Weightless (22 page)

My cheeks were on fire as I squirmed, holding my breath. There was something slowly coming together inside me. It was a cool fire, and I reached for it as much as I cowered away.

“It’s okay to let me know you like it, Natalie,” he breathed, slowing his movements. I felt every inch of his long fingers as he slid them in and then withdrew them. He was steady, calculated, the perfect equation for impossible satisfaction. “You can moan, or scream…” His words trailed off and he sucked my nipple. Hard. “Or say my name.”

I moaned, arching into him. His erection was pressed against my inner thigh and I desperately wanted him inside me, but I knew that wasn’t his intention. He wanted me to come apart at the touch of his fingers, and I was only moments away.

“Let it out,” he demanded, this time a bit louder. His hand moved faster, his fingers hitting a spot inside me I’d never known existed. I moaned a little louder, but it wasn’t good enough. Rhodes flexed his hips, lighting my insides on fire. I groaned, but again, I knew he wanted more.

He removed his fingers long enough to make quick work of my panties, and then I was completely naked in his bed. He still had every stitch of his clothing on, but I was fully exposed — spread out, panting,
needing
. Rhodes’ eyes devoured me, breath hitting his chest like a fist. It was a constant battle — he would take me hard one moment and pull back the next. I was the elixir for everlasting life and he wanted to drink me slowly and yet consume me quickly and all at once. I felt his own need radiating like heat from his body, but he subdued it with each breath.

Hooking his hands around my hips, Rhodes yanked me to the end of the bed and then stopped himself, dropping to his knees slowly and finding my eyes with his own before sliding two fingers inside me once more. His teeth raked over the flesh of his bottom lip when I moaned and slowly, with restraint, he lowered his mouth to my clit.

Oh. My. God.

As soon as his hot mouth surrounded my sensitive skin, I moaned uncontrollably. Each flick of his tongue mixed with the pressure of his fingers inside me in a deadly dance. My moans turned to screams, and though I gripped the sheets and tried to hold on, I flew off the edge, losing every ounce of balance left in my already unsteady world.

It was like a wave, slow and steady at first and then crashing down on me all at once. I was drowning, suffocating, fighting for air as the electric current ripped through me. I didn’t just scream Rhodes’ name, I moaned it, and cried it, and offered it up to the gods as an excuse for the sin I knew I’d never let go.

When the sensation passed, my legs fell lax against the sheets and I closed my eyes tight. I had no idea what I sounded like to Rhodes, but my cheeks blushed from embarrassment the moment the unbridled passion faded. He kissed up my body slowly, taking his time, leaving no inch of skin to feel jealous of another. When his lips found mine again, he kissed me slower, softer, and his eyes were open, fixed on mine.

“That was incredibly sexy.”

I shook my head. “That, I, I’ve never, I don’t—” Words were lost.
I
was lost.

Rhodes’s eyes widened and he pulled back, propping himself up on one elbow. “Wait,” he said the word tentatively, brushing a strand of my fallen hair from my face. “Was that your first orgasm?”

“Is that what that was?!” He laughed a little at my reaction and I blushed harder, covering my face with the sheets. “I thought I’d had one before. I thought I knew what it felt like. But that…”

“That… what? Say what you want to say, Bug.”

Dropping the sheets, I leaned up to mirror his position. “That was the hottest thing I’ve ever experienced.”

Rhodes grinned, slowly dragging his teeth over the tender, swollen flesh of his bottom lip. Sliding his hand up my neck until his thumb brushed my jaw, his smile faded. “You’re the first girl I’ve ever wanted to take my time with,” he whispered, shaking his head. “But then again, I feel like I’m racing against time. Like I only have so long to touch you.”

I covered his hand resting on my cheek with my own, leaning into him. I didn’t know what to say, because as much as I wanted to tell him he had all the time in the world, he was somewhat right about what he said earlier. I did feel what he felt — like what we had was fleeting.

A soft smile found his lips again when I didn’t answer. “That was nothing, by the way. You have no idea, Natalie.”

And maybe I didn’t.

But I couldn’t wait to find out.

So that’s how it was.

Rhodes trained me like normal, and he never touched me inappropriately in the gym. We were client and trainer, behaved and natural. He pushed me harder, and I fought him less. He smiled more, which made me do the same.

Rhodes loved to touch me when we weren’t in the gym.

He brought me pleasure in ways I’d never experienced before, yet we still hadn’t gone all the way. In fact, I had yet to give
him
a release, which bothered me. When I would try, he would tell me to wait. For what, I didn’t know. But, I didn’t argue — the truth was, I enjoyed his attention. We were practically inseparable, and I was learning more about him every day. He was even opening up about his sister, though those conversations were few and far between. When he let that part of him be seen—when he opened himself to me — those were the times I loved the most.

With Mason, sex was always rushed. It was sloppy and purposeful — we went until he grunted out a release and collapsed on top of me. I thought that’s all sex was, but before Rhodes had even touched me — when he had only heated me with his gaze — I knew there was more.

And
God
, did Rhodes show me more.

