Whatever Tomorrow Brings (The Californians 1) (33 page)

When I asked for your address I was surprised that you're no longer in San Francisco. Why aren't you? I thought you were living with your aunt?

I hope you'll write to me but I'll understand if you don't. I'm praying this finds you well. My folks send their love and please tell Sean and Marcail I said hello.

As ever,

Scott

Kate had effectively put Percy out of her mind for weeks. There was no one here like him and that certainly helped. But the guilt she felt, that she had somehow been the cause for the way he'd treated her, continued to plague her. And now, a simple question in Scott's letter brought the whole ugly episode back to mind as though it were happening all over again.

A shiver ran over Kaitlin when she remembered the way Percy had pulled her toward him. Her hand went to her throat when she pictured the way his head had bent toward her before Sean's words had stopped him.

"Katie?" Rigg's voice caused Kate to start violently and then pull away from the hand Rigg had placed tenderly on her arm. She looked up into his confused face and thought she could never explain. He wouldn't want anything to do with her if he knew.

"Katie," Rigg questioned her perceptively, "what is in that letter you just read? Is your father hurt?"

"No."

"Your aunt?"

"No. No one, I'm just-" Just what? Kate asked herself, knowing that Rigg was waiting for an answer to his question.

Rigg watched the emotions run over Kate's face. He was glad they were still inside the store because he had the strong impression she was about to run from him. After a short period of silence Rigg spoke softly.

"Who is the letter from?"

"Scott."

"Who lives in Hawaii?"

Kate didn't even hear his question.

"He wanted to know why we aren't living in San Francisco." Kate hadn't meant to say that out loud.

If Rigg had been unaware of the reason she'd left San Francisco he'd have had no idea why Scott's question was so upsetting. As it was, he believed he knew exactly what was going through Kate's mind.

"Katie, there's something I want you to know. Sean told me why you left your aunt's." Rigg's words, though gently spoken, had a traumatic effect on Kaitlin. Most of the color drained from her face and her eyes dilated with hurt and betrayal.

"He had no right." The words were choked out.

"He needed to talk. He was very upset about your cousin's actions and didn't think it had bothered you very much. He didn't feel he could come to you."

"He didn't think it bothered me?" Kate was astounded.

"That's what he said."

"I guess Sean's never done anything he's ashamed of or he would know why I never brought it up."

"Kaitlin." Rigg's voice was tenderness itself. "You have nothing to be ashamed of."

"I must have encouraged him." Tears filled her eyes and Rigg felt something akin to violence for this faceless cousin who haunted the woman he loved.

"Katie, that's simply not true. You're a beautiful woman but that gives no man the right to touch you against your will."

Kate continued to fight her tears even as a single question haunted her.

"How long have you known?"

"Since the first night Sean stayed with me," he admitted quietly.

Humiliation washed over her anew to think that Rigg had known all along about Percy. And then another question came to mind and Rigg watched a look of horror cover Kate's face.

"Who have you told?"

"No one." Rigg uttered the words softly, almost to himself, and Kate shook her head as though to clear it.

"I didn't mean that. I'm sorry."

"Let's go to the house. You and Sean need to talk and I think I would like to be there if no one has any objections."

Kate wondered how she got through the meal Sean fixed. The food looked wonderful but everything tasted like sawdust in her mouth. Sean noticed how quiet his sister and Rigg were and wondered, as they all worked on the dishes, if they'd quarreled.

Sean didn't know what to do with Kaitlin anymore. Didn't she know Rigg was in love with her? Didn't she see what a nice guy he was? He told himself that when he found the right girl, he was just going to tell her outright that they had to get married, then and there. None of this unsureness for him; none of this tiptoeing around in order not to scare her away.

Sean had worked himself into a tumult of emotions when Rigg spoke and brought him abruptly back to earth.

"Kate and I were talking before we left the store, Sean, and I think she needs to share with you what we talked about."

It was an awkward beginning but Rigg felt all of this should have been said long ago. Awkward or not, it was time to get their feelings out in the open.

"I got a letter from Scott today, Sean."

"Is Father all right?" Sean came completely out of his chair and Kate was quick to reassure him.

"Yes, I'm sorry I scared you." Kate waited until Sean was reseated and then went on. "The letter wasn't about Father and Scott didn't say anything upsetting, but he did ask me why we weren't in San Francisco.

"It made me start thinking and-" Kate couldn't go on so Rigg spoke up.

"When I came down and found Katie so upset I asked her about the letter. I then told her that I knew why you had left your aunt's. She told me she thinks the whole thing is her fault."

"Oh Katie, no! It's my fault." A look of near desperation crossed Sean's face and tears came to his eyes. The agony he felt on that day began to crowd in on him all over again.

"Sean, that's not true," Kate told him urgently. "I've never blamed you. And I didn't know until Rigg said something that you were that upset by what happened." Kate's voice faded on these last words. Brother and sister stared at each other. After a time Sean moved next to Kaitlin who sat on the sofa. Kate put her head against Sean's arm and sobbed. Through her tears she shared every awful thing she'd been feeling. From feeling badly about leaving Aunt Maureen to wishing she had no figure at all to be attracted to.

