We Can Be Heroes (20 page)

6. Why doesn't she have to wear a headscarf if she's a Muslim?

7. Why doesn't she hate all white people like Grandad says all Muslims do or is she just pretending to like me and Jed?

8.
Does
she actually like me and Jed? Maybe I'm just her holiday project.

9. Why does she dislike Stevie Sanders so much?

10. Are there actually any words she
doesn't
know the meaning of?

Today Granny and Jed have another of their secret appointments, only this time I get to go with them because Grandad has hurt his back and says he needs some decent peace and quiet and Priti's whole family are busy doing wedding stuff. Jed really doesn't want me to come and he gets this weird look on his face when Granny tells him I am and then he locks himself in our room all morning and won't talk to me. So I go and join Priti, who's sitting on the wall outside her house, waiting for her mum and sister to get ready for this bride-painting ceremony they're going to at Ameenah's house.

‘All the bride's friends get to paint tattoos on her hands and feet and then she can't go out afterwards till she gets married,' Priti explains to me, kicking her feet against the tarmac. She's wearing traditional dress and her hair is tied up all neat. She looks really different – not quite herself somehow.

‘I thought tattoos were dead painful,' I say,
thinking about the ink-stained arms of Uncle Ian's bomb-squad buddy.

‘Not real tattoos, dumbo. Just henna – it's like this brown gunk that comes off after a bit.'

I imagine a bride in a white dress, her arms and neckline covered in dark, swirling images.

‘Zara doesn't want to come, but Mum's making her,' says Priti, kicking her pretty beaded shoes again like she wants to ruin them or something – maybe she'd rather be wearing her wheelies. ‘She's well grumpy at the moment.'

‘Why?' I ask.

‘Tyreese won't see her cos I told the gang they were getting it on. She's well mad at me.' Priti raises her eyebrows, but she's not looking that cheerful herself. ‘If he wasn't such an idiot, I'd almost wish they'd get back together. At least then she'd get off my case and I'd start earning protection money again!'

I tell her that Granny is taking me along to Jed's appointment.

‘Oooh!' she says, perking up immediately and starting to talk like a gangsta rapper again. ‘Now we
gonna find out how long he gotta live!' she says. ‘Then we can plan stuff like taking him to Disneyland!'

‘Why Disneyland?' I ask.

‘They always take kids who are dying to Disneyland,' she says, dropping her rapster speak. ‘If we get everyone to give loads of money, we can go too.'

I must look a bit dubious because she says, ‘Don't you want to know what his mystery illness is?'

‘Yeah, but maybe he doesn't want
us
to know.'

‘Of course he does,' says Priti. ‘He wants us all to make a big fuss over him and tell him how wonderful he is just cos he's dying. He'd love that.'

‘I suppose so,' I say.

‘What are you drawing?' she asks, peering over my shoulder. ‘Is it another Bomb-buster strip?'

‘Maybe,' I reply, closing my notebook.

‘Can I see it?'

‘Not till it's finished.'

‘What happens in this one?'

‘Lil' Priti gets kidnapped,' I say.

‘Who by?'

‘A gang called Da Hona Killaz,' I say.

‘And I suppose you and Jed-eye rescue me in a typical hero-rescues-damsel-in-distress patriarchal narrative?'

‘Maybe,' I say because I can't be bothered to ask what patriarchal means. ‘Maybe not. I haven't decided yet.'

‘Fine,' she says. ‘Lil' Priti will just rescue herself then. What am I wearing in this one?'

On the way to the appointment, Jed walks several paces ahead of me and Granny and refuses to sit with us when we get on the bus.

So Granny and I sit together and she tells me all about the places we see along the route and how they've changed in the time since she and Grandad first moved here. She shows me the school my dad went to and where he went to Cub Scouts and a few other things which are really interesting. I want to ask her more, but Jed is sitting in front of us snorting at everything she says, so I don't.

I take out my notebook and do a few more frames of my cartoon instead. I draw Jed getting nuked by a
stun gun, trying to rescue Priti from Da Hona Killaz. He ends up with a bald head which makes him look like one of those cancer kids.

