What He Really Feels (He Feels Trilogy) (17 page)

“I broke your heart?”

“Yes,” she said simply. She turned around and looked at me again. “I held what we shared that night in my heart, and the second I left your place, I knew I had made a mistake. I knew that I should’ve gotten your name or your number. I went to Starbucks, and I sat there drinking my coffee and contemplating everything.”

She paused, and I gazed at her, silently urging her to continue.

“I thought about going back to your place, but you had said you were moving, and I was serious about the no strings attached thing. I couldn’t get into a relationship because Spencer and I had just broken up and you were moving and it just wasn’t the right time. You never told me where you were moving, but never for a second did I think you’d end up in San Diego, not out of all of the places on earth where you could’ve gone.”

“But I did.”

“But you did.”

“Get to the part about getting back together with Spencer.”

She glanced nervously at the clock. “We need to get back.”

“Then hurry.”

“When I got back from my trip to Phoenix, I had to face reality. I was shattered. I wanted you, but I couldn’t have you.”

“Yes, Gorgeous. Yes, you could have had me. You can still have me. All I’ve wanted since that night was to find you again. I just didn’t know how.”

Her eyes softened. “Spencer called me and said he wanted to talk. He begged me to go back to him. He was familiar and comfortable, and I was so broken that I agreed to give it another try. He comforted me and made me feel better, even if he isn’t what I really want. What I really need.”

I noticed she had stated the last part of her confession in the present tense. That was enough of a window to give me hope. She still wanted me, and I for damn sure still wanted her.

I walked over to her and took her in my arms again, and she melted into me. I knew that what she had told me took a lot out of her; hell, it took a lot out of me.

Unfortunately, it didn’t change the fact that she was with Spencer.

“We need to get back,” she murmured again behind the threat of tears.

“I know.” I clutched her body tighter against mine. “Just tell me one thing.”

She pulled back enough to look up at me.

“Tell me that I’ll see you again.”

She glanced away for only a moment, and then my lips crashed down on hers before she knew what hit her. I had to taste her again. I couldn’t possibly let another second go by without kissing her.

She froze at first, and then she melted into me like she had that day at my place in Arizona before she had left. Her mouth opened to mine, and my hands gripped her hips closer to me. She thrust her hands into my hair and a soft moan escaped her, and I was ready to throw her down on the bed and bury myself deep inside of her. I had to feel her again. She was as necessary to me as oxygen.

My lips moved from her mouth down her neck to her shoulder where I bit her skin tenderly. She moaned again. She kissed my forehead and then I dragged my lips back to hers.

She backed away from me, her lips swollen and her cheeks flushed, and her beauty in that moment was an absolute work of art.

I couldn’t get enough of her.

“Yes,” she whispered. “Yes, you will see me again.”

“You look so fucking beautiful right now that it hurts.”

Tears filled her eyes. She swiped them away and then took a deep breath.

I pulled out my phone and snapped her picture. I wanted to remember how she looked in that moment for the rest of my life. And then I stood next to her and snapped another one of the two of us together, a self-portrait. Seeing the two of us together would be my hope and my way of getting through the days ahead of living without her despite knowing how close she was to me.

“You’re not leaving here without giving me your number this time,” I said.

She rattled off some numbers and I programmed it into my phone. “Text that picture to me,” she said, her voice breathless.

I pulled her into me one more time and pressed a kiss to her lips. “You go first,” I said, my husky voice sounding foreign to my own ears. “I’ll be down in a few minutes.” I needed a minute to catch my breath after my encounter with her.

She popped into the bathroom and came out a few seconds later with fresh lipstick. Her cheeks were still flushed, but I figured the elevator ride down would give her a moment to compose herself.

She gazed at me for a minute, and then she unbolted the door. “Bye, Tiger.”

“Bye, Gorgeous.”

She grinned at me and then she left.

I stood in the room in a daze, totally disbelieving what had just happened.

Gorgeous was back in my life.

And this time, I was going to find a way to hold onto her.

I hit the bathroom of room 204 and checked myself in the mirror. My mouth was swollen and my cheeks were flushed just as hers had been.

Good God, she was a shock to my system. The feelings I had for her were unlike anything I’d ever experienced in my life.

Having seen her again made me realize that the depth of my feelings for her
was so completely different from what I had felt for Julianne. Jules had been the object of my love for as long as I could remember, and I spent most of my life pining away for her only to find out that my feelings were unrequited. I wondered now whether it had simply been a lifelong crush and not the deep feelings of love I thought it had been, because what I felt for Lindsay was so incredibly different. The clarity that I had after experiencing these brand new feelings showed me that I had been blinded by Julianne for so long that I had been unable to see any other prospect around me. I briefly wondered how many opportunities I’d missed because I’d been so stupidly hung up on the wrong woman.

But none of it mattered now, because I wasn’t missing my opportunity with Lindsay. I couldn’t, not when I felt as strongly for her as I did. I pledged to myself and to her that I would be relentless in my pursuit of her. We would end up together simply because
we were meant to.

I ran
the cold water and splashed a little on my face, and I used the towel sitting on the counter to dry off. My normal coloring returned, and I headed back to my table where my date sat waiting for me.

“You okay?” Tracy
asked, concern on her pretty face as she sat alone. I wondered where Lindsay had gone.

