Webster (9 page)

Gravy? He'd missed
gravy
? Life was
so
not fair.

“What did you have for breakfast?” Jack asked.

“Muddy water,” the Bad Hat said grimly.

“Yuck.” Jack made a face. “Glad that was you, not me.”

Beef gravy. Oh, the
humanity
. The Bad Hat sighed. “Are Joan and Thomas searching for me and all?”

Jack nodded. “Thomas is driving around in the van,
I think. I was maybe going to try and get a ride with him, to save time, but Florence said that wouldn't be very savvy. So, I walked about a million miles to come find you, instead.”

This was a whole lot of unfortunate information all at once, and the Bad Hat sat down in the middle of the road to think.

“So, what happens now?” Jack asked.

Good question. “Well, my whole plan is
ruined
, if I'm not on my own,” the Bad Hat said.

“Is it making you even grumpier than usual?” Jack asked.

Yes. “You can go home, and tell Florence I'm just fine,” the Bad Hat said. “Because you've totally interrupted my schedule, and I want to go back to exploring.”

“I'll go with you,” Jack said.

The Bad Hat shook his head. “Nope. No way. I need my privacy.”

Jack shrugged. “Okay, I'll walk ten feet in front of you. That way, I'm doing what I'm supposed to do, but you can have some personal space.”

“In front of me?” the Bad Hat said. “What, are you kidding? Behind me,
maybe
, but even that's not a good
situation. I want to be alone, don't you get that?”

Jack gave him an injured look. “You are so weird, Bad Hat. I'm just, like, following protocol, you know? And you're hurting my feelings.”

The Bad Hat frowned.

“A lot,”
Jack said. “You were supposed to be happy to see me, not all cranky and mean.”

Had Jack not
met
him before? “I'm always cranky and mean,” the Bad Hat said.

“Yeah, but you abandoned me last night, and ran away, and now, even though I gave up my nap to come and keep you company, you're not being
welcoming
.” Jack sniffled a little. “It's not right.” He sniffled again. “It's not
nice
.”

Nowhere—not even on a single page—in the Bad Hat Handbook, did it say that he was ever required to be nice.

Jack brushed his muddy paw across his eyes. “I am so sad right now.”

Was he going to pull out a violin next? “Okay, okay,” the Bad Hat said impatiently. “How about if I let you walk with me for one hour?”

“That's all?” Jack asked.

“It's very generous,” the Bad Hat said.

“Not hardly, but okay.” Jack took one step forward, then stopped. “We don't have watches, and I don't see any clocks. How will we know how much time has passed?”

So much nitpicking. It was exhausting. “We'll estimate,” the Bad Hat said.

Jack looked dubious. “That's not very scientific.”

“Then, we'll figure it out from the position of the sun in the sky,” the Bad Hat said.

Jack cocked his head. “Seriously?”

Yes. The Bad Hat decided that he was tired of worrying about details, so he just started walking down the road.

“Wait up!” Jack said, and trotted after him.

The dog set a fairly brisk pace. He had things to do and places to see, even if he wasn't sure what any of them were.

“If we can't have an effortless conversation while we run, we're going too fast,” Jack panted.

“Can't we run quietly and commune with nature?” the Bad Hat asked.

“No,” Jack said. “We're supposed to talk about our lives, and
bond
.” Then, he laughed. “Look at your expression! Man, are you easy to scare! It's okay, we can just walk around.”

Whew. They didn't have to bond. Relaxing a little, the Bad Hat slowed down, so that Jack would have an easier time keeping up.

There were small houses tucked in among the trees, and they could see long, steep, winding driveways. The Bad Hat was also relieved to notice some signs of life here and there. Shades up, lights on, cars in the driveways, and he caught the scents of people, and even some pets, inside a few of the cottages. Once, he even smelled breakfast cooking—bacon and eggs and toast—and the smell was so enticing that he stopped in his tracks to sniff it for as long as possible.

Wow, was he hungry. “Do you smell that?” he asked. “Bacon and everything!”

