Wanting More (19 page)

She shook her head again.

I pretended to be thinking. “Oh, I know.” I started tickling her sides, sending her back down on the bed. When I stopped for a second, she stared up at me. “That I love you.”

This time she nodded.

“Well, it’s the truth.”

Our fingers intertwined together as we lay there looking at each other. Everything between us was so intense; so natural. “Are you sure this is what you want? I just don’t want to find out I was some fling for you. I do believe you love me, Conner. I think I’ve known for a long time. I’m just so afraid of being hurt again and feeling what I feel for you, it would hurt me more than Rick ever has.”

She was so fragile; like a porcelain doll that had been dropped from a shelf several times and then glued back together. Time was the only thing that was going to prove my devotion to her. “I don’t care how long it takes, but I will prove to you that I will never let you down.” I slid up on a pillow and pulled her into my chest, so we were spooning. “And don’t you dare even think about goin’ home tonight. The only place you’re goin to be is right here in my arms where you belong.”

“Where I feel the safest.” It wasn’t a question when she said it. I knew she meant it. I’d been her security blanket for months and she knew that I would never let anything happen to her.

“Get some sleep darlin’, cause the next couple months are goin’ to suck the life out of us.”

Just imagining having to wait to see her again sent pain into the pit of my stomach. There was no love left in the house she lived in, I wasn’t worried about that. It was the fact that she had to go there at all. If Miranda and Ty weren’t going through the drama that they were, I would bring her home with me and never let her leave, but they needed time to heal first.

I didn’t want to have to wait months, so while my beautiful future fell asleep in my arms, I stayed awake and played out a million scenarios in my head.

Running away.

It was always an option.

She would be safe.

We could be together.

It would mean giving up my family; giving up seeing my nieces and nephews growing up and sharing my happiness with everyone that I cared about. In all honesty I just couldn’t imagine giving that up.

Chapter 24

Amy

Kissing Conner goodbye was inexplicably hard for me to do. I wanted nothing more than to run back into his arms. He sat in his truck and watched me pull away out of the parking lot. As I drove away, I knew one thing.

I had to get my ass in gear and make shit happen.

I'd had enough of being the weak one. It was time to stand up for what I wanted and put a stop to the madness that had become my life.

I wasn't perfect. I'd made both mistakes and horrible choices that led me to this exact moment in my life.

I'd gone to that hotel to tell Conner we had to stop seeing each other, but I left more in love then I'd ever been in my life. I could say we were through till I was blue in the face, but I knew it would be a lie. I woke up every single day needing one thing.

Conner.

The venomous devil of a man that I lived with wasn't going to keep us apart. I still didn't understand why he even cared. He'd probably had his penis inside of a different girl in every state. Rick was still a very handsome man. His blonde hair was always somehow disheveled and ladies loved his bright blue eyes, but I knew what he really looked like on the inside and he was a monster.

For the first twenty four hours of being without Conner, I think I watched the clock moving around. I sat alone in my house and waited for Rick's telephone calls to check in on me. He'd had our Internet turned off and kept a landline phone hooked up for when his daughter came over. I wanted to call Conner and contemplated finding a pay phone somewhere to do it. Before we'd left the hotel, he told me to sit tight and he would talk to me before Rick got home. The next morning, before I opened the salon, a knock came to my door. I thought it was just the other girl coming into work, but when I opened the door and saw my handsome man standing there in an old t-shirt and backwards hat with the biggest smile I'd ever seen, I pulled him inside and threw myself into his arms. He was so sexy to me, with those dimples and white teeth. His tattoo that went down his arm drove me mad. I could ravage him every day and never get tired.

"Miss me a little bit?" Conner asked in between kisses.

I pulled him into the back room. "You have no idea."

I knew we'd only have minutes before the other girl came into work, so I grabbed his pants and got down on my knees. Conner didn't argue with me considering he was already hard as rock. I took him right into my mouth and held the base of his shaft with my hand. He played with my hair and leaned back against the shelf. I looked up and saw him with his eyes closed and his head back. He was licking his lips and it turned me on to watch him reacting to me pleasuring him. My head bobbed as I sucked him vigorously, making sure to stroke his shaft with precise movements. The faster I moved, the more he controlled my head. When he tried to pull me off of him, I knew he was close. I kept my lips latched over him and took his heated release into my mouth, swallowing it down my throat. His salty essence lingered in my mouth as I stood up in front of him.

I was shocked when Conner leaned over and kissed me on the lips. He went even further by slipping his tongue into my mouth. I'd never had a man do that. When I pulled away he started laughing. "I love tasting myself on your tongue."

"You don't think it's gross?"

He chuckled. "I only do that with someone I love."

"But you said you never loved anyone before."

"I think you can figure out what I was implyin' darlin'. I've experienced a lot of things, but none of them compare to every time I get to be with you. I dream about bein' inside of you."

A knock at the front door, halted our conversation. One of my employees was trying to get in and if I didn't answer the door fast, she was going to use her key. "You have to go."

Conner buttoned up his jeans and kissed me again. As he was walking out the back door, he stopped and reached into his pocket. "I bought you a present. Don't get caught with this one. Keep it on silent and check it when you can." The front door chimed and I had just seconds left.

"Thank you."

"Anything for you."

The back door closed and I grabbed some supplies and walked to the front of the salon like I'd been doing inventory, instead of giving my secret lover head in the back room.

I kept my new phone in my pocket while I worked. By the time we closed for lunch, I had three messages.

Love you -C

I keep picturing your lips around my dick. -C

When's your last appointment? -C

I smiled reading them and continued to do so as I wrote my replies.

