What Lies Between (44 page)

26

Two hands took hold of one of mine as a familiar, gravelly voice spoke. “Everything is okay, my dear. You’re going to be fine. You’re at the hospital. We want you to wake up and talk to us when you’re ready.”

“Ready,” I said, my voice sounding raspy and faint.

Maggie let out a boisterous laugh. “That’s my girl. Your same self.”

A person bustled back and forth on my right.

“I’m Mike Whitman, your nurse today, Ms. Jameson. I’m going to remove the bandages on your eyes and you should be able to open them and take a look around.”

Prying my eyes open by sheer will—they had apparently forgotten how to do it on their own—I could see dark blue scrubs nearby.

“You have a friend here with you. If you need anything, let her know or push this button,” Mike said. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

My thumb ran back and forth over the length of the rectangular device Mike had placed in my right hand.

“Maggie?”

“Don’t talk too much.”

“I’m okay.” My voice sounded stronger already. “I was putting away my camping gear.”

“Someone attacked you, Ellie. The person hit you on the head and gave you a pretty good beating. You must have had an angel watching over you because you don’t have a single broken bone, and the doctor told us you would recover. You gave us all a scare, but you’ll be okay.”

“Someone attacked me? Who was it? Why?” I tried to focus on Maggie’s face, but her features were blurred. “Did they find the person? Bethanne?”

“No, they haven’t. No one knows who it was. The police are doing their best. I’m sure they will find who did this. They want to talk to you, of course. Calum was here yesterday. Jim has scarcely left the hospital. Henry has been here as much as he can be. He’ll come back today, but he’s been taking care of things at Glenbroch. Not to worry.” Maggie squeezed my hand. “Ben has been here too, since he heard. I sent him out to get food in the cafeteria, but he’ll be back here in a few minutes. You won’t believe who else came by to see you—Bethanne. She was over at her parents’ home. I’d almost believe she was genuinely concerned. Then again, she was here, not in Glasgow. I told the police about the trouble she’s been causing, told her she was not to come here. I don’t feel comfortable with her anywhere nearby.”

“What about Glenbroch? Did John take it yet?”

“I heard that John wrote the buyout cheque, but Calum’s not received it, I do know that. For now my dear, Glenbroch is still your home.”

Suddenly I remembered. My hand moved toward my belly but my arm wouldn’t move and I saw it had an IV running from it. “Maggie, I need to see a doctor—whoever has been in charge of my care. Please, can you get someone?”

“Of course, I’ll be right back.”

Maggie returned with a woman in a white jacket.

“Ms. MacGregor here said you wanted to see me. I’m Dr. Chao, the attending physician who was on duty when you were brought in.”

“Could I talk with you alone?”

“Of course.” She ushered Maggie from the room and closed the door.

“I’m pregnant. I need to know—”

“Yes, Ms. Jameson, I am aware of that. I have the result of an ultrasound and there are some things I need to talk to you about.”

Why did my heart stop every time I heard someone utter the words “There are some things I need to talk to you about?”

27

“Ellie, dear, how are you feeling?” Anna asked, giving me a warm embrace and a quick kiss on each cheek.

“I’m good,” I said, nodding for emphasis, happy to get out of Ben’s cottage even if only for a short walk to Anna’s for lunch. “I went in for my two-week checkup, and I’m no worse for wear.”

I hoped my reassuring demeanor was convincing. Yes, I was fine, physically. The rest of me wasn’t. Everything was hanging in the air. The first of April, the deadline of the agreement, had come and gone. Glenbroch wasn’t open and the first guests were due to arrive in one week. John still hadn’t completed the buyout.

Hanging in limbo was agonizing. I wished the whole thing would end, and I could take the cut fast and clean rather than have my heart shredded by a dull blade a little at a time. I had thought learning John was going to exercise his option to buy me out was the worst part of the waiting. No, the worst part was waiting for him to take possession.

At least one thing had gone in my favor. If someone had overheard me tell Henry about the pregnancy in the steading, that person hadn’t spread it around. If Maggie hadn’t said anything to me, surely no one in the area knew. Anna couldn’t have had a clue.

