When Good Bras Go Bad (Myrtle Crumb Series) (17 page)

             
“Want a ride home?” I asked Sunny.

             
“Yeah,” she said
.
She stood there watching Brody and Claire walk down the hall.

             
“What is it, angel?”

             
“Just another good bra biting the dust.” 

             
“Well, you’ll always have at least one double-reinforced, lifetime-guaranteed brazier.”  I reached in my pocketbook and took out the necklace
.
“Here
.
I didn’t know it meant so much to you.”

             
“Thanks.”  She gave me that devilish grin that reminds me so much of Crandall
, God rest his soul
.
“And you didn’t have to die or anything.”

             
“I ought to smack the fire out of that Bettie Easton.”

             
We both laughed.

             
“I’m sorry for the way I treated you, Mimi
.
You know…before.”

             
“It’s okay
.
I told you I’m double-reinforced and lifetime-guaranteed
.
I’ll never let you down.”

DIVIDER HERE

             
It was a tough rest of the week
.
I went ahead and worked in the cafeteria so
Jane
Kershaw wouldn’t be shorthanded
.
She said she appreciated me and would call somebody on her volunteer list if they needed some extra help next week
.
Frankly, I was happy to be out of the cafeteria business
.
Not only was I not gettin’ a paycheck, I hadn’t seen “The Young and The Restless” for three weeks
.
It’s hard to tell what all had been happening since I’d been manning the chow line.

             
But I had done what I’d set out to do
.
I’d proved Sunny wasn’t a thief, and I’d found out who the real thief was
.
It was almost as hard to believe Claire was the thief as it was to think Sunny was
the
crook
.
I was all ready
to accuse Alicia Granger, but never Claire.

             
Claire got a three-day suspension and came back to school on Friday
.
She seemed--subdued, I reckon is the word to describe it--when she came through the lunch line
.
Of course, Sunny did, too
.
She hadn’t got over the way Al had treated her that day at play practice, and she didn’t feel like she could trust Claire anymore either
.
The poor baby had moped around all week feelin
g
like she didn’t have any friends at all
.
We’ve got us a spa day at my house planned for Saturday, though, and I believe it’ll do us both a world of good
.
Plus, I want to make sure I’
ll
look dazzling in my flapper costume for Coop Saturday night.

             
I got in touch with Al’s mama, and she agreed to let me drive her to the play
.
Sunny seemed a little put out over that, but I reminded her I’d given Ms. Granger my word when she and Al were still friends
.
That and I felt guilty for bein
g
so willing to think ill of Al
.

Yes, she turned out to be an opportunistic little backstabber but not a crook
.
And even an opportunistic little backstabber ought to have her mama in the audience on the openin
g
night of her play
.
She might not even be such an opportunistic little backstabber if her mama was more supportive of her.

             
Anyhow, after I put Matlock in the laundry room (after all, it was Halloween and I didn’t want a booger or a young ‘un in a booger costume to get him), I went to pick up Al’s mama
.
I left early because you have to drive slower on Halloween, you know
.
You never can tell when some little hobgoblin is gonna run out in the street.

             
I usually stay home on Halloween, and I felt bad about not being there to give out candy
.
Still, I left the porch light on and left a big plastic jack-o-lantern full of candy on the porch with a note to “please take one.”  I figure parents with little kids
would
bring them by before the big young ‘uns hit the street
.
Maybe the candy bowl
would
last a
little
while.

             
I was wearin
g
my nice turquoise pantsuit with the shoes that match
.
Al’s mama had on dirty-lookin
g
jeans (now, they might not’ve been dirty—the style is for jeans to look dirty these days) and a sweatshirt with a beer slogan on the front
.
I thought she might’ve took a few more pains with her appearance
, but at least she was going.

             
It was a good play
.
If you’d have talked with Bettie Easton, you’d have thought the play was “Banquo” instead of “Macbeth.”  I do have to admit, though,
Brandon
was fairly good
.
You should’ve seen his big death scene.

             
“‘O, treachery!’”
Brandon
yelled
.
He grabbed his chest and staggered backward, and it reminded me of when Redd Foxx would holler, “I’m comin’ to join you, Elizabeth!” 

But
Brandon
didn’t say nothin
g
about
Elizabeth
.
He hollered, “‘Fly, good Fleance, fly, fly, fly!’”  And
with
every “fly,” he appeared to get weaker
.
That last one brought him to his knees.

By this time, Bettie was boo-hooing.

Brandon
threw his head back and said he hoped ol’ Fleance would get revenge on the whole bunch, and then he crumpled up in a heap
.
He went to gurglin
g
and sputterin
g
and finally he laid still.

