Welcome To My World (Hell Yeah!) (8 page)

“Hell yeah, we did.” Bowie took a sip and agreed. “I keep expecting to get a call from the state department. We, in essence, invaded a foreign country. Declared fuckin’ war.”

“Well, he’s home now, that’s all that matters.” Footsteps sounding on the tiled floor alerted them they weren’t alone. “Noah, come join us.”

Bowie looked up to see the next to youngest McCoy heading their way. “How did you tear yourself away from Skye?”

“I didn’t,” Noah admitted. “She’s in the room with Jessie.” He slapped his brother on the back. “Jessie tells me you’re going to take the boy home tomorrow.”

Jacob nodded. “Yea, thank God, the surgery was a success and we’ll be able to celebrate Aron’s homecoming right.”

“And Joseph and Cady’s wedding.” Noah added. “You’re coming, aren’t you?” he asked Bowie.

“I wish I could, but I’m leaving tonight for Canada to take part in a search and rescue. When I get back into the states, I have to head to the border to help George. I’m the one who wanted to submit the bid, it’s our biggest job yet and he needs me.”

Noah folded his arms and leaned on the table. “I’m going to be doing some searching of my own as soon as the holidays are over.”

Jacob shifted in his seat, appearing to be a bit uneasy. “Noah, you’ll have the whole family’s support, a thousand percent, but I don’t want you to get your hopes up.”

Bowie looked from one of them to the other. “What’s going on?”

Noah smiled sadly. “I didn’t tell you, I found out Sue McCoy wasn’t my mother.”

“What?” Bowie was stunned. He’d known Mrs. McCoy well. She’d been a wonderful mother, even bringing Bowie into the fold when he was around during their teenage years.”

Jacob took off his hat and slammed it into the chair. “Mother never made one whit of difference between any of us and you know it.”

“No, she didn’t and I’ll always love her and cherish her memory.” Noah met his brother’s stare head-on. Bowie realized he was witnessing a family issue playing out in front of him. “But that doesn’t keep me from wanting to know the woman who gave birth to me and what happened between her and my father.”

“Dad made a mistake.” Jacob gritted out the words from between his teeth. “A mistake I’d rather not dwell on.”

“Finding my mother is not dwelling on the mistake.” Noah shook his head, glancing down the hall. His eyes fell on Skye coming toward him. When she realized she had his attention, she motioned for him to join her. Noah looked relieved. “I’ll catch you guys later.” He gave his brother a brief nod. Then, he extended his hand to Bowie. “Be safe and when you get back in town, give us a call.”

“I’ll do it. Take care.” He shook Noah’s hand and watched him walk away.

Jacob waited until Noah was out of sight before he turned to Bowie. “I don’t want him to get hurt. You know Noah, he’s always been…different.” Jacob bowed his head. “Not different in a bad way and not because he had a different mother,” a low curse word escaped the big McCoy’s lips. “Noah just processes things different than we do. Everything has to add up, he doesn’t make allowances for things the way some people do. I’m just afraid what he finds will hurt him more than it will help him.”

Bowie never doubted that Jacob loved his brother. He loved his whole family, he’d proved that time and time again—the rescue of Aron on a grand scale was proof of his commitment. “Noah will get through this. He’s strong, you and Aron have seen to that.” When the McCoy brothers had lost their mother and dad, Aron and Jacob had stepped up and filled their shoes as best they could.

Jacob leaned back and crossed one booted ankle over another. “Yea, I know it.” He took a drink of coffee. “Enough McCoy drama, what’s going on with you?” He watched Bowie’s face. “How are things going with Cassie?”

At the mention of her name, Bowie’s whole body reacted. He tensed, sat straighter, clenched his fists and sighed. “Long story.”

“Hey, buddy.” Jacob leaned forward. “I’m your best friend, spill.”

“Cassie isn’t like anyone I’ve ever met before.” He hadn’t told Jacob the whole story, just that he’d met someone special. Maybe it was time.

“Sounds familiar, the right one is always different.” Jacob’s tone was lighthearted but he could read Bowie like a book. “What’s wrong?”

