What Happiness Looks Like (Promises) (18 page)

“I’d never met anyone like you. I mean, women used to come up to me when I was stopped at traffic lights and ask if they could ride in my Jag.”

She shrugged. “It was just a car.”

“So we ended up going to Pete’s. Dinner cost me about ten bucks. Then we ran into some people you knew from art class and they invited us to join them on a pub crawl.” Jake’s ice blue eyes twinkled as he spoke. “I was in awe of the way you connected with others so easily. People liked me because of what I could do for them or because it was fun to be around someone with money. People liked you because of the joy you projected, the way you laughed without worrying about being too loud.”

He crossed the room to get the champagne and refilled their glasses. “Let me make a toast.” He sat down in his same spot and leaned forward. “To true love.” They clinked their glasses together.

He lingered near her face—his musky, sexy scent overwhelming her.

Her breath became shallow. His eyes studied her, seemed to see right through her. This man knew her—knew all of her secrets, knew about her troubled childhood, her college years spent partying in an attempt to forget her youth, and now. Now he knew her through their daughter.

God, he smelled good.

And he knew she wanted to believe in romance, in “The One”. He inched closer.

Finally, he kissed her.

And she kissed back without hesitation.

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

JOELY

Joely slid her palm across the soft, white sheet, then faced the man lying next to her. She examined his profile: the tiny U-shaped scar near his right eye, his perfect triangle of a nose, and the sharp bend of his jaw.

She couldn’t resist him. Even after all of these years, their bodies fit together like the original lovers. Like Adam and Eve. There was no denying it. And yet, like the Garden of Eden, she knew this couldn’t last. It never did.

He started blinking rapidly.

She draped her arm across his chest, nestling her leg onto his thigh. “Something wrong?” She rested her chin on his shoulder.

He pressed his thumb into the inner corner of his eye. “It’s too much.”

No kidding. She hadn’t had sex in five years. She’d forgotten about the warmth filling her cheeks, about her toes curling in anticipation, about the tidal wave of endorphins afterwards. She wanted to tell him how fabulous it was, but had always felt that praising sex sounded trite. She traced a circle around his taught nipple, knowing words could never describe what they had.

He shook his head against the pillow. “I don’t deserve to be this happy. How can I be happy when my twins. . . .”

She jerked her head back to study his face. She hadn’t expected this sudden shift in emotion. She stroked his sandpapery cheek. “Listen to me, you loved them. I can see that. But there wasn’t anything you could have done.”

“Maybe if I’d been there. I might have smelled the smoke, been able to save them.”

“No. No, you couldn’t. Their mother would’ve saved them if she could have. But she couldn’t. No one could. It was one of those horrible things that happen sometimes. Life can be cruel.” She took a breath, searching for the right words. Counseling was Kate’s forte, not hers. “You have to forgive yourself.”

He shook his head. “How can I?”

“Because you did nothing wrong.”

“I did plenty of things wrong. I missed their first steps because I was at work, I lost my temper sometimes when they wouldn’t listen, I didn’t like to play Kings and Queens with them.”

Joely figured Kings and Queens was a game they’d made up, just like Anna sometimes played aliens, asking Joely to crawl around and speak only in “beeps” for what seemed like hours. “It sounds like you were a typical parent. We all lose our patience with our kids sometimes. They require a lot of attention and they like to test their boundaries. You can’t beat yourself up for every moment that wasn’t picture-perfect.”

“Yes I can. Because there will never be any more moments. If I had known—”

“If you had known, you’d have tried harder. Of course you would have. But in the end, you loved them and that’s all that matters. And they loved you too. They would want you to be happy.”

Jake turned away. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m. . . right now of all times.” Too proud to admit tears filled his eyes.

“Don’t apologize. You’ve been through the worst experience of your life. It’s only normal to cry.”

“Not for me it isn’t.”