“Bravo!” Bettie yelled, clappin
g
her hands like one of them monkeys with the cymbals.

Then some woman behind us shushed her, and she and Betty came in a hair gettin
g
in a fight
.
Seems the other woman was Fleance’s mama, and Betty’d interrupted the play while her boy was escapin
g
from them murderers
.
Thank goodness the curtain came down on that scene before Bettie and Fleance’s mama could come to blows.

Which is a good thing for Bettie
.
I ain’t a betti
ng
woman, but if I was, I would’ve had to put my money on Fleance’s mama
.
She had at least twenty-five pounds on Bettie, and she was at least twenty-five years younger than Bettie…maybe thirty
.
I believe she’d have whipped Bettie all over that auditorium
.

Of course, I could be wrong
.
Them Eastons are all wiry, and they always have been a scrappin’ bunch
.
Fight at the drop of a hat.

But back to the play
.
Al was a fine Lady Macbeth
.
She was as good in the crazy parts as she was in the mean parts, and I thought that showed a lot of versatility
.
And her mama clapped as hard or harder than anybody
.
She even out-clapped Bettie a few times
.
Of course, that was for scenes
Brandon
wasn’t in
.
If
Brandon
wasn’t in a scene, Bettie just half-clapped
.
I didn’t think that was fair, so I tried to clap a tad louder when I caught Bettie layin
g
down on the job
.
But, I can’t
judge
.
I reckon I’d have clapped harder for Sunny’s scenes if she’d been in the play
.
Just human nature
.
Take care of your own.

Al’s mama thanked me again and again for bringin
g
her to see the play
.
I could tell Al was tickled to have her mama there, too
.
Ms. Granger wound up ridin
g
back to her house with Al and Al’s too-old-for-her boyfriend, and I was relieved I didn’t have to make that return trip
.
I was tired, and I was ready to be home in my pajamas watchin
g
television with Matlock.

When I pulled into the driveway, I could see four big ol’ young ‘uns in the
yard
.
I hoped there was still some candy in the jack-o-lantern
.
One, because I didn’t want them to get left out
.
Two, because I was afraid they’d soap my windows
.
I got out of the car and walked toward the house.

One of the boys said, “Trick-or-treat, Granny.”

I thought he was a rude little smart aleck, but I was feelin
g
charitable so I said, “Trick-or-treat to you, Drac.”  He had on a vampire false face
.
The other three were a Frankenstein’s monster, a
wolf man
, and an ape
.
I reckon he must’ve been King Kong.

“It’s a trick,” the vampire said, “on you
.
Gimme that purse.”

“What?” I asked
.
I guess I thought I’d misunderstood him or something
.
You don’t expect to get mugged in your own front yard.

That made him mad and he ran at me
.
I was still closer to the car than I was to the house, so I turned to run back to my car
.
The goo
n
tackled me.

“Hey!  Get off her!”

I recognized that voice.

“You said nobody’d get hurt!”

Dracula had knocked the wind out of me, but as soon as I felt his weight off me, I rolled over
.
The wolf
man had the vampire by the front of his shirt.

“You all right?” the wolf
man asked me.

“Lenny,” I whispered.

Just then Tansie ran into the yard with a cell phone in one hand and a black vial of somethin
g
in the other
.
“I’ve got 9-1-1 on this phone!  And I’ve got pepper spray, and I ain’t afraid to use it!”

Monsters took off in every direction.

Tansie came and bent down beside me
.
“You okay,
Myrtle
?”

I nodded
.
I couldn’t say anything right then because my throat was closed tighter than a boxer’s fist, and I couldn’t quit crying.

“Try not to move,” Tansie said
.
“The police and an ambulance are on their way.”

“Thanks
.
You be careful with that pepper spray
.
You could hurt yourself with that.”

“Oh, it ain’t really
.
It’s just a film canister
.
See?”  She held it up where I could get a better look at it.

I had to grin
.
Who else would come to
my
rescue wearing a blue velvet housecoat and wielding a film container?

All of a sudden, a police car slid sideways into my driveway
.
The officer on the passenger side jumped out and ran over to me
.
It was Coop.

“Myrtle, darlin’, you all right?”  He grabbed up my hand
.
At first, I thought he was pitchin
g
woo, but he was actually takin
g
my pulse.

“Ya’ll, let’s go in the house,” I said.

Coop shook his head
.
“You ain’t movin’ until the paramedics get here and check you out.”  He kissed me on the forehead
.
Right there in front of Tansie and the other policeman and everything!  “How’re you feeling?”