Walk the Blue Fields (5 page)

Deegan, the forester, is not the type of man to remember his children's birthdays, least likely that of his youngest, who bears a strong, witch-like resemblance to her mother. If occasional doubts about his daughter cross his mind he does not dwell on them for, in fairness, Deegan has little time to dwell on things. In Aghowle there are three teenagers, the milking and the mortgage.

Some of Deegan's hardship he brought upon himself. When his father passed away and left the place to his sons, Deegan, who was not yet thirty at the time, borrowed money against the place and bought them out. His
brothers
, who had other ambitions, were glad of the money and went off to make lives for themselves in Dublin. The night before the bank took over the deed, Deegan walked the fine, south-facing meadows. It broke his heart to mortgage the place but he could see no other way. He bought a herd of Friesians, put electric fences round the land and installed the milking parlour. Shortly afterwards, he drove to Courtown Harbour to find a wife.

He found Martha Dunne on a Sunday afternoon in the Tara Ballroom. Deegan, sitting there in a blue pinstriped suit with his beard trimmed, watched this broad-hipped woman making bold figures of eight within a stranger's arms. Her skin was smooth as a plate and her scent, when they waltzed, reminded him of the gorse when it is on fire.

While the band was playing the last tune, Deegan asked if she would meet him again.

‘Ah, no,' she said.

‘No?' Deegan said. ‘Why not?'

‘I don't think so.'

‘I see,' Deegan said.

But Deegan didn't see and for this simple reason, he
persisted
. The following Sunday he went back to Courtown and found Martha in the hotel, eating alone. Without
asking
, he sat down and kept her company. While she ate, he steered the conversation from the fine weather through the headlines and wound up talking about Aghowle. As he described his home he began to imagine her there buttering swede, patching his trousers, hanging his shirts to dry out on a line.

Months passed and through nothing stronger than habit, they kept meeting. Deegan always took her out to supper and to dances, making sure to pay for anything that passed her lips. Sometimes, they walked down to the sea. On the strand, gulls' footprints went on for a while then
disappeared
. Deegan hated the feel of sand under his feet but Martha's stride was loose, her brown gaze even. She strolled along, stooping every now and then to pick up shells. Martha was the type of woman who is content in her body but slow to speak. Deegan mistook her silence for modesty and, before a year of courtship ended, he proposed.

‘Would you think of marrying me?'

While the question was in mid-air, Martha hesitated. Deegan was standing with his back to the amusement arcade. With all the lights behind him she could hardly make him out; all she could see were slot machines and shelves of coppers that every now and then pushed a little excess into a shoot to let somebody win. At a van a child was reaching up for candy floss. The crowd was getting smaller; summer was coming to an end.

Martha's instinct told her to refuse but she was thirty years of age and if she said no this question might never be asked of her again. She wasn't sure of Deegan but none of the others had ever mentioned marriage, so Martha, with her own logic, concluded that Victor Deegan must love her, and accepted. In all the years that followed, Deegan never thought but he did love her, never thought but he showed his love.

The following spring, while birds searched for the
perfect
bough and the crocus laboured through the grass, they married. Martha moved into the house Deegan had described at length but found Aghowle to be a warren of dim, unlived-in rooms and unsteady furniture. Dirty nylon curtains clung to the panes. The wooden floors were bare of rugs, the ceilings full of woodworm but Martha, being no housekeeper, didn't really care. She rose late, drank her tea on the doorstep and threw meals together same as she was packing a suitcase. Often Deegan came home from work expecting her to be there with a hot
dinner
but more often than not his house was empty. He'd stoop and find the big enamel plate with fried potatoes and a pair of eggs dried out in the oven.

Martha preferred to be out in wellingtons lifting a drill for onions or slashing the nettles along the lane. The forester brought her seedlings he'd found in the wood, sycamores and horse chestnuts which she staked about the land in places where the hedges had been broken. For company she bought two dozen Rhode Island Red pullets and a cock. She sometimes found herself standing in the barn watching her fowl pecking the seed, feeling happy until she realised she wasn't.

Before a year had passed the futility of married life struck her sore: the futility of making a bed, of drawing
and pulling curtains. She felt lonelier now than she'd ever felt when she was single. And little or nothing was there around Aghowle to amuse her. Every week she cycled to the village but Parkbridge was just a post office and a
public
house cum shop whose keeper was inquisitive.

‘Is Victor well? There's a great man, a great worker. You'll not find the grass growing under his feet.'

‘You must like living up there now, do you? Afine house it is.'

‘Where did he find you anyhow? Courtown? Didn't he go far enough for you?'

One Thursday, as she was about to cycle out for
groceries
, a stranger appeared with a trailer. A big blade of a man with a thick moustache, he parked in the centre of her yard and strode up to the door.

‘Have you any interest in roses?'

There, in the trailer, the stranger had all types of plants: rosebushes, budding maples, Victoria plum trees,
raspberry
canes. It was the end of April. She said it was getting late for planting but the salesman said he knew that, and would not go hard on her. She asked how much he
wanted
for the roses, and his price seemed fair. Over tea, they talked of vegetables, how lifting the potato stalk was magic for you never really knew what it would yield. When he left, she collected hen dung with the shovel and planted the rosebushes deep in rows at either side of the hall door where she could train them to climb up around the windows.

When Deegan came home she told him what had
happened
.

‘You spent my money on roses?'

‘Your money?'

‘What kind of fool did I marry at all?'

‘Is it a fool I am?'

‘What else?'

‘I suppose I was fool enough to marry you.'

‘Is that so?' Deegan grabbed the end of his beard as though he might tear it off. ‘The hard times aren't over. It's all very well for you sitting here day in, day out. You didn't bring so much as a penny into this place. And a working man needs more than dried-out spuds for his dinner.'

