Wanna Get Lucky? (14 page)

Sporting a shiny black catsuit that adhered to her every curve, long hot pink nails, black stilettos, and makeup that looked like it had been applied by one of Cleopatra’s handmaidens, Miranda liked to think of herself as a Hollywood creation. In my mind, Burbank creation was more like it, but we all have our private little fantasies. She had been an adult star herself, until she realized the money was in producing the films, not performing in them.

While Subway did it for the fun, Miranda did it for the money.

She still had a grip on Dane’s arm. “Honey, who is this beef-cake?” She pinched his biceps and narrowed her eyes as if sizing up a stud horse at auction.

Dane looked like he’d been stung by a scorpion. I half thought about leaving him to be feasted on, but then relented—good security guards are so hard to find.

“Down, girl. I can assure you The Big Boss would take a dim view of one of our Security hunks moonlighting as one of your screwing machines.”

“Pity.” She gave him a little slap on the ass as she looked him up and down. “You let me know if you ever want to change careers, cowboy.” Miranda let go of Dane’s arm

Once released, Dane bolted toward the casino. He didn’t even say good-bye.

We watched him go. “Miranda, you have got to stop terrorizing the help.”

She looked at me, her eyes wide with innocence, then she burst out laughing.

“And you can drop the Vampira act now,” I added. “Nobody’s looking at you. Subway’s got them all mesmerized.”

“I know, but it’s so much fun.” She twirled in front of me. “What do you think of the outfit? Is it too much?”

“All you’re missing are the whips and chains.”

She giggled then hooked her arm through mine. “I know. Subway loves it. At home, I put this on and—”

I held up my hand. “Whoa. Stop. Too much information, dear. And I shock easily.”

“You always were the Goody Two-shoes.”

“And look how far it’s gotten me.”

“Yes, but you look a bit ragged around the edges.” This time my friend looked me right in the eye, her smile fading a bit. “Not getting any, are you?”

I gave her a dirty look.

“What?” she asked, trying to look innocent, which was about as impossible as Angelina Jolie trying to look virginal. “I know, none of my business. But, are you having
any
fun?”

“Life’s just shits and giggles.”

“Bullshit,” Teddie announced as he appeared at my elbow and threw his arm around my shoulder. “Miranda, you talk to our girl here, she’s losing her smile.”

Miranda nodded, her forehead scrunched in concentration. “I can see that.”

I shrugged out from under Teddie’s arm. “Enough out of you two. I’ve got a casino full of people to keep happy. A weasel to locate. Two large parties to coordinate. The Big Boss is riding my ass. And the police are snooping around spooking the guests.”

“Well, look who’s gone and gotten all grown-up,” Miranda huffed as she grabbed Teddie’s hand. “Come with me, Peter Pan. Leave old Wendy here to wallow in her worries. I happen to know where the bar is, and I’m in desperate need of some liquid fortification. We’ll put it on Wendy’s tab.” She pulled him with her as she disappeared into the crowd. Neither one of them looked back.

Great, I’d just been told off by a woman who screwed for a living
and a guy who looked better in my clothes than I did. I thought I’d hit rock bottom when my Nextel vibrated to life.

“Lucky?” Miss Patterson’s voice sounded a bit strained.

“Right here. Whatcha got?”

“Remember Mr. Ballantine?”

“Ballantine?” I thought for a second, then the light dawned. “The cockroach man?”

“Yes.”

“Don’t tell me he’s back.”

“He’s back all right.” She paused. “And this time he has a snake.”

I
found Dane licking his wounds in the casino. He didn’t look happy.

“You know anything about snakes?” I asked. “You mean other than what I just learned from your friend, Miranda, back there?” He hooked a thumb over his shoulder. “Are you sure she doesn’t crawl on her belly and live under a rock?”

“Well, I don’t know about living under a rock, but one time she decided to live in a mud hut on the beach next to the Santa Monica pier. Something about showing the world the plight of some obscure tribe of cannibals in the Amazon.”

“She would like cannibals. I bet she’s still chewing on the hunk she took out of my ass.” Dane threw a quick look over his shoulder toward the lobby. “I hope she chokes on it.”

“You’re a big boy. I’m sure you’ll find a way to get even.” And I wanted ringside seats. I grabbed his hand and tugged him with me as I headed for the elevators. “Right now we have a more pressing problem. What do you know about real, slither-through-the-grass snakes?”

We skidded to a stop in front of the elevators. I punched the up button. Reluctantly I let go of Dane’s hand.

“What kind of snake?”

“How the heck should I know?” The elevator hadn’t come so I punched the button again, then again and again.

“Punching the button a zillion times won’t make it come faster,” he said.

“Maybe not, but it makes me feel better. I’d take the stairs but we’re going all the way to the top.” I turned and looked at him. “You haven’t answered my question. What do you know about snakes? I can do rodents, but I’m not well versed in reptiles.”

“We had an annual rattlesnake roundup back in my hometown. I participated a couple of times until a buddy of mine got bit and damned near lost a leg. Does that help?”

“It’s better than nothing.” The elevator door finally opened, and I dodged the people trying to get off as I pulled Dane inside. I inserted my card in the slot and punched the button for the penthouse floor.

“So where’s the snake?” Dane asked after the doors had closed and we’d started skyward.

“In Mr. Ballantine’s suite.”

“Ballantine? You sound like you know this guy.”

“Oh yeah.” I crossed my arms and leaned against the side of the elevator. Just thinking about Mr. Ballantine set my blood to boil. “Our first meeting concerned cockroaches. Now it’s a snake. He’s moving up the food chain.”

Dane chuckled. “You gotta tell me about the cockroach.”