# # #

Joely had to talk about this, but her sister wouldn’t listen objectively, let alone offer advice. Kate certainly wouldn’t want to hear how natural it felt to lie in bed next to Jake, twirling her fingers in his dark blond hair, warming her cold feet with his. Kate wouldn’t believe that “life-is-a-competition” Jake cried because he missed his kids or that Jake didn’t believe he deserved to be this happy. Just thinking about it caused her to choke up.

She hardly ever called her friends, not wanting to add long-distance charges to Kate and Mitch’s phone bill. They were already so generous with her and Anna. But today, she dialed the out-of-state area code.

When the confident female voice answered the phone with “Kelly Designs”, Joely blurted out, “Did you ever sleep with your ex after the divorce?”

“Who is this?
Mom?
”

Joely laughed. “It’s your favorite employee.” She took a seat in the rocking chair next to her bed.

“Are you in town?”

“No.”

“Darn.”

The clap of a door closing came over the line. Joely pictured Kelly isolating herself in her office with a desk covered in colorful fabric swatches and a sketchpad full of bedrooms, living rooms, and dens. A round table with four chairs usually gleamed in sunlight from the nearby window. She imagined Kelly taking a seat there so she could look out at the city skyline while they chatted.

Kelly spoke softly now. “How did this happen?”

“Jake had been teaching Anna how to swim and I’d been thinking that once again, he was picking up where I left off. I never learned to swim and I’ve been feeling guilty that I haven’t the money for lessons. But there Jake was, giving our daughter exactly what she needed. Then some curvy brunette showed up in a yellow bikini which left little to the imagination.”

Kelly made a sound of acknowledgment.

“And she flirted with him—hard. But Jake stayed focused on Anna and even pointed to me, as if to say, ‘No thanks. I’m with her.’” Joely closed her eyes, savoring that moment. “Later Anna had to go somewhere with my sister and I was in Jake’s hotel room, packing up Anna’s stuff. He started talking about the good old days.”

“Oh, no. Memories are an amazing aphrodisiac.”

“You don’t have to tell me! And he was wearing that cologne of his—there’s something about it that makes me go wild. I feel like I’m Georgia O’Keeffe and he’s my Alfred Steiglitz.” Even though Steiglitz was married, the two artists had an illicit affair in the early 1900s.

“And look how well that ended.”

Although Steiglitz did champion O’Keeffe’s artistic career, he also did many things to hurt her. He took nude photographs of her and displayed them publicly. Eventually he traded her in for another, younger lover.

Yes, Joely and Jake were like O’Keeffe and Steiglitz. Both couples had a dangerous passion.

Joely imagined Kelly leaning forward, tapping her index finger on the table to make her point. “Remember there’s a reason why you were together, but there’s an even better reason why you got divorced.”

Joely stretched her legs then started rocking. “We never got divorced.”

“That’s only because you never married.”

“I know it’s crazy. My rational mind knows I should keep my distance. And you know me; I don’t jump into bed easily. But for some reason, I did with him.”

“Dear, that’s because he’s so familiar.”

“Be honest. Did you sleep with your ex after you split?”

A sigh came over the line. “If you ever rub this in my face, I’ll kill you.”

“How can I rub it in your face? I’m never around.” Joely suddenly missed her daily chats with Kelly, intertwining their personal lives with work.

“Good point. When are you coming back, by the way? You told me you wanted a
temporary
leave of absence. Five years is not very temporary.”

“You’re changing the subject. That means you did. You did sleep with him, didn’t you?”

“Yes. I’ll admit it. But it was a mistake. Trust me.”

Joely nodded to herself. “It felt so right, though.” She looked around her room, piles of her own doodles that never made it to the canvas and Anna’s schoolwork co-mingled on her floor. Kate’s cat napped on Dalton’s Oklahoma State Fair T-shirt tossed in the corner. That reminded her of Dalton. “I’ve been dating someone else, kind of. Do you think I need to share with him what happened?”

“Tell me about him.”