‘You don't look any the worst for it.'

And it was true: Deegan had put on weight, had the bloom on him that men have after they marry.

‘If that's the case, it's not your doing,' Deegan said, and went out to milk the cows.

That summer her roses bloomed scarlet but long before the wind could blow their heads asunder, Martha realised she had made a mistake. All she had was a husband who hardly spoke now that he'd married her, an empty house and no income of her own. She had married a man she did not love. What had she expected? She had expected it would grow and deepen into love. And now she craved intimacy and the type of conversation that would surpass misunderstanding. She thought about finding a job but it was too late: a child was near ready for the cradle.

The children Martha bore, she reared casually, never threatening them with anything sharper than a wooden spoon. When her first-born was placed in her arms her laughter was like a pheasant rising out of the bushes. The boy, a shrill young fellow, grew tall but it soon became apparent that he had no grá for farming; when the boy sat in under a cow, the milk went back up to her horns. He looked up to his uncles whom he visited every now and then in Dublin and it was hardship to make him do a hand's turn. He would get away just as soon as he saw the opportunity.

The second child was a simpleton: a beautiful, pale boy with a pair of green eyes staring from a shell of dark brown hair. He did not attend school but lived in a world of his own and had a frightening aptitude for speaking the truth.

It was the girl who had the brains, the girl who travelled through youth same as youth was a warm stretch of water she could easily cross. She finished her homework before the school bus reached the lane, refused to eat meat and had a way with animals. While others were afraid to enter the bull's field, she could walk up and take the ring out of his nose. And she had taken a liking to her brother, the simple one. Always she was urging him on to do the things nobody else believed him capable. She'd taught him how to knot and cast the hook, how to strike a match and write his name.

Seldom did neighbours come into that house but
whenever
they did, Martha told stories. In fact, she was at her best with stories. On those rare nights they saw her pluck things out of the air and break them open before their eyes. They would leave remembering not the fine old house that always impressed them or the man with the worried look that owned it or the strange flock of teenagers but the woman with the dark brown hair which got looser as the night went on and her pale hands plucking unlikely
stories
like green plums that ripened with the telling at her hearth. After these stories they were sometimes too
frightened
to go back out into the night and Deegan had to walk them as far as the road. After such nights, he always took his woman to bed to make not only her but himself sure that she was nobody's but his. Sometimes he believed that was why she told a story well.

But in that household as in any other, Mondays came. Whether the dawn was blood red or a damp, ash grey,
Deegan got up and placed his bare feet on the cold floor and dressed himself. Often his limbs felt stiff but, without complaint, he milked, ate his breakfast and went to work. He worked all day and some days were long. If, in the evenings, his eyes of their own accord were closing while he'd yet again the cows to tend, it was a solace to drive over the hill and see the lighted windows, the tusk of chimney smoke, to know his work was not for nothing. Before he retired, the bank would give back the deed and Aghowle would, at last, belong to him.

The fact that it stood in a hollow, that the walls within it were no thicker than cardboard didn't matter. Now that his parents were dead and his brothers had gone, Deegan was becoming sentimental. He remembered not how his mother had spent so much of his youth in bed with the curtains drawn or the nights when his father took down the strap saying he couldn't have it all his own way, but simpler things, plain facts. The line of oaks on Aghowle's lane were planted by his great-grandfather. No matter how hard or high his children swung, those limbs would never break. Secretly, he knew that the place gave him more satisfaction than his wife and children ever would.

Deegan is now middle-aged. If it is a stage when some believe that much of life is over, and assume that what's left is a downhill slope to be lived within the restraints of choices made, for Deegan, it is otherwise. For him,
retirement
will be the reward for all the risks he's ever taken. By the time his pension comes, his children will be reared. He envisages himself in Aghowle with one Shorthorn for the house. He will get up when it suits him, sort through stones and repair the orchard walls. He will take out the spade, plant more oaks on the land. He can already feel the dry stone, the oaks' blue shade. The eldest boy will marry,
have children, and carry on the name. But in the
meantime
, before he can take his early retirement and retreat into this easy life he craves, there are children to finish rearing, bills to pay and years of work yet to be done.

One wet day while he is working beyond Coolattin
pruning
a line of Douglas fir, Deegan stumbles across a gun dog. The retriever has sheltered for the night under the trees and the forester has, in fact, roused him from a dream of ponies chasing him through a bog. Puzzled at first by the presence of a stranger, the retriever looks around and then remembers yesterday. O'Donnell tried to shoot him but then O'Donnell's rage was always sharper than his aim. It was, quite simply, a case of the bad hunter blaming his dog. Now this bearded stranger whose scent is all resin and cow's milk is standing over him, offering buttered bread. The dog eats it and lets the stranger stroke him.

Deegan does this knowing he will some day – if no owner comes looking – get a nice turn, for the dog is
handsome
. Waves of white gold run down the retriever's back. His snout is cold, his eyes brown and ready. Come evening, Deegan doesn't have to coax him into the car. The dog jumps in and puts his paws up on the dash. With the sunlight striking his coat and the wind in his ears, they travel down hills towards Shillelagh and the open road.

When they reach Aghowle, Deegan is glad, as usual, to see his house with its chimney sending smoke up to the heavens – not that he believes in heaven. Deegan is not a religious man. He knows that beyond this world there is nothing. God is an invention created by one man to keep another at a safe distance from his wife and land. But
always he goes to Mass. He knows the power of a
neighbour
's opinion and will not have it said that he's ever missed a Sunday. It is autumn. Brown oak leaves are
twisting
in dry spasms around the yard. Exhausted, Deegan gives the dog to the first child he sees. It happens to be his youngest and it happens to be the girl's birthday.