We Dine With Cannibals (18 page)

“Could the ants have taken it?” Corey wondered.

“No,” said Oliver. “It was a monkey.”

“How do you know that?” said Celia.

“Because.” Oliver pointed to a vine studded with white flowers. A gray monkey with a shock of black hair on its head hung off the vine about twenty feet in the air, and the monkey was holding their backpack. He screeched at them and swung from vine to vine, heading deeper into the jungle.

“Oh no,” said Celia.

“More running?” said Oliver.

“Yep,” said Celia, and off the trio raced after the monkey who had taken their backpack.

Celia, Oliver, and Corey ran below as the monkey raced along above them, swinging and leaping
effortlessly through the canopy. It was hard going on the ground. Thorns, fallen logs, and tangled vines blocked their path. Oliver kept stumbling, so Celia took the lead.

Oliver was thrilled his sister was going first, but that only lasted until the first branch that she shoved out of the way snapped back and whacked him in the face.

“Ow! Watch it!” he yelled.

“I'm trying to watch the monkey!” She stopped in a small clearing and looked around at the trees, trying to see where the monkey went. “I think he went that way.” She pointed and started to move, but Oliver grabbed her arm.

“We can't go that way.”

“What? Why not?”

“Look at those bent branches.” Oliver pointed at a bunch of branches that were bent back at impossible angles.

“So? There are broken branches in the jungle. What's your point?”

“Those branches are a sign. They're a warning that jungle Indians use. They mean ‘no trespassing.'”

“Indigenous people,” Celia said.

“What?”

“They're not called Indians. They're called indigenous people.” She sang, “
If you are indigenous, the city feels vertiginous—
”

“Whatever,” interrupted Oliver. “They're a warning that
indigenous
people
use. We're still trespassing.”

“But how do you know that?” Corey Brandt asked, filming the broken branches.

“Well,” Oliver said. “You said it in
Agent Zero
, season one, episode nine: ‘The Dictator in Gym Class.'”

Corey didn't look like he knew what Oliver was talking about. Something was definitely wrong with the star, but there was no time to question him.

“I also know because of the guy with the spear.” Oliver pointed.

Celia and Corey turned and sure enough, there was a small man covered with black and red paint from head to toe, holding a spear up behind his head, ready to throw it at them. His dark black hair was cut into a bowl shape. His face was painted with complicated patterns of black ink, and the
whites of his eyes shone out from his face in sharp contrast. He didn't move.

“Oh,” Corey Brandt said, and swallowed hard. Suddenly, a dozen more warriors just like the first appeared all around them. They seemed to materialize from the shadows and the bushes and the earth itself. Some had spears and some had blowguns and none of them looked happy to see the Navel expedition.

Corey Brandt tried to smile at them with his winning smile, but the angry shout that came from behind him suggested that they were not his biggest fans. Celia felt suddenly weak in the knees—and it had nothing to do with Corey Brandt's smile.

She was thinking about being turned into dinner.

COREY, OLIVER,
and Celia were led at spearpoint through the trees.

“Ow!” Celia stumbled over some tangled roots. “Stop jabbing me.”

The man who had been jabbing her smiled widely. The smile did not mean he was being friendly. He was showing his teeth, which he had filed down to sharp points. If you have ever had a teeth cleaning at the dentist, you know how uncomfortable just a little scraping on the teeth can be. And this spear-poking gentleman's dental work was most assuredly not performed by a licensed dental professional.

The group was moving very quickly into the depths of the forest. Thorny branches tore at their clothes and tangles of vines choked their path.
The men made Corey Brandt tear the tangles of vines away in front of them with his bare hands.

“I can't believe this is happening,” he said. Even though his hands were scraped and red, he was smiling. “Things just got
real.
”

“That's not a good thing,” Oliver groaned, and Celia couldn't disagree with him. It was events just like this that made the Navel twins dislike reality. No one ever got eaten while watching soap operas. She wondered what went on in Hollywood that made Corey Brandt love jungle torture so much.

Sometimes the hunting party would stop and crouch in silence. They pulled Oliver, Celia, and Corey down onto the ground, where they had a close-up view of thousands of bugs chewing and churning on the forest floor.

“Ew,” Oliver said as his nose was pressed down next to a log crawling with termites.

They waited a few seconds and then continued on. Occasionally a man would stop and break the branch of tree, bending it back at an unnatural angle.

“A warning to anyone following us,” Oliver said.

“So,” Corey whispered. “Have you guys been in trouble like this before? I mean, like with your explorer family and all?”

