What Goes on Tour (25 page)

***

Libby threw herself into moving. She packed like she was doing a time trial and had everything arranged within a day. As she reviewed the boxes she realized she didn’t have a whole lot to show for her life.

The only person she’d spoken with was her neighbor, who had dropped by to give Libby the mail she’d collected. She’d promised to forward along any more mail that came after Libby left.

By the end of the week Libby had settled into her new apartment.

Saturday came and went without a phone call from Adrian or George. Libby finally gave up. He wasn’t going to call.

She threw herself into her final edits to keep herself busy. She’d put the photo from the bridge climb on her desk, but after a day she slipped it into her drawer. She couldn’t look at it without tearing up.

Kate emailed her every day, asking her to visit, and she hated the emails’ pleading tone. Libby simply told Kate she had to work on her manuscript, because she knew she wouldn’t be welcome at the hotel.

When Libby checked a news website on Monday night, she found an article saying Kent had finished his tour and headed home. The tiny part of her that had hoped Adrian would change his mind and realize he loved her died.

She hadn’t even been allowed to say goodbye to Kate in person.

Libby allowed herself a night of tears but woke the next morning determined to put it all behind her. She had known from the beginning the relationship was temporary. She had been stupid to fall in love.

It was too late now. She needed to move on.

If only it didn’t hurt so much.

In the week before her new job started, she finished her novel, sending it to her editor two months before her deadline. There was none of the usual flush of success she felt when she finished a novel. Adrian had taken that away from her too.

Libby began her next novel, working until late at night. She was determined to meet her shorter deadline and it didn’t hurt that when she fell into bed she was too exhausted to dream.

By the time she started work, she’d finished a third of the book.

Amazing what heartbreak did.

***

Adrian finished his concert tour and flew home to Houston with Kate. During the last few days in Perth he’d refused to ask George if he’d spoken to Libby. There was no point. He’d messed things up and Libby hadn’t tried to explain. She obviously didn’t care for him enough.

Besides, he’d been busy gathering the evidence he needed to prove to a court he was a good guardian for Kate.

They arrived home exhausted from the flight and slept for hours. Kate woke him. “Uncle Ade, can Jemma come over?”

Adrian opened his eyes and stretched, simultaneously feeling the comfort of being home and the strangeness of not being in a hotel room. He checked the time. It was after midday.

“Sure. Why don’t you call and invite her? We can pick her up in an hour.” He needed a shower to wash some of the jet lag away and his stomach was grumbling for food.

Kate grinned and raced for the phone while Adrian hauled himself into the shower.

When he’d finished and dressed, he headed for the kitchen, where he found Kate rummaging through the cupboards for something to eat.

“We’ll stop for some groceries after picking up Jemma,” Adrian told her as he reached over her to snag the cereal box.

“Jemma’s not allowed to come over,” Kate said. “But Aunt Susan said I could go there. Is that all right?”

Adrian forced a smile. “Sure. Let me eat something and I’ll take you.”

Kate grinned and ran to get organized.

What was Susan playing at? Jemma had always played over here. The girls had spent hours in the pool or holed up in Kate’s room working on some secret project or other.

Did she still believe the hype the media was putting out? More likely she was thinking about the court case, and how badly it would look if she let her daughter play at Adrian’s house when she was trying to prove he wasn’t a fit guardian.

He’d not received any summons or details about a hearing, so maybe she’d changed her mind.

Adrian hoped she had but didn’t believe it.

On the drive over, Kate talked a mile a minute, pointing out what had changed in their six weeks away. As they approached Susan’s drive, Kate sighed. “I wish I could show Libby all of this. We’d have a great time exploring.”

Kate might as well have shot him, for the shock it gave him. She hadn’t mentioned Libby in days. He’d hoped she realized Libby had been part of their life only temporarily.

He’d made such a hash of it.

Adrian pulled into the drive. “Here we are, kiddo.”

