Wayside School Gets a Little Stranger (2 page)

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Chapter 2

A Message from the Principal

Dameon hurried up the stairs. He couldn’t wait to see Mrs. Jewls, his favorite teacher in the whole world.

But the thirtieth floor was a lot higher up than he remembered, even if there was no nineteenth.

By the time he got up there, his legs hurt, his side ached, and he had a blister on the back of his ankle where it rubbed against his sneaker.

He stumbled into the room and collapsed on the floor. “Hi, Mrs. Jewls,” he gasped.

“Hi, Dameon, welcome back!” said Mrs. Jewls.

Dameon looked up at her. Something seemed different about her, but he wasn’t sure what it was.

“Oh, Dameon, would you do me a favor?” she asked.

“Sure,” said Dameon.

“I left my pencil in the office,” said Mrs. Jewls. “Would you mind going down and getting it for me?”

“No problem,” said Dameon.

“It’s yellow,” said Mrs. Jewls. “It has a point at one end and a red eraser at the other.”

Dameon got to his feet and headed down the stairs.

One by one the other children staggered into the classroom, huffing and puffing. They were all out of shape.

Still, they were very excited to be back in Mrs. Jewls’s class. Shouts of joy could be heard from every corner of the room.

Mrs. Jewls held up two fingers.

All the children became quiet. Joy stopped shouting.

Mrs. Jewls told the children to sit at their old desks. “So, did anyone learn anything at your other schools?” she asked.

Mac raised his hand. “Oooh! Oooh!” he grunted.

“Yes, Mac,” said Mrs. Jewls.

“Civilization!” declared Mac.

“What about civilization?” asked Mrs. Jewls.

“We learned it,” said Mac.

“That’s very impressive,” said Mrs. Jewls. “Would you like to tell the class something about civilization?”

Mac thought a moment. “I don’t remember,” he said. “But I know we learned it.”

“That’s good, Mac,” said Mrs. Jewls. “Anyone else learn anything?”

Rondi raised her hand. “Evaporation,” she said.

“Good,” said Mrs. Jewls. “What is evaporation?”

“I don’t know,” said Rondi.

Dana raised her hand. “I learned about exaggeration,” she said. “It was all my teacher ever talked about. We had like ten thousand tests on it, and the teacher would kill you if you didn’t spell it right.”

“That’s very good, Dana!” said Mrs. Jewls. “You learned your lesson well.”

“I did?” asked Dana.

Mrs. Jewls shrugged. “Well, I guess we’ll just continue where we left off.”

Just then Mr. Kidswatter’s voice came over the P.A. system. “Good morning, boys and girls.”

Mr. Kidswatter was the principal. He paused a moment because he thought every kid in school was saying “Good morning, Mr. Kidswatter” back to him.

Nobody said it.

Sharie buried her head in her huge coat, closed her eyes, and went to sleep.

“Welcome back to Wayside School!” said Mr. Kidswatter. “I know I’m sure glad to be back. It was wonderful to see all your bright and chipper faces this morning. I missed every single one of you.

“And welcome back to Miss Mush, too. Today’s lunch menu will be baked liver in purple sauce. Miss Mush actually cooked this before the school was closed, but she assures me it is still as tasty as ever!”

“I’m sure it is,” said Myron.

“A safety reminder. Now, it has been a while since you’ve had to rush up and down the stairs, and I want to make sure there are no accidents. So remember this simple rule. When you go up the stairs, stay to your right. When you go down the stairs, stay to your left. That way, there should be no problems.

“Okay, let’s all have a good day. And remember, I’m your friend. And you’re my friends. And if you ever need a friend, you can always come to me.”

“Isn’t that nice,” said Mrs. Jewls.

“What a bunch of baloney! There I was, lying on a beach in Jamaica, when suddenly I get a fax that the dumb school was back open. Well, those kids better not bother me. My friends? That’s a joke! Like I would really want to be friends with those little snot-nose —
What?
Don’t tell me to shut up! You shut up! What’s on? You mean they’re hearing what I’m saying right this very second? Well, how do you turn it off? What button? I don’t see a red button. There is no red button. Oh, here it

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Chapter 3

Poetry

Mrs. Jewls told everyone to pick a color and write a poem about it.