Bowie rubbed his thumb up and down the coffee cup. “When I saw Cassie across the bar, the attraction instantly hit me like a sledge hammer. After seeing her, there was no one else in the room—hell, I couldn’t even remember another woman’s face.”

Jacob chuckled. “Sounds like me after I saw my Jessie for the first time.”

Bowie looked at the wall, as if he was seeing something Jacob couldn’t see. “I wondered why she was alone, why she wasn’t dancing. I hung back, made sure she wasn’t waiting on anyone before I made my move.” Jacob just listened. “When I did finally go to her, she was more than I expected. Her smile, her sense of humor—hell, she was more beautiful close up than I’d ever dreamed a woman could be.” Bowie grinned, looking at Jacob. “She has all of this yellow hair, I mean down to her butt. Looks like something out of a fairytale.”

“God, you have it bad.” Jacob grimaced good-naturedly.

“Yea, I do.” Bowie’s face fell. “We talked and talked and I asked her to dance. Everything changed.”

“I always said you need charm school lessons.”

Bowie ignored Jacob’s teasing. “She turned me down and then she told me why.” He met his friend’s eyes. “She’s in a wheelchair.”

“I’m so sorry, man.” He didn’t know what else to say.

“Yea, me too.” Bowie hung his head for a moment, then raised it. “But you know what’s bad?” Jacob shook his head. “My first impulse was to walk away. And it’s not because she wasn’t beautiful or perfect…I was scared. Honestly, I looked at her and that chair and I didn’t know if I was man enough to deal with it.”

Jacob let out a long breath. “I think what you felt was normal. People who suffer with an injury or a handicap require special attention, they are more vulnerable and naturally we wonder if we can be what that person needs.”

“Exactly.” He crossed his arms on the table and laid his head on them for a moment, then looked at his friend. “I can’t tell you how beautiful she is, Jacob. And men have walked away from her before, I just know it. They take one look at that chair and they hightail it.” Bowie lowered his voice. “I almost did that, Jacob. And when I saw her face, I knew she was expecting me to do the same thing. Because guys had been doing that to her over and over again. In fact, I’d agreed to meet Tanner at the bar so he could introduce me to Micah Wolfe and Tyson Pate. After I’d put my foot in my mouth about dancing, Tanner comes over to get me.” Bowie stopped and drank his coffee. Jacob just waited. “I told Cassie I’d be back, to wait on me. But she didn’t. When I finished the meeting, Cassie was gone. She didn’t wait around to be stood up.”

“What happened?”

Bowie knew Jacob cared, so he opened up. “I was walking out to the truck and found a bracelet she dropped, I recognized it from earlier.” He let out a wry laugh. “I sorta took it as a sign. But when I got in the truck, you called. Aron had just been reported missing.” They both were quiet for a second, reflecting on the events of the last couple of months. “Anyway,” Bowie continued, “I fully intended on seeing her again. At the time I didn’t really know what I wanted, whether I was interested in pursuing a relationship or I just wanted to be kind to her so she’d realize every man in the world isn’t a colossal jerk.”

Jacob couldn’t help but smile. His friend clearly had it bad. “So, what did you decide, or do I have to ask?”

Bowie cleared his throat. “Probably not.” He gave a wry laugh. “I’ve seen her twice since then and shared
the
hottest kiss I’ve ever experienced.” Tipping his coffee cup up, he drained the last drops. “Then, the last time I saw her…she said she wanted to be just friends.”

“Ouch,” Jacob said dryly.

Bowie cast him a sideways glance. “At first, I intended to show her a good time and be a good neighbor. But the more time I spent with her, the more I realized I wanted more. Walking away from her wasn’t going to be as easy as I thought.”

“So, what are you going to do? Try and change her mind?”

“I talked to her a while ago, she was waiting on pins and needles to hear from me. She was worried about what we’ve been doing.”

“Awww, she likes you.”

Bowie made a face. “Stop it, this is serious.”

Jacob sobered. “I know. Love usually is.”

“I didn’t say anything about love,” Bowie started. “I…I still have some issues to work through.”

“Like what?”

“Sex.”

There, he’d said it.

“What about sex?” Jacob questioned, then a dawning realization bloomed on his face. “You don’t know if she can have sex or not. Is that it?”

