When I Find Her (10 page)

One of them surfaces, exhales and blows.

Another one, a mother, swims beside her baby. How can anything so gigantic be so small starting out?

The whales are mesmerizing, as usual, but I better get going.

I have no idea where Simon currently is. However, I know exactly where I can find him in the past.

I shove past the clutter on my night table – magazines about fast cars and basketball. I hover over my sketchbook, where I sketched Jennifer’s face today during art class. Her eyes are tender, yet the strength of her character is visible in the firmness of her lips. I slip the sketchbook beneath the magazines to hide it, and slide open my top drawer. I pop my Vegas apples into my hand, eager to go on another time trip. Instead of going directly to Simon, though, I wonder if it would be more helpful if I travel to see my sister first.

∞

The only time I recall seeing Ivy that night, the night Simon was punched out by Gary at the park, was when I was walking with Jennifer through Holden Square and we passed the Fried Chicken Truck.

Jennifer had nudged me and asked,
“Is that your sister?”

Now standing in my backyard, surrounded by pine trees, I clutch the dice in my hand. I close my eyes, recall the scent of frying chicken. Greasy oil, French fries, battered chicken.

I repeat, “Yeah, that’s her. Yeah, that’s her. Yeah, that’s her...”

The ground beneath me rumbles. The world swirls as I close my eyes.

When I open them again, I’m here.

I’m here! Surrounded by the crowds after the Harvest Parade, standing on the sidewalk near Holden Square. I’m bombarded by a thousand smells – gasoline from the curbside station, smoke from a distant barbecue, and a wet German Shepherd passing by. I cough.

“Luke?” says Jennifer beside me. “You all right?”

I turn away from the muddy dog. Jennifer’s long brown hair ruffles in the setting sun, and her silky white sweater clings to her breasts. It’s all-encompassing to see her. I soak her in, like a vision I’m seeing for the first time. Her beautiful brown eyes, the soft tilt of her face as she watches me with concern, her lips that whisper my name, and the raspberry scent of her shampoo. A mellowness comes over me, a thrill in the base of my chest that squeezes and tingles through my body.

Every time I return, my feelings are more powerful. I pull her toward me and hug her. I wonder if she’s written the poem for the yearbook yet. The tender one about me.

She smiles up at me.

I kiss her.

Her lips are gentle and sweet. Our bodies mold together.

I wish that...that I could simply enjoy this time with her, but there’s something else I need to do. We part and she watches me.

“You’re a good kisser,” she whispers.

My heart blasts to the clouds and back. “So are you. I’m glad I met you,” I say with a throat full of emotion. I try to put the time in perspective – this is our second kiss, the first one happened before we spotted my sister.

More scents and aromas crowd me. Greasy French fries, chocolate ice cream, dirt, shingles from the roof, and a mouse nest from somewhere. I hold my breath, trying to shut off the invisible valve to my nose. I can’t hold my breath for long, though, and inhale sharply. I try to stay close to Jennifer so that it’s only her I’m breathing in. Her clean skin, her fresh breath.

We’re jostled by a passing cluster of people and I gulp fresh air and pine trees from Harvest Park. I hug Jennifer around the shoulders, spot the Fried Chicken Truck and take a few steps toward it.

“So,” Jennifer says. “You were saying…that’s your sister?”

“How’d you know?”

“I know her friend, Brittany, and see them in the halls.”

This time, my heart fills with appreciation at seeing Ivy. I shouldn’t have ignored her last time Jennifer and I were through. I could’ve waved. I could’ve said hello. I could’ve been friendly. Thing is, we’ve never been really close. We’re not alike in many ways. I like sports and the outdoors. She likes acting and theater. She has a best friend, Brittany, who’s with her now. Ivy’s spiked hair is rigid in the breeze, although Brittany’s long black hair is tied into a ponytail. They’re both wearing colorful lipstick – Ivy blue, Brittany red.

“Yeah, that’s my sister Ivy,” I say to Jennifer. “She’s a year older than me.”

“Her friend Brittany was my drama buddy.”

“Your what?”

“Drama buddy. Last month for the first week of school, we were buddied up in the Drama Club. Older students with younger. She gave me a rundown on what to expect for the year, some pointers about my class.”

“Oh.” This is news to me. “Let’s go say hi.” Jennifer and I have to part hands to go single file through the throng.

“By the way, do you know anyone in Alaska?” I ask.

Jennifer shakes her head. “No. Should I?”