“Bet you're sorry you missed out on the gravy,” Jack said.

He was extremely sorry.

As they rounded a curve, the Bad Hat saw the shimmer of water, and realized that a lot of the houses were near a big, beautiful lake. In fact, there were a bunch of cottages built right along the shoreline. They made their way through the woods and down to the water's edge, so that they could get a closer look.

There were rustic cabins, pretty cottages, tiny grassy
lawns, pine and birch trees, wooden docks, and lots of small boats pulled up onto the land or anchored to little buoys. Canoes, rowboats, kayaks, sailboats, and a few motorboats. A range of forest-green mountains rose up above the lake, and he could see a bunch of other cottages over there on the other side.

“This is nice,” Jack said.

The Bad Hat had to agree. If this was what New Hampshire was like, it was a pretty cool place.

They stood there, and admired the view for a while.

It was such a beautiful lake! And the air smelled so pure! When the Bad Hat had been back in Arkansas, he had gone swimming in a pond once, and it had been really fun, even though he saw a water moccasin and had to dash back to shore, as fast as his puppy legs would take him. A lake this large and beautiful would be even
more
fun to swim in. Especially if there weren't any snakes. Or eels, or snapping turtles, or—well, at least the lake
looked
pretty.

“Let's go check it out,” he said, and trotted down one of the driveways, which sloped down to the edge of the water.

“Okay, but don't get too close,” Jack said. “We don't want to get wet.”

Terriers were wimps.
Of course
, they wanted to get wet!

It was windy, and the Bad Hat closed his eyes, so that he could focus on all of the interesting smells in the air. The water was lapping softly against the rocky shore, and it was a soothing sound. Maybe they should take a swim, and then find a comfortable spot where they could settle down, and enjoy a nap in the sunshine?

“We should go swimming,” he said.

Jack shook his head. “No way. It looks too cold.”

The Bad Hat stuck his front paw in the water to test the temperature. A little chilly, but not enough to make him yelp.

“Is it awful?” Jack asked, quivering slightly at the very thought.

“No, it feels good,” the Bad Hat said, and checked the water with his paw again. Hmmm. Maybe not
chilly
, so much as
icy
.

Rough and tough as he was, perhaps he should wait until the sun was higher in the sky, and warmed the water up a little? It wasn't as though they were on a tight schedule.

“It looks deep, too,” Jack said uneasily.

Certainly, the Bad Hat would go ahead and swim right now, if he really felt like it. He just didn't, that's all. It had absolutely nothing to do with the temperature.

“Well, if you're going to be a big baby about the water,
we can go explore someplace else,” the Bad Hat said magnanimously.

“Fine with me,” Jack said, already heading up the driveway.

They were loping back up to the dirt road, when they heard a strange sound and stopped to look at each other.

“What was that?” Jack asked.

The Bad Hat listened more carefully.
Glurg
? Or
glurp
? Weird. Like a person was trying to talk, with a mouthful of water. Which seemed like a dumb idea to him, but who was he to judge?

Except now the sound suddenly seemed panicky. It was coming from out in the lake somewhere, but the Bad Hat couldn't see anything other than the various boats, some small, choppy waves, and a few big rocks. Nothing particularly alarming.

The mysterious noise echoed weakly across the water again, and this time, it sounded like a waterlogged “Help!”

Someone was in trouble out there!

H
e and Jack stared at each other.

“What do we do?” Jack asked.

“I don't know,” the Bad Hat said, and squinted out at the lake. It was hard to see if there might be a person's head out there, bobbing in the strong current.

“Help!” the voice yelled, and now he saw an arm wave frantically in the water, a couple hundred yards away.

Even though he had renounced all contact with human beings for the rest of his life, and was seriously considering being an unrepentant villain, in this particular case, he maybe had to make an exception to his rule. Just this once.

“Come on!” he said, and took a running start and
dove into the water. It was cold, and he heard himself make a small, high-pitched bark that sounded like “Yipe!”