Bowie held Jacob’s gaze. “She told me she was broken. I don’t know what that means…” Bowie got up and walked over to the coffee pot and poured another cup, buying himself some time. Finally, he came back. “Goddammit, Jacob, she’s so fuckin’ beautiful—so perfect. If I won’t be able to give her pleasure, I think I’ll die.”

“Bowie, just because she’s in a wheelchair doesn’t mean she can’t have sex,” Jacob whispered.

“Joseph…” Bowie began, thinking of the days when Joseph McCoy was paralyzed and in a wheelchair.

“First off, Joseph was a man—whole different ballgame.” They both laughed. “Second, it all depends on where she was hurt and what’s the extent of her injuries.”

Bowie leaned his head on his hands. “Well, I don’t want to sound crass.” He rose up and stared at Jacob. “But sex is sorta important to me.”

Jacob didn’t laugh. “I hear you, man.” Holding on to the chair next to him, Jacob leaned back, tipping his chair on the rear legs. “You know what you have to do, don’t you?”

“What’s that?” Bowie was open to suggestions.

“Talk—to…” About the time Jacob started to advise Bowie, his chair slipped and he almost didn’t catch it before the big man fell to the floor. Both men got tickled as Bowie tried to rescue Jacob. Finally, when they were still again, Jacob finished. “Talk to her, Bowie. That’s the best advice I have for you.”

“You’re right. I will. Between now and the time I see her again, I’m going to read everything I can on the topic and then I’ll understand what she tells me and I can make my case.”

“Sometimes a touch is worth a thousand words.” Jacob straightened his hat as he stood up. “She might not be experienced enough to know what to expect, keep that in mind.” He laid a hand on Bowie’s shoulder. “And let me give you a name. This man is married to Beau’s cousin Dandi. He’s a sex therapist. If anyone can tell you what to do, it’ll be Lucas Wagner.”

Jacob wrote a name and number on the back of one of his cards and handed it to Bowie. “Thanks, man.”

“No problem. I’m going to go check on my baby and my little boy. Give me a call as soon as you’re back in town. We’ll be going home tomorrow or the next day and we’ll want to meet Cassie as soon as possible.”

Bowie smiled. “You’ve always been the most optimistic person I know, but this time I pray you’re right.”

CHAPTER FIVE

Cassie got ready for bed. She had her routine down pat. A lack of money meant she’d never had a lot of extras to help with her condition, but she did have a stool in her shower and a pole sling to hold on to steady herself as she moved from the chair to the shower. The only problem was that she had to always be prepared. Forgetting the shampoo or a towel was a bigger deal for her than it was for most people.

Usually the hot water made her feel better. It felt good on her sore back and soothed the tension in her hips and thighs. As normal, she gave herself a massage. It was important to do as much as she could to keep her muscles supple. Tonight, she didn’t linger. She was about to perform a grand experiment. With a shy smile, she toweled herself off and pulled on a sleep shirt. “I think I’ll forego panties, they’ll just get in the way.” After speaking out loud and blushing, Cassie giggled. Who knew she could embarrass herself?

Making her way to the bed, Sassy and Patience trailed along behind her. “You two are going to have to give me a little privacy,” she informed them. As if they understood, both curled up in their small beds next to hers. Rolling up beside her bed, Cassie pulled down the cream colored bed spread. She slept in a queen bed, even though she never needed room for more than one. Could that change? Cassie was afraid to conjecture, especially not before she ran her big test.

Grimacing, she unsteadily rose to her feet. It never got easier. The pain didn’t lessen. The moment she put weight down on her legs, the bullet fragment jabbed what felt like a billon nerve endings with red-hot slashing pain. At times, Cassie would almost black-out, but this time she bit her lip, took the necessary step and eased herself on to the bed. Awkwardly, she helped herself, lifting her legs one by one so she could lie down straight. She had some mobility in her legs, but since she couldn’t stand to put weight on them to any extent, most of the time they were numb. As she settled in, she thought about how clumsy and awkward she was. Oh yeah, getting into bed with her would be romantic. For a moment, she covered her face with her hands, feeling the heat blossom in her cheeks. Oh well, she had to try or she’d never know. And Cassie was tired of living with regrets.