“I thought with all your travels…I was wondering the farthest places you might have been to in the States. How about Hawaii? Ever been there?”

“No.” Her eyes sharpen. She knows by now that her parents are arguing over those two places. She’s probably wondering why I’m bringing them up. I have to tread lightly. Burgen warned me not to reveal to her that I’m time traveling or it could jeopardize her safety.

“Why’d you pick those two places?” she asks with suspicion.

I shrug. “Just wondering. They seem the farthest away.”

“My mom has a friend in Waikiki,” she adds to my utter surprise.

Hawaii.
That’s the place to start looking. In Waikiki. I don’t dare ask anything more.

I refocus on why I’m here. To help Simon.

We reach Ivy, who’s just been served a box of chicken fingers. She grabs the cardboard with black nail polish on her fingers. The chicken flavor fills the air. I don’t mind it.

“Hey,” I say.

She frowns at seeing me. “Hey.”

“This is Jennifer.” I’m taller than the girls, but not as much as I will be in the coming year.

“Hi,” says Ivy. But she looks around as if she’s waiting for someone else to arrive. Her t-shirt is rolled up her arm and exposes her hawk tattoo. It’s blue and green. Very cool.

“Nice to meet you,” says Jennifer.

Brittany turns to Jennifer. “How’s it going in drama class?”

Jennifer nods. “Good.”

Someone beside us is eating a hot dog and the bun smells really dough-y. Like raw yeast. It nearly makes me gag.

My sister looks at me like I’m an idiot.

Brittany and Jennifer continue their conversation about the drama teacher while Ivy whispers to me, “Drop dead, we’re busy. We’re meeting friends.”

Drop dead
. She used to always say that to me. When she adds no word of regret or apology, I grin.

“Go away,” she grumbles.

I grin wider.

“Why are you acting weird?” She bites into her chicken.

Because you don’t know yet that I’ve been diagnosed, so
you
aren’t acting weird
.

It feels like old times. Good times.

“It’s about Simon. I need your help.” If anything was to happen to me, if my remission doesn’t stick, then Ivy needs to know what’s going on so that she can protect Simon.

“I’m meeting some friends and going to the movies,” she insists.

Likely R-rated
, I think. Not that I care, but I like the attitude she’s giving me, the pure honesty, and miss it in real time.

“What’s the movie?” I ask innocently, trying to get another rise out of her. “Maybe we’ll come with you.” As if.

“Get lost,” she mutters with a scowl.

I’m right.

“You sure you’re old enough?” I keep prodding.

“
Go away
. I’ll talk to you later.”

She makes me laugh, but I need to get to a more serious topic.

“Simon’s in trouble,” I whisper.

“He’s always in trouble.”

“I mean it. He’s being bullied.”

Her eyes flicker. She grits her jaw. “By who?”

“Gary.”

“Your friend?”

“Ex-friend.”

“You’re sure he’s picking on Simon?”

“Saw it myself. It’s desperate.”

Her nostrils flare and her cheeks turn pink. “I’m gonna kill that Gary.”

“Then come with me. I know where he is.”

“Brittany, sorry.” Ivy hands her chicken to Brittany, who juggles it along with her cone full of fries. “I’ll catch up with you at the movie. Emergency with my brother.”

Jennifer frowns. “You’re in trouble, Luke?”

“Not me,” I clarify. “Our little brother.”

“What’s wrong?” Jennifer says.

“There’s no time to explain,” I respond. “Sorry, this just came up. You can...you can wait here...or maybe...sorry.” Man, I should’ve planned this better. I don’t want to drag her into going with me, but I don’t want to leave her, either. I have no choice. Simon’s in trouble and I’ve got to go in his direction.

“I’m coming with you,” Jennifer declares, surprising me. She pushes her long brown hair behind her ears. “See you later, Brittany.”

I sputter. I don’t know what she’s about to witness, but I can’t refuse to let her come. I admit that I would enjoy her company.

“We going?” Ivy asks me.

“Yeah.” We say goodbye to Brittany and hurry through the crowd. Smells are fading, I’m returning to normal.

“This way,” I say, jogging up the hill. We race across the blocks, past Jennifer’s street, and into the park where I saw Simon and Gary. We get there in about ten minutes. The sun has set and it’s dark now, so I’m not entirely sure that we got here before the time they’re supposed to come running through.

“Why are we here?” asks Ivy. “Where’s Simon?”