As he opened the door, Kate’s cousin Jemma came running out of the house. Kate scrambled out of the car and they met halfway, stopping to do some greeting ritual with their hands before hugging each other.

Adrian watched their enthusiasm bubble over. He wished Susan had allowed Jemma to go on tour with them. Both girls would have been a handful, but they would have loved it, and Kate wouldn’t have had to spend so much time in adult company.

He followed them up the drive to where Susan was standing at the front door. Kate greeted Susan with a quick hug before disappearing inside.

“Hi, Susan,” Adrian greeted her, inclining his head.

“Adrian.” She crossed her arms and stood in the doorway as if guarding it.

He had to talk to her about the media and the accusations, but this wasn’t the right time. Perhaps after she had seen Kate was fine and had no scars from the experience, she would realize their niece was being properly cared for. He’d talk to her when he picked Kate up.

“I’ll be back at five,” he said.

“That will be fine.”

He wasn’t going to get anything more from her. He gave a half-smile, turned and went back to his car, pretending nerves weren’t playing dodgem in his stomach. He’d buy some groceries on the way home and rest.

***

Adrian didn’t get a chance to talk to Susan when he picked Kate up. Kate and Jemma were waiting on the front step of the house. Jemma was wearing a pink dress that was too nice to be wearing around the house. Kate said goodbye to her cousin and jumped in the car. “They’re going out tonight and Aunt Susan is still getting ready,” she said when he asked about the dress.

He’d speak to Susan later.

“Did you have fun?”

Kate squirmed. “Sort of.” She paused. “I didn’t know how to tell Aunt Susan I don’t want to live with her, especially when she was asking me a lot of weird questions.”

Immediately Adrian was alert. “Like what?”

“Like what happened with Emily and if Libby ever stayed overnight.”

Adrian clenched the steering wheel tighter. He kept his tone light. “What did you say to her?”

“I told her Emily was no fun and she was more interested in you than me. And I said Libby didn’t need to stay overnight because she had her own room.”

Adrian smiled, pleased Kate didn’t understand what Susan was implying. He was thankful that the one time Libby did stay, they’d been up before Kate. “Did she ask anything else?”

“Only if I spent much time with the crew, but it was only those last few days in Perth, really.”

Susan was fishing for information, but to what end? Adrian changed the subject. “How was Jemma?”

“Great! She had fun at summer camp but agreed I had the better holiday. Maybe Aunt Susan will let her come next time.” Kate told Adrian all about Jemma’s summer camp adventures until they reached the house.

Kate followed Adrian into the kitchen and took a seat at the table while he pulled items out of the fridge for dinner.

“Uncle Ade?”

The tone made Adrian turn. “What is it?”

Kate sat head down, playing with her hands. Finally she looked up. “Aunt Susan asked about Grandpa Hart. She asked if I’d met him and what you and Dad had said about him.” She looked down again. “I didn’t want to tell her your secrets, so I said he wasn’t well.” She glanced at him. “Is that all right?”

Adrian’s heart clenched at her loyalty. He should have told her what to say if anyone asked her. He pulled out the chair next to her and sat down. “Of course. If Aunt Susan asks again, tell her to talk to me. If she’s got any questions, I’ll be able to answer them.”

“Okay.” Kate smiled at him. “Are you going to talk to Grandpa Hart now we’re back?”

George had asked him the same question, wanting to know whether he would confront his father after all these years.

His twelve-year-old self still cowered at the thought.

His adult self didn’t see the point. His father would say what he wanted and there was nothing Adrian could say that would change his mind.

His father could have tried to contact him when he discovered Adrian was a rock star instead of going to the media. George’s contact details were listed on Kent’s website, but there had been no attempt.

His father had never cared for Adrian as a child and he sure as hell didn’t care for him now.

Adrian still needed to answer Kate, though. “I’ll think about it.” He stood up. “How about I make you some dinner?”

He didn’t wait for her response.