“Well, get out of this terribly dreich weather, chuck those wet boots off, and let’s cozy up by the fire. We need to have a proper catch up.”

I complied without hesitation, not bothering to annoy Anna by offering to help her in the kitchen. Anna had things she wanted to share with me about my family, she had said when she invited me for lunch on a day John and Ben would be elsewhere. I was glad for the chance to learn more about my father and the MacKinnons.

Anna came through the sitting room door with a tray full of hot tea and biscuits. Sitting by the fire talking with Anna was the perfect way to spend the soggy afternoon.

“I brought the photo scrap book you gave me at Christmas.” I pulled the book from my waterproof pack and set it on the coffee table.

“Yes, let me take a look at that. I need to remember the photos I put in there.”

I slid the book in Anna’s direction and scooted close to view its contents together. She flipped back and forth through the pages and stopped at a photo of two young men and a young woman.

“Your father, John, and I.” Her hand smoothed over the photo. “We spent most of our time together, the three of us. The John you know, he was different then. We all were. My parents thought John was the man for me. Although I cared for him, Gerard and I had fallen in love—but we kept it a secret.” She didn’t look up to see my mouth hanging open in surprise and plunged on with her story. “Your father wanted to go to America and my parents knew this. They disapproved of him abandoning his roots and way of life, as they put it. He asked me to marry him and I said yes, and we made plans to leave, to sneak away.”

Even though it was irrational, I wished it could have somehow been true; I wished that she had gone with my father and married him. They could have been my parents, and we could have been a happy family. Gerard might still be alive. How could she not follow the man she loved?

“But you didn’t leave with him. What happened?”

Her eyes grew damp. “My father found out—I suspected John of telling him—and was furious. He told me I was cut off if I left with Gerard and not to come back. He vowed to make it his mission to bring pressure on Helen and Angus and make it hard for them. It wouldn’t have been too difficult for him to achieve. He had influence and power back then. My father’s mean, stubborn streak was legendary. He wasn’t one to change his mind.”

Anna’s description brought an image of John to the front of my mind. I laid my hand on her arm, pained by the depth of her loss. Although her body hadn’t followed Gerard, her heart clearly had. “That sounds like such an impossible choice. How did you ever go on to marry John after something like that?”

“When Gerard found out about my father’s position, he wouldn’t take me with him, away from my family and my home. He wouldn’t put his parents at risk, either. And I agreed for their sake. John asked my father for my hand and received my father’s blessing. I didn’t have to marry him, but it seemed like the next best thing, the right thing, given that the man I loved would never be mine.”

Her eyes clouded for a moment, then her face brightened. “The boys came along and they brought John and me closer together. I formed a life out of the decisions I made and the circumstances I had. To think things are unfair leaves us bitter. We must do our best with our one life, however it comes.”

Even though I understood this was not her intention, her words chastened me. “I wish I had your perspective. I feel life wasn’t fair and things happened that, as much as I try, I can’t shake. They haunt me and make it hard for me to live more . . . free-spirited, I guess. I want to be open and take life as it comes, but my instincts were formed differently or something. It takes nearly all I have in me to do something risky, like moving here.”

Her gorgeous smile washed over me, the kind of healing smile that can only be borne from a heart that loves as purely as it can be done. “You’ve made a fine job of putting your life together. I don’t know all that you have lived through, but enough to know it hasn’t been easy. And you’re right about the past haunting us. It leaves wounds that never heal completely, but what has helped me is to accept the pain, which isn’t the same as accepting what happened. Somehow that keeps the bitterness at bay.”

“I think it’s too late for me. My thoughts are pretty dark sometimes, and my head is a mess most of the time.”

“Every single person has loads of darkness. Some only see that part of themselves and feel they aren’t worthy of love or happiness in their lives. Others act as if they have no darkness, which is dangerous. Everyone around them knows the dark is there, yes? But Ellie, you bring light into my life, and into others’ lives as well—my son, Jim, Maggie. You could do with seeing more of the light in yourself because it is all through you.” Her eyes grew misty. “I see you as you are, wee girl, and my heart is full of love for you.”

