Watercolour Smile (27 page)

When I reached for the door, Clarin put a hand on my arm to delay me.

“Don’t keep ignoring the strain,” he advised. “Taking away dress-up privileges won’t work on everyone. I’m telling you, the only reason you walked out of that bathroom tonight is because I was super confused. There are people out there who won’t be. You get it? Time to grow a pair, mouse. I know you’ve got the potential.”

“I get it.” I pulled myself together, straightening my shoulders. For once, I didn’t even mind his strange and rude way of bolstering me. It worked, because Clarin never hedged with his words. He was blunt, honest, and he seemed to prefer action over indecision. I admired that about him. “I’ll go find Cabe,” I said. “At least he won’t drag me into a closet. I think.”

Clarin let out a laugh and opened the door for me, gesturing for me to precede him. I walked downstairs toward the thumping of music and cast my eye around the crowded room below, wondering where I might be able to hunt down the guys.

“Ey, Duchess!” someone called out, forcing me to turn my head. A light flashed from a cell phone that was aimed at me, and I blinked past the shock of it.

“Told you,” Clarin whispered in my ear as he passed by and disappeared into the throng of people.

“
Ugh
,” I muttered, turning back to the person holding the cell phone. They weren’t standing in the same spot anymore.

I paused, my hand on the rail, my thoughts pulling up short. I searched the throng of people a little more thoroughly. There were at least seven guys in the room below; three were together, laughing uproariously about something. Another was texting absently on his phone, and another was with a girl, his hand beside her head, whispering something into her ear. I caught the flash of red behind him, and skipped forward a few steps. The girl was the right height, the right body type… but it was impossible that Hunter would be at a high school party so far from Seattle, so I dismissed her and looked for the last guy. When I couldn’t find him, I skipped down the rest of the way and tried to disappear like Clarin had. Invisibility was something that I excelled in, except that I wasn’t the same
me
anymore. I was a new Seraph. A shiny, sparkly, Duchess Seraph.
Gross
. I decided that Clarin was very lucky that I considered him a friend, as people parted to give me a wide berth. If anyone else had dressed me, I would have run straight back upstairs and traded the dress in for something more familliar.

Something prissy.

“Hey,” someone said, bumping my shoulder. “I don’t usually see you at parties.”

I glanced up at Hawk, pulling away a little bit. I had no problem with him—he was only ever friendly toward me, and didn’t seem interested in hitting on me, or making me uncomfortable in any way—but the bond was straining me too much. I’d just endured an extended afternoon of Clarin fawning over me. My skin was beginning to crawl simply by being surrounded by so many other people.

“It’s Poison’s party.” I spoke through my teeth.

“Right.” He nodded. “Are you looking for your brothers or something?”

“Do you know where they are?”

“Upstairs,” he motioned his head toward the opposite staircase, “with the rest of the team. Come on, I’ll take you.” His hand slipped around my back to guide me, and the pad of his thumb got hooked in the open seam that bared my spine—an embellishment that I was already doubly-regretting.

I was sure that he hadn’t done it on purpose, but that minimal skin-on-skin contact caused an immediate reaction. I could feel angry valcrick bubbling beneath the goosebumps on my arms, and I worked tuck it away, curling my fists enough that my nails dug into my palms. I redirected my attention to the crescent-shaped wounds developing beneath the bite of my own volatility, and the distraction worked so efficiently that I startled as we reached the stairs. Hawk’s touch had fallen away as he motioned me forward. I moved in front of him and took the steps two at a time. When we reached the landing I found myself on an eerily familiar path. Poison’s mansion was huge, and I’d had no real reason to be in this particular section of the house… not since her last party… not since Aiden’s death. Sure enough, the team was inside, milling about with a scattering of girls. I wondered who chose which girls to allow inside, and I noticed for the first time that there were two guys leaning either side of the doorway like bodyguards. Some boys were sitting on the couch playing the Nazi-zombies game and I quickly turned away from it. I saw Noah and Cabe by the table strewn with drinks, and my eyes landed on the girl attached to Noah’s arm.

Amber.

I started walking toward them, not realising until Hawk touched my back again that I had been heading straight toward Amber with a clear intention of ripping all of her hair out.

Whoa
.

