking forward to those cookies!”

As the two parted ways, Geni thought about what she’d just experienced. Her heart was full of love, for her family, but especially loves for Carlee. It overwhelmed her. She took the path toward the lake. Matthew saw her and noticed she was crying. He started to head that direction, and then he saw Andy walking that way, and he waited.

“Hey,” Andy said when he reached her. “How’d that go?”

“Wow,” Geni said. “Wow… wow… wow…”

“Wanna talk about it?” he asked.

“Nah, I’m good,” she replied.

“You sure? I saw you headed toward the lake. I’m a good listener.”

“No, really, I’m alright,” she told him again.

“If you change your mind…” he said and hugged her.

She hesitated, but found herself hugging him back. They both pushed back, quickly, alarm seeming to run up their spines.

“
Really, I’m good. I think I’ll go to the cabin and wash my face; all that crying made me puffy,” she smiled. “I’ll see you in a bit.”

After she walked away, Andy had to take a minute to regroup. Aside from Carlee, he hadn’t felt a woman in his arms in a long time.

Matthew observed, and liked what he saw. He liked Andy, a lot. Not because he was Carlee’
s papa, but because he was a good man. It seemed he learned from his mistakes and moved on. Matthew just kept coming back to the fact that he was a good man.

Carlee was heading toward him; when she got there he whispered in her ear, “Must we sneak off to the bushes for me to hug you?” he laughed
, as she folded herself into his arms.

“Nope, what’s going on?” she sighed and looked up at him.

“I’m just happy I’m here with you.”

At the campfire that night, Carlee noticed something different in Geni. She slipped into the spot beside her and put her arm around her.

“Well, this is nice,” Geni said, hugging her.

“You OK? You seem kinda quiet this evening. I know that first session experience is always hard.”

“It was good, enlightening, life changing,” she said. Looking up, she saw Andy looking at her, and remembered his words. She looked to her left and saw Ronnie approach
ing.

“Well
, hello darlin’!” she said as Ronnie threw herself into Geni’s arms. “Carlee, have you met my new friend, Ronnie?”

“I have not!”
Carlee said in a happy voice.

“Carlee, this is Ronnie. Ronnie, this is Carlee, my daughter
-in-law,”

“My name is really Veronica, but my daddy calls me ‘Ronnie
,’ and now that I have no hair it messes with people,” she giggled as she hugged Carlee, bringing a laugh from Carlee and Geni.

Matthew was across the fire pit with the camera making sure he got several shots of the exchange, all of it - Carlee and Geni, Geni and the little girl - it was all so beautiful to him.

He made his way to where Andy was sitting. “Isn’t she beautiful?” he asked when he sat down.

“Carlee, the little girl, or your mom?” Andy laughed.

“You can keep that response personal, to yourself, if you’d like,” Matthew said with a grin.

“All of them,” Andy said quickly. “All of them,” he repeated.

Tuesday was a day of play and planning. Nathan arrived early and he and Andy were busy with the kids. They both had portable keyboards with them, and the music shop loaned guitars once again for their use.

Carlee, Geni and Alison were getting everything in place for the ‘the cookie brigade’ the next day. The three of them were in charge of dinner that evening. They made macaroni and cheese, talking and laughing the whole time.

Early Wednesday morning it began. Geni got the sugar cookies going. The camp kitchen had a huge mixer and the kids
took turns, helping measure and dump the ingredients for several batches of the sugar cookies into the large bowl. She couldn’t believe how many of them told her they had never made ‘real’ cookies.

There were four large long work tables and Geni had the kids patting out dough, some of them so small they had to stand on chairs to reach the tables. There was much laughter, and lots of giggles from the kids,
as well as the grown-ups. Matthew appeared several times to capture it all in pictures. They cut the cookies with cookie cutters Carlee had ordered in the shape of butterflies. Geni helped them mix frosting and color to decorate cookies for the contest.

Matthew took lots of pictures when they finished. The kids proudly displayed their cookies, frosted, sprinkled and dusted
, with sugar glitter for the judging. It was the biggest mess Geni had ever seen, and she loved it all. 