“Huh?” said Joy.

“For example,” said Mrs. Jewls, “if brown was your favorite color, you might write: ‘At the circus I saw a clown. On his face was a great big frown. His sad eyes were big and brown.’ ”

“Could you repeat that just a little bit slower?” asked Joy.

Mrs. Jewls repeated it for her.

“Ooh, I’m going to do purple!” said Rondi. Rondi loved anything purple.

“You can’t do purple,” said Allison. “I’m doing it.”

“So?” said Rondi. “Mrs. Jewls didn’t say two people couldn’t do the same color.”

“But purple is my favorite color in the world,” said Allison.

Rondi and Allison were best friends, but Allison always got her way.

Rondi switched to blue.

Joe raised his hand. “I don’t know what rhymes with red,” he said.

Mrs. Jewls gave him a few suggestions. “Bed, led, wed. Think of words that end in ‘e-d.’ ”

“Oh, I get it!” said Joe. He set to work.

Rondi tried to think of words that rhymed with blue. She raised her hand. “Mrs. Jewls!” she said. “I chose blue. Can I rhyme that with zoo?”

“Yes, that would be a good rhyme,” agreed Mrs. Jewls.

“How about glue?” asked Rondi.

“Yes, that rhymes too,” said Mrs. Jewls.

“Oh, I know!” said Rondi. “How about stew?”

“Just pick one and get started,” said Mrs. Jewls.

Rondi smiled. “This is fun,” she told Allison. “There are lots of words that rhyme with blue.”

Allison grunted.

Nothing rhymed with purple. In her mind, Allison had gone through every letter of the alphabet:
aurple, burple, curple, durple …
all the way to
zurple
.

But after making a big stink over it with Rondi, she couldn’t switch colors now.

Rondi was just about to start her poem when she got an even better idea: Love That’s True. “Poets are always writing about Love That’s True, aren’t they, Mrs. Jewls?”

“Sometimes,” said Mrs. Jewls.

Rondi smiled. Except she really didn’t know much about true love.

“Morning dew!” she said. “Poets write about morning dew too, don’t they, Mrs. Jewls?”

“I believe so,” said Mrs. Jewls.

Dana walked to Mrs. Jewls’s desk. “I can’t think of anything that rhymes with pink,” she complained.

“I’m sure you’ll
think
of something,” said Mrs. Jewls. She winked at her.

“I can’t think,” said Dana. “My mind’s on the blink. I’m no good at poetry. I stink!”

“Just keep trying,” said Mrs. Jewls.

Dana returned to her seat. She started to put her name on her paper, but her pen wouldn’t write. “Great!” she complained. “Now my pen’s out of ink!”

“Hey, Dana,” whispered John. “Do you want to borrow my pen?”

“Sure,” said Dana.

“Too bad, I’m using it,” said John. Then he and Joe cracked up.

Meanwhile, Allison was going through the alphabet for the tenth time.
… Murple, nurple, ourple, qurple, …
she thought.

“My left shoe!” exclaimed Rondi.

“You better choose something, Rondi, and get started,” advised Mrs. Jewls.

“I got it!” said Rondi. “A Bird That Flew!”

At the end of the day, the children turned in their poems.

Yellow
by Kathy

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I don’t feel too well, oh

I don’t know who to tell, oh

I’m sick and I smell, oh

My barf is yellow

Brown
by Joy

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At the circus I saw a clown.

On his face was a great big frown.

His sad eyes were big and brown.

Green
by Stephen

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The swimming pool has lots of chlorine.

It turned my hair green.

Red
by Joe

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The fire truck is red!

It hurried!

The siren wailed!

The house burned!

The firemen saved

The baby who screamed.

Pink
by Dana

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My favorite color is pink.

John is a ratfink!

Purple
by Allison

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The baby won’t stop crying.

His face is turning purple.

Will anything make him feel better?

I bet a burp’ll.