Welcome to Sugartown (37 page)

I toss the
controller on the couch beside me and give him a look like he
doesn’t know shit. “I don’t know, man. You didn’t see her when she
told me to go. I think I broke her.”

“
Jesus
Christ, do you not know anything about women? If she says she’s
broken, you get out your fucking araldite and glue that shit back
together.”

“
I
tried.”

“
Bullshit! If
you’d tried, you be in there right now fucking your woman, not
sitting out here bitching and moaning to me like a fucking
pussy.”

“
Alright, I’m
going. Keep your fucking knickers on.”

Holly comes
stumbling out of her room, looking all puffy and pregnant and like
she could murder someone for a steak. I cock my head to the side as
I watch her and then whisper to Jackson, “You gonna heed your own
advice, Don Juan?”

He glances at
Holly and a goofball smile breaks out across his face. He can
pretend all he wants, but he’s just as pussy whipped as I am. “That
train wreck? Nah, I’m not into homicidal bitches.”

“
Right.
’Cause that’s what that face means.”

“
What face?”
he protests as I walk away. “Dude, what face?”

I reach the
hall and I’ve already forgotten about my roommates because the
woman I love is as mad as a cut snake, and I can’t stand to see her
angry or hurt unless I know the cause of it and can fix it in some
way.

I knock
lightly on the door and hear her sniff before telling me to come
in. She sighs when she sees me and says, “I’m not in the mood to
fight right now, Elijah.”

I hold up my
hands in surrender. “Not here to fight. I come in peace.” I pat
down my pockets and find a fun-sized bag of M&M’s
I’d stashed there earlier so Jackson didn’t scoff
them all down.
They’re probably a little
warm, but chocolate’s chocolate, and that’s exactly what she craves
when she’s upset. I set the bag down on the end of the bed and she
snatches it up and tears into it while she leans back against the
headboard.

“
Now, you
gonna tell me what’s bringing you home in tears, or do I have to
threaten to take away the chocolate?”

“
I ran into
Mrs Turner today.”

“
Why didn’t
you call me?”

“
Because you
can’t fight all my battles for me.”

“
Doesn’t mean
I don’t want to,” I whisper.

“
I know. I
had to deal with this on my own though. Can you believe that bitch
actually blamed me for her son being in prison?”

“
What did you
say to that?” I ask, and even I can hear the quiet tremor of rage
in my voice.

“
I told her
to go fuck herself.” She laughs half-heartedly and then adds, “Then
I asked her how it felt to raise a rapist, and whether she was
proud of his fondness for virgins.”

“
Shit, baby
girl, you got some lady balls, that’s for sure. Remind me never to
take you on again,” I say and we both chuckle at that until the
realisation of our last argument punches us in the face again and
leaves us both speechless.

Ana tips out
the last of the M&M’s. She eats the remaining chocolate with
the exception of one, which she places on her outstretched palm and
offers it to me. When we were together she always did that. She’d
eat the majority and offer me one tiny morsel, like it was the most
important gift she could consider parting with, but I never minded
because the taste of it on her lips was always sweeter than the
lolly itself. I take it from her palm and pop it in my
mouth.

We settle
into the silence, both of us side by side and resting against her
headboard until I can’t take the weight of the hurt between us.
“You should know I’ve been looking for somewhere to live. I’d go to
the motel, but the smoke damage from their fire means they have to
gut the entire place and start again and, funny enough, no one
wants to rent to an ex-con. I’ll find someplace and I’ll make
things right between us, it might just take a little longer than we
wanted.”

Ana’s quiet
as she chews that over and then she places her hand in my upturned
palm and whispers, “Don’t move out.”

“
I should,” I
mutter like I’m on autopilot. I don’t want to go anywhere. I can’t
think of anything worse than not seeing her face every day, of not
being able to touch her in passing and pretend like I was just
reaching for the milk. I miss her like fucking crazy and I haven’t
even left yet.

“
You should,”
she agrees and then adds, “but you won’t.”

I won’t let
myself believe she means that until I hear it directly from her
lips. “You sure?”

“
Yeah. If
there’s one thing you’ve taught me, Cade, it’s that running solves
nothing. It just hurts your feet in the long run.”

I laugh.
“Amen.”

She rests her
head on my shoulder and I tuck my arm around her waist. It’s a
force of habit but she’s not making a big deal about it so I decide
neither will I.

“
Hey,” I say,
“I got that bottle of blue in my room, whaddya say we crack that
sucker, order a pizza and drink away all the shit behind us? All
our mistakes, all the hurt, all the shit we’ve waded through to get
to this point, everything?”

“
That
actually sounds like a nice idea,” she replies and so we do. We
hole up in her room with our old friend Johnnie and we eat and
laugh and forget about all the hurt we’ve caused one another. We
wipe the slate completely clean. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t
think about fucking her. I think about it at least a hundred times
a day, and I could tell she was thinking about it too, but the
point was that, for maybe the first time ever, we didn’t give in to
that physical shit that always seems to fuck us over.

Sometime
around 2 am she fell asleep in my arms and I tucked her under the
covers and held her until I passed out.

That night I
slept more soundly than I have in years.

Chapter Thirty
Nine

Ana

I rest my
head against the edge of the tub and try to think about something
else. I always knew this day was coming. I said I was fine with it,
but I’m not fine at all. I’m furious. I want to ride around town
until I find his bike and go and give his new fuck buddy a brand
new face. Preferably one with my fist-print in it.

This is the
fourth week in a row he’s been out on a Friday night. The shop
closed its doors hours ago, so I know he’s not working late. The
same time I pulled the shop door shut and flipped the sign around,
Elijah had been jumping on his bike. He gave me a wave through the
window and took off in the direction of home, but just like last
week and the two weeks prior, he wasn’t here when I pulled in the
drive.

