West of Nowhere (28 page)

“How was school?” she asked. She’d concluded there was only one way to deal with this troublesome penchant for lying.

“Fine. I said my sevens today…multiplication tables.”

“Good for you.” Joy took Madison’s hand as they sauntered down the sidewalk. “Sweetheart, I’ve been thinking a lot about what happened yesterday. It upsets me that you still haven’t told me the truth, but I’m not going to ask anymore. I just want you to know that I don’t believe you. I yelled at Amber yesterday for something that wasn’t her fault and that makes me feel ashamed of myself.”

Madison looked away, but Joy was determined this would be more than a scolding. She wanted an end to these lies once and for all.

After slowing until the other kids were out of earshot, she stopped and bent low, placing her hands on her knees to look Madison in the eye. “I love you very much and I know you love me too, but it hurts my feelings when you lie to me. I forgive you this time but that’s it. No more lies. Do you understand?”

The girl nodded, blinking back heart-wrenching tears. “I’m sorry.”

“I appreciate you saying that. Now we need to apologize to Amber too, both of us.”

“Okay,” she said meekly.

Joy had no idea if that would be enough to persuade Amber to come back. Her outburst about not wanting children might only have been frustration talking, but it was undeniable that she’d withdrawn since Madison arrived. That was Joy’s fault for not doing more to make both of them feel loved and wanted, and that’s what she had to fix. If Amber truly wasn’t interested in helping to raise Madison, there was little hope for their relationship.

* * *

“…And this is a temporary address. I’m staying with friends right now,” Amber said, pointing to a line on the form she’d just filled out.

The store manager, a tall African-American man wearing a gray polo shirt and neat black slacks, eyed her application for counter help at the Postal Plus shop. “But the phone number’s good?”

“Yes, sir.” Getting a pre-paid cell phone had been her second stop this morning, right after a trip to the bank to withdraw two hundred dollars to get her through the next few days. Between the phone and a new bus pass, she was already down to only eighty bucks.

“I need to show this to the owner when he comes in to close up. He’ll probably decide on somebody today or tomorrow.”

“Okay, great. Thank you very much. It was wonderful to meet you.” She smiled as she walked backward out the door, her best customer service face firmly fixed.

This Postal Plus job was by far the best of all she’d come across so far. It would be nice for a change to work in a place where the staff wore ordinary uniforms that didn’t smell like onions or baby shit. She especially liked that the store was neatly arranged and the floor was clean, a far cry from the convenience store she’d worked at where employees crammed stock onto shelves wherever it fit, and the tile floor was so dirty it could have sprouted crops. This job—seven to four, five days a week—would be perfect.

There was one more row of stores in this, her fifth strip mall today. Besides being physically exhausted, her feet were swollen and screaming with every step, but she’d applied for work in eight different places. One of those—full-time cashier at a busy discount store—was a solid offer if she showed up for training on Monday, but the job was good only for the holiday season. Still, it was good to have a sure thing in case nothing else panned out.

Less certain was her living situation. Yesterday she’d been hell-bent on finding a place of her own, anything to get out from under the Shepards’ roof. As her anger dissipated and her job prospects rose, the full force of losing Joy had hit her like a tidal wave of despair. Unlike her past relationships, this romance hadn’t come out of necessity. It had grown from gratitude to admiration to love, and for the first time in her whole life, she was free to have sex with someone without feeling that it was an obligation. Joy was the only person who’d ever treated her with respect, and along with her father, had shown her what it meant to be strong, capable and, most of all, honorable.

If I’d wanted a kid, I wouldn’t have given mine away.

Classy. That made it sound like she didn’t want Madison around at all. It wasn’t like that…exactly. Sure, she wanted private time with Joy, but what mattered more was proving that she could be trusted with responsibility. That was hardly possible if Madison didn’t listen to a word she said.

Once again, she’d done something rash in the heat of the moment. How many bridges had she burned at work or with friends just so she’d get in the last hateful word? Joy had never struck her as someone with a high tolerance for bullshit like that. It was doubtful she had the capacity to forgive stupidity.

But maybe it wasn’t too late.

