Watchstar (11 page)

—Daiya, he's dead—Harel pulled her to her feet. She stepped over the body and stumbled past him, then fell to the ground. Tasso was inside himself again, glancing around fearfully. Daiya began to shake. She pressed her fists against her heaving chest. She felt as though the others were drawing away behind walls.

—No—Harel thought.—We must weave ourselves together, it's the only way we can live without the Net. That must be what the Merging Ones would expect us to do—The others did not hear him. Daiya felt the terror of Oren. Mausi, blinded by panic, was screaming; the desert had vanished before her eyes. Daiya reached inside her friend, trying to calm her, and was thrust away.

Then the desert began to change. Daiya heard another scream, the scream of a desert wind. It rose, lifting the sand, whirling it around them, stinging their faces with the tiny grains. At its center, she saw a black, shapeless mass. The mass contorted. It floated up, became a black pillar, then a formless creature with long flowing limbs. The wind howled.

Desperately, Harel was trying to hold them together, reaching for each mind. He brushed against Daiya. The others were fleeing. Oren was running; Tasso was flying, wasting his strength on retreat. Daiya reached for Mausi again. The other girl threw herself in the air and then fell several paces from the black beast. It grew toward her, waving a dark tentacle. Mausi screamed and lifted from the ground, moving west toward the mountains.

Daiya, facing the black creature, could no longer control herself. The thing floated in front of Harel, blocking her view of him. It was becoming larger. Unable to stop herself, she ran, sand stinging her eyes. She glanced back; the black thing howled. Harel was curled in front of it, walls up, his head under a tentacle as the thing reached for him.

Daiya called to him and was torn away, thrown through the air. The ground hurtled past her; she lay passively on the wind, unable to fight. At last she threw up her hands and slowed herself. She was dumped on the ground. She rolled and sat up. Harel had vanished inside the thing; it was growing larger, eating the desert, devouring the sky. It flowed over Mausi, swallowing her. It stretched a limb toward Tasso.

Daiya realized she had no more strength. She could not fight this thing; it had no mind, nothing to grasp. It settled on the earth; light wavered at its edges as if the rays were bent. Then she heard a humming, a sound she could not place, but which was strangely familiar. She turned her head.

Reiho's craft was landing several paces behind her.

Enraged, she managed to stand. She saw the door of the craft open as she turned toward it. Reiho stepped out and stared at her curiously. The black thing shrieked. Reiho did not seem to notice. Daiya shook; the thing would kill him and she would let it. He deserved it, he had no business here.

“You are hurt,” he called as he came toward her. The thing moved toward her too; it would swallow them both. She threw up her wall. The boy vanished, hidden by darkness. A black tentacle touched her, so cold it burned. She was alone, so solitary she could not bear it. She longed to tear down the wall, anything to rid herself of the feeling. She was trapped in nothingness; the world was inside her. Her wall was crumbling. The thing would touch her mind and she would die.

A voice called to her. She buttressed her wall, struggling to hold it together. She felt her hands in front of her face, but she could not see them; there was only emptiness before her. She would die; she knew that now. They would all be punished for being unable to unite. She would die alone, and the black birds would pick her bones.

Then she saw a face—Reiho's. He was bending over her. He stood up. The blackness was all around him, but he was not touched by it. He walked through it, his body surrounded by a shield of light.

She reached out cautiously with a mental strand, afraid for a moment that the dark beast would shatter her wall. She touched Reiho, and managed to peer through his eyes. His mind was in turmoil. She looked through his eyes. She saw the desert and the other young people huddling against the ground. Reiho could not see the thing, could not hear the shriek, could not feel the wind. His ears heard only a few moans; his body felt the sun's heat. He stood, arms out, untouched.

She withdrew. Her fingers dug into her shoulders as she wrapped her arms around herself. The blackness had turned gray. “Can't you see it?” she cried.

“See what?” Reiho answered.

And the creature was gone.

The air was still; the sun shone. The desert was before her, unchanged. Her companions knelt on the ground, their minds behind walls. They were still inside the dark mindless mass, trapped inside it; she felt their desperation. But she was outside it, free.