“Cockroaches, plural. Hundreds of them.”

“I think I’m going to like this story.”

“Are you familiar with the hotel rating system?” At Dane’s affirmative
nod, I continued. “Like all top hotels, the Babylon jealously guards its rating. We opened at the top of the heap, and we intend to stay there.” The elevator slowed its ascent, then dinged its arrival at the fifty-second floor. “Some of our guests try to blackmail us by doing things that might threaten the rating.”

“Blackmail? How?”

We stepped out of the elevator and turned right, heading for the King David suite. “They stage some unpleasantness, then threaten to report it to the rating services unless we pay for their room and whatever.”

“Hence the cockroaches.”

“Five-star hotels are not infested with bugs.”

“But they could be,” Dane said. “How did you know it wasn’t legit?”

“The bugs were technically water bugs, indigenous to the coastal states. They couldn’t survive in the desert. They were brought in and planted in that room. I could have wrung Mr. Ballantine’s neck, but I stifled myself. This time, he may not be so lucky.”

“So we’re on our way to a potential homicide?”

“Don’t encourage me,” I said as we rounded the last corner. “He’s one of the few people I’d like to meet on the edge of a cliff with no witnesses.”

“Remind me not to get on your bad side.”

Three big, tough-looking Security guys were standing outside Mr. Ballantine’s suite peering in through the doorway when Dane and I arrived.

“It’s got Denny,” one of them said when he caught sight of us.

Dane and I pushed past the guards. What we saw stopped us in our tracks.

“Holy shit,” Dane mumbled.

In the middle of a beautiful, hand-knotted, silk Persian carpet writhed one of our Security guards, presumably Denny.

Wrapped around his middle was the largest snake I had ever seen.

The thing looked to be every inch of twenty feet, although it was
hard to tell. It had already circled Denny’s waist twice and was going for a third coil.

“Get this thing off of me!” Denny grunted. “I can’t breathe!” He looked a little blue.

I grabbed the nearest guard and pointed to his gun. “Give me that thing.”

Wordlessly he handed it over.

“Dane, grab the snake’s head and hold it still,” I ordered as I chambered a round and made sure the safety was on. “Everybody back.”

Dane dropped to one knee and grabbed the reptile’s head. Muscles bulging, he wrestled with the thing as it writhed. Twice he lost his footing. “Damn. This thing even has teeth.”

I tucked the gun in my belt, shouldered in next to Dane and grabbed the snake with both hands. Finally, the two of us managed to pull the writhing body away from Denny just enough. Dane put his knee on the snake holding its head to the floor. “Hurry,” he growled through gritted teeth.

I let go and grabbed the gun. Thumbing off the safety, I pressed the barrel to the snake’s head. I shut my eyes and pulled the trigger.

The recoil knocked me on my ass.

For a moment time stood still.

I was still deaf from the report when I opened my eyes. Breathing heavily, Dane knelt on hands and knees, his head hanging between his arms. Denny pushed weakly at the now inert body of the snake.

I crawled over to him, grabbed the slippery beast and tried to move it. Dead weight, the thing weighed a ton. “Help me here,” I said to Dane.

It took us a couple of minutes to unwrap Denny.

“You okay?” I asked him as he took deep, measured lungfuls of air.

He nodded.

Dane stood, then grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet.
We escorted Denny to the gaggle of Security guards who still filled the doorway. One took Denny’s arm.

My Nextel vibrated at my hip. I grabbed it. “What?”

“I got reports of gunfire on one of the upper floors in the north wing,” Jerry stated rather matter-of-factly, as if gunfire erupted in the hotel every day. “You know anything about it?”

“Yeah, it was me.”

“You?”

“Yeah, me. I pulled the trigger.”

“Cool. Who’d you shoot?”

I turned and surveyed the room through slitty eyes. “Nobody . . .” Ballantine lurked in the far corner behind a chair that looked like King David’s throne. The minute I saw him, my blood boiled over, my temper erupted, and I could almost feel his spindly little neck in my hands. “Yet.”

I dropped my Nextel in my pocket as I stormed toward Ballantine.

The creep shrunk behind the chair.

I was a few feet from him when Dane grabbed my arm, pulling me to a halt. “Whoa there,” he whispered in my ear. “He’s not worth it.”

Ballantine peeked around the edge of the chair.

I felt like making a lunge for him, but common sense slapped a lid on my temper. I straightened, threw my shoulders back and slowly smoothed my dress. I took a deep breath, then blew several strands of hair out of my eyes. I stepped away from Dane.

He let me go but stayed close. I guess he was worried my temper might erupt again. He needn’t have worried. Past getting mad, I was well on my way to getting even.

Ballantine shrank back.

I crooked a finger at him. “Come here, little man.” I waited until, visibly shaking, he stood in front of me, staring at his toes. “What kind of snake was that?

“Anaconda.”

“Where on earth did you get it?”

“From a guy I know here in Vegas.”

“How’d you get it into the hotel?”

“In a trunk. It took three bellmen to get it on the cart.” A tinge of pride crept into his voice.

For a moment I saw red again. Dane must’ve sensed it. He grabbed my arm, but I shook him off.

I leaned down and put my mouth next to Ballantine’s ear. He flinched but stood his ground. “Listen to me and listen good. Pack your things. Stop at the front desk and pay your bill, which will be large as it will include damages for this attempted extortion.” I lowered my voice. “Then get the hell out of my hotel. If you darken my doorway again, or if I get even a hint that you have said anything unsavory about this hotel or any of its employees, I will hunt you down myself. And when I’m through with you, I will personally deliver your sorry carcass to the police.”