What If I'm Pregnant...? (12 page)

 

Colette stood in her bathroom and pulled the pregnancy test out of the plastic shopping bag. Her fingers trembled as she opened the box and pulled out the test instrument and the directions.

She read the directions quickly, then looked at her reflection in the mirror over the sink. Her eyes were slightly swollen from her morning of tears and her pale face radiated the torment of heartbreak that ached inside her.

Tanner. Tanner. His name reverberated inside the chambers of her heart bringing with it an echo of pain each time it chimed inside her.

Why, why had he come into her life and given her a glimpse of what it would be like to be loved by him forever? Why had he shown her all the things she'd miss if she continued to choose a life alone?

She shook her head. She couldn't think about that, she thought as she scanned the directions to the test one last time. She absolutely, positively couldn't think about him.

Four weeks ago the only wish in her life had been to be pregnant, and she'd opted to become a single parent. At that time she'd been so certain that she was doing the right thing. Now she wasn't so sure.

The things that Tanner had said to her had struck a chord deep inside her. Was she expecting a baby to fill the emptiness that her relationship with her mother had created inside her? If so, it was a huge bit of baggage to place on a baby.

Darn Tanner Rothman, anyway, she thought angrily. She'd been perfectly happy with her life before he came along. And now that life seemed so achingly empty.

Four weeks ago all she'd wanted was to be pregnant and run her shop, but that had been before she'd met him, before she'd fallen in love with him and had her heart broken into a million little pieces.

She stared down at the directions one last time. She'd bought the test she'd thought would be easiest to read. Within three minutes either a plus or minus sign would appear in the test window. Plus meant pregnant. Minus meant not pregnant.

Simple. Easy. Except that since she'd met Tanner, her life had suddenly become complicated and she wasn't sure anymore exactly what she wanted.

Deciding she could put it off no longer, she took the test, then set it on the counter and prepared to wait the three minutes.

Only seconds had passed when the doorbell rang. Probably Gina, Colette thought. She often forgot her key. With a quick glance of the test stick, which showed nothing, Colette left her bathroom, went through her bedroom and opened the front door.

“Tanner!” she gasped in surprise.

“We need to talk,” he said, and walked into the apartment without invitation. He sat on the sofa and gazed at her expectantly.

“I think we've said all we need to say to each
other,” she replied, fighting to inject coolness into her tone.

“Maybe you did, but I didn't say everything I need to say to you. Come here.” He patted the sofa next to him.

She didn't want to sit next to him. She desperately wanted to sit next to him. She closed the door, then folded her arms over her chest and remained where she stood.

“If you intend to lecture me about my life, then you can just get right off my sofa and head back out of town,” she said.

She unfolded her arms and began to pace in front of where he sat, unable to stand still. “I know you're a traditional man and you disapprove of everything about me, but that doesn't mean you have a right to tell me how much you disapprove of me and my lifestyle.”

“I didn't come back here to tell you that.” He leaned forward and raked a hand through his hair. “You were right, you know.”

She stopped pacing and looked at him in surprise. “Right about what?”

“About me not wanting to let go of Gina despite the fact that it's time to do just that. You were right when you said I'd raised her to be strong and independent and now it's time to step back and let her be.” He stood. “Of course, that doesn't mean I'm not
going to worry about her and I'm not going to continue to be a large part of her life.”

“I'm glad, Tanner, but you didn't have to come back here just to tell me that.” Looking at him again just renewed the pain in her heart. Why was he here? Had he truly no idea how just seeing him again tormented her?

“Dammit, Colette,” he said suddenly, surprising her. He swiped a hand through his hair once again then took several steps toward her. “I didn't come back here to talk about Gina. I was all set to head back home and get on with my life.”

“So why didn't you?” She fought against the tears that once again threatened, tears she'd thought she'd depleted where he was concerned.

“I couldn't,” he exclaimed, a touch of anger in his voice. “I tried. I cranked up the radio and hit the interstate heading west, but I couldn't get you out of my head.”

Again she looked at him in surprise. “What are you talking about?” she asked, disturbed by the soft vulnerability in her own voice.

“I'm talking about the fact that somehow, some way, you've managed to crawl inside me.” His eyes were the deepest blue she'd ever seen them. “When I take a breath, I think of your scent. I hear your laughter in my ears, feel your skin beneath my fingertips.”

She sat in one of the chairs, unsure her legs would
hold her any longer as she heard the words fall from his lips.

He walked over and stood directly in front of her chair, his gorgeous eyes deep blue and intense. “I don't know how this happened,” he said, his tone filled with frustration. “This was supposed to be a simple trip to the city to get Gina to come home, but from the moment I first laid eyes on you, nothing has been simple.”