Joely described Dalton’s sweet demeanor. She explained how honest he had been, confessing that his wife had left him and his son heartbroken. He had none of the macho bravado that Jake usually had. She reminisced about Dalton fixing her a smoothie when he’d heard she was ill, and how he didn’t lose interest when she told him exactly how sick she really was. How he’d given her work at his clinic, first as an artist and when Pippa left on maternity leave, as a receptionist. Everything about Dalton exuded comfort and concern.

“And you want to risk losing him by blabbing about your slip-up with Jake? Don’t you dare.” Kelly paused. “You two aren’t exclusive, are you?”

Joely thought of the blond next door with the short skirt and overly made-up face. Renee—that might be her name. For all she knew, after Joely and Dalton made out, leaving him sexually frustrated, he knocked on Renee’s door for some satisfaction. God knows Renee didn’t look like the type who said ‘No’ often.

Jealousy burned inside of her. “We’re not going steady or anything. I’m so out of practice with this dating stuff. I thought he might be falling for me, but maybe that’s all in my head.” Why hadn’t she ever clarified their relationship with him? Why hadn’t she asked about Renee?

“I think you need to find out where you stand with this new guy. You already know Jake, and you know sleeping with him only leads to trouble. No surprises there.”

But Joely disagreed. Jake had surprised her.

LILY

Dear Dayna,

I wonder if Mrs. H will change your name. I hope not. It’s a strong name for a strong girl.

I took you to Butch’s today. He didn’t want to hold you, but I did catch him staring at you when you fell asleep on his Budweiser blanket. You were such a good girl, you didn’t cry at all while we were there.

Lily

JOELY

“Are you still dating that guy?” Jake asked over the phone. He’d just finished talking for an hour with Anna about chess, what she should bring for show and tell, and what they would do next weekend when he came to town. He came to town every weekend.

Joely sighed. “Yes.”

“You don’t want to admit it. But you know in your heart he’s wrong for you.”

“Whatever.” When had she digressed to speaking like an annoyed adolescent? “Do you think we should talk about what happened between you and me?”

“I don’t want to talk about it. I just want to do it again.”

She pressed her palm against her forehead. “I don’t want you to take this personally, but it was a mistake. We were both drinking, and we got caught up in the moment, but I want to make things work with Dalton.”

Jake’s seductive d.j. voice glided over the line. “Do you remember that weekend, right after we got engaged, that I drove you up to meet my parents?”

“I guess so.”

“On the way, I told you how my dad liked Jack Nicklaus and my mom collected Staffordshire dogs.” Jake had gone on to suggest appropriate topics of conversation, the right and wrong opinions to have. He told her his parents were Republicans, his mom even more conservative than his dad, but that it would be better to avoid talking about the upcoming presidential election since they disliked both candidates. He also advised Joely that she not bring up immigration, the Pope or divorce. His dad was on his second marriage, but his mom liked to pretend that it was his first.

Jake continued, his voice deep and smooth. “And you asked me if this is what I always did—prep my girlfriends so my parents would like them?”

“Yes, I remember.”

“I admitted that I did usually give girls the Mahoney Cliff Notes. And you asked me to stop. That you weren’t going to pretend to be interested in something or be somebody that you weren’t. Either they would accept you for who you were or they wouldn’t. But you weren’t worried because most people liked you.”

Joely laughed to herself now. The moment his mother had opened the door, Joely’s confidence had been rattled by the disapproving scowl his mother directed toward her prairie dress. That wrinkled nose continued to be the way his mother greeted her every time they met.

“That moment when you said those things.” His voice hinted at something mystical and wonderful. “That was when I knew.”

“Knew what?”

“Knew that you were the woman I wanted to marry.”

“Ha!” Joely couldn’t help but laugh. “I guess you were wrong.”

“No. I was right. The timing was wrong. In my twenties I was too rigid in my views. I was too judgmental, like my mom, I guess. I needed to get knocked on my ass, I suppose, to appreciate that the things we overcome mold us into better people.”

A shiver skimmed her arms, shook her whole body.

He cleared his throat. “Say something.”

“I don’t know what to say.”