I lost the desire to talk to Mason at all. After the way he let me down at the fair, I wasn’t even sure who he was anymore. And the more attention I got from Rhodes, the less I cared about the lack of attention I was getting from Mason. Soon, his texts became fewer and fewer, he gave up trying to get me to talk to him, and I fell easily into my new reality with Rhodes.

But every now and then, Rhodes would slip into the same person I met at the beginning of the summer. He would shut down, block me out, or be evasive. Sometimes, he would have to leave my house to “go somewhere” or “do something”, but he never told me what. I questioned him a few times, but he would always change the subject or tell me not to worry, which in turn only made me worry more. I didn’t want to suspect another woman, not with the way he looked at me, but that’s where my mind immediately went. Sometimes I could talk myself out of it, but then my mind would go to even darker places. Because if it wasn’t another woman, what exactly was it? Mostly, I just felt this uncertainty deep in my stomach. Something was off, but he wasn’t telling me what.

It was just over a week later at our Sunday weigh-in session that I knew I was losing him again.

“Oh no...” I stared at the number on the large glass scale in Rhodes’ training office, the same one I’d seen the Sunday before, and I felt my stomach sink. This was it, I’d hit my limit. I was failing.

“It happens, Bug,” Rhodes said, but he seemed distracted as he scribbled something on my file. “We’ll switch up your diet and cardio, see if that helps and go from there.”

“What if it doesn’t work?”

Rhodes pursed his lips, shaking his head slightly. “Then we’ll figure it out.”

“How are you so sure?”

“Because I know what I’m doing. I’ve trained hundreds of women. This happens to everyone. It’s called a plateau.”

I flinched when he mentioned how many women he’d
trained
, because we both knew what usually went with that. I shuddered once more when I realized that, technically, I was one of them.

But that was a lie.

Because I knew, deep down, that I was more to him. Or maybe I just
wanted
to know that. I longed for that reassurance. That was what both terrified me and gave me hope at the same time. Rhodes wasn’t an easy break. I knew there was more of him to discover. But just like he didn’t treat me like any of the other women in his life, I was determined to help him find his own value. He looked at me as if I were an investment — something he believed in — and I saw him in the same light.

“I feel like I’m failing.”

Rhodes pinched the bridge of his nose. “Natalie, you’ve lost twenty-six pounds. In just over a month. Trust me, you’re fine.”

I could tell I was annoying him, but I couldn’t stop myself from talking. “Did I do something to upset you?”

“Other than complain about a problem that isn’t a real problem? No.” My mouth popped open. He glanced up from where he was scribbling on his notepad and sighed, tossing it on the desk. “I’m sorry. I just have some shit going on.”

I chewed my bottom lip and fought against the urge to reach out to him. Rhodes was adamant about keeping our relationship private, if that’s even what you would consider it. Whatever we were, we existed outside of the club. Here, we were just a customer and a service provider.

“Talk to me about it. Maybe I can help.”

Rhodes scoffed, and the sound was so harsh I tucked my arms tight across my chest.

“Trust me. You can’t.”

“How do you know if you don’t tell me?” I asked defensively.

“Can you just let it go?” He pleaded, his eyes finally meeting mine. They were darker than usual, a green forest with a storm looming. “Please?”

Sighing, I nodded, but I didn’t feel good about it. I wanted him to talk to me, and that was the first time I realized that what we had — whatever it was — was on his terms.

“Crap,” I muttered under my breath when I checked my watch. “I think I drained the battery again.”

“Did you leave the voice recorder on?”

Silence.

He sighed, and I half-hoped I could muster a smirk from him, but it didn’t happen. Instead, he just dug through the top drawer of the desk and handed me a new battery. We were done talking for the day.

Rhodes wrote up suggestions for my meal plan and sent me to do cardio. Then, without another word, he left. I watched the muscles in his back flex as he moved farther away from me. Once he disappeared through the men’s locker room door, I frowned.

I’d barely cracked him open and already I was losing him. He was pushing me away, and my heart sank at the thought of what it would mean if he succeeded.

Mom and Dale came home from their trip that night. Dale was drunk, or high, or some sort of messed up. It was the first time I’d seen him like that,
really
seen him like that, and Mom tried but failed to hide it.

She ushered him to their room quickly when they got home. I was lying on the couch watching
Lost
, debating on calling Willow. We hadn’t seen each other much since she’d returned from orientation and her going away party was in less than a week. Truth be told, I’d kind of fallen off the face of the earth. Mom and Dale had been gone, Willow was busy getting ready for school, and I had no other distractions to keep me from Rhodes. Even Mason had left me alone.

I heard my parents arguing upstairs, their voices muffled but loud enough that I knew whatever was happening wasn’t good. It’s not that they hadn’t fought before — every couple had their issues, right? But it seemed more intense that summer, more saturated.

When the slam of the door upstairs echoed down through the living room, I paused the television, waiting. Mom snailed down the stairs, her hand lightly brushing the railing, her eyes swollen and puffy and streaked with mascara. Even still, she was beautiful. Mom was always so beautiful.