“Yeah.
I’m good. Sorry I took so long. I ran into a client who wouldn’t stop talking,” I lied. I glanced around, trying to find Lindsay, but I didn’t see her. Maybe she was out breaking up with the jackass who ordered Bud Light.

“It’s alright.
Just missed you.” She smiled.

“Want to dance some more?” I asked, not touching her comment about missing me with a ten-foot pole. I felt bad, but I hadn’t thought about her for even a second when I was up in that room with Lindsay.

“I told Dan I’d hold the table while he and Mel danced.”

“Want another drink, then?”

“Are you trying to get away from me?”

“Not at all,” I lied again.

“I saw the way you two looked at each other. Neither one of you went to the bathroom.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“For what it’s worth, she seems as hot for you as you are for her.”

I met Tracy’s eyes, and I knew that it would be okay to tell her. I was just worried someone around us would overhear, and I didn’t want to risk that. Not at an office event.

“Travis, it’s okay to talk to me. This thing between you and me? Just friends. Not even with benefits, because you’re not available for it. And after seeing the way you looked at her, I am even more convinced that you aren’t. Available, I mean.”

I blew out a deep breath. I glanced around us, and no one was in hearing distance. I gazed at Tracy, who looked lovely sitting in front of me, and I knew she was right.

“I think I’m in love with her.”

She nodded. “I thought so.”

“Is it that obvious?”

“
Trav, we were dancing when she bumped into you. I was still holding onto you when you looked at her. I’ve never had a man tense up in my arms like that before.”

I smiled ruefully. “That was
her
.”

“Her?”

“The mystery woman. From the bar. From that night I told you about.”

Understanding dawned in her eyes as she gasped. “Holy fuck,” she murmured.

“Tell me about it.”

“What are the chances?”

“One in a million.”

“At least.”

“I’m sorry, Trace. For ditching you for a minute there.”

“Don’t be. Go get her.”

“She’s with Spencer.” My friend, my colleague, and the guy who had helped me out countless times since I had started at the Miller Designs San Diego branch.

“She wants to be with you.”

“How do you know?”

“I saw it,” she said simply. “I saw the way she looked at you, and I saw the way she looked at Spencer. You win. I just pray for the day when some guy will sweep me off my feet and look at me the way you look at her.”

“Let’s dance, Trace.”

She grinned and held her hand out, and I stood up and took her hand in mine.

I had the sudden sensation that everything was going to work out, and I was glad that I had made a new friend in Tracy. She seemed to have all the answers, and I was grateful for her understanding.

I just wished I knew where the hell Lindsay and Spencer had run off to. I hoped it was for her to break things off with him so that she could be with me, but my gut told me there was more to it.

CHAPTER 9

The next day happened to be Valentine’s Day, so I started my day by texting the newest contact in my phone as I lay in bed thinking about her
.
Wishing you a very Happy Valentine’s Day, Gorgeous
.
I attached the self-portrait I had taken of the two of us the night before.

My phone buzzed thirty seconds later with a text.
 
You too, Tiger. Been thinking about you. You look hot in that pic
.

How did she manage to make me grin with a text?

When can I see you
?
  I had to know. It had to be soon. My preference would be that very second.

Not sure.
Working on some things. Rough night last night.

What the hell did that mean? Did she end things with Spencer? I didn’t want to ask, because what if she
didn’t? What if she was there with him, in his bed, texting me while he was asleep next to her?

You okay
?
I asked.

She didn’t text back right away, and I stared at my phone, willing it to buzz. I almost pressed the call button so I could talk to her, and then a text came through
.
Will be.

That got my curiosity goin
g
.
Let me know if I can do anything.

I’ll call you later.

I’ll be waiting.

I didn’t have any plans in particular that day, so I didn’t mind waiting for her. Just knowing that she was going to call was enough to help me through the day that
I believed Hallmark created to send all men to the doghouse when we didn’t get the exact right gift. Which reminded me… I needed to get a gift. Two, actually.

I
Googled Valentine’s Day gifts. The standard answers came up first: flowers, chocolates, jewelry. I wanted to thank Tracy for being a friend when I needed one, and I wanted to get something special for Lindsay. I was the worst shopper in the world, though, so I didn’t have the first clue where to start.

I went for a run, pushing myself to go two more miles than usual, using the quiet time to think about the task ahead of me. I took a shower before I headed off in search of the perfect gifts.

I settled on a bouquet of white roses for Tracy. They were the perfect mixture of friendship and thank you.

I headed to Hallmark to find two cards – one that screamed “Friends!” and one that said “I want to fuck your brains out.” The place was packed with men last minute shopping, so I had to dart around everyone to find what I wanted. I found a good one for Tracy easily, a funny one for a friend, but I was still looking for the right one for Lindsay.

And then I saw it.

It was simple and perfect.
So perfect that I almost felt like I had designed it myself. The front had two baby tigers cuddling. The inside simply said, “Will you be my Valentine? Rawr.”

I thought long and hard about what to get her. This would set the precedent,
and a good friend had once told me that you didn’t want your first gift to a woman to be too extravagant or she’d always be thinking you’d one-up yourself and get better gifts each time. And as I thought about it, I realized that I knew absolutely nothing about her. I didn’t know what she did for a living, I didn’t know who her family was, I didn’t know where she lived, and I didn’t know what she liked.