What a Girl Needs (9 page)

“She’s in yoga pants,” I say to Kay, “and with the hips of a twelve-year-old. That’s just wrong.”

“May I remind you those cute hips of Arin’s got her Seth Greenwood, your castoff. He’s not exactly Prince Charming.” She lowers her tone. “I think they’re having troubles, so be kind.”

“I was really more his castoff if we’re honest. It’s not him or her that I’m jealous of, it’s that little boy. Their jobs don’t get in the way of their starting a family.”

Kay smirks. “I thought you were coming here to tell us all you were pregnant.”

I shake my head, feeling like a failure. “That would have been awesome. Is that why no one seems happy to see me?”

“Put the chicken nuggets in the oven. I’ll answer the door and give you time to compose yourself. We’ll tell them you’re channeling Raggedy Ann for dinner with that hair.” She opens the fridge and puts the salad on the middle shelf. “This needs to chill a bit.”

The kitchen smells divine, a mix of fresh cilantro and lime. “I miss the fresh veggies being so readily available.” But I’m talking to myself because Kay is gone.

The shrimp are cooked already and a deep pink, but there’s no noxious odor, just the tangy rice wine vinegar. I will never understand how Kay can make everything happen like she does and there’s no sign of any effort. I look down at the cookie sheet dotted with a few dinosaur nuggets on it and call after her. “You trust me with these nuggets?”

She reappears in the doorway. “Not really, but I’ll have to go on faith unless you want to answer the door.” Kay’s eyes widen. “Yeah, I didn’t think so.”

I hear the front door open, Kay welcoming them, then the clatter of the small family echoes across the foyer, through the small house.

At the sound of Arin’s teenage voice, I want nothing more than to run back to Kevin and forget this idea of trying to go home again, but instead I venture to the foyer. Seth and Arin are obviously livid with each other. They don’t even seem like they’re together and I find myself angry at them both. Come on, this was the great love affair that broke my heart. Get it together!

This dinner party gives me the sudden urge to run, and I abhor exercise. Seth and Arin and their gorgeous little family is darling – but I could have said so on Facebook and been perfectly at peace. A face-to-face meeting? It’s awkward and I search for the proper greeting.
Hey, great job on the procreating! Kevin and I are still mulling that thought!

I duck back into the kitchen, unable to think of a thing to say, when I see another car pull up outside—Seth’s old Saab—and I know it must be Sam, Seth’s parasitic friend who never understood the concept of a date. In fact, you might think
The Bachelor
franchise started the two-on-one date idea, but I’m here to tell you that it was Sam. And apparently, he doesn’t understand the concept of marriage either, because here he is, alone. Just like old times.

I hear the friendly chatter at the entryway and set the timer for twenty minutes on the chicken nuggets. My time is up. Sucking in a deep breath, I exit the sanctity of the kitchen and meet Seth’s brilliant blue eyes for the first time since my wedding. “Seth.”

He envelops me in a cold, stiff embrace and then, softens and pulls me closer to him. I break away as Seth has never been one for actual human contact, so I’m caught off-guard by his sudden display of affection.
Affection
is too strong a word.
Humanity
might be better.

Arin is bent over her little one and whispering in his ear. She straightens in all her wispy, blonde glory and smiles broadly. “Ashley!” She comes toward me and side-hugs me so as to avoid her belly, which looks slightly larger close-up. Slightly. As in it’s honeydew versus a cantaloupe.

“Arin, you look young as ever. I can’t believe you’re old enough to be a mother.” And I can’t. Kevin’s mother’s words come back to haunt me and I fear I may never be a mother.

She rubs her belly. “Believe it. Nearly two times over now.”

Rub it in.
“I know, right?” I say like I’m thirteen.

“Ashley?” She blinks a few times. “Your hair.”

I rake my fingers through my style and feign confidence, as if to say,
yes, isn’t it great? A new French stylist!

“Did you do that on purpose?”

“Yep. Always being the proper doctor’s wife, I wanted to break free now that I’m back in California. Shake it up a little.”

“Well…” She clears her throat. “You’ve certainly done that.” She rubs the top of my arm as she speaks. She always was too touchy-feely for my tastes. “I can’t believe it took you this long to come back. Don’t you miss California? Your parents? Kay? We sure miss your voice at church.”

Seth chimes in, “Yeah, we do. Your replacement is terrible. She sounds like a moaning hound.”