I paused, and Noah’s eyes flashed with relief, causing Cabe to turn around and notice me. Cabe did a double take when he saw me, his eyes travelling over the dress as a smile lit up his face. The others began to notice me then, including Amber, and I re-routed myself to the table instead, slapping a fresh cup down and grabbing blindly at one of the bottles.

“Okay…” Hawk laughed, swiping the bottle away. “Clearly something’s bothering you, because you don’t want to drink that shit. It tastes terrible. I’ll make you something else.”

He shook his head mutely, and then grabbed my cup. He got up and moved to the drinks table. When he came back my cup was full again, but it tasted a lot better. I drank down half of it and he watched me warily.

“Take a look,” he said easily, pointing at his own eyes.

I peered at him, getting so close that I accidently bumped his nose. The brown of his eyes varied slightly; the left iris was darker than the right, which held flecks of gold.

“Cool,” I said, falling back again. “You too, huh?”

I shook off the memory of Aiden, feeling goosebumps pebble down my arms. Why did Hawk have to keep reminding me of Aiden? Come to think of it… why did we have to be in the same room as that night? Most of the same people were here tonight, laughing and drinking and playing that stupid game; and here I was again… trying to drink away my tension, possibly painting a giant red target right over Hawk’s head. Would any of us ever learn?

“I’ve got it,” Cabe said, taking my cup from me. He grabbed one of the bottles and splashed approximately half a shot into the cup. I glanced at the bottle: lychee liquor. He filled the rest of the cup up with lemonade and then handed it to me.

I grabbed the lychee bottle and poured in as much as the cup would hold, making a face at Cabe as I bent over the table, holding my hair back and drinking it from the edge without touching it.

I hope Clarin doesn’t see me acting this classy in his princess dress.

It tasted like pure alcohol. Cabe hovered as Hawk chuckled into his cup, pretending not to watch. When the liquid was down to a level where I could pick it up without spilling it, I straightened and turned my eyes on Amber.

“Hey,” I said.

Her delicate mouth twisted into a frown, her blue eyes taking in my dress the same way Cabe had, though the end result was a flicker of displeasure and a deeper frown.

“Talkative bunch,” I remarked dryly, turning away from Amber when it became clear that she wasn’t going to say anything.

I didn’t recognise anyone else; there were three other boys standing there, and two of them wore girls like fancy attachments—bright eyed and shiny-haired accessories. Or maybe it was the other way around. Maybe football jocks were the new Prada. I narrowed my eyes, trying to figure out who was using whom. Surely, if they had genuine feelings, the girls would be smiling, and the guys wouldn’t have fixated on the
bustier
part of my princess dress.

“Not everyday you see the Duchess mixing a drink,” one of the guys said. The girl on his arm slapped his stomach, sharing a look with Amber. The guy didn’t seem fazed.

“Hmm,” I said, because I had nothing else to say.

The school had built up the wrong reputation for me, but that was Noah and Cabe’s fault. They guarded me too closely. I was almost amused, thinking about what they would all think when they found out that the mystery surrounding me was only an illusion. I wasn’t quiet because my words were socially classified—or whatever they thought about me—I simply didn’t have anything to say. I had nothing in common with them. I wasn’t particularly smart; I didn’t get perfect grades, and I was too much of a coward to explore my Zevghéri potential. I could feel it, when I played the piano or imitated another girl’s gymnastics routine… but it was alien, and I had developed a healthy dose of fear for most things Zevghéri-related since coming to Maple Falls. I had been painting my whole life—first with baby food, and later, with anything else of a semi-liquid consistency. I never learned to be any less messy in the act, but I did at least learn how to utilise proper mediums. It was always a part of me. The valcrick had appeared later, but it was different. It created a
new
me. A strong me. It plucked me from the shell of a victim and revealed the world for the arena that it was, before dropping a sword into my hand.

Those things might have been extraordinary, but they were just me. One was an outlet, and the other was a tool; they were simply the manifestations of my living and surviving.

It was impossible to see them with any amount of mystery.

Hawk moved to my side, forcing Cabe to step away from me. I flinched at the movement, but hid my reaction in my cup.

“Let’s play a game,” I said, after draining half the drink.

Amber scoffed. “We’re not in third grade.”

“Duchess wants to play a game, so we’re going to play a game.” Hawk pointed at her chest, and one of the other guys laughed, jumping up onto a nearby couch.

“We’re playing a game!” he shouted. “Gather round, bitches!”

“And Poison,” I said, to nobody in particular.