Her words pierced my resolve about leaving. No matter whether I returned to the States to fulfill my contract with Jason or moved to Aberdeen, I didn’t want to lose this woman from my life. As much as I tried to shake loss off my trail, it doggedly found its way to me.

But losing Glenbroch had always been a likely prospect; I had accepted that risk. And now there was pain. I would try Anna’s way and practice acceptance even though I wasn’t okay at all with how I’d lost Glenbroch, and I doubted I ever would be.

Instead of going back to the estate after leaving Anna’s, I headed to Maggie’s. The pub’s blazing fire shed its light over the wooden beams and benches, their heavy girth lending solidity to what I reasoned I must do but still needed to work out in my heart.

As much as I preferred to stay in Scotland, which meant taking Ian’s job in Aberdeen, I needed to face my contractual obligations with Jason. He was notorious for iron-clad contracts and I had known this going into the deal. The consequences of involving him were my tainted pills to swallow.

“Ellie, set yourself down here at the bar and I’ll get your usual,” Maggie hollered across the half-full room.

“Not today. Just a sandwich, to carry out. I’m headed to the broch—need to think. No one can order me off just yet.”

“Right. That old broch doesn’t suit me for thinking, haven’t been there since . . . well, I didn’t have any gray hairs last time I was there, let’s just say. If it helps you, I can’t argue, but I don’t like the idea of you going alone. You’ve been through too much.”

“I’ll be fine, Maggie. It’s broad daylight. And Bethanne is down in Glasgow. She’s not around.”

“Think again.” Maggie tilted her head toward the door of the pub.

I turned and groaned in disbelief at the sight of the woman headed my way. “What are you doing here?” I asked.

“Look, I don’t want any trouble with you, but I need to say something.” Bethanne shifted from one foot to the other. “I didn’t send those pipes down on top of you. And I wasn’t on the road behind you the night of the storm. I would never do anything like that. I know it looks bad for me because of the other stuff—the gate and computer, the inspector. That was daft, but I wouldn’t try to hurt anybody.” She frowned. “Not like that, anyway.”

Not sure what to do or say, my half-formed fighting words foundered before they could take shape. I was tired of all this and wanted her out of my sight.

“I wanted you to know, that’s all,” she said, waiting for me to say something.

“Your actions cost me time and money and worry. I don’t know what you want me to say. Apologizing or denying things doesn’t help anyone. You need to make it right. Until you do, your sorry doesn’t mean a thing. Aren’t you supposed to be in Glasgow at your new job?”

“I came to see my parents.” 

“Right.” No pity needed for her. It was enough that she had her freedom. “Well, go see them and then go back to Glasgow.”

Bethanne glared at me, then turned and sauntered out the door.

I shook my head at the bizarre encounter. I hadn’t thought I would see her again and hadn’t cared that she was separated from her home and her family. She deserved worse in my opinion, and I wasn’t going to make it easier for her by accepting her empty apology. Why did some people think that saying sorry made it all okay? What happened to the idea of restitution, making it right, repentance, amends?

The social worker handling my case had taken me to court the day the judge sentenced the drunk driver who killed my parents. She gave the driver probation and a fine, and suspended his driver’s license. The judge also ordered him to apologize to me. And he did. It was an empty apology and hurt more than no apology at all. A truly sorrowful heart was driven to make amends. As young as I was, I could tell that man was not sorry for what he’d done; only that he’d gotten caught and his punishment inconvenienced him. No, I wasn’t moved by empty apologies full of words and nothing else.

“That was interesting. Don’t believe a word she said,” Maggie warned, breaking into my thoughts. “You hardly said a thing when you should have given her a right bollocking. And then put her in jail.”

Not looking for a fight with anyone, I reminded Maggie of her advice. “You’re the one who told me no regrets, no revenge. Spending all of my time trying to prove what she did and pursuing jail time for her isn’t justice for me. I’m glad she’s moved down to Glasgow. That’s far enough away for the time being.”

Maggie’s eyes narrowed with skepticism. “No justice at all in that, but I understand what you’re saying. By the way, I’m assuming you saw the news, or maybe you don’t keep up with what goes on back in the States. I put one of those news alerts on his name. I knew he’d do himself in, and Bethanne will eventually as well.”