Reiho came to her and knelt at her side. “What is happening here?” he asked.

She drew back from him. “Didn't you see it at all?” But she knew he had not.

His dark eyes stared through her; his pupils were pinpoints. “There is death here,” he muttered. “My sensors showed me that. Someone has died.”

“You should not be here.”

“What was I to do?”

She reached for his mind. The boy was at war with himself. Had he possessed mental powers, a storm would be forming above them.

“I know you do not want me here,” the boy went on. “But I could not stand by without trying to help. Why are the others kneeling there? Tell me what to do.” She felt his struggle. His curiosity had not brought him this time, only his concern. She could not condemn him for that.

“Listen to me,” she said as calmly as she could. “You must leave, that is how you can help. You can't see it, but you have given me a way to help my friends. But you can do nothing for them yourself, and if you stay, you will endanger yourself and the others. Please believe me. You must go.”

He shook his head. “There must be something I can do. Are they sick? I have medical supplies, and I can give them food and water.”

“Please listen to me.” If her companions noticed the boy, the shock, combined with the ordeal, might damage them severely. She realized that she did not care as much about Reiho's safety, and felt ashamed. “You must go. I'll help them.”

He stood up and studied her for a few moments. She gazed into his eyes, pleading silently. “Very well,” he said at last as he turned toward his craft. He pointed to the mountains in the southwest. “I shall be there, if you need me.”

“I won't need you. I won't see you again.”

His mouth was set in a firm straight line. He strode toward his vehicle and climbed inside. It rose and flew away, skimming near the ground.

Daiya waited, expecting the dark mass to reappear, but it was gone. She reached for Harel's mind and touched a wall; she sensed the darkness surrounding him. Reiho had not seen it; he had walked through it, undisturbed. It was an illusion, created out of their fear, their separation from the Net. It did not exist. The Merging Ones had been right; they had come out here to meet only what was inside themselves.

She trembled. She could save the others with that knowledge, show them the creature was not there, if she could only reach them. She drew away from Harel; his wall was strong, he was resisting.

She reached for Mausi. Her wall was crumbling; the darkness and loneliness permeated her now.—It isn't real—Daiya cried to her friend.—Mausi, it isn't there, look with your eyes, hear with your ears. It isn't there—But Mausi fortified her wall, pushing Daiya's mind away.

She turned to Oren. Suddenly the small thin boy stood up, screaming. He tore up the dirt and a few bones, whirling them around himself, striking out at the nonexistent darkness.

Daiya ran toward him. A stone struck her on the side of the head, sending her to the ground. Her head spun; her stomach lurched. She blinked and tried to regain her balance.—Oren—she called, and saw that it was too late.

He uttered one last scream and was torn apart. His chest burst, his limbs and head flew out, spattering the earth with blood. The bones and dirt spun, then settled.

Daiya stumbled over the bloodied ground, thinking madly of piecing him together, restoring life to him. She looked down and saw a small hand, partly covered by sand, fingers clutching a rock. She sank to the ground, staring at the hand. A bitter taste filled her mouth; she bent over, retching.

At last she was empty. She lifted her eyes. Mausi was stretched out on her back, staring up at the sky. Daiya crawled toward her.

The blonde girl was pale and stiff. Daiya lifted her head, then pressed her head against Mausi's chest. Her friend's heart was beating feebly. She held the girl. Mausi opened her eyes.

—It's gone—she thought, so faintly Daiya could barely grasp the words.

—It was never there, it was an illusion—Daiya clung to her friend, willing her to live.—It's all over now—she went on.—It's over, Mausi, you've lived through it—

Mausi gazed at her solemnly. Her eyes shifted slightly and she stared past Daiya, as if seeing something else. Daiya entered her mind. They were in the village streets, made wider and cleaner by Mausi's memory. Her friend's parents stood in front of their hut; Oren was entering the courtyard. The vision faded; Mausi was slipping away from her. Daiya held her, trying to give her strength.