Amber liked her chances a lot better if she could go home with a job. Work that took her away from the house most of the day would solve a lot of problems, especially if she tacked on night classes too. Now that Shep was his old self again, he could take over the task of handling Madison, and Joy wouldn’t have to worry about her screwing things up again.

A job…a job…a job. Nothing mattered more.

Three more stores and she’d have to call it a day. It would be dark before she got to the next shopping center and the Help Wanted signs were hard to see.

Then came the question of where she would sleep tonight. It wouldn’t kill her to camp out in the car again but the couch was a cushier option. And maybe Joy had cooled off enough to talk. Amber had.

* * *

Madison’s bedroom door opened a quarter-inch and her feeble voice called, “Can I come out and show you something? It’s important.”

Joy was putting away the last of the dinner dishes. She hadn’t yet decided on Madison’s full punishment for handling a gun, but for now she was confined to her room. “You may not. I’ll come in there when I finish.”

The door closed and Joy looked at her pop, who nodded grimly. “Hang tough.”

It was harder than she’d ever imagined—a delicate balancing act to teach her right from wrong in a loving, supportive way. Until now, the time they’d spent together had always been during cheerful vacations from the drudgery of homework and chores. More important, Madison had never had to share her with anyone else.

Her cell phone rang with a call from an unfamiliar number, and she nearly let it go to voice mail, but since it was a local area code, she answered.

“Hey, it’s Amber.”

Joy immediately stepped out on the deck for privacy. “Where are you?”

“Waiting for a bus. I was wondering if it was okay for me to come home.”

“Of course! Stay there and I’ll come get you.”

“No, that’s all right. It’s a straight shot from here to the corner. I’ll be there before long.”

“You didn’t have to leave, you know. This is your home. It’s where you belong.” She had so much to say and didn’t know where to begin. “I’m so sorry, Amber. I know you were telling me the truth and it was all just an accident. I never should have yelled at you. I was just so upset that I wasn’t thinking right.”

“I said some stupid things too…that bit about not wanting Madison. I’m really sorry I said that.”

Joy cast her eyes upward and said a silent prayer of thanks. “I’m so glad. I don’t know what I would have done if you’d really felt that way.”

“I know what you’d have done, but let’s not go there,” Amber said with a soft chuckle. “I got a job.”

So that’s what she’d been up to.

“That’s fantastic, sweetheart. I know you’re going to be good at it, whatever it is.” She meant that. Amber had proven herself, erasing all the doubts Joy had harbored when she first took her on as a hapless hitchhiker. “Come home. I promise we’ll sit down and talk everything out. I’m not going to let Madison come between us. She’ll just have to accept what you mean to me.”

“I understand where she’s coming from, but I’m starting to think it’ll all work out.”

Elated, Joy went back inside. “Amber’s coming home. She says she got a job.”

Shep smiled and scratched Skippy’s ears. “You hear that, boy? Your mama’s back.” He looked at Joy. “A good job is exactly what she needed. She’s been cooped up here too long with my sorry ass anyway. It’ll do her good to get out of the house.”

It also signaled the end of their deal that had brought Amber here in the first place. She no longer had to feel that she was working off her debt like an indentured servant. She was here now because she wanted to be, and because Joy wanted her here too.

No doubt there would be more hurdles with Madison—

Joy suddenly remembered that Madison had wanted to show her something. She knocked and opened the door a crack. “May I come in?”

By the mess in the room, Madison had been busy with scissors and colored markers. “I made this for Amber,” she said. It was yellow construction paper, folded in quarters with three swinging windows on the front.

Joy opened the windows one at a time to form a simple message:
I am sorry
. “This is nice, Madison. I’m sure she’ll appreciate it, but it may take a little time for her to trust you again. You’ll have to show her that you really mean it.”

“I’ll walk Skippy and clean up his mess…and I’ll let her pick all the TV shows.”

It pleased her that Madison had been thinking about how to make up for the trouble she’d caused, but Joy wanted the feelings to change along with the behavior. “You remember what I told you this afternoon about how much I loved you?”

Madison nodded.

