What I Did for Love (21 page)

When the bridal party re-emerged from the garden room to join the guests, a small band had replaced the harpist and other classical musicians. The band leader had a pleasant, mellow speaking voice, asking the guests to welcome the newlyweds, Ree and Bredon coming outside to applause and laughter, the wedding party following.

The traditional dancing began, Ree with her father, both of them tearful, Bredon with me in lieu of dancing with our mother, and we were holding each other for dear life, fighting back our own tears. Then at the quiet instruction of the band leader, Bredon danced with Mrs. Cleves, and Ren cut in to dance with her, and I danced with Ree’s father. The other members of the bridal party came to the dance floor, all the wedding guests now invited by the band leader to join us. It was a happy scene, a perfect gathering for a quiet but joyful wedding. I danced with Andrew until we were asked to the tables to begin the luncheon, Ren rising to make the champagne toast to the bride and groom.

The luncheon proceeded, the first course served. Bringing Andrew with me, I went over to the table where Dina and Robin were seated with Stuart and Charles, their “plus-one’s.” The band was playing so that guests could dance between courses, and we sat there joking and chatting. With a sudden change of expression, Dina and Robin were looking behind me, their faces alert. Rand was standing there.

“If I may,” he smiled at Andrew, and turned to me. “May I have this dance?”

My heart had started its pounding, but I was determined to appear cool, despite the rising warmth I could feel reaching my face. Andrew had stood up to make room for me to rise and join Rand, he and the other young men looking admiringly at Rand, a man of wealth as legendary as my brother, and who was known to be my brother’s partner in the latest blockbuster international
deal. They quickly returned to their joking with each other.

But my girlfriends were watching me and Rand. He drew me quickly to the dance floor and drew me up to him. I felt weak, my breath growing heavy, and Rand’s warmth seeming to increase as he held me. I looked at a space beyond us that held nothing but sky, tents, birds, ocean, but he was looking at me intently, his distinctive cologne and beneath it, his remembered scent.

“You look beautiful, Dray,” he said so that only I could hear him. As we turned, I saw the woman he had brought with him, that same tall and willowy companion he had been with on the night of Stuart’s party. One of the financial moguls was trying to get her attention, her model-like beauty drawing the eyes of men all around her. But she kept looking away from them, looking at us as we danced, though I could only glimpse her face in snatches each time we turned. Her look was curious, calculating. I wondered if she was in love with Rand. He never looked away from me.

“You said you would see me after the wedding,” he said in that same low voice.

“School is starting soon,” I said, trying to find some excuse, but wanting to say yes. The familiar heat and throb had me concentrating on looking cool and unconcerned. Other people were dancing, but many were watching us, including Ren. Like the woman Rand had brought, Ren seemed curious and concerned.

Rand did not answer me, but simply waited patiently as we danced, waiting for another answer. “I’ve volunteered to sponsor new freshmen,” I said, “so I’ll be busy…”

“I’ve looked at your school’s calendar. It will be at least a week before that starts.” His voice was mild with amusement and that same patience. Of course he was patient, he was holding on to me, I could not exactly break free and run away without attracting even more attention than we were receiving.

“Okay,” I said, “call me tomorrow.”

“Say you’ll have lunch with me tomorrow.”

“I don’t know…” I began, and his voice glided into my words, the way we were gliding around as though we had danced together for years.

“I went to Bredon’s school,” he said in that quiet voice, “and Bredon was one of the sponsors of new boys. I have a picture of him and me and your parents at the opening of that year.”

I almost froze, but Rand’s arm held me steadily, its pressure keeping me moving. I had never seen such a picture in our family albums and on the photo disks. Had Rand constructed the picture with computer trickery?

As if reading my thoughts, he said, “Bredon had a copy of the picture, he told me, but his copy was placed in the school archives.”

“So I can get a copy online,” I said. I kept my voice as quiet as his, so that we could not be heard beneath the music. And Rand took care to dance us away from other couples as we spoke.

“No. They don’t put those pictures online. They’re concerned for privacy, and the safety of the students. Lots of issues. But I have a wonderful copy.”

“I could ask Bredon.”

“Yes, you could,” he smiled, knowing I would not raise the matter with my brother, and not today of all days, and who knows what reason I would give him later on. Then he said, “There’s another way into the park where my house is.”