—Don't, Daiya—Mausi thought.—I'm through it now, there aren't any more doubts—

—But you never had any doubts. You were so mad at me when I showed you mine—

—I had them—Mausi replied.—I didn't want to admit it. They're gone now. I can join God, I'm ready—

Daiya shook her head.—You'll get better. We'll go back to the village slowly, you can rest on the way. I'll give you most of my food. You'll come back with me—

Mausi's eyelids drooped.—No, Daiya, I'm too weak, my will is gone. Please don't be unhappy, this is my time, I accept it. I'm just sorry that you ... that you—Her thoughts were fading. She clung fiercely to Mausi's mind, trying to hold her in the world.—That you aren't changed—Mausi continued.—The ordeal didn't touch you somehow, you aren't—She gazed sadly at Daiya, then closed her eyes.—I pray that you will join me someday—The words were wisps, as light as air. Mausi's mind was gone.

—Mausi—Daiya searched frantically, and touched nothing. She looked at the body in her arms. She was holding a husk, an empty vessel. Mausi was no longer there. The body slid from her arms and rested on the earth.

Daiya moaned, unable to bear it. She clasped her hands together and gazed fearfully in Harel's direction. He was lying on the sand, eyes closed, chest rising and falling, his ordeal past; he was still alive. She looked toward Tasso, who was still.

She got up and walked toward him. The solid body was stiff, the eyes open and staring, the pudgy face contorted. It was not lack of strength that had killed him, she realized, only lack of imagination. He had seen death and isolation and could not believe he would live, could not leap beyond it and imagine himself living. She leaned over him and closed his eyes.

She went to Harel. He opened his eyes and sat up as she drew near. She sank to the ground and folded her legs, wishing she could feel something. She held out a hand.

Harel drew back.

—Harel—

He stiffened. His blue eyes were cold and distant.—Harel—she thought again.

—I don't understand—he thought.—You aren't like me, there is still something in you I can't name. You did not face the ordeal, you did not pass through the test, and yet somehow you are still here—

—What are you talking about—She tried to touch him again, then realized he did not want her to do so.

—You saw the darkness, you built a wall, and then, somehow, you stepped outside reality. You did not face it and come to terms with it and yourself, you are as you were. I see the dark spot inside you still, and something else, a walking, empty thing which spoke to you and showed you an illusion—

—But, Harel—she answered desperately,—the darkness, that thing, it wasn't there, that was the illusion. I understood that and it vanished, it was never there. It was us, it was something we created out of our fear—

—You did not face it and subdue the fear in yourself. That darkness was as real as anything in our world—He got up and began to search the area with his eyes. He went over to a pile of stones and picked up a water sack, apparently thrown there earlier. He tucked it under his belt, then turned away, striding toward the mountains.

She hurried after him.—Where are you going?—

—Where do you think I'm going?—His thoughts were harsh.—I'm going home to rejoin the Net, move into my hut—

—Let's go together, then—She held out her arms.—Harel, don't look at me like that, it's me, we were going to live together, you stare at me as if—

—Don't come with me! Follow if you like, but keep your distance—His mouth twisted.—Maybe you are the illusion, maybe you're not really there, but buried under the ground, maybe I'm only talking to your soul, trapped in separateness forever. Perhaps you're tempting me into isolation also. You should not be alive, and there you stand—

—I am alive—she cried.—Didn't you want me to live, don't you care?—

His eyes narrowed. A tear escaped one and rolled over his cheek.—I'll tell you the truth, I would rather you were dead and with the Merged One than alive and as afflicted as you are—

She gasped, stepping back.—I'd rather you were dead than speaking to me this way—she thought. He winced. She longed to hurt him, strike him. Instead she felt as though she had damaged something inside herself with the words.

—I'm going now—he said.—If you return to the village, the Merging Ones will know what to do, and then I might understand, but now just keep away from me—

She stood still, unable to plead with him, feeling his rejection of her. There was a shield around him; even her thoughts could not touch him. She pushed against it with her mind.—Don't you care about me any more—she cried, stabbing the wall between them.

He stumbled backward, away from her.—I can't love you now—

She clenched her teeth.—Do you want me to go out there and tear myself apart like Oren? Is that what you want? Shall I go out there and stop my heart and stop my breath? You'd let me die this time, wouldn't you—