A
t their assembly Thursday morning, the kids took their seats and waited. Carlee took the microphone; “Well, here we are! Cookies are all decorated but has anyone been able to eat one? Noooo!” she said, extending the sound of the word. “And you are just so ready to sink your teeth into one of those cookies, aren’t you?” The kids responded with a loud ‘yes!’ “But we have a contest going on!”

“I know those who decorated
cookies know which one is yours, but our judges don’t know! So here we go! Judges?” she said calling them forward. Carlee lined up several of the kids and other counselors who didn’t participate in the decorating as judges.

“We have a trophy for the winner, but the real prize is that
our winner gets to pick the first cookie to eat. Any cookie you want, including the ones not in the judging! Good luck!”

She asked Nathan to help with the judging. He and the other judges made their way around the table. They whispered as they went, sharing thoughts. Finally, Nathan went to Carlee, and whispered in her ear.

“We have a winner! Nathan, please announce the results,” she said.

“Give me one of those foot stomping drum-rolls!” he shouted, and the kids were happy to oblige.

He walked to the table and picked up a paper plate with a colorful, sparkly cookie. Matthew joined him to photograph the cookie before the reveal and announcement. Nathan then walked to the center of the stage.

He held the plate up high to read the name on the bottom. The kids were getting anxious. “And the winner is
… Dezzie Ammon!”

“Desmond! Come up here!” Carlee yelled and the little
boy did sprints to the stage. She handed him the trophy, and he was giddy.

“Pick your cookie, young man!” Nathan said.

He ran to the table, not the one where the cookies were displayed for judging, but the table that had the other cookies. He found the one with the most frosting, and with a big toothless grin, bit into it, as Matthew snapped and snapped to assure he got several shots. Dezzie had frosting all over his face and Matthew got it all in pictures.

That night, there was a sing-along around the camp-fire, and everyone enjoyed cookies. Nathan and Andy led them in several songs and those who could, played along. Geni was sitting with Carlee, loving every second of the experience.

She leaned and whispered in Carlee’s ear
, “Thank you, for being the exceptional young woman you are, and for sharing this beautiful experience with me. I had no idea what to expect, but I think I will leave this place a better person than when I came.”

“No, thank you! Thank you for being open-minded and being suckered in!”

“Bamboozled,” Geni said and laughed as she hugged Carlee.

Later
that evening, Andy noticed that Carlee was quiet. He sat with her and asked, “You OK this evening?”

“I think I ate too many cookies,” she laughed. “My tummy feels kinda nauseous, and I have a bit of a headache. I took something; it just needs to kick in.”

On Friday, Carlee w
as up and out the door at daylight. Getting everything in order for their closing ceremony, Matthew hadn’t seen her since she left the cabin. She was busy, running around all morning.

Dean Rollins arrived
later, for a special presentation. A bulldozer was on the land adjacent to the camp that Geni donated. The operator had been busy clearing an area all morning. They’d laid boards as a path, and everyone gathered close by. Matthew was running around capturing every moment he could in pictures.

Dean Rollins spoke, “Greetings
butterflies! Welcome family and friends! Wow! I just love coming back here each year. First, to see all the smiles, hear the giggles, and the laughter. I see you emerge from those cocoons each year and, I love the outcome, watching as you take flight. This year we have a special presentation. Andy?” Dean said.

The kids assembled
, and Andy got them started strumming; then he and Nathan started singing “Stand by Me,” by Willie Nelson.

Whenever you’re in trouble won’t you stand by me,

Oh now stand by me

Oh stand by me, stand by me, stand by me…

“Thank you for the gift of music you’ve added these last two years! Now it’s time for the reason we’re gathering here instead of in the meeting hall.”

“Carlee Ol… Davis, sorry! It’s still new to me,” he laughed. She joined him where he was standing. “Carlee Davis,
what you give each year and share with us is amazing. I pray each day for another year of your passion here with us.”

“I’m not going anywhere
; I’ll just keep bringing my family with me,” she said as Dean put an arm around her, squeezing her shoulder.

Matthew watched her, proudly, but noticed that she seemed more subdued than usual. It was hot, and she’d been on the go all morning
. He went on taking pictures of the festivities, but he was watching her closely.