What Would Emma Do? (19 page)

“Yeah. Karp came for Stu Hills in my biology class.”

“Stu? Boo-Boo Stu?” I asked. Stu had earned the unfortunate nickname due to the fact that he was near terminally clumsy. I used to wonder if he had an inner ear disorder that threw off his balance. Once he walked into a low bookshelf in the library and needed twenty-eight stitches. He fell down stairs, tripped over things like dust, fell off chairs, and generally was a walking disaster waiting to happen. If I got onto a plane and saw Boo-Boo Stu sitting there, I would get off, because that would be the plane whose engine would fall off. He has that kind of luck.

“I don’t think they’re kicking them out of school, just taking them in for questioning.”

“What did you think about Joann passing out?”

Colin shrugged.

“It didn’t bother you?”

“She felt sick. It’s no big deal. She’s not saying anyone did anything to her.”

“This whole thing is so crazy,” I said.

“I know.”

“We have to tell somebody what we saw.”

“If you tell, there’s absolutely no way you can run in the meet on Saturday.”

I noticed that the “we” had turned into a “you.” I felt my stomach tighten up.

“I guess if I told I’d be screwed, huh?”

Colin shrugged and kept painting, not saying a word.

“So you want to keep quiet about the whole thing?” I asked.

“I thought that was your big plan.”

“That was before they started dragging people off.”

Colin rolled his eyes. “Dragging people off? You’re starting to give Darci the drama queen a run for her money.”

“Okay, they’re not dragging them off, but they’re getting into trouble.”

“They’re getting themselves into trouble.”

“What are you talking about?”

“The way I heard it is that they questioned Joe and he was the one who gave them Carla and Dwight’s names. Dwight apparently gave them Stu’s name.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“My guess is, if you want to get out of trouble you point the finger at someone else.”

“I bet Darci started the whole thing.”

“Probably.”

“This situation is seriously fucked up,” I offered.

Colin continued painting in tight, measured strokes. He worked with precision, like he was defusing a bomb, not painting a stupid church sign. For some reason this made me want to yank the brush out of his hand and start flinging paint around.

“Besides, you don’t really care about the situation,” he said, darting a quick look in my direction. “Why don’t you admit the reason you’re thinking of telling is because Todd is in trouble?”

“Todd and everybody else.”

“You want me to believe you really care what happens to Boo-Boo?”

“I like Stu.”

“No, you like Todd.”

I crossed my arms over my chest and stared at Colin until he stopped painting and looked at me.

“Is that what this is about? You’re mad that I like Todd instead of you.”

“So you admit you like him.”

“Oh my God. Can you hear yourself? This situation is
so
not about you or me or who we’re going out with or not going out with.”

“I get it. Todd doesn’t like you.” Colin’s mouth tipped up in a small smile, and I fought the urge to smack the smile right off his face. I was developing rage issues. I could feel layers of my stomach lining being slowly eroded by acid.

“What are you talking about?”

“Is that how you’re going to win his love? Deliver him safely from the clutches of Officer Ryan and the torch-burning locals?”

I could feel my nostrils flare out, but that wasn’t the annoying part. The annoying part was the feeling that I was about to start crying. My throat felt hot and raw and I could tell my lower lip was doing that pre-cry shake. Colin, who has known me forever, spotted the signs right off the bat.

“Hey,” he said softly. He balanced the brush on the top of the paint can and then reached over to touch my arm. “I was just joking around.”

“I’m not thinking about telling just because of Todd, it’s because of everyone. And because I’m sick of Darci getting away with whatever she wants.” I left off the part where it was mostly about Todd.

“I didn’t come to fight over all of this. Sit down with me.” Colin took me by the elbow and led me away from the paint. We plunked down, our knees touching. I heard a car round the corner and pulled away slightly. All I needed was someone, say Joann’s mom, for example, to drive by and see us sitting together. I ran my palm over the top of the grass. Colin reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box and flicked it open. Inside was a gold ring, with a thin band and a tiny diamond sliver. I sat straight up.