Libby’s new job held no interest for her. She caught the train into the city four days a week to cover the maternity leave of the personal assistant to a big mining company executive.

She attended meetings, took minutes, organized any travel arrangements and nagged the executive to sign things like a mother nagged a child to clean up its room.

In the past she’d enjoyed the human interaction in a job like this, and the organizing, but now her mind constantly drifted to Adrian and Kate, the adventures they’d had or the simple ritual of being there when Adrian got back from a concert.

Then one day the news that Susan was suing for custody of Kate finally hit the newspapers and the circus started again.

Many of her new colleagues wanted to know what had happened or what Kent was really like. Libby was polite but told them firmly she wasn’t going to talk about it.

The next day Kent was back in the headlines because his father was facing eviction and Kent wouldn’t help him.

Libby’s heart went out to Adrian. He’d hate the attention, hate the way his father had thrust himself into his life again.

But there was nothing Libby could do to help.

Later that evening Libby was at home working on her new manuscript. The radio was on low and she was having difficulty concentrating. Her cell rang and she was grateful for the interruption until she saw it was her mother. Libby hadn’t spoken to her since she’d refused to attend the fundraising event, though she had emailed to tell her parents she was moving. They hadn’t offered to help.

She pressed the answer button on her phone. “Hi, Mum.”

“Elizabeth, I’ve just returned from Fiji to read some nonsense in the paper about you and some rock star.”

Libby sighed. “Just ignore it, Mum.” There wasn’t any point telling her about it. It was all over now.

“But why are they mentioning you?”

“I took care of Kent’s niece while I was over east. It’s not a big deal.” Not anymore at least.

Her mother gave a sigh of relief. “I was sure they must have got it wrong about you having an affair with him.” She laughed as if the idea was ridiculous.

Libby sat upright, wounded to her core. She’d had enough. “Is it so unbelievable that someone as attractive as Kent Downer might be interested in me? Am I so unappealing?” Libby couldn’t hide the hurt in her tone.

“Well, ah …” Her mother had nothing to say.

And that stung just as much. Weren’t mothers supposed to jump to your defense, tell you what you wanted to hear, support you when you were feeling low?

“Just because you can’t stand to be around me, it doesn’t mean I don’t have friends.” All the years of pent-up hurt came pouring out. “I know I was a mistake. I know you and Dad didn’t want me. But that doesn’t make me unlovable.” She was trying so hard to believe it, but most days she failed.

“The young girl I looked after loved me. She wanted me to move to America.” It was just her uncle who didn’t want me, Libby thought.

She paused, giving her mother a chance to speak, to say anything, but there was silence. No denial, no anger, nothing.

Libby swallowed down the tears. “Goodbye, Mother.”

She hung up.

The last vestige of hope that her parents did love her evaporated. Libby’s heart stung but there was a sense of release as well.

As if on cue, Adrian’s song came on the radio. She listened to his voice, remembered watching him in the television studio that first day, the absolute attention he commanded from everyone in the audience.

But he was wrong.

He shouldn’t be yearning to feel, to be hurt. The absence of feeling was so much better than feeling too much. Loving people who didn’t love you was the worst pain of all.

Somewhere deep inside anger stirred, just a tiny rumble, but Libby lunged for it. Anger had to be better than this pain.

She was tired of being ignored, tired of trying to make herself into someone her parents would love, tired of letting people treat her as if she was unimportant. If they didn’t care for her as she was, they weren’t worth the effort.

The anger turned, directing itself at Adrian. Here he was singing about wanting to feel hurt and yet he had shut down every time Libby tried to get close. Instead of giving her the chance to explain, trusting that she wouldn’t have let Kate speak to the media on purpose, he’d believed the worst of her.

And what was even more pathetic was the fact that she’d let him believe it, she’d slunk away with her tail between her legs and hadn’t fought for herself. Just like she had with Clint.

Well, damn it, it was time she broke the cycle.

Fuelled by her anger, she grabbed her phone and dialed Adrian’s number, not caring what time it was in Houston.