“Nothing will ever change that, I promise.” She sat on the bed and pulled Madison onto her knee. “I also love Amber, and sometimes I want to be alone with her, like to go out on a date or something. It doesn’t mean we don’t love you, or that we don’t like being with you. Grownups need private time together every now and then, but I promise it won’t be like it was with Mitch and Syd. You don’t have to be jealous. We’re a family now, and that means all four of us care about each other.” She chucked Madison gently on the chin. “So you better get used to it, kiddo.”

“Is Amber going to be my mom like you?”

Joy wanted to say yes, but knew she’d have to win Amber over on that one. “We’ll have to see about that. But yeah, I think if they let Amber and me get married someday, then we both ought to be your moms.”

The idea was novel enough to Madison to be exciting, though that wasn’t quite the word Joy would use to describe what she felt. The last two days had made her realize just how ready she was for a step like that.

Voices in the living room signaled Amber’s arrival, and Joy guided Madison out the door first so she could present her card.

By her tired face and drooping shoulders, Amber looked as though she’d been gone much longer than two days. Her hair was limp, her eye makeup smudged, and her wet clothes needed a tumble in the dryer. The look on her face however was pure satisfaction, if not triumph. Finding a new job was obviously just what she needed for a sense of self-determination and freedom. It was good for Joy too, since it meant Amber was here because she wanted to be, and not because she had no other place to go.

She’d never been one for public displays of affection, especially in front of her father, but she couldn’t resist the urge to give a welcoming hug. To her relief, it was returned with just as much enthusiasm, and it took a conscious effort to set her emotions aside long enough to separate and acknowledge the others in the room. “Madison has something for you.”

“I made you a card,” she said, her small voice clearly contrite. She stepped forward and presented it. “I’m sorry I blamed you for stuff. I was afraid I’d get in trouble.”

Amber read the card and smiled gently. “This is very nice. I appreciate your apology.” Sincere but guarded, exactly what one would expect until Madison earned her trust again. “I was a whole lot more worried about you playing with Joy’s gun than I was about the lying. I hope that never happens again.”

“It won’t.”

Joy nodded in agreement and addressed Madison. “I know it won’t because I got rid of it this afternoon…turned it in to the police station. There’s still the matter of punishment but we’ll talk about that this weekend. Now get your bath and go on to bed.”

“But tomorrow’s Saturday.”

“Bath and bed,” she repeated firmly. “I’ll be in later to say goodnight.”

Madison, looking both ashamed and worried, wrapped her arms around Joy’s waist. “I love you.”

“I love you too, baby.”

She followed with a hug to her grandpa, and then surprised everyone by hugging Amber too. “I’m sorry,” she said again.

“I know. It’s okay.” Amber kissed the top of her head. “Sleep well.”

Whatever soul-searching Amber had done over the past couple of days had produced a remarkable change. Gone was the immature hothead who lashed out when she felt threatened or challenged. In her place was a calm, thoughtful young woman who seemed at peace with herself and the world around her.

Or maybe she was just tired.

“Let’s go talk,” Joy said, holding out her hand. The moment they reached the camper, she made up for her earlier restraint, pulling Amber into a long, deep kiss. “Please don’t ever run off like that again. I’ve been worried half to death.”

“I was fine.”

“You should have called me.”

“My phone died and I didn’t have a way to charge it.”

Joy could have pushed it—if Amber had wanted to call, she would have found a way—but she was glad just to have her back home and she didn’t want to fight anymore. “You’re here now. That’s what matters.”

“I love you.” With both hands cupping Joy’s face, Amber kissed her again. “Nobody’s ever believed in me before, and it means the world to me that you do. I just want you to be proud of me.”

“I already am, and you should be proud of yourself too.” She helped Amber out of her damp coat and led her up to the bed. “Come lie with me. I want to hear everything. Where have you been all this time? Where did you stay last night?”

Amber chuckled as she kicked off her shoes. “Mostly I rode all over the Bay Area on the express bus just to stay out of the rain. Then I came home and saw the couch made up in the living room. I figured you didn’t want me in the camper so I spent the night in the backseat of your father’s car.”