A sweet warmth fluttered through her as she realized that apparently Gina had been wrong. Tanner hadn't just kissed her to get her on his side. He hadn't held her in his arms just to manipulate her.

“As crazy as it sounds, in the past two weeks I've managed to fall head over heels in love with you. And to be honest with you, the whole thing really makes me mad.” He glared at her, as if his emotional turmoil was all her fault.

He loved her. Joy filled her up, but it was a joy tempered with a dose of heartbreaking reality. “Mad?” she asked. “Why?”

“Because you live here and have a business to run. You've made it clear that you believe you don't need me, that you don't need anyone.” His voice broke, and in the depths of his eyes she saw a heartbreak to rival her own.

He shoved his hands in his pockets and continued to hold her gaze. “I don't even know how you feel about me, but the one thing I do know is that there
is no point in me asking you to marry me or in me asking you to share my life at Two Hearts.”

It had hurt when he'd left earlier and she'd believed he'd used her. But the love that shone so fully from his eyes now felt like a killing pain deep inside her.

There was a part of her that desperately wanted to reach for the love, for the future he held out to her, and there was a part of her that was desperately afraid.

The conflicting emotions drew tears to her eyes as her joy was tempered with despair. How could she give up all she'd accomplished here in exchange for love? Wouldn't that make her just like her mother? Her tears came faster.

“Colette?” Tanner knelt down beside where she sat and took one of her hands in his. “Why are you crying?”

She squeezed her eyes tightly shut, unwilling to look at him, unwilling to see all that she was giving up shining from his eyes. “I'm crying because I love you, too.” She finally managed to say in a whisper. “And because it frightens me how much I want to be your wife and live at Two Hearts.”

She gasped, and her eyes snapped open as he pulled her up from the chair and into his arms. “Tell me what you're afraid of, Colette.”

How could she explain to him that she was terrified that she'd lose herself in him, that her own identity would vanish.

He took his thumbs and gently swiped at her tears.
“Colette, I love you and you say you love me, so what is making you so unhappy?”

She stepped out of his embrace. “Don't you see, it's all so impossible. If I agree to marry you, if I go with you to Foxrun and forget my life here, then I'm just like my mother, giving up everything I am for a man.”

“Colette.” He captured her in his arms once again. “You are one of the strongest and most independent women I have ever known. There is no way in this world you could ever be like your mother. I wouldn't be in love with you if you were weak.”

He stepped back from her, frustration etched across his forehead. “And I would never ask you to give up what you have built here. We'll figure something out.” His eyes loved her. “I won't live my life without you.”

In those simple, wonderful words, Colette's fears gave way and her heart opened with a love so intense it filled her up. And in that love there was no room for fear. “Ask me, Tanner. Ask me to marry you. Ask me to make Foxrun and Two Hearts my home.” Her voice trembled with emotion.

Almost before the words were out of her mouth he took her hands in his. “Marry me, Colette. Share my life at Two Hearts and build a family with me. Marry me and make me the happiest man on earth.”

“Yes,” she said. “Yes, I want that.” Tears once
again filled her eyes as he pulled her against him and captured her lips with his.

His kiss promised heated passion and sweet, abiding love, and in that kiss, in that love that flowed from him, she knew the decision she had made was the right one.

When the kiss ended, he led her to the sofa and they sat down side by side, her hands held tight by his. His gaze held hers searchingly. “Colette, I know how hard you've worked to make your baby boutique successful.”

She heard the questions in his voice, knew he was worried about how she would handle giving up the boutique. She smiled at him, sure of herself, her decisions and the path she was about to take.

“You know, Tanner, I've got this terrific, bright, responsible woman working for me, and I think with a month or two of training she could run the store here just fine.”

“You really think she could handle it?”

“Without doubt.” His hand squeezed hers and she continued, “And you said that all the women in Foxrun are looking to get married and that means they're going to have babies. I think Foxrun would be a good place to open up a little branch of the Little Bit Baby Boutique.”

He opened his mouth to say something, but she shook her head, indicating she wasn't finished yet. “I know you probably figured you'd marry a traditional
kind of woman who wouldn't work outside the home, but, Tanner, I…”

“Shhh.” He stopped her by leaning forward and kissing her gently. “I love you, Colette, and I'll support you in everything you want to do. All I want is to make you happy for the rest of your life.”

Colette had never known such happiness. She was filled up with it, awed by the wellspring of happiness that bubbled inside her. But as she suddenly remembered the pregnancy test, her joy dimmed.