It rang once, twice, three times before going to voicemail. Libby took a breath and at the beep she spoke.

“Adrian, you never gave me a chance to explain what happened with Kate and so I’m taking the opportunity now.

“Kate was angry when the reporters found us and she went outside on her own. I should have kept a closer eye on her and for that I’m sorry.” Libby took another breath. “I love Kate and I would never do anything to put her in harm’s way. I’m sorry things ended the way they did between us, but I guess it’s for the best. You’re still trapped by your childhood, shutting out those who care for you. I deserve better than that. I deserve someone who is going to trust me, who is going to love me for who I am. I don’t need you in my life.”

She hung up and her anger evaporated.

Tears streamed down her face, blurring her vision, but she let them fall. She needed to get this out, needed to finish grieving so she could get on with her life. She sat at her desk sobbing until she was dry. Her eyes were tender, her throat was raw and her head pounded.

In that instant she made a vow.

She wasn’t ever going to fall in love again.

***

The next morning Libby rang in sick. She had tossed and turned the whole night and her head still ached from her crying jag. She knew if anyone mentioned Kent to her she would burst into tears and she just couldn’t handle that at the moment.

Getting changed into her walking clothes, Libby headed out into the gray, drizzly morning. It suited her mood perfectly and the cool, crisp air cleared the cobwebs in her head.

In a better frame of mind when she got home, Libby booted up her laptop, made breakfast and checked her emails. There was one from Kate.

Kate said she was fit to be tied because the court had assigned someone to supervise her time with both Adrian and Susan and they hung around for at least two hours at a time. She said Uncle Ade was a mess because he hated strangers and kept making mistakes.

Kate apologized again for all the trouble she had caused and for making Libby and Adrian fight. She wanted Libby to call Adrian because he was sad, and she was sure Libby would make him happy again. Kate had finished her story and wondered if Libby still wanted to read it. Aunt Susan was being a pain and wouldn’t let Jem stay over, but Kate didn’t like staying at Aunt Susan’s place because she kept asking stupid questions about Uncle Ade.

Libby heard Kate’s voice as she read the email. She pushed back the tears and hit reply, sending her a chatty email about what she’d been up to, telling Kate she missed her and that she would love to read her book. She avoided all mention of Adrian.

Libby read the email twice to make sure there was nothing that could be misconstrued and pressed send.

Some of the strain she’d been carrying around since she’d been fired left her. She might have lost Adrian but she hadn’t lost Kate. She loved that girl.

Hearing the familiar noise of the postie’s bike outside, Libby wandered out to collect her mail. There was some junk mail and a letter from her publisher.

Libby slipped her finger under the flap of the envelope and tore it open. It was her royalty statement.

In the past she’d earned out the advance on her three previous books but not much more than that. Certainly not enough to survive the six months between payments.

Libby wandered across the lawn as she scanned the cover letter. The sales figures were high. Higher than she expected. She checked the statement and stopped dead in her tracks. Her hands shook.

She forgot to breathe as her mouth dropped open. She counted the zeros again.

Libby gasped in a breath. What if it was a mistake? She had to call her publisher.

She raced inside and phoned the royalties department, her legs shaky.

“I’ve just received my royalty statement and I wanted to make sure there wasn’t a mistake.”

The woman on the other end of the phone confirmed Libby’s details and brought up her account, quoting the same figure as on the check.

“Are you sure it’s right?” Libby didn’t dare hope. She couldn’t handle another blow so soon.

The woman laughed. “That’s what it says here. Congratulations.”

Libby thanked the woman and hung up, lowering herself gingerly into a seat.

She pinched herself and it hurt. She wasn’t dreaming. The statement was real.

She giggled, the excitement bubbling up inside and overflowing as hysterical laughter poured out her mouth. Tears ran down her face and she swiped them away.

Blotting at her eyes she took a deep, shuddery breath. “Oh my God.”