“I guess,” Oliver said with a shrug.

We might take this opportunity to note that on TV the same kinds of stories usually end the same way. The bad guy is caught; the monster is really still alive; the young couple kisses. If one watches enough TV, one always knows what will come next. But in real life, the past rarely makes promises about the future. Or, as Oliver might put it, just because you survive one deadly adventure with your sister doesn't mean you'll survive the next.

“You think these guys took your father?” wondered Corey.

“I hope not. There was an episode of
Celebrity Whisk Warriors
that tried to film in the Amazon,” Oliver said. “The whole cast came down on a seaplane and walked into the jungle just like us. Everyone vanished. Even the seaplane vanished. They had to get a new host.”

“
Celebrity Whisk Warriors
?” Corey helped hoist Oliver and Celia over a large fallen log. The warriors climbed over it effortlessly. “You watch cooking shows?”

“I guess so. You know … because of the … uh …” Oliver was actually grateful when one of the warriors poked him in the back to get him to be quiet. He didn't want the teen star to think he was weird. But he really did like cooking shows.

They walked for hours and hours. As they got deeper into the jungle, less and less light came through the treetops. They couldn't tell if it was because the sun was setting or because the canopy was getting thicker. Maybe it was both.

Oliver knew it had been over twenty-four hours since they'd eaten anything. He'd never been so hungry in all his life. Talking about
Celebrity Whisk Warriors
had made his mouth water. He hoped there would be food when they got where they were going. He also hoped that they wouldn't
become
food when they got where they were going.

THEY CAME OUT
of the trees into a clearing that was ringed by the jungle: the village of the Cozinheiros. There was a long building in the center, with one low door and a steep thatched roof. Smaller huts spread out around it. A few fire pits smoldered, but otherwise the village looked empty. Now that they were out of the jungle, they could see that the sun was beginning to set again. They had hiked all day. They wondered if it was already too late to save their father.

The men pushed Oliver, Celia, and Corey toward the long building. When they stepped over the threshold, they were overwhelmed by the powerful smells of smoke and sweat. It took a second for their eyes to adjust to the dim light, but once
they did, they saw that they were standing in front of the entire village.

Women and children were gathered at the far end of the long building, while a group of older men stood in a ring in the center. The older men all held spears, and all their spears were pointed at Corey Brandt and the twins. They shouted and threatened. The younger men who had captured them filed in behind and blocked any hope of escape.

The oldest man in the center stepped forward. He held a carved wooden staff with bright yellow feathers dangling from it and he waved it as he yelled at them. He must be the chief, thought Oliver. The chief always had a carved staff or something like that.

They had no idea what he was saying, but this was hardly the first time Oliver and Celia Navel had been yelled at in a language they didn't understand. It seemed like adults were always yelling at them in different languages. This was, however, the first time those adults might also eat them after they finished yelling.

Corey Brandt, who seemed not to notice the danger of their situation, pulled out his little camera and started filming. The warriors rushed over to him and snatched the camera away.

“That is the property of Corey Brandt Productions!” he announced. “I am the leader of this expedition and I am responsible for these children. Release us immediately or you will be hearing from my lawyers!”

Celia rolled her eyes. The men murmured to each other and then pointed their spears at the celebrity. He slunk back and looked at his shoes.

“Okay, look,” Celia said. “We don't want any trouble. We're just here to get our father back and be on our way.”

“Your father?” a small voice said. From behind the wall of older men stepped a little girl about the same age as Oliver and Celia. They recognized her immediately. It was the llama girl who ran off in Machu Picchu.

“You!” said Celia. “You're not mute!”

“Of course I'm not,” she said.

“Are you going to eat us?” Oliver gulped. “We're sorry we took your llama.”

The girl just smirked. The chief spoke again. “He says you are trespassing on our territory,” the girl translated.

“Are you the … um … Cozinheiros?”

“We have been called that,” she said.

Oliver and Celia grabbed each other's hands.

“Did you kidnap our father?” Celia asked with a tremor in her voice. “We'd really like to negotiate for his release.”

“That awful man with the mustache?”

“No, not him!” Celia shouted. “Although he got kidnapped too.”

“Serves him right,” the girl said. “But we didn't kidnap anyone.”

“There were warriors,” Oliver said. “They looked just like you. They kidnapped our dad from the town of Benjamin Constant.”

“I fear,” the girl said, “that you have been tricked. We do not go into Benjamin Constant, nor do we kidnap people.” The chief spoke and several men pointed their spears and shouted. “You, however, are in big trouble. The chief says that you are with the destroyers.”