Wanna Bet? (22 page)

“
Brooke” he starts but is
cut off by the lecture starting.

I sigh relieved but he
slips a piece of paper onto my desk.

I’m sorry

I shake my head at him and
scribble a note back.

Do you honestly hate me so
much that you will go out of your way to upset me?

No, of course not. Will
you let me explain?

No, I don’t want to hear
anything you have to say, but do one thing for me. Next time you
have to stick your dick in something, try to not talk about me
afterwards
please
.

I pass him the note and
plug my iPod in hoping he gets the hint that I don’t want to talk
to him.

I wake up for the third
time tonight and with all the exhaustion, memories and the fight in
the café this afternoon fresh in my mind I give in and don’t fight
the tears but it’s not soft sobs and sniffles but full on howling
crying. I grab my keys, not bothering to get changed out of my
shorts and tank and leave the dorm. I bump into Ethan, Tucker, and
Matt on the stairs they all stop to stare at me. I try to push
passed them but Matt grabs my arm stopping me.

“
Where are you
going?”

I shrug and swipe my hands
over my cheeks.

“
Where’s Sophie?” he
asks

I shrug again.

“
Brooke, talk to me” he
grabs my other arm and starts shaking me slightly but I just stare
at him.

“
Brooke” he’s begging now
but all I can do is shake my head at him. The ability to speak is
lost on me, I open my mouth but no words come out.

I try walking away but he
doesn’t let me go, I frown up at him because he looks lost, I lift
my hand to touch his face but I drop my keys on the floor. Tucker
picks them up and stares at me.

“
You were going to go out?”
he asks looking at what I’m wearing.

“
What’s wrong with her?” I
turn at the sound of Ethan’s worried voice.

They start having a
conversation around me and I follow each voice with my
head.

“
I don’t know, we should
take her back to her room”

“
We can’t leave her like
this”

“
Where’s
Sophie?”

“
I think she stayed in
someone else’s room, she has an exam in the morning and couldn’t
afford to loose anymore sleep”

“
Where was she going to
go?”

“
Should we let her go and
find out?”

“
She can’t talk and you
want to let her drive?”

“
Let’s take her back to her
room, I’ll stay with her”

“
I don’t think she will be
happy to wake up and find you in her room”

“
Well she hasn’t got a
choice, at least if I’m there she will get some sleep”

“
If she hits you tomorrow,
don’t say I didn’t warn you”

“
Fine”

“
Brooke, come on. It’s time
to go back to bed” Matt tell me steering me towards my
room.

“
I’ll see you guys
tomorrow” Tucker says when Matt and Ethan leave the
dorm.

“
Brooke don’t you want to
go to sleep?” Tucker asks, joining me on the sofa, I don’t answer
him I just start flicking through the channels on the
TV.

When I can’t find anything
to watch I turn the TV off and we are sent into
darkness.

“
Do you think she was
right?” I ask, finally finding my voice.

“
Who?” Tucker asks sounding
relieved.

“
She said my dad would be
ashamed of me, was she right?”

“
Brooke, please don’t
believe her or anyone else who says that to you. He would be so
proud of you it’s unreal. You’re the most beautiful, bravest,
strongest, funniest, smartest most loyal person I know, how could
anyone be ashamed of you?”

“
I just want it to end” I
whisper, knowing her can hear me “The nightmares, the fights, the
rumors, the crying, the memories, the lies I want it all to
end”

“
Where were you going
tonight Brooke?” he asks moving closer to me.

“
I don’t know, I want to go
home but I don’t have one”

“
This is all my fault, I’m
sorry Brooke, will you let me explain my self to you not
please?”

“
It’s not your fault, I
don’t care why you did whatever you did, none of it
matters”

“
That’s not true at least
let me talk to you about it, because to me it does
matter”

“
Okay”

“
When Sophie told me you
were going back to Andrews room I felt sick, I know I shouldn’t
have believed her but I did and then what I did with Mel, you must
of hated me for it. When I found out nothing happened between you
and him that Sophie lied to me I don’t know what happened I felt so
horrible and I went out, got drunk and ended up with Beth, we got
talking and she was asking about you. I know I shouldn’t have told
her anything about you at all but I hurt you and I promised myself
and you that I would never do that again after the last time but I
did and I felt worthless for it, when she kissed me I felt like
that was all I deserved is to be wanted by someone like her, I
could never deserve someone like you Brooke, your worth so much
more than me. That’s why I did it”

I nod into the darkness
taking in everything he just told me.

“
Are you going to hit me
now?” I hear him asks from beside me.

“
No, why would I hit you?”
I turn towards where his voice is coming from.

“
The same reason you hit
Beth”

“
I didn’t hit her because
of that; I hit her because she said my dad was lucky he is dead. I
didn’t get upset over what you did, how can I? Everyone I have ever
known has hurt me at some point why should I expect you to be any
different? It’s not fair for me to rank you higher than everyone
else”

“
Brooke, I want to be with
you like I have never been with anyone else before but I’m
worried”

“
What are you worried
about?”

I hear him take a deep
breath and brace myself for the worst “I’m worried that I don’t
deserve you, I worried that I can’t be enough for you”

“
The fact that you’re
worried about it tells me that you do and you can” I whisper to
him.

“
I need you to tell me what
I can do to be good enough for you” he whispers sitting so close
that we are touching now.