Rigg entered into the conversation when he felt a need and even though both Donovans were completely spent in the process, an hour later all was out in the open.

There was no longer any guilt between them or even anger toward their selfish cousin. The three of them would probably have talked all night if Kate hadn't noticed the time.

"We've got to get Marc."

"I can go get her," Rigg offered. Sean thanked him and said he would stay home, but Kate said she was in need of some air and went with him in the wagon. Rigg knew that she'd had a painful evening but there was one thing he needed to know. As the wagon moved toward his folks the setting sun bathed them in an orange glow. He couldn't think of a better time or place to ask her.

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"I want to thank you Rigg, for giving Sean and me the push we needed to start talking. I don't know if we ever would have and, well, just thanks."

"You're welcome. I'm sorry it was so hard for you. I'll be praying that God continues to heal the hurt for you Katie, and if you ever want to talk, just find me.

"I need to ask you something Kate." Rigg went on. "Would you rather I didn't question you tonight?"

"No, I don't mind."

"It's a couple of things actually. Do I remind you of your cousin Percy?"

"No!" Kate said so vehemently that Rigg couldn't hold his laughter, some of which was relief.

"Why did you ask that?" Kate inquired.

"Because I'm hoping we'll grow closer than we are now and if I remind you of Percy then I'm going to repulse you. I don't want to do that."

There, Rigg thought, it's out in the open. You'll certainly know in the next few seconds if the door is still open with this woman or not.

"You don't repulse me." The words were said so softly that Rigg almost missed them. But hear them he did and they gave him courage to ask his next question. He did so without looking at Kaitlin.

"I've also been wondering if I upset you when I kissed you? I didn't ask your permission to do such a thing and I want to apologize if I need to."

"And it almost happened a second time." Kate's softly spoken words caused Rigg to finally look at her. She didn't return his gaze, giving Rigg a wonderful view of her profile. Rigg also didn't bother to correct her about how many times he'd almost kissed her, times when she'd been completely unaware of his intentions. Like when she brought the account books over for his inspection and he thought he would drown in the fresh smell of her hair. Or when they shared little moments, like doing the dishes together or how her face would flush with laughter over something he'd teased her about. But for right now it was best to leave those times unmentioned.

"I'm not upset with you about the kiss but I don't think I want you to do it again unless you give me a chance to tell you no." The words were said sweetly and without rebuke. Rigg felt as though a great burden had been lifted from his heart.

"I can appreciate that and I'll certainly honor your wishes."

My wishes, Kate thought, and almost laughed.

How many times had she wished Rigg would kiss her again or hold her in his arms? For a time she doubted that Rigg cared for her in a romantic way, but now she understood that he was taking his cue from her.

Maybe she was too stuffy for her own good because she just didn't know how to subtly let a man know she was interested in him. Once again Kate wished Mother or Father were here to talk with.

She thought of confiding in Aunt Maureen but didn't see how that was possible either. There was May-they had grown closer each weekend they stayed there. But how did a woman ask the mother of the man she was interested in, how to show him-

Kate couldn't even finish that thought. She realized that even if she had someone to ask, she wouldn't know the questions.

Marcail was picked up without fuss and Rigg was as sweet as ever when he delivered them home. Marcail had to fall asleep with the lantern burning because Kate was writing to Father.

Dear Father,

I wish you were here more than I can say. I've always been able to tell you how I feel and I won't hesitate now. I think I'm in love.

I say think, because I have no idea what it feels like to be in love. I was never one of those girls who spent much time daydreaming about the type of man I'd marry. I mean, I thought of it certainly, but just in passing. And then, wham, right out of the blue, I'm looking at Rigg in a whole new light.

At one time he made me furious every time we were together. But now I'm disappointed when he leaves and ecstatic when I know I'll see him again. He's so tender with me; and not just me but Sean and Marc too.

Now you're probably wondering how he feels about me and I can't honestly say that I know. He told me tonight that he hopes we'll become closer. Well, he can't mean physically because we work in the same office every day, sit together in church and I spend all my weekends at his folks', so I assume he means closer emotionally.

Was that the kind of thing you said to Mother, when you fell in love with her? I'm so confused. What if he does tell me he loves me before you return? I don't even know where you want to live when you come back, and what would I say to him?

Kate continued on in a frenzy of thoughts and nearly unintelligible print. She went on to tell her father that she believed Rigg to be a man of God and that her heart did funny things when he was near, even though sometimes she wanted to strangle him.

Kate ended the letter with news on Joey and pleas for prayer. She also asked her father to write back immediately and to come home soon, wherever home was.

When she finally went to bed, she fell asleep swiftlybut not before she asked God to speed her letter across the sea and thanked Him for sending her to Santa Rosa and to a man named Marshall Riggs.

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