Pulling the covers over her near useless legs, she reclined on the pillows. To start things off, she hiked her shirt up from under her hips and pulled it up above her breasts. Tilting her head up, she surveyed her naked body. Hmmmm. Not much to write home about. Oh, she guessed her breasts were okay, a B cup at most. To help get herself in the mood, she cupped the soft mounds and tried to think of something sexy.

Bowie.

That didn’t take long. No, indeed. As she palmed her breasts, lifting them and letting her fingers slide down to her nipples, she thought of Bowie and the kiss he’d given her the last time she saw him. God, the man could kiss! It had been her first one, but you don’t have to drive every car in the lot to know a Bentley is the top of the line. If she closed her eyes, she could still feel his mouth as it seared hers, the way he’d sucked on her lip, the way his tongue felt as it glided sensually against her own. Damn! If a woman could come just from a kiss, she would have broken the orgasm barrier in his arms.

Rivulets of arousal seemed to trickle their way down her body. She knew once they got past her waist there were gaps and areas where she had less feeling than others. Whether or not she had enough feeling in her feminine area to enjoy sex, she really didn’t know. Slowly, she let her hands slide down her body. She wished she was voluptuous instead of slight. One of her girlfriends had told her she had a nice figure, but Cassie figured she might have just been being nice.

Geez, she was tense! This was supposed to be fun. Over the years, Cassie hadn’t been able to generate much interest in sex. For one thing, she really hadn’t considered the act was a possibility for her and masturbation seemed like a lonely alternative. Secondly, Cassie was afraid to try. As she mulled this over in her mind, she stilled.

She was afraid to try.

For once, she forced herself to work through the mental gymnastics to come to the root cause of her trepidation. It didn’t take long and it wasn’t hard to do. Bottom line, if she touched herself and nothing happened, if she could feel no build, no excitement, no rush of joy, that meant she never would.

Cassie was only twenty-five years old.

If she confirmed in her own mind that she could never, ever feel anything sexually, well, that would be facing a truth which would be devastating. Even though she’d reconciled in her heart a long time ago that she’d never be loved, there was always this small, deeply buried, kernel of hope that she could somehow, someday live a normal life. To find a man who would think she was beautiful and have a body that would respond to his touch would be a dream come true.

So, now—with so much at stake—she let her hands, ever so slowly, glide down her body. As she left her breasts and moved down her ribcage, she allowed herself to enjoy the pleasure of being touched. Even if it was her own hand, sometimes her body just longed to be touched. Her family had never been demonstrative and after she’d been hurt, it seemed like they were afraid to touch her, afraid they’d cause her further pain. So, something as innocuous as a hug became a valuable commodity in her world. Her friends seldom hugged her, her family was gone, so the only one who touched Cassie was Cassie.

Until Bowie.

Bowie.

Gorgeous, sexy, sweet…”Bowie,” she moaned as her palm skated down over her abdomen and landed at the apex of her thighs. Her breath hitched. Not daring to even draw in air, she reversed her journey and repeated it. “Ahhh…” she breathed. She could feel…in places, some more than others. It was as if the nerve endings on some spots in her body were more sensitive than others. Almost like there were hot zones and dead zones. The very thought made her shiver. What if? Heck! She was so damn scared she was trembling like a leaf. Rising up, she spread her legs farther apart, wincing, not because it hurt but because she was expecting it to hurt. “I’m not going to be able to do this,” she whispered. “No way.” For a moment she allowed herself to imagine Bowie was in the bed with her. He could see her. His big, muscular body was reclined next to hers. They would kiss. He would touch her breasts. He would move his hand down between her legs…and…

“Please, please, please,” she begged.

Her fingers delved over her mound and dipped between the moist pink folds. “Oh, God!” she groaned. She was wet. Thank God, at least she was a little wet! That had to count for something, didn’t it? Struggling to maintain the erotic image of Bowie in bed with her, she had a disturbing thought. Just the idea of him having to move her legs, arrange her useless limbs while he moved over her, ready to impale her… “Bowie!” she gasped. She could feel her fingers, she could feel a tingle…arching her back from the bed, she felt both a shiver of awareness in her sex and a flash of pain in her back. “Ow!”

Ring! Ring!