“Seth!” Arin slaps his arm. “She’s not that bad. She’s just—”

“Tone deaf,” Kay deadpans.

“So do you miss California?” Arin asks again.

“Intensely, but life keeps rolling forward.”
Other people’s lives.
Not mine necessarily.

“How’s Kevin?” She hoists her son onto her Barbie-doll hip and I half-expect the kid to slide right off, but he clasps his darling meaty thighs around his mother and he’s happy as he rests his head on her shoulder.

“Somebody’s tired.” I reach out to gently touch Arin’s son, but he shakes his head ‘no’ and buries his face deeper into his mother’s shoulder. “Busy. Kevin’s busy.” Thinking that sounds negative, I’m quick to add, “And great. He’s doing a lot more surgeries.” With Arin holding her son, I’m struck by his russet-colored eyes and how much life they hold. “Who’s this little guy?”

Arin untucks her son’s chin so I can see his Baby Gap face. “This is Toby. Toby, say hello to Miss Ashley. She’s an old friend of your dad’s and mine.”

“Unh-uh,” he says, and shovels his face into Arin’s shirt.

“Toby,” Seth says.

“Don’t worry about it. Maybe you’ll be my friend when I tell you I have chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner.”

“And Miss Kay made your favorite cookies for dessert!” Kay says.

“Awesome!” Seth says.

“Your
son’s
favorite cookies,” Kay corrects.

“Oh,” Seth says with disappointment.

Toby’s face reappears and his eyes are wide. “You are so cute!” I touch his soft cheek and I feel the sting of tears behind my eyes as I look into his beautiful, miraculous healthy face. Kevin’s job has made healthy babies feel like an anomaly, and to see one up close is like finding a magenta unicorn in the midst of Palo Alto.

The little boy finally ventures a gaze at me, but he’s not won over yet and tucks his face back into his mother’s ample, pregnancy-induced chest. Arin hands the boy over to Seth, who raises him up like the cub in Lion King. One would never know the boy wasn’t Seth’s by birth. It warms my heart to see him with his son. It shows me how God truly knows best and I need to remember this moment the next time my overly analytical mind goes into high gear.

Seth once told me that I didn’t need rescuing. I’m sure I didn’t, but I never forgot him saying that when he started dating Arin. She did need rescuing and Seth needed to be the hero. Together, they provided something for each other and this loved little boy is proof that it worked.

Seth sets Toby down. “You’re too big to be carried around. You have to get ready to be the big brother.”

Toby has a train clutched in his chubby fist and he opens his palm to me. “Who’s that?” I ask him.

“Toby.”

“Like you?”

He nods.

I kneel down and look in his sparkling eyes. “I wish I had a train named after me.”

The doorbell rings again, and without waiting for Kay to answer, Sam bursts through the door. “Ashley, missed me, huh?” Sam shouts as he slams the door. “Lord almighty, what did you do to your hair?”

“Good to see you too, Sam.”

Sam never developed a volume control, and unfortunately, he doesn’t come with a mute button. Sam was never my biggest fan, but he wouldn’t let that keep him from a dinner invite. A free meal is a free meal.

“How are you?” I ask him.

“Oh you know, same old stuff, different day.”

I currently feel completely caught up on my old life. “Would anyone like something to drink?” I ask, as this used to be my job since Kay rarely let me in the kitchen.

“Sure, you got any Pepsi?” Sam says, as he plops on the couch and kicks his feet onto the coffee table. Kay is used to the boorish behavior, but it hasn’t ceased to annoy me.

“I’ve got Pepsi,” Kay says. “Arin, you want something?”

“Ice water with lemon if you have it.”

“I do,” Kay says. “Seth?”

“Nothing for me thanks,” Seth points toward the easy chair across from the sofa. “Sit down Ash, I want to hear all about your not working. What are you doing with all that excess time?”

“No, he doesn’t,” Arin says. “He wants you to tell me how fabulous it is to stay home and not work.”

Seth looks guilty. One thing about Seth, he can’t lie and get away with it. “You’re working outside the home, Arin?” I ask.

“She wants to. With another kid on the way. Can you believe it? Tell her how satisfied you are being at home.” Seth’s eyes beg me to do so.

I stutter over something to say, “I—uh…”

“Gainnet is still struggling through, but you don’t miss that garbage, do you, Ash? Answering to a boss all the time? Having to dress up for work?”