“You’re all surprises today,” I said, just as quietly. “I take it you want payment for the picture.”

“It would be wonderful. But I’m only asking you over for lunch.”

My throbbing, and his heat, told me he was lying. I was so filled with desire for him, it was all I could do not to say, “Oh yes, and when? And, oh, God, you feel wonderful.” I was in a quandary, and stalled again.

“And where is this other entrance?” I managed to ask in an even voice.

“An alley from the back street. And only if you’re accompanied by me. There are no street cameras that cover that way in. Meet me and we’ll duck in together.” He chuckled. “I can be waiting for you at one o’clock,” and named the corner where I would find him.

The dance was coming to an end. “Please say yes.” Gentle. Urgent.

“Yes.”

Rand escorted me to the table, thanked me formally, exchanged some pleasantries with the men, and left to rejoin his companion. I had never asked her name.

A new dance was starting, and Andrew rose, holding out his arms, and I smiled at him, glad for a chance at normality, Robin and Dina also rising with Stuart and Charles, all of us dancing the next dance before the little dinner bell summoned the guests to be seated for the main course.

Ree and Bredon slipped out as the course ended and people rose to dance again. As the servers set arrays of bite-size desserts along the tables, the music stopped, and the band leader invited the guests to a “first stage of the dessert course,” and to please go to the front path of the house where Ree and Bredon would say good-bye to everyone.

They looked so happy, and so gorgeous, Ree’s suit from a Parisian atelier, and Bredon’s cut by his favorite Italian designer. The limousine awaited them, the chauffer in livery. Mrs. Cleves had seen to everything so perfectly, I was filled with admiration, and then the final touch. As the bride and groom made their way down the path, Ree stopped to turn and toss her special bouquet, a manageable spray of flowers, because her bridal bouquet would never be able to be tossed anywhere, it was so large. It had been made to curve into her arms and along her side, and then became the centerpiece at the bridal table. The little bouquet she
tossed held sprays of sweet pea and white roses.

Ree’s best friend and maid of honor caught the bouquet, which led to laughter and applause, and then servers circulated with baskets of rose petals and hulled sunflower seed, which guests took by handfuls and tossed toward the departing couple. The wind would blow the petals away and birds would eat the seed. As usual, Mrs. Cleves had thought of everything.

More laughter, waves good-bye, I felt so moved, happy for my brother yet empty as I saw them leaving. Dina and Robin were on either side of me, their arms around me, comforting me because they could see how sad I was beneath my smiles. I was wrenched at the new departures and the stages of our lives that were beginning.

The night of the wedding, Dina and Ree were with me in my apartment, the men having been told to meet us later for clubbing and dancing after we had all changed out of our wedding clothes.

My girlfriends could hardly contain themselves until we got into my apartment. Marilisa had set up for dinner for us, snacks and sandwiches in the refrigerator, a note telling me to call down if we wanted to order dinner in. None of us wanted to eat anything beyond what was in the apartment, so I called Marilisa to tell her, and we set about changing and chattering. They had loved everything about the wedding, but what they were bubbling most about was Rand.

“Oh, my God!” Dina exclaimed, for she did not know that I already knew Rand. “He’s so fascinated with you!”

Robin, that wonder of discretion, said nothing about the past. She could, however, talk freely about the wedding. “Dray, the connection between the two of you felt magnetic.”

Dina was nodding vigorously at this. “Lots of people in the room noticed,” she affirmed. “I saw a lot of people watching the two of you dance.”

Robin’s look was careful. “The woman he was with is Carlotta Venter. She’s a model, and is growing more famous. I think being with Rand is a help on that score.”

“Do you think they’re serious?” Dina asked in innocence.

“I’ll have to see what the gossip is,” Robin said, pretending a laugh and indifference.

“What was it like?” Dina asked me, excited for me.

“He’s a smooth dancer, for sure,” I said, smiling to reassure Robin as much as to answer Dina.

“He was whispering to you,” Dina said.

“He went to Bredon’s school,” I told her. I hesitated for a
moment and then said, “He met my parents when they came to Parents’ Day. Bredon was his new boys’ sponsor.”