“Maybe I should go home,” says Jennifer. “Maybe I’m interfering.”

“Please,” I say, “Stay–”

I hear a yelp. We see four boys who look like they’re play-wrestling in the grass.

“Oh, no,” says Ivy, and I know that she’s spotted Gary punching Simon.

Instinct takes over. Adrenaline surges.

I run and she’s right beside me. At the sound of our footsteps, the boys look up. Gary swears. His brother Derek leaps away, along with another boy I don’t recognize. Gary stops hitting Simon.

I rush Gary and in an instant, I’m on top of him. I smash his ribs. He punches me in the face. It hurts. We roll.

Ivy’s screaming. She’s pushing Gary’s shoulder, trying to shove him off me. I slug him again. Gary’s finally knocked to the ground but leaps up quickly. I try to catch my breath.

“Are you okay? Are you okay?” Jennifer asks.

I nod.

“Stay away from my brother!” Ivy shrieks after Gary.

I rise, dabbing my sore lip with the back of my hand and shout after his fleeing figure. “Don’t go near him again or I’ll bust your face!”

“Are you okay, Luke?” Jennifer asks again.

“I’m fine,” I say, turning to Simon. He’s lying on the grass.

“Simon?” Ivy reaches for him.

My heart aches as I watch him lift his small hand and wipe his face.

Slowly, he gets to his feet.

“I’m sorry, Simon,” I say. “I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry for how I’ve been treating you. I’m so sorry.”

Ivy and Jennifer gauge me, likely wondering what I’m talking about. But Simon knows what I’m talking about. The lamppost above him is shining down on him, and I can see it in the reflection in his dark eyes.

He doesn’t say anything.

“Does this happen very often?” Ivy asks him.

“Once in a while.”

“If any of these slugs ever touch you again, come and tell us, okay?” she says.

Simon nods.

Ivy hugs him. “Want to come to the movies with me and Brittany? I’m not sure what we’re going to see anymore...”

“Nah,” says Simon.

“Then come with me and Luke to Harvest Park,” says Jennifer. “The carnival’s going and the rides look like fun.”

Simon brushes a hand across his tear-streaked face. He glances at me.

“I’m buying,” I say.

Simon shrugs. “Okay.”

Yes!
He’s coming with us! I can’t believe it.

I’m grateful to Jennifer for suggesting it.

I pat my lip. It feels swollen but it’s not bleeding. Jennifer winces on my behalf, but doesn’t say anything. I take her warm hand in mine. Simon’s walking on her other side next to Ivy. When we get close to the park, Ivy says goodbye and goes in another direction, while the three of us enter the blazing lights of the mechanical rides. Carnival barkers shout at us. Music from the Tilt-On-Wheels rumbles through my body.

“Hey, darts,” says Jennifer.

“Let’s play.” I plant some money on the table. “Winner gets a trophy.”

Jennifer goes first and totally misses. Me next. I graze the balloon but it doesn’t break. Simon hits the target dead-on and it pops. We laugh at how good he is. He does it two more times and wins a big, plastic toad.

“Sorry, Jennifer,” I say to her with empty hands but she just laughs.

“I need to use the Ladies Room.” She heads toward a row of outdoor bathrooms.

A helium foil balloon floats over the grass at me and Simon, with a crying kid running behind it. I leap up, capture it, and return it to the little girl.

“Thank you,” her mother says.

I nod and turn back to Simon. With our height difference, I peer down at him. “Want anything? Cotton candy? A drink?”

Simon shakes his head. We go sit on a boulder by the river. I need to give him a sincere apology for the pain I caused him. It needs to be said, and not just brushed away. Words don’t seem nearly enough, but maybe they’ll help, like Burgen said.

“Simon, I want to tell you that I’m sorry, really sorry, at the way I used to beat you up.” It’s been a while since I last hit him, but I don’t think it’s left his mind.

He looks at me sideways, with suspicion. “Then why’d you do it?”

“There’s no excuse,” I say sadly.

He rubs his runny nose with the back of his sleeve and keeps staring at me.

I lean forward over the boulder. “I should’ve looked out for you. I should’ve been a better brother.” My throat’s raw. “You’re all that matters to me, you know. You and Ivy and Jennifer and Mom and Dad and a couple of friends.”

His eyes get watery.

“From now on,” I say, “I’m going to protect you.”

He inhales in a deep shaky way, like you do after you’ve been crying for a long time and you finally know that the torment’s over.