“Um, maybe I should wait here,” Jack said, pacing nervously at the water's edge.

The Bad Hat ignored that, and started paddling out towards the person who was in danger.

He'd only gotten to swim that one time, long ago, but he was happy to see that he was good at it. His legs knew exactly what to do, and he noticed that when he used his tail, too, sweeping it back and forth, that he could move even faster.

“You can do it, Bad Hat!” Jack yelled.

The dog was concentrating so hard on the swimming, that he almost went right by the person.

It was an older man, who was gasping and choking and flailing.

“Glurp,” the man said hoarsely.

Whatever. The details didn't really matter, at the moment.

The man was wearing bathing trunks and a thin shirt made of some kind of weird material. The Bad Hat thought it might be called neoprene? Either way, he experimentally tugged on the sleeve with his teeth, and
was pleased to see that he could get a good, solid grip.

The man was so scared that he clutched at the Bad Hat's neck—and promptly pulled them both underwater.

Which really wasn't helpful.

The Bad Hat thrashed back up to the surface and coughed out most of the lake water he had just swallowed. Then, he stuck his muzzle in the water, fastened his teeth around the collar of the thick shirt, and started swimming towards the shore.

“Come on, Bad Hat!” Jack said, standing up on his hind legs and waving his front paws in the air. “I'm right over here!”

Very helpful. Although the current
was
pretty strong, so maybe it was good to have a furry landmark.

Wow, the man was heavy. And it was hard to keep both of their heads above the water. But, the Bad Hat churned steadily forward, dragging the man along next to him. Little waves kept splashing up, into the dog's face and nose—and he would have trouble breathing for a couple of seconds—but he kept his gaze on the shoreline and swam on without pausing.

It seemed to take forever, but finally, his paws scraped
against sand and rocks, and he stopped swimming, because he could walk from here.

The man was trying to stand up by himself, but couldn't seem to make his legs work right. So, the Bad Hat ignored his feeble attempts, and pulled him up onto the cement driveway. He gently deposited the man there, and then released the shirt from his teeth. It was good to be able to move his jaw freely again, and he shook off some of the water from his coat. Wow, that lake was
seriously
cold.

“I can take it from here,” Jack said confidently, and nudged the man's face with one paw.

Whatever. The Bad Hat looked down at the man, who was coughing and exhausted, but didn't seem to be drowned or anything. In fact, he was trying to talk, even though he still couldn't quite catch his breath.

“Maybe we should go get some help,” Jack said.

The Bad Hat snorted some more water out of his nostrils, and then sniffed the air. It smelled as though one of the nearby cottages might be occupied. “Over there,” he said. “Let's go!”

So, they raced over to the house, stood outside the back door, and began barking.

After a while, the door opened and a woman stood there, holding a spatula.

Whoa, was she going to hit them with that? Just in case, the Bad Hat jumped back and out of the way.

Although the spatula smelled so deliciously of fried ham, that getting smacked with it might sting a lot less than it would have otherwise.

“Who are you two?” the woman asked, sounding curious.

Whoa. Totally existential question. The Bad Hat stopped barking to do a little inventory of his life, and the various problems he was grappling with—wait. There was a much more pressing issue. So, he went back to barking.

“Have you ever seen
Lassie
?” Jack asked. “
That's
what we need to do.”

“Who's Lassie?” the Bad Hat asked.

Jack looked horrified. “You don't know who Lassie is? Bad Hat, you just failed on so many levels, that I don't even know how to—” He shook his head. “Watch and learn.” He backed up a few feet across the lady's yard, barked, returned to her door, and then repeated the whole process, going further this time.

“What does that accomplish?” the Bad Hat asked.

“It'll make her follow us,” Jack said, and did it again.

The woman looked around suspiciously. “Is this some kind of reality-show stunt? Because I really have no interest in being on television.”

Well, the Bad Hat didn't, either, unless maybe someone wanted to buy the rights to his life story, and he had script approval and an executive-producer credit.

Regardless, he joined Jack in his run-away-come-back-run-away motion a few times.