Robin could see that it was all true, but that there was so much more to it. Most loyal of friends, she managed to change the subject. “He looked great,” she said of Rand, “but your brother was the handsomest man there, and Ree looked so incredibly beautiful! That gown!”

By this time we had changed and were sitting in my living room, Robin lounging on the sofa, Dina and I in overstuffed chairs with their little ottomans. We were chatting about the perfect details of the wedding when I heard the low chime of my phone.

“It may be Bredon,” I told them. “Be right back.”

I dashed down the side hall to my bedroom and study, and my heart stopped when I saw the call was from Ren. I felt a chill. Was Bredon safe?

“Ren,” I said urgently, “what is it? Is Bredon okay?”

“Oh, Dray, I didn’t mean to scare you,” he said, all apology, and I almost cried with relief. “Bredon’s fine as far as I know, please don’t be upset.”

“I’m okay,” I lied, shaken by the fear I had felt, and chilled with sudden cold.

“I’m only calling because I promised Bredon I would check on you,” he said gently, “and of course Bredon will be calling you himself.” He hesitated. “I’m sorry I didn’t get to dance with you. Rand was luckier than I was.”

So that was it. “You’re probably a better dancer,” I flattered him, forcing my voice to hold steady.

“I doubt it. He looked very smooth. And very taken with you.”

“Really?” I said brightly, feeling totally false. “I’m flattered.”

“Your young fellow is obviously also very interested in you,” he said.

“Andrew. Yes, we are all meeting later to go dancing some
more. As long as I can stay awake,” I finished, laughing sincerely this time. Oh, my sleepyhead ways.

Ren seemed relieved. “Good,” he said, “I’m glad.”

“Ren, if you want to come with us, join us at The Fabulous.” The club that was currently most popular with the young crowd had a name that flaunted its own popularity.

“No, I’ll pass, but thanks,” he said, still concerned. Of course, he knew of the waxing, and I think he had his suspicions. “Take care, Dray.”

“Yes, I will, thanks for calling, Ren.”

“You’re welcome.” And then he said, out of nowhere, “I only wish I were twenty years younger.”

I was startled. Ren was my godfather; what he was hinting at was like spiritual incest, but it was intriguing.

“You’re not old, Ren.”

“Oh yes I am,” he laughed. “Maybe in another life.”

“Well, I’m overwhelmed,” I said lightly, play-acting to cover the mix of my feelings. “I seem to have the attention of lots of men today.”

“Always,” he replied quietly. “You just don’t notice.” A brief moment and he said, “Good-night, Dray, have fun.”

“Okay, Ren, thanks, ‘bye.”

I just stood in front of the phone, unable to sort out the mixture of my feelings. Unwilling to keep Dina and Robin waiting, I pushed all these thoughts aside to go back to my friends and my young life.

I was warming ever more toward Andrew. The more time we spent talking and dancing, the more I liked him, which was just the opposite of what happened so often with boys I had known. I wondered if the passion I had felt with Rand could also be found with Andrew. Only time would tell, of course. We had agreed to meet for church on Sunday at Saint Mary’s, but before that, I would meet Rand and get a copy of the photograph, and try to decide what to do with the storm of feelings coming from
every side. Ren, the surprise. Andrew. Rand.

Well, I would see what transpired tomorrow.

It was quiet in the city, many people having left for the last long weekend of the summer, turning the three-day Labor Day holiday into as long a vacation as possible. The weather reports predicted a summery weekend, warm but moderate temperatures. As a result, many people had left Wednesday night, others had left on Thursday, still others had escaped by Friday, so today the city seemed empty, parking spaces available at meters and on side streets, unusual, pleasant.

I had left my apartment early, taking a circuitous route by cab and then by train, as though wandering aimlessly, timing it so that I would not have to stand in the street waiting for Rand. The last thing I wanted was to stir up more of a buzz than had already almost started, rumors from the wedding of our dance. One of the onlookers had said, with a bit of envy and a bit of admiration, “They’re dancing as though they were the only people on earth.”

But when Rand returned to his table and Carlotta’s company, and we did not even look at each other for the rest of the wedding, and I stayed with my friends and with Andrew, joking and chatting, most of the speculation had died. I knew that Ren was not really fooled, and maybe Carlotta knew it too.