Wanderlust (12 page)

“
Can we get to the
bottom?”

“
Eventually.”

He continued along the main path, and
I followed him. We came out upon a wide river—the source of the
falls, I realized. Though the water ran swiftly, it was clear and
peaceful, nothing like the thunderous violence of the
falls.

Looking at the lands untouched by man,
I imagined a time when people might have traveled this river
without a map. What a shock it must have been to anyone traveling
this river without knowing about the falls up ahead.

To my surprise, Hunter took off his
shoes and waded into the river.

He turned back, a grin on his face.
“Come in.”

“
What? No.”

“
It’s a little chilly but
you’ll get used to it.”

“
I don’t do rivers.
Or…nature.” That was mostly because I’d never been around rivers…or
nature, but I wasn’t about to tell him that. No doubt he’d mock
me.

“
You don’t do rivers, but
you want to see Niagara Falls.”

“
I wasn’t planning on
swimming in it.”

He made a skeptical sound. “Yeah,
because they wouldn’t let you anyway. This is better.”

I shook my head. “Freezing to death.
Falling to my death. No, thank you.”

“
I wouldn’t let anything
happen to you.”

“
Oh good, because I trust
you completely.”

At that, he laughed. “Just try it out.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.”

I scowled. “What are you, a
motivational speaker?”

“
In another life, yes.
Come on. If you don’t like it, you can get back out.”

Oh fine. I toed off my shoes beside
his on the dry, sandy bank. The first touch of water sent a shock
up my spine, and I gasped. But I forced myself all the way inside,
both fearful and excited of the strange feeling of cool water
threading between my toes. The current was much stronger than it
looked from the surface. It felt like it was pulling me along with
it, and I had to fight just to stand still. The rocks beneath my
feet were smooth and slippery.

Exhilarated, I stood in the middle of
the river and looked around at the trees and fog-frosted mountains.
I’d seen all of this before from just ten feet away on the bank,
but it was different here. Now I was immersed, experiencing the
sights as well as seeing them.

A smile of wonder crept over my face.
Hunter grinned back at me, suddenly looking boyish.

“
Well?” he
asked.

“
Not bad.”

“
Hah. You love
it.”

“
Okay, I hate you five
percent less.”

He rolled his eyes and turned to walk
in the direction of the current. “Come on, let’s go.”

“
Wait, where are you
going?”

“
I thought you wanted to
see the waterfall.”

“
Uh, yeah. See it. Not
fall to my death in it.”

“
You’re not going to
die.”

“
I know, because I’m not
going over there.”

He shrugged. “Suit yourself. I’ll meet
you back at the truck.”

“
No, wait. Okay, I’m
coming.”

I followed him through the
river, feeling nervous but excited. I was walking through a river
in a secluded park toward a waterfall. I was
doing this
. And I never would have
done so without Hunter. I put that thought aside and focused on my
steps. I slipped off a particularly rounded rock, and Hunter
reached back to steady me.

“
You good?” he asked,
breathless. His eyes shone with excitement too. I’d never seen him
so alive, so intense except when we had sex. In a way these were
both carnal things, to roam and to fuck. He was a carnal man, one
who found pleasure in doing and living and being. It radiated from
him, and I absorbed his enthusiasm by osmosis.

No more attitude, I told
myself. Not today.
Just enjoy
this.

“
I’m good,” I said,
grinning.

When we reached the edge, I looked
down at the rush in awe. I couldn’t see the bottom, just the white,
glittery mist a few feet down. But farther along I could see the
river continue, calm again. I felt powerful, as if the water
running past my shins were channeled through me.

“
Crazy,” I said, not
taking my eyes off the panoramic view.

“
Crazy,” he agreed. “And
now we jump.”

My heart sank. “I thought you were
joking about that.”

“
I never joke about
extreme sports,” he said solemnly.

That tugged a smile out of
me. I wished he weren’t so endearing when he wasn’t terrorizing me.
I looked down at the waterfall again. Not
that
far. Definitely the kind of
thing someone could survive—just not me.

“
Evie,” he said in a
cajoling tone. “It’s amazing. Trust me.”

“
I don’t trust you,” I
said automatically, knowing it to be a lie.

“
It feels like
flying.”

“
Not very well, I guess,
since you fall.”

“
Yeah, but first you
soar.”

Just enjoy this.
“I can’t swim.”

He was surprised. “Not at
all?”

“
I have some vague
memories of swimming at the Y as a kid. Nothing recent.”

“
Well, I’m glad you told
me that before I pushed you.”

My eyes widened. “You’re not
serious.”

He shrugged. Damn, he had a good poker
face. I couldn’t tell if he’d been joking.

“
Look,” he said. “You
don’t have to do it if you don’t want to, but it’d be fun. I think
you’d like it.”

His straightforward words cut through
the fear that held me back. Yes, it would be fun. Yes, I’d like it.
This was exactly the kind of thing I’d wanted to do but never had
the means or the courage to actually do. Now, with Hunter, anything
was possible.

“
Let’s do this,” I said,
feeling terrified and wondrous. “Count of three?”

He thought for a second. “Let me go
down first. It’ll be easier for me to help you if you need me to if
I’m not also under water.”

“
Okay. Right.” God, this
was crazy.
I
was
crazy.

“
Just hold your breath
before you go under, and then kick your way to the top. I’ll take
it from there.”

I nodded, unable to speak.