I don't ask where we're going, although I'm dying to know. (Perhaps I shouldn't say ‘dying' in case Jed is?) I don't even say anything when we go past the stop for the hospital. The bus keeps on going in the direction of the city centre, but it's not until we turn into a busy shopping street that Granny says to me, ‘Jed hasn't actually got an appointment at the hospital today.'

I glance at Jed who just glares at me.

‘I'm sorry we lied to you,' Granny goes on. ‘It's just that your grandad doesn't know, you see.'

But there's no time to ask questions because the bus stops. Jed gets up and starts to make his way down the aisle towards the exit, without waiting for us. Wherever it is we're going, Jed has obviously been there before. Flustered, Granny hastily picks up her handbag and starts to get up and follow him. The doors of the bus begin to shut and Granny has to call out to the bus driver to keep them open. By the time
we emerge in the middle of the busy high street, filled with people carrying big bags, she's in a complete tizz. She seems really tiny: I remember her once saying that she doesn't like coming into the city any more because the crowds make her nervous and all the tall buildings make her think of Dad and she worries about them falling down on top of her.

And Jed must know this – especially if this isn't the first time they've come here – but he's rushing ahead without even looking back. Granny calls to him to stay close, but he pretends not to hear. I can see she's anxious, so I tuck my arm in hers as we follow Jed into a large department store.

Inside the revolving doors the store is packed full of people and stuff and weird bright yellow lights and, for a moment, neither of us can see Jed. We make our way through all the make-up counters with the brightly painted ladies behind them, and past the racks of gloves and scarves and handbags, and cases full of jewellery. Then Granny sees Jed over by the lifts. He's standing there, his finger jammed on the call button, pressing it over and over again. He doesn't look up
as we approach. I expect Granny to tell him off for running ahead, but she doesn't. She just pats his arm. He shifts awkwardly, shrugging away from the contact.

When the lift opens and we all get in, Granny says, ‘Can I tell Ben where we're going, Jed?'

Jed just grunts, which Granny obviously interprets as a ‘yes' because she turns to me and says, ‘We're going to have tea with Jed's other grandma. She's called Brenda.'

‘Oh,' I say. I can't decide if this is more or less of a shock than hearing that Jed is dying of a terrible disease.

Jed looks at his feet and scowls. Granny tucks her hand into mine and I can feel that it's trembling.

The lift goes up.

Jed's other grandma – his mum's mum – is already waiting for us when we get to the café on the top floor of the department store. I've never heard Jed talk about her and I'm not sure if I've ever met her. But she seems nice. More round and cuddly than my granny (who's still very slim and pretty for her age)
but perhaps a bit younger. She must have looked just like Auntie Karen once upon a time because she has the same eyes and smile and I wonder if that is weird for Jed.

Granny Brenda looks pleased, but maybe a little frightened when she sees Jed. He doesn't even look at her, but just throws himself down into a chair.

‘Hello, Jed,' she says nervously.

Jed just grunts.

She looks at him and smiles then turns to my granny. ‘Hello, Rita.'

‘Hello again, Brenda.'

‘I can't tell you how grateful I am that you came,' says Granny Brenda.

‘Jed's been looking forward to it,' says my granny, although looking at Jed, it's obvious this is a lie. ‘Haven't you, Jed?'

Jed just grunts again and gets out his games console. I've never seen him quite like this.

‘You must be Ben?' says Granny Brenda, still looking nervous. ‘I don't suppose you remember me. You've grown up a lot since I last saw you!' She smiles.

‘How long
is
it since you saw Ben?' asks Granny, trying to jolly things along.

Brenda glances nervously at Jed, who has pulled the hood of his sweatshirt over his head like it's an invisibility cloak. ‘It was at Andrew's funer–' She breaks off suddenly, turns to my granny and goes bright red. ‘I'm sorry. I shouldn't have . . .'

The red spots have appeared in Granny's cheeks, but she says, ‘Don't apologise.' And she gives a funny little laugh. ‘I expect you hardly recognise Ben if it's been so long.' She pauses, blinking a little. ‘Although he looks so like Andrew, don't you think?'

‘Yes,' says Brenda quietly. ‘He's the image of him.'