“And someone hunt down Poison!” the guy added.

“Poison!” a girl hollered into the corridor outside the room.

I didn’t bother meeting Amber’s eyes again, because I knew that she was angry with me. Hell, I was angry with myself. I was acting out, and I couldn’t help it. I shouldn’t have ignored the strain for so long. This was my own stupid fault. I glanced up at Noah, but he was having one of his silent conversations with Cabe.

“What game should we play?” Hawk asked the group that was forming.

“Seven Minutes in Heaven!” someone called out.

“Oh yeah.” I recognised Amber’s voice. “Let’s play
that
game.”

I whipped my head to her, and caught her rubbing her hand over Noah’s stomach. The urge to vomit all over the carpet rolled through me and I grabbed onto the nearest thing to steady myself. Muscles shifted beneath my fingertips and I glanced down at the arm of…

“Clarin?”

He didn’t reply, but grabbed my hand, fusing our fingers together. I was so grateful I almost cried. His touch was uncomfortable, but Clarin was safe. I trusted him, and he was the only person other than Poison who knew the truth and could actually touch me in front of other people. He pulled on my hand, drawing me firmly into his side. I leaned against him, glancing around just in time to see Poison waltz through the doorway. She saw me and her brow furrowed in confusion, but she quickly subdued it and alighted on my other side, capturing my free hand and placing my cup somewhere else. I linked the fingers of my free hand through hers, my discomfort increasing even though there was some part of me that was immediately soothed. It was an odd feeling, to be simultaneously agitated and assuaged in the same breath, by the same thing.

The others seemed to have agreed on Seven Minutes in Heaven, because they were arranging themselves in a circle on the ground. I sat between Clarin and Poison, my eyes straying and fixing onto the empty bottle of vodka in the middle of the room. 

Most of the game passed in a daze for me. I managed to persuade Poison to pass my cup back to me, and then I waited for the horrible moment when the bottle would point to Noah or Cabe. When it was my turn to spin, I flicked it and Cabe’s foot shot out, stopping the spin so that it landed directly on him.

The people sitting around the circle groaned as one.

“That’s cheating,” a girl spoke up a few spaces away from me—I recognised her as one of Amber’s friends. “The way you two guard her is kinda creepy.”

“And yet,” Cabe wasn’t smiling, “my sister is safe for another night.” He stood and held his hand out for me, drawing me up.

He took me to the walk-in closet that everyone had been using and pulled me around the side where a little alcove held a plush window seat. The entire closet was completely empty.

“I’m straining,” I whispered, before Cabe could ask what was wrong.

“We know,” he said, drawing me into his arms. “As soon as we get out, Noah’s going to punch someone and then we’ll break away from the party.”

“How do you know that?”

“Inevitabilities, Seph. Someone will, inevitably, make a joke about us once these seven minutes are up, and Noah will, inevitably, use it as an excuse for all three of us to storm off.”

“Oh.”

Someone pounded on the wardrobe door, causing me to jump away from Cabe.

“Make sure you use protection!” the voice shouted. “You don’t want inbred babies!”

“That’s our cue.” Cabe looked like he wanted to laugh, but as he dragged me out of the wardrobe, his face was shrouded in dark fury. “The hell, Jason?” he snarled.

Noah was standing. He walked to Jason and tapped his shoulder, his fist meeting flesh before Jason had even fully turned. He shook out his hand and then grabbed my arm, pulling me toward the doorway. I had to jump over Jason—who was rolling around on the floor clutching his nose—and my guilty conscience hit me as we spilled into the hallway.

“Just wait right here,” I said, holding up my hands to them.

I dashed back into the room and walked to Jason, who flinched back as soon as he saw me. I shook my head and knelt down beside him, laying a hand lightly over his cheek. His eyes grew wide and he froze, half-propped up. He seemed to be afraid. Of
me
. I closed my eyes against the sight of blood coating the lower half of his face and the feel of bugs clawing at my skin from having to maintain contact with him. I desperately grappled for a comforting thought and found myself immersed in a vision of the ocean. I supposed that its proximity to the mansion was having an effect on me, because it was simply the first thing that my mind grabbed onto. I pressed my lips tightly together so that I didn’t start smiling or anything creepy like that, and I tipped my head back, imagining the waves lapping at my skin, the warm sand sinking beneath my toes and the feel of the sun whispering its heat over my temples.