The cell going on by her bed caused Cassie to jump as if she’d been caught red-handed. “What in the world?” Hastily, she wiped her damp fingers on her sheet before she grabbed the phone. “Hello?” Her heart was beating a mile a minute.

“What are you doing, angel?”

Bowie!

“Uh, uh…” she started. “I was…nothing,” she stammered.

Bowie cleared his throat, then he chuckled. “Is there a man in your bed, Cassie?” He knew better, or he thought he did, but Bowie couldn’t help the niggle of jealousy that wormed its way up his spine.

“No.” He heard her huff in that husky little voice.

“So, what were you doing?” He didn’t know why he was pushing her, but for some reason he sensed she’d been doing something—important, something to do with him.

Cassie blanched, then blushed, then trembled. No way was she admitting to Bowie Malone that she was masturbating! No way! “I was…dreaming…and the ringing of the phone startled me awake.” There! It was a lie, but it was all he was getting.

“Okayyy.” Maybe he was mistaken. “I’m sorry to wake you, but I just wanted to hear your voice.” He wasn’t talking very loud because he was in the Denver airport, about to switch flights. “I’m waiting on a plane.” Looking at his watch, he realized what time it was. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have called.”

“No!” she shouted, then realized she’d sounded totally foolish. “Don’t be sorry, I’m glad you did.”

“Really?” He wanted her to be glad. “I’ve heard from the Ranger Station in Alberta, the hiker we’re looking for was rappelling near Bass Buttress on Castle Mountain, which means I’ll be going in on horseback.”

“Be careful!” She cautioned him. “I worry about you so.”

He smiled. “I like for you to worry.”

“What?”

“Shoot, that came out wrong. I don’t want you to worry, but I’m glad you care.” That sounded better.

“I do.” She did care. “You’re my friend,” Cassie hastened to add, not wanting him to think she felt more than he wanted her to feel. Goodness! That thought snarled up in her head.

“Cassie, do you remember that kiss I gave you?”

How could she forget? “Yes.”

“I’m going to want another one of those as soon as I get home.”

Excitement sparkled in her heart and mind—she felt it all over, even down in the tender places she’d touched earlier. “When will that be?”   

Her anxious sounding voice made him snort. “I can’t tell if you’re looking forward to it, or if you’re dreading it.”

Cassie inhaled sharply. “I don’t dread it.”

“Good.”

“When?” She knew she was pushing it.

“I’m hoping I can get through here in a couple of days. Then, I need to put in a good four day’s work with my partner building some roads and drill sites for an oil company.”

“You are very busy.” His life was full. She felt guilty for wanting to spend time with him.

“Not too busy for you,” he told her. “I gotta go, they’re calling my flight. I’ll call you when I get back in the states.”

“Thanks for calling me, Bowie.” The words rushed from her mouth.

“Bye, sugar.”

With that he was gone. Setting the phone on the table, she laid back and let out a small squeal. “Arggggg!” she exclaimed.

There was one thing Cassie knew for certain—the only thing scarier than having Bowie in her life…was not having him in her life.

*  *  *

The jagged peaks of the Canadian rockets seemed to tear holes in the low hanging clouds. Bowie pulled his jacket around him as snow swirled in ever-increasing eddies in the wind.

“Do you think we’ll find him?” Tanner asked as he shifted in the saddle. The big roan he was riding slipped on a rock and both man and horse dipped sharply, but the stallion caught his footing. Neither man said anything. This was a normal occurrence when riding off-trail in mountainous territory.

“We’ll have to find him soon,” Bowie answered Tanner’s obvious question. If they were to find him alive, they needed to find him soon was what both of them knew he meant.

They’d been tracking partners for three years now. Tanner had hired on with the McCoys for a while, until he got a job with the Freeman Ranch as a horse trainer. “I don’t see any vultures.”

“That’s always a good sign. I’m worried about his age, though. I think Mr. Edge is over sixty.” Bowie looked over at his partner. “Speaking of vultures, since you work at Freeman, do you ever go over to the body farm?” Freeman Ranch wasn’t your normal ranch, it was more, much more. Managed by Texas State University to serve as an educational model for ranch management, it was used regularly for educational outreach and visited by many students annually. But that wasn’t all. One of the things studied on the Freeman Ranch was how the body decomposes under various circumstances at the Forensic Anthropology Center.