Jed throws down his game in disgust, folds his arms and stares at the ceiling.

‘And Jed has told me such a lot about you, Ben,' says Granny Brenda.

If Jed is always like this when Granny Brenda is around, I find this hard to imagine.

Granny Brenda gives Jed a new game for his console (suddenly the other new stuff makes sense!) and my granny has to prompt him to say thank you.
Then Granny Brenda asks him what he's been up to and he says, ‘Not much.'

My granny tells Granny Brenda about us building the tree house and the day out to the zoo with Uncle Ian. Granny Brenda says, ‘Oh, I bet you enjoyed that. What was your favourite animal, Jed?'

Jed snorts and says, ‘Dunno.'

So Granny Brenda asks me what mine was and I say, ‘Giraffe,' and Jed gives me a look that says,
We both know we never went to the zoo, you pathetic liar!
and then I go all red and stop talking, so the two grannies have to talk to each other.

Granny Brenda orders cake for all of us, tea for her and my granny and Cokes for me and Jed. She tries a few more times to get Jed to talk but he just fiddles with his cake and blows bubbles into his Coke, which is weird because he normally gobbles everything in sight in two seconds flat (unless it's brown bread or vegetables) and he's always complaining that Granny doesn't let him have fizzy drinks. I glance at him from time to time to try and work out what he's thinking, but he avoids my eye.

Granny Brenda and my granny start talking about women's stuff, so I have a go at trying to talk to Jed.

‘You're not ill then,' I whisper.

‘No, why should I be?' he says loudly.

‘You had all those appointments. I thought there must be something wrong with you.'

‘Granny told Grandad I had to see the kiddie-shrink so he wouldn't get suspicious,' says Jed. ‘Why, did you think I was dying?' He laughs.

‘No,' I say quickly. Then, ‘I dunno. Maybe.'

‘Well, sorry to disappoint you.'

‘Priti thought you had cancer,' I say. ‘We were going to take you to Disneyland.'

‘Well it's a good job I'm not about to kick the bucket because I hate all that Mickey Mouse crap,' he says.

‘Right,' I say.

Then he slides down his seat so he's practically horizontal and starts fiddling with the top of his hood, pulling it down over his forehead till it touches his chin.

‘Can I look at your game?' I ask.

‘If you want to.' He passes it over and starts mashing his fork into his cake till it's a squishy mess. His head is only just level with the table by now and I notice that people on the other tables are staring at him.

‘It looks cool,' I say.

‘She always brings presents. Adults reckon they can buy you.' He says this really loud again, but Granny and Brenda are talking about Jed's mum now and I guess they don't hear because I reckon Granny would have told him off otherwise.

‘How is Karen?' Granny is saying.

Jed squishes his cake even harder and pretends not to listen.

‘She always enjoys hearing about our little gettogethers,' says Granny Brenda, which doesn't seem to me to be exactly answering the question. ‘I tell her all about what we get up to, pass on all the news.' She pauses. ‘You know she'd love to see him.'

‘Yes,' says my granny quietly.

‘Perhaps one time she could – I don't know – perhaps she could join us for a minute or two?' says
Granny Brenda. ‘She misses him so desperately.'

‘You know I can't do that,' says my granny.

‘Just five minutes would mean the world to her.'

‘I know, but Ian would go mad if he found out,' says my granny. ‘I'm frightened of what he'll do if he finds out about this.'

‘I really appreciate what you're doing for me,' says Granny Brenda. Then she glances at Jed. ‘Although I'm not sure Jed feels the same way.'

Jed grunts. Granny Brenda smiles, a bit sadly.

‘You are his grandma. You have a right to see him,' says my granny.

‘So does Karen,' says Granny Brenda. ‘She's his mother.'

‘I can't go against the court ruling,' says my granny.

Granny Brenda pauses, glances at Jed. Then she says softly, ‘You do know that the court granted her contact time?'

Jed looks up.

My granny looks confused for a minute. ‘Ian told me the judge said she couldn't see him.'

Jed looks from one granny to the other.

‘I didn't like to say anything before now because you've been so kind.' Granny Brenda glances at Jed, but he just looks down. ‘But I'm afraid that's just not true.'