I reach around in the dark
until I find his hand, I hold it in both of mine. “You can cheat on
me, you can hit me, you can use me, you can steal from me and you
can let me down and never be there for me but please, whatever you
do, don’t ever lie to me. That’s the only thing that you can do to
hurt me”

“
I would never do any of
those things to you anyway Brooke, I can promise you that but I do
have one other thing that is worrying me”

“
What?”

“
When you went out tonight,
you wouldn’t talk to anyone, you had no shoes on, you were only
half dressed, you said you wanted it to end. Please be honest with
me, was it your life you wanted to put an end to?”

I can feel his whole body
tense up as he waits for my answer and my heart breaks a little
with the knowledge that the people closest to me are worried that I
could do that to myself at anytime.

“
No, you have to understand
that even though I’m not afraid of dying, we all have to go at some
point. If it happens sooner rather than later for me, that’s okay.
I’m not even that bothered how it happens but I will never, ever
try to end my life myself and I would never ever let my step dad do
it for me either. That’s the reason I can keep going, it’s the only
reason I carry on everyday and am still here. I just don’t want him
to control that part of me. My dad’s life got cut short; no one can
force me to do the same with my own. That reason alone is enough
for me. So you have nothing to worry about.”

I sit on top
of Tucker to straddle him but he still manages to trap me instead
by pinning my hands above his head.

“
Aww come one
I’m starving” I giggle as he playfully nips my collar
bone.

“
It’s three in
the morning” he says tilting his head so he can kiss my
neck.

“
Mmm … but I’m
hungry” I protest feebly and tilt my head to give him better
access.

“
Me too” he
agrees but nibbles on my ear making me squeal.

I struggle to
get out of his grip but end up toppling us out of bed.

“
What are you
two doing?” Ethan asks amused sitting up in his bed.

“
I’m going out
for food” I announce standing up and taking advantage of Tuckers
winded position on the floor from where I landed on his
stomach.

“
Fine” Tucker
grumbles getting up and slipping some jeans on.

“
If you drive,
I’ll make it up to you, on the way” I wink at him and he doubles
his efforts at getting dressed.

“
See ya” he
calls out to Ethan, grabbing his keys and me then a
jacket.

“
I’m not even
dressed” I protest laughing.

“
That’s what
the jacket is for” he rolls his eyes and slings the jacket over my
shoulders zipping it up before we get any further into the
corridor.

“
Keep your
eyes on the road” I shout for the third time “Are you sure you can
handle this?” I tease lowering my head into his lap to continue
running my tongue along the length of him, his only answer is a
loud groan.

“
Oh … shit …
Brooke I’m gonna…” I feel the car jerk forward as his foot slams on
the accelerator.

“
Mmm hmm” I
nod at him but keep him in my mouth and swallow as he fills my
mouth, I keep him in my mouth until I’m sure there’s nothing left
then clamp my hand around the bottom of him and squeeze pushing my
hand up to lick the last drop away dipping the tip of my tongue in
the little slit.

“
You know if
you’re going to swear at me every time I do that I might stop doing
it” I tell him trying to keep my expression blank.

“
That’s not
even funny Brooke, don’t joke about that stuff” he says looking too
serious.

“
Ooh look
we’re nearly there!” I sigh and fall back into my chair waving my
hand at the lit up all night pancake house.

“
How do you
even know about this place?”

“
Me and Sophie
used to go out in the middle of the night all the time, I also now
some all nigh bars, coffee houses, one stop shops.” I frown at the
incredulity in his tone.

“
Why?”

I just shrug
as he pulls up in front of my haven and jump out not wanting to
wait for him.

“
Hi” I grin at
the waitress.

“
What can I
get you Brooke?” she smiles back – I know it’s probably bad when
the waitresses know you by name but at this moment I don’t care to
dwell on it.

“
I’ll have two
coffee’s and two house specials please” I hand her the money and
settle into a table by the window slipping my shoes off because I
have no socks on with them thanks to our hasty exit and it’s
starting to get uncomfortable. Tucker comes through the door
looking around at everyone happily eating their meals as if he has
stepped into the twilight zone.

“
Oh no, you
sit over there” I point to the seat opposite when he starts to
slide in next to me.

“
Why?” he asks
but does it anyway.

“
Because you
are way to distracting when you sit next to me and I want to
remember my food, that’s what got us here in the first place, I
forgot to each my lunch remember and we skipped dinner”

“
Oh yeah” he
grins at me “What are you having?” he asks me picking up a
menu.

“
I’ve already
sorted it, you took a long time getting out of the car” I smirk at
him.

“
Well some of
us don’t just jump out of moving vehicles and I had to um,
rearrange my clothes” he smirks back at me but it quickly falls off
his face when a plate overflowing with food is put in front of
him.

“
No Sophie
tonight?” the waitress asks eyeing Tucker who is looking at his
plate as if it’s going to bite him.

“
No, although
she is definitely more fun” I grumble and pick my knife and fork up
to cut into my stack of pancakes.

“
What is
this?” Tucker asks prodding his food.

“
It’s only six
pancakes, bacon and syrup” I roll my eyes at him.

“
You know for
someone who eats so much those clothes you used to wear should fit
you snugly” he grumbles.

“
Yeah well
luckily no matter what I eat what ever I don’t burn off in the gym
just goes on my boobs and ass, are you complaining?” I ask raising
an eyebrow at him.