I feel like I can still taste you. Three. Love you. -A

I went back and reread his messages. A new message popped up.

Can you wait until three thirty? -C

I don't want to push our luck. -A

I sat down in my chair regretting what I wrote. Just when I started to write him again, I got another message.

Do I need to beg? -C

Do you know how? -A

You taught me. -C

You can stop by for ten minutes. That's all! -A

You know I'll need at least twenty. See you then, sexy. -C

I felt my face flush when I read his reply. This was the complete opposite of what we needed to be doing. If Conner wasn't going to be serious about our situation then I need to be.

For the next couple hours I cut several heads of hair and got filled in on all the latest gossip. A pastor's teenage daughter was pregnant by an older man. Someone tried to steal the ATM machine from the bank and one of my customer's mothers had to be put in a nursing home. This was my day to day life. Sometimes I felt like a therapist, having to listen to everyone else's drama. I wished that I could tell people my own problems instead of hearing all of theirs. God knows, my drama trumped all of theirs.

If half of these ladies knew what happened in my life, they would never come back into my salon again. The way they talked about women that committed adultery made it seem like Hell was just going to open up and suck me into the ground. When I married Rick, I felt like it would be forever. I would have loved him and continued to be good to him, had he not changed into a monster. My marriage used to be important to me. I used to attend church and do more in the community.

People saw what they wanted. They thought I was a happily married woman, who enjoyed helping to raise a teenager that wasn't mine and who appreciated everything her husband did. That was the facade.

My reality was an evil cesspool of lies and deception. The thing was, I'd rather live with the lies, than to be a prisoner for another second. I needed a real plan. A plan to keep Conner safe and give us the future we both wanted. If he knew I was planning something he would want to be involved and I couldn't let that happen. I had to do this in secret.

The phone that Conner had got me had all the bells and whistles. While waiting for him to show up, I found an app that cloned someone else's phone.

He knocked on the back door and had me in his arms before I could say hello. "How was your day?"

I kissed his nose and turned his hat around. "It's better now."

Conner had a way of kissing me so passionately that awakened every sensory organ in my body. "Come to dinner with me?"

I shook my head. "We can't be seen together."

There's a place about an hour from here. "You can wear a hat and sunglasses if it makes you feel better, just come with me."

It wasn't that I didn't want to spend time with him. I loved talking to him and since we'd become friends, I learned about so many things that we had in common. Besides, the idea of being out in public with someone as hot as Conner made me giddy.

His phone rang and he pulled it out of his pocket. With what he did for a living there was always a chance he would have to head back to the farm. Luckily, there were other people that lived there too who would usually just take care of it.

Conner held his hand up and walked away from me. He talked quietly and it made me uneasy. When he got off the phone, he approached me and I knew from the look on his face what the call was about.

He sighed and grabbed my hands. "Please don't get upset, but we gotta take a rain check on that dinner."

"Why?" I knew the reason, but I wanted him to say it out loud.

"You know why."

I pulled away from him and put my hands on my hips. "No Conner, I don't know why, so why don't you start filling me in."

"Don't do this, Blaze."

"Don't do what? Get upset that you want to leave me to be with her."

He tried to grab my arm but I pulled away. "It ain't even like that and you know it."

I pointed at him, letting him know that I was pissed. "No, what I do know is that you are blowing off being with me to be with her. That's all that matters to me. With everything I'm going through, I just can't take hearing this. I can't feel this way."

"Don't you want to help my sister?"

"Not if I have to let my boyfriend screw around with the bitch that caused their problems in the first place."

He smiled and I got even more angry. I pushed my way past him and walked into the main part of the salon. "Amy, please don't do this to me now. I just need one more night."

"Are you going to sleep with her?

He shook his head and put his arms in the air. "I don't want to."

"But you will?"

"I'm a man of word, darlin'. I told Ty I would help him and I'm going to see this through."

"And I'm a woman that made a new promise to myself that I would never let another man hurt me again."

He grabbed me from behind and tucked his head in my neck. "Don't you dare do what I think you're doin'."

I let him continue to hold me, but I didn't back down on my decision. "Go, if you have to see things through. Go do what you have to do to make things right for them."

"Please turn around and look at me." I turned around with my eyes filled with jealous tears and I couldn't believe what I saw. Conner's eyes were as soaked as mine. "Tell me I'm never going to lose you."

"Please don't cry.” I reached up and brushed his tears away.

"I don't know what to do. I love you so much, but I love my family too. You think this is easy for me, but it ain't. I've never felt this way and I know that either way someone gets hurt."

I got it, I really did, but it didn't make it any easier to handle. "I can't promise you that I will be okay with what happens, but I know that I'm not going to stop loving you."

He kissed both of my hands. "Can I call you later?"

"If you don't I'll assume the worst." Picturing him with her was making my stomach turn. This would be the worst night ever. I'd need to drown my sorrows in wine to get through it.

"Well we can't have that now can we?"

Chapter 25

Conner

This was my last and final chance to make things right again for my family. I wasn't going to keep up the charade any longer, not when I had so much that I could lose. I knew that getting Heather out of our lives was just the first step in getting where I needed to be in my life. Sure, I had Amy's heart, but I needed her to be mine completely.

Heather had called in regards to a text message I had sent her. I told her I was about to leave town for a while and wanted to give her a night she'd never forget. It was all a lie, but I'm sure I'd made her lifetime.

I know I came across as shallow, but the fact was that I'd always been told I was good at satisfying a woman. Just knowing that gave me the mentality that I could be with whoever I wanted. Amy was my biggest challenge and I had no idea that one night with her would change everything I knew to be true about myself.