I try to compose myself. “Gainnet has some key patents, so I always believed they’d make it, or at least sell their technology and—” I don’t finish my sentence, and I look for something bright to say. “Gainnet’s stock price should have been quite good to you.”

Seth grins. “Bought a house with it.”

“We need a bigger one,” Arin says as she rubs her belly.

There’s an awkward silence. Which is actually preferable to the talking.

“I’ll just go help Kay in the kitchen,” Arin says. “Seth, why don’t you and Ashley take Toby out to the backyard and let him get some energy out? Let her get a taste of how fun it is to be home with a toddler.”

“Oh, be careful,” Kay calls from the doorway. “Matt has a lot of equipment out there. I’m not sure if there are any loose nails or the like.”

“He’s had his tetanus.” Arin grins, and I can’t tell if she’s joking or not.

Seth and I stare at each other uncomfortably, but like the “reasons” we are, we do as we’re told and head to the backyard—even though neither one of us has anything to say to each other. Or so I think. We go to the backyard, which is a little more than a patch of grass amidst a woodpile and countless tools for the pergola.

“I’m not sure this is safe for Toby.”

“I’ll keep my eye on him. I was hoping I’d get a chance to talk to you.”

I stare back at Sam in the house, who is still stretched out on Kay’s sofa, with his hands clasped behind his head. “Oh?” I smile at Seth. “So how’s everything? It looks like you’ve adapted well to being a father.”

“The marriage isn’t good.” He doesn’t look at me while he says this. He’s got his eyes on Toby, who is running along a stack of two-by-fours. “Isn’t it obvious?”

“No,” I lie. “You probably need a vacation. I forgot how frowned upon a vacation is when you live in Silicon Valley. It’s like you’re not allowed to take a break or you’ll be replaced. Give Arin a respite. Can’t be easy staying home with a little one all day.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

I know that, but I don’t want to go there. Seth looks older than his years. He’s a ghost of himself, and I knew immediately that his marriage was not good, but I don’t want to hear confirmation. “Has Toby started in on any sports yet? T-ball? Soccer?” My attempt at changing the subject.

“I made a mistake, Ashley,” he blurts.

“Haven’t we all?” I say casually as I stare straight ahead at Sam and wonder how he manages to stay in the most expensive real estate market in the country without ever doing a day’s work.

“No, I mean I made a mistake marrying Arin.”

I turn back to Seth. “No, Seth. This is just a rough time.” Just like when we were dating, Seth continues to throw the friend card in my face. Not that I mind now, but I do wonder why he can’t ever talk to Arin. What am I supposed to do for them? I have a natural inclination to want to fix things – and granted, I may mess them up more often than I fix them, but I do try. And there is nothing I can do about this, so I fail to see the point of hearing about it.

He shakes his head. “It’s more than that.”

“Then, fix it.” I notice how Seth is always the victim. Nothing is ever his responsibility and how convenient I made myself. Gosh, I’m a dolt. No wonder he kept me around, buzzing like a bee around someone else’s honey. Pathetic.

“She never loved me. You all knew that, didn’t you? I see the way everyone looks at me when we’re here. Like
, Poor Seth, he doesn’t know any better
.”

“I have to get your son’s chicken nuggets out of the oven.”

“Ash?” He gives me his best puppy dog eyes.

Seriously, you are not having this pity party with me, Seth
. “No one is doing any such thing. Arin married you. She’s having your child. What other proof do you need? Do you want her to have a parade set up every time you enter a room?”

Seth wags his head. “I provide everything for her, and she suddenly wants to go back to work and have some daycare raise our children. Why? When she has a choice? Don’t women beg to stay at home?”

“Not all of them.” I stick my fingers in my ears like I’m Toby’s age. “Seth, I don’t think this conversation is appropriate. I have no idea why she wants to go back to work, but have you asked her? Rather than me?. Maybe she’s not the stay-at-home type.”

“Then why did she get married? She could have been a single mother and worked to her heart’s content.”

“Seth, didn’t you have this conversation before you got married?”’

“Yeah,” he says angrily before a pause. “Maybe not.”

Seth looks past me with his thoughtful gaze. Seriously, what did he expect he and Arin were going to discuss at night, string theory? Of course they had nothing in common. He went for the package. Surprise, the package doesn’t contain a quantum physicist. I mean, Arin’s smart. She’s educated. She’s a believer, but she’s not…I don’t know…aware that a world exists outside of her?