He leaned forward, almost
there.

“
Wait.”

He looked back. “Cold
feet?”

“
No, just…is this
legal?”

He laughed. “Fuck no.”

Then he jumped, sending a shout that
echoed through the trees around us. He disappeared into the mist,
and then I heard a splash directly beneath us. A few seconds later,
his head emerged farther away from the falls, hair darkened by the
water and glistening.

“
Come on, sunshine.” The
words were indistinct, but I could read them on his
lips.

Oh shit. No, no, no. What if I died?
What if we were caught? Which was a stupid thing to worry about,
all things considered, but my good-girl tendencies had been well
drilled into me.

But the thing that decided
me was that I couldn’t
not
do it. I couldn’t walk away from this challenge,
from this chance to finally live.

To soar.

I jumped.

I understood what he’d
meant about flying. It felt like the air caught me and lifted me
even as I drew ever closer to the shore. My vision was suffused
with white spray, as if I were bursting through a cloud. The water
came up impossibly fast and yet slow enough to watch with wonder. I
sucked in a breath and plunged under water. For a second, I
panicked—
can’t breathe, can’t
move
. But then I righted myself and found
my bearings. A few strong kicks carried me to the
surface.

Hunter was right there waiting for me.
He must have swum closer to me while I’d fallen. He grabbed me to
him, laughing.

“
You did it, sunshine. I’m
so proud of you.”

I wiped the water from my eyes,
laughing too. “You didn’t think I would.”

“
Nope, not even a little.
You proved me wrong, though.”

I looked around, awareness returning
to me. “We’re…”

“
Underneath the falls,” he
confirmed.

I wasn’t sure where exactly I’d
fallen—maybe directly in the stream—but he’d drifted us behind the
falls. There was a large cavern here between the curtain of water
and the rockface that held them up. A steady stream of water
pattered on my face, loose spray from the falls.

I became aware of his body, too. The
weight of him, the heft as he supported me in the water. The hands
that clasped my waist. Neither of us had removed our clothing and
though my light sundress was comfortable enough for swimming, he
was wearing jeans and a T-shirt.

“
You’re a little bit
crazy, you know that?”

He grinned. “Just a little? I’ll have
to work harder.”

His words tumbled into place in my
mind, solving a riddle I already understood. He wanted to be this
way, crazy and mean and awful. But he wasn’t really. It was a
struggle for him as much as I had struggled to be a good little
girl in that house. A role we had to fill to keep someone else
happy, except what made him think he should be this way? Someone,
somewhere had forged Hunter in fire and although it didn’t absolve
him of his sins, I was more than ever curious about who.

Droplets hung on his eyelashes, on the
coarse, stubble-covered skin of his face.

Just enjoy this.

I leaned forward and kissed him—right
on his nose. A little silly maybe, but he didn’t laugh. He looked
startled first, then his eyes darkened. He held me still, steadily
kicking to keep us afloat. But he made no move to pull away or to
initiate another kiss. Just holding steady for my exploration, if I
wished to continue, and I did.

His eyelids, his forehead, the rough
cheeks and much softer lips. I stayed there, sending small kisses
along his mouth, from one corner to the other and then back again.
It was a thank you for bringing me here, for convincing me to do
this. More than that, the jump had given me permission to do this
thing I’d wanted, to kiss a beautiful man who held me. One who
seemed to want me but was unable to express it except in the
harshest of ways.

“
What next?” I whispered,
expecting him to do something obscene and maybe painful. For the
first time, I thought I’d welcome it. It was crazy, but so was
this.

His lips curved knowingly, as if he
guessed the direction of my thoughts.

He raised his eyebrow. “Wanna jump
again?”

And I did. We jumped five more times
until we were both exhausted from the swimming and the climb. Still
in our wet clothes, we sprawled out under a tree at the base of the
waterfall, letting the steady hum of it lull us into a
half-sleep.

“
One question,” he
murmured. “I see them in your eyes all the time. I’ll answer one
question.”

A million sprang to
mind.
What made you this way? When will
you let me go?
But one stood
out.

“
How many others?” I
asked.

Beside me, he tensed.

Minutes passed and lengthened. I might
have drifted off and then returned.

Finally he said, “You were the first.
The only one.”

I sat up. “What about your
conviction?”

“
You asked me once if I
did it. I didn’t.” He shrugged where he lay, eyes on the sky.
“Believe me or not. It’s your choice.”

I had no reason to believe him, and we
both knew it. A court of law had found him guilty. And I knew how
he’d been with me, so it stood to reason he could have done this to
another girl—countless girls. Sometimes that bothered me more than
what he’d done to me. I really had nowhere better to be. I was
already broken in countless ways. And after today? I felt a strange
and twisted kind of gratitude for what he’d done. But to imagine
another girl made helpless turned my stomach.

And he said it had never happened. I
was the first. I was the only.

I believed him.

He laughed, so bitterly that goose
bumps raised on my chilled skin. “I told myself I was getting what
I’d already paid for. They locked me up for it, so I might as well
do the crime, right?”

I was silent.

He spoke in a raw kind of horror, like
a man desperate, a man divided. “But the truth was, I just wanted
you. I saw you looking at the sunrise, and I wanted to have that.
To have you. So I took you. I knew full well how wrong it was, and
I did it anyway. And the most fucked up part about it all is that I
still don’t regret it. No remorse. Really fucking crazy,
right?”