Waking Elizabeth (22 page)

“Goodnight,
my queen,” he whispered from the foot of the bed before disappearing through
his door.
 
Frustrated, I rolled to my
back and flung and arm across my face
.
 
I should have reached for him, said something
to him, anything!
 
I was still
reeling from his kiss, my heart still pounding in my chest that was now heavy
with disappointment.
 
I thought about
calling for him but I didn’t.
 
Everything
was on his terms.
 
This was his family
home for Christ’s sake.
 
He had never
brought anyone here.
 
Thankfully I was
truly exhausted and fell asleep shortly despite my doused desire.
  
But it wasn’t long before
she
infiltrated my thoughts.
 

Chapter
23

I
was back in her
bedroom, in her very bed surrounded by gold draperies and a roaring fire.
 
My ladies busied around the room doing
various tasks.
 
I heard a knock on the
heavy wood door and saw one of them scurry across the room to open it.

“Where
have you been?” I called to him, my voice husky with an air of authority that
felt foreign.

“Apologies,
your grace,” he answered somewhere out of sight.

“Out,
all of you … out!” I shouted and the women hurried to exit.

He
was at the foot of the bed, drawing aside the bed curtains, “Is your grace
well?”

“As
well as I can be without you, sweet Robin,” I answered, reaching for him.
 

He
smiled, his dark eyes dancing in the firelight, “I am here now, my queen.”

In
seconds he was in my arms, the smell of leather and earth filling my
senses.
 
I was shaking with need for him,
it was nearly unbearable.
 
Just then the
vision faded into a dark and empty stone room.
 
I was standing at the window staring aimlessly out at a gray sky filled
with drizzling rain.
 
My body was wracked
with sobs.
 
I was crying.
 
Hysterically crying.
 
The feeling of total and complete emptiness
filling my very core.
 
In my hand was a
folded letter.
 
How is he gone!