Tanner didn’t look directly at Bowie, he kept scanning the horizon. They both knew to look for any little sign, not just smoke but a reflection, a spot of bright color—any indication that a human was trying to make their location known in the vast wilderness which spread before them. “Yea, I go over there occasionally,” he answered dryly.

“Pretty creepy place?” Bowie had seen some strange things in his life, but even he had a hard time wrapping his head around a place where real human bodies were set out to decay in varying and disturbing circumstances. He knew it was for a purpose, what forensic pathologists learned there helped them to solve many crimes and helped many people, but knowing the displays weren’t mannequins or dummies but real people who were loved by someone just boggled his mind.

“Not your run of the mill twenty-six acres, that’s for sure.” Tanner pushed his hat up on his head. “You know people donate their bodies for medical research, most of the time for use in an anatomy class, easiest way to get into medical school, I guess.” He chuckled. “We pulled a good one on Lomax Richards. We knew he’d been pulled off barn duty to go over and fix a water leak at the body farm. So, we worried Dr. Holmes until he let us set up a stunt.” He paused for a second while a white-tail deer ran across their path. “There was one spot where—”

Bowie held up his hand. “Something might’ve spooked that deer, let’s go check it out.” They turned downstream near a small creek which wound its way at the base of one of the first foothills, Tanner taking the lead.

“Anyway, you know they have all kinds of scenarios—bodies in car trunks, suitcases, pools of water, up in the trees, hanging by nooses.” Bowie wanted to smile. Tanner was just enjoying all of this way too much. “There are a few spots on the grounds where they just lay the corpse out in the open. So, we set up our own crime scene. Except, Petey wasn’t dead. We fixed him up with a ragged shirt and smeared dirt all over him and draped him out across a log.”

Bowie could see where this was going and he was listening, but he was also keeping his eyes peeled on the trail ahead. Something wasn’t quite right.

“Are you listening to me?” When Bowie smiled and answered with a ‘yeah,’ Tanner continued. “Well, Lomax is a little superstitious and had dreaded going over there where all of those dead bodies were, I mean he claims to have seen a ghost before, so we had this rigged good. Even put up a couple of game cameras so we’d have the moment recorded for posterity, or America’s Funniest Videos,” he added with a laugh. “We watched Lomax eye Petey’s body and give a little shiver. He’d rather have been anywhere in the world besides in that body farm working next to a dead man. We waited awhile, giving Lomax a chance to really get into his work before we gave Petey the signal.” Tanner chuckled again. “Well, you can imagine what happened. Petey groaned, Lomax froze, Petey began to rise up and Lomax took off like a ruptured red bug, screaming to the top of—”

“Hold it, Tanner. Be quiet.” Tanner had been talking, but Bowie had quit listening. If he wasn’t mistaken the trackers were being tracked.

Tanner did as he was bid. He was experienced enough to know that anything could happen in the wilderness. Even the horses seemed to pick up on Bowie’s concern, their nostrils flaring. They could sense something the men couldn’t.

Bowie listened. Everything was quiet, too quiet. It seemed as if the birds had even abandoned the area. Tanner slowly turned to look at Bowie and when he did, his eyes widened. “Gun, behind you. Now!” he yelled. Bowie didn’t quibble. He grabbed the rifle and dismounted in one quick, seamless motion. Even before he saw what he was aiming at, he had the rifle cocked and ready. Tanner was only a heartbeat behind. To their amazement, three huge timber wolves were almost on top of them. One lunged at Bowie, causing his horse to jump and fall. The horse recovered its balance, but the action had caused both men to lose their stance. Before he could recover, Bowie found himself face to face with a snarling wolf. He had seen wolves before, but none that had ever acted like this. Its teeth were bared, this wolf meant business. An even bigger male was stalking toward Tanner, seemingly unafraid. With a growl, he leaped as Tanner fired a shot that took him down. The noise seemed to activate the wolf in front of Bowie and he charged toward him, forcing Bowie to shoot him almost point-blank. The third wolf retreated and in a few moments, both men stood there—stunned.