She checked the statement again to make sure she hadn’t imagined it. This was really happening. She could write full time.

Libby ran her hands over the paper. It was real. This was real. She’d achieved her dream.

She was a full-time author.

She wanted to dance, to sing, to scream her news from the top of the building. Libby whirled around.

Who could she tell? She had to tell someone her news or she’d burst.

She checked the time. Piper might still be awake.

She snatched her phone up and dialed.

Piper’s voice answered but it was her answering machine. Damn it. Libby left a slightly garbled excited message and hung up.

Who else could she tell?

There was only one person who would understand exactly what this meant. One person who up until a few weeks ago would have celebrated with her. One person she really wanted to tell but couldn’t.

Adrian.

Her mood deflated with a hiss and she plopped down onto the chair. Her eyes welled with tears and angrily she brushed them away. No, she wasn’t going to let him ruin her mood. She deserved this happiness, this thrill of excitement. She’d earned it.

Libby stood up, snatched her bag from the hook it was hanging on and headed out. She was going to buy herself a cake to celebrate.

She didn’t need anyone else to help her.

She would celebrate on her own.

***

Adrian walked through the house for the third time, checking to make sure it was clean and tidy, and there was nothing that could say to the caseworker that Kate wasn’t being looked after properly. He hovered in the lounge room, wondering whether he should put away the book Kate was reading, and then decided it showed one of her interests.

But could it also say to the social worker that he wasn’t paying Kate enough attention? That she had to find her amusement in a book rather than with Adrian?

Hell, he was second-guessing his second guesses.

He hated these visits. The only thing that made them slightly bearable was the knowledge that Susan was getting them as well.

“Uncle Ade, can I go for a swim?” Kate wandered into the lounge room where he was still debating over the book.

Adrian looked up. “Sure – but don’t forget the caseworker will be here soon.”

Kate screwed up her face. “How many more visits do they have to make?”

Adrian shrugged. “A few more, I guess. They want to make sure they make the right decision.”

Kate squeaked in exasperation. “But I told them I want to stay with you. I even made a list of why you were better than Aunt Susan.”

Adrian smiled at the memory. As soon as Susan had sued for custody and the supervised visits began, Kate had started preparing. She’d made lists and kept her room tidy, and Adrian suspected she had even started misbehaving when she was with Susan. He wasn’t sure where she’d learned this confident, list-making, go get ’em attitude, but he liked it.

Libby’s face suddenly sprung up in front of him. He shoved it away.

But it made sense. Making a list was exactly the kind of thing Libby would have done.

Would there be a time when he could think of her without this tearing ache in his heart? He wasn’t sure.

He’d picked up the phone a dozen times to call her but had put it down again.

He’d falsely accused her, hadn’t even let her explain. She’d never want him back and it was his own fault.

The doorbell rang.

“That will be the caseworker,” he told Kate. “You ready?”

“Yep. We’re gonna show them we’re meant to be together.”

Adrian smiled and went to answer the door.

He wished he felt as confident.

***

Libby woke feeling lighter than she had in weeks. She hadn’t just bought a cake to celebrate but also a new laptop and printer. Then, feeling guilty about the extravagance, she had done her budget.

If she was sensible, her royalty money would last her for a year, and by then she should know whether her sales would continue to support her full time.

Libby adjusted the lamp on her desk so it was in the right place and turned on her computer to start her day of writing. She’d rung the temp agency the day before and told them they would need to find someone else. As her computer came to life she opened
her email. 
There was a message from Kate.

After Libby read it, she reached for the phone and then stopped herself. She couldn’t call Adrian. Not after the way they had parted.

But something had happened, because Kate had to stay with her Aunt Susan until the court case. Kate was devastated and was pleading for Libby to help her.

Checking the time difference, Libby chose to call George. He would know what was going on and she had to find out if there was some way she could help.

Nerves skittered over her skin while the phone rang. She had no idea what reaction she was going to get.