He hadn't mentioned her artificial insemination, and she wondered if perhaps he'd forgotten about it. She pulled her hands from his. “Tanner, have you forgotten that it's possible I might be pregnant?” She held her breath, wondering if all would be lost after all.

His gaze was gentle and the expression of love on his face didn't waver. “No, I haven't forgotten. I keep thinking if you try to raise that baby alone, then who is he going to buy ugly ties for on Father's Day? Who's going to teach him to fish? That baby is part of you and I love you and…”

Whatever else he was about to say was lost as Colette threw herself into his arms and kissed him with all the passion and love she had inside her.

“I took a pregnancy test right before you came back here,” she said when the kiss ended.

“And what was the result?” he asked.

“I don't know. You got here and I haven't checked the results.”

He smiled indulgently. “Then I guess we'd better go check.”

Together they got up off the sofa and headed into Colette's bathroom. Colette's heartbeat pounded loudly in her ears. For the first time she wasn't sure what she hoped to find when she viewed the results. Where before she'd wanted a baby, now she wanted Tanner's baby.

She was just about to step into the bathroom when Tanner took her hand and drew her into his arms. “I just want to tell you one thing before you look.”

“What?”

He ran a finger down her cheek and for a moment she felt as if she could drown in the love that flowed from his eyes. “If you're pregnant, then I'm going to love that baby with all my heart and soul. And if you aren't pregnant, then that's the first thing we'll work on the moment we say our vows.”

Sweet heat flooded through her as she thought of making love to him. “You promise?”

He grinned, that slow sexy smile of his. “Oh, yes, I promise. In fact, as far as I'm concerned we don't have to wait a minute for me to start making good on that promise.”

Again warmth swept through her as she saw the flames of desire and the burning embers of love in
his eyes. She squeezed his hand once, then went into the bathroom and looked at the test.

Plus sign she was pregnant…minus sign she was not. A minus sign winked at her from the test window. She stepped out to where Tanner waited. “I'm not pregnant,” she said.

“Oh, darlin', are you terribly disappointed?”

She smiled and moved back into his embrace. “Disappointed? How can I be disappointed that the first baby I'll have will be that of the man I love?”

“I love you, Colette,” he whispered into her ear, then kissed her again in a kiss that promised the kind of future Colette had never believed possible for herself.

C
olette stood and looked at herself in the floor-length mirror in the back room of the Foxrun Community Center. Outside the room, in the main hall, it seemed that most of the town had turned out for her wedding to Tanner.

It had been just a little more than six weeks since she and Tanner had confessed their love for each other. It had been the busiest six weeks of Colette's life. Not only had she trained Gina in every aspect of the business, but she'd also visited the ranch and rented a building in Foxrun that would be the new site of a Little Bit Baby Boutique.

It had been a magical time, and each day her love for Tanner had deepened. And within minutes she would become his wife. A shiver of delight raced through her.

She turned as the door opened, and smiled as Gina flew in, resplendent in a long pink dress that accentuated her lovely dark hair.

“Oh, Colette!” She clapped her hands together as she hurried to where Colette stood. “You look positively beautiful. I'm so glad you opted for a traditional wedding gown.”

Colette turned away from the mirror and grinned. “Your brother insisted. He said since I was only getting married once in my life, I should go all out and do it right. And you know how your brother is…”

“Cursedly stubborn,” they both chorused together, then laughed.

“I'm sorry your mother won't be here,” Gina said when their laughter had died.

The pain that thoughts of her mother had always brought had lessened, and now a stab of pity shot through her. “It's her loss,” Colette replied. “She'll never be happy and I can't change that. Besides, I have all the family I need right here, and a home and a town that I've positively fallen in love with.”

Gina reached out and hugged Colette. “I'm so happy for you, Colette. And I've never seen Tanner so happy. I just know you're going to have a wonderful life together.”

They both turned as a knock sounded on the door. “Come in,” Colette called.

Bailey Jenkins, the town veterinarian and a good
friend of Tanner's, stuck his head inside. “Everyone is ready. We're just waiting for the bride.”

“We'll be right out,” Gina replied. She looked back at Colette. “Are you ready?”

Colette drew a deep breath and nodded. Together the two women stepped out of the back room and walked down a corridor to the main hall. A white walkway strewn with rose petals awaited her, and at the end of the walk stood Tanner.

As the bridal march began and Gina and Bailey walked down the aisle toward the minister, Colette had eyes only for the man who was about to become her husband.

He looked achingly handsome in a white tuxedo and tails, and the smile that curved his lips made her heart sing with joy.

She started down the aisle slowly, her gaze locked with Tanner's. As she reached the midway point she quickened her pace, half running toward the handsome, loving, “cursedly stubborn” cowboy who had opened the world of love.