Jackson and
Holly were getting ready to head to a movie when I walked in. They
offered for me to come along, but I declined. No one wants to be a
third wheel to a relationship as dysfunctional as theirs. I thought
Elijah and I had it bad, but there just aren’t words for how messed
up those two are. So, instead of sitting through two hours of
awkwardness, I decided to drown my sorrows in vanilla-scented
bubble bath, only with Elijah out screwing around I wasn’t feeling
so damn relaxed. I was about ready to annihilate
someone.

I hear the
front door slam and begin thinking that maybe Jackson’s said
something to piss off Holly before they’ve even made it out of
town. The lights are on and the bathroom door is closed, but I
haven’t bothered to lock it because I knew no one would be home
before I’d begun pruning. I’m halfway considering standing up and
scooting out of the bath to flip the lock in case an axe murder’s
just walked through my front door when the bathroom door flings
back on its hinges and Elijah comes striding in, angrier than a
red-bellied black snake. He immediately begins toeing off his boots
and socks. His back is to me as he lifts his shirt over his head
and he hasn’t even noticed that the room is otherwise
occupied.

I’m torn
between watching the show and stopping him from shedding his
remaining clothing when I feel a cough sneak out my throat,
spoiling all my fun.

Elijah whirls
around. “Shit, I’m sorry. I thought you were out.”

“
Is that why
you’re in such a bad mood, or did your Girl Friday call and cancel
your date?”

“
Girl
Friday?” he asks, and both his dimples pop out. He’s holding his
hand against his chest, which I guess isn’t all that odd,
considering I did just scare him half to death. He takes a moment
to drink in my body stretched out in the tub. I know he can’t see
much on account of the half bottle of bubble bath I poured in but
that doesn’t stop his mind from wandering. I know because I can see
it in his eyes. “Where’s Jack and Holly?

“
He took her
cranky, pregnant arse out to a movie.”

“
Like a
date?”

“
Honestly? I
don’t know. I don’t ask any more. Holly and Jack are
complicated.”

“
Well, if
anyone knows complicated, it’s you and me.” He laughs and runs his
hand over the back of his neck and his newly cropped hair, which I
think he is growing out again after I told him women like something
to hold onto when they come. Hey, don’t judge me; I’d just consumed
half a bottle of Johnnie Walker when he’d asked what I thought of
his new cut.

“
True.” I
smile up at him.

“I’ll, ah …
I’ll leave you to it,” Elijah says and turns to leave.

“
You can take
a shower if you want to. It’s nothing either of us hasn’t seen
before.”

“
Maybe so,
but that doesn’t mean I’ll have the restraint to keep my eyes from
wandering and my hands to myself.”

“
Elijah, take
a goddamn shower.”

“
Still just
as bossy as ever, I see.”

“
Ha! I’m
worse now than I ever was.”

“
Alright, if
you insist,” he says, and makes a move to undo his jeans but
catches me staring and straightens up. “You keep looking at me like
you want a taste, baby girl, and I’m not gonna lie, I’m gonna let
you have it.”

My gaze
shoots up to his smouldering one and I quickly avert my eyes.
“Sorry. Old habits die hard, I guess.”

“
Yeah, no
shit,” he replies as his eyes trail over my pink flesh. He breathes
deeply and turns around to remove his jeans and slip into the spray
of the shower, which is situated directly in my line of sight. The
clear glass does nothing to hinder my view of the hot water
cascading down over Elijah’s perfect bum. He keeps his body turned
away from me as he lathers and rinses and then he stands beneath
the spray with his hands against the tile and his head
bowed.

I could live
a thousand lives and never forget the way he looks, the way it
feels when his large, powerful body engulfs mine, the way I feel
about him. All of him. Not just the good, but the bad too. I miss
his hands on my body, I miss his mouth claiming mine with his own.
I miss touching him and being touched and for once, my need to be
claimed by him, completely, overrides the caution I have in my
heart.

The desire to
touch him is so great I don’t give myself a chance to second guess
it as I quietly rise from the water and pad over to the shower.
Opening the door, I step into the steam filled cubicle covered neck
to toes in bubbles.

I see the
moment that Elijah emerges from inside his own head and realises he
is no longer alone. His shoulders stiffen, his head rises and he
slowly turns to face me.

“
Ana?”

Shock quickly
turns to desire as his eyes slide over me and he wets his lips like
he wants a taste too. I place my hands on his chest and push him
back against the tiles. He places his too-large hand over mine and
holds it to his chest. The skin beneath my palm feels hot and
slightly raised. I begin to pull my hand away but he pushes it
harder against his flesh, like he doesn’t want me to
look.

“
Let me see,”
I say and when he shakes his head no, I plead.

Elijah closes
his eyes and removes his hand. On his left pectoral is a new
tattoo. Where there used to be a gothic graveyard scene with his
sister’s name now sits an intricate antique-looking compass
emblazoned right over his heart, but instead of sporting the
traditional North, East, South, West icons a simple cursive A is
written at each of the compass points. Beneath it are the words:
“Conscience is a Man’s Compass”.

Holy shit!
Was he saying that I was his moral compass?

I tear my
eyes off the beautiful tattoo—and it is beautiful, not just the
sentiment behind it but the artwork, too. “When did you get
this?”

“
We finished
the last of it tonight.” He looks down at me, like he’s expecting
me to freak out. Instead I trace my fingers over the lettering with
a wistful smile. “You didn’t wonder where I was going every Friday
night?”

“
I wondered.
I just didn’t think it was my place to ask.”

“
Ana, there
isn’t a single thing you could ask of me that I would refuse.” He
smiles down at me and my heart just about leaps out of my chest.
“But you already knew that, didn’t you?”