“Holy shit!” I pushed the ring away as if he had opened a small box of toxic waste. We were friends, good friends, but there was no way we could be together. Did he think that some huge love declaration and a
ring
was going to make a difference?

“It isn’t for you,” he said, pulling the ring back. My mouth clicked shut. It’s amazing I didn’t choke, what with my foot being shoved so far in there.

“You’re not proposing?”

“No. It’s not an engagement ring, either; the sales clerk called it a promise ring. I can’t afford a proper engagement ring yet.” Colin gave the ring a quick once-over and put it back in his pocket. “I’m going to give it to Joann. I wanted to, I guess I felt…” Colin stared off into the distance to see if what he wanted to say was being held up by giant cue cards in the sky. “I felt like it was the kind of thing I needed to tell you. Before I told her. I hope you’ll keep it a secret.”

“I don’t think Joann’s talking to me right now, so it shouldn’t be an issue.” I suddenly felt like I should be doing something, so I stood up, brushed off my jeans, and went back to the sign.

“Are you pissed?”

“No.” I painted a few more strokes. The paint dripped off the brush, leaving white splotches on the ground. “I don’t get it, though. What happened to what you said to me, about how you didn’t want us to miss out on what could have been. To have our big chance?”

“What chance are you talking about? You said you didn’t like me that way.”

“Well as long as you aren’t having trouble getting over it.”

“So now you don’t want me to be happy?”

“Of course I want you to be happy, but that doesn’t mean I want you to get engaged to someone else two seconds after I tell you.”

“It’s not an engagement ring, it’s a promise ring.”

“Fuck your promises.” I kept painting, even though I couldn’t see clearly. Stupid paint fumes seemed to be causing my eyes to water up.

“I’m sorry. I never should have said anything to you. It was a mistake. Something I had to get out of my system or something.”

“Well, that makes me feel better. So the plan is you and Joann will graduate and have a summer wedding? Ride off into the sunset together?”

“No, I don’t have a plan. I’m making a promise to Joann to show I intend to stick it out. So she knows I’m serious about waiting while she’s in school. We probably won’t get married for a few years.”

“So you’ll just hang out keeping the cows company until she graduates?”

“Ha ha. There’s nothing wrong with not going to college, you know. I’m going to take some business classes, but I’m going to focus on the farm. My dad and I are working out a deal where he’ll sign it over to me in a few years.”

“And that’s really what you want?”

“And that’s what I want.” Colin stood up. “I should get going. I just thought you should know. Just something one friend might tell another.” He started to walk toward the parking lot.

“Wait a minute.” I put the brush down. “We need to decide what to do about the other thing. I still think we should tell.”

“What’s the point? The whole thing will blow over in a few weeks.”

“Not for the people getting hassled. It’s not going to be over for them in a few weeks. As long as they live in this town, people are going to look at them funny.”

“I don’t want to tell. There’s nothing to be gained. They’re blaming each other. That’s not my fault. I don’t need the hassle.”

“Oh, you don’t want to be bothered if it means people will be pissed at you? Excuse me, I mean the right people. It doesn’t matter if the kids on the outside get screwed.”

“And this has nothing to do with Todd being one of the people in trouble?”

“Yes, fine, I like Todd,” I said. “But don’t act like this isn’t about what you think is best for you. You don’t want Joann to know you were with me and that you know her whole pass-out thing is a bunch of bull. Sort of makes your promise look pretty shallow.”

“Whatever. I gotta go.” Colin looked over at the sign. “You’re still using too much paint.”

I hurled the paintbrush after his back, but it missed him by a mile and landed with a soft
whump
in the grass. He turned to face me.

There was still one more thing I had to know. “You brought over the letter about the scholarship as a bribe, didn’t you?” I asked quietly. “A way to make sure I keep my mouth shut, right? Should I consider it a lovely parting gift?”

“Take it any way you want. What I think doesn’t matter. But if you want my opinion, it makes way more sense for you to keep your mouth shut. Convince your mom to let you run in the race, and then you get exactly what you want.”

“What’s that?”

“A ticket out of town.”

29

God? Are you there? And if you are, are you paying any freaking attention to what is going on? I have to be honest here, and please take this in the nicest way possible, but I’m starting to have some real doubts about you. Either you don’t exist, or you do exist and your decisions are completely random. I used to think the idea of no God was the scariest thing I could imagine, but I’m thinking the idea of you around without any kind of plan is even scarier. Consider this advice: Pull up your socks.

After Colin left, I thought I would burst into tears. I’ve set new crying records in the past couple of weeks, but strangely enough, this time the tears didn’t come. It was like I had finally run out. I finished painting the sign and took a step back. It didn’t look right. The paint was sort of blobby in spots, and I had spilled paint on the grass below. Screw it.

I washed up and left without saying a word. If I had run into the reverend, either he would have noticed that I was upset, in which case he would have wanted to have a long and meaningful discussion about it, or he wouldn’t have noticed, in which case he would have wanted to give me more things to do. So I washed up the paintbrushes and slipped out of the church.

I was glad my mom wasn’t home. I wanted the place to myself, although I wasn’t really sure what I wanted to do. Kicking something came to mind. Colin felt like a reasonable option. I paced back and forth in my bedroom, giving Mr. Muffles, my stuffed dog, a lecture on what a backwater hellhole we lived in.

I snatched up the phone and called Todd’s house. His mother picked up the phone. I opened my mouth but couldn’t think of what to say. I could hear his mother sounding like she was very far away instead of just across town, calling out hello. Then she snapped.

“These prank calls have to stop. You people can’t just keep calling here and hanging up. We have caller ID. I’m writing all these numbers down!” She hung up the phone.

Great. My first attempt to reach out, and Todd’s going to see my number on the harassing calls list. Things just kept getting better all the freaking time.

The afternoon was hot, one of those spring days where summer is breathing down your back. I propped the window open, but there wasn’t much of a breeze. I unfolded the paper from Northwestern and read it again and again. I felt like I was trapped in one of those Choose Your Own Adventure books, only I knew there wasn’t any option for peeking ahead or doing it over if I didn’t like how things panned out. I flopped down on my bed with a notebook and tried to rationalize the situation.

Tell on Kimberly and Darci

Pros:

• Keeps anyone else from being sucked into this situation (added bonus: could make T-shirts that say “Free Boo-Boo Stu,” which has a cult status kind of sound).
  
• Would clear Todd’s name, and he may be grateful enough that he would speak to me again and possibly give the kissing thing another shot.
  
• Would prevent Darci and Kimberly from appearing on national TV, except for potentially a segment on FOX News called “Christian Teens Gone Bad.”
  
• Has that general “right thing to do” feeling.
  

Cons:

• Bye-bye track team and any chance at a full ride.
  
• Further alienates me from any of my friends (not that I wasn’t doing a fine job of that all on my own) and will result in me being the town pariah, a situation that will possibly be made worse by eliminating my ticket out of town, thus leaving me trapped here for years.
  
• There is the real chance that no one will believe me, thus resulting in my being a town pariah without any of the pros.
  

Keep my Mouth Shut

Pros:

• Most likely with proper apology could convince Mom to let me run in track meet, thus providing a way out of town.
  
• No one hates me (any more or less than they already do).
  
• Everyone likes the story more than they will like the truth.
  

Cons:

• Todd and the others may be run out of town by hostile locals. (Nothing against the others, but what upsets me the most is the idea of Todd taking the blame for it all.)
  
• If Todd is run out of town, and it is partly my fault, it is unlikely he will want to attempt any type of romantic relationship with me.
  

I kept going back and forth, trying to figure out what to do. It felt like my brain was spinning on a hamster wheel without making any progress. I rolled over and curled around Mr. Muffles. The sun was shining in the window, and every so often the curtain gave a halfhearted ripple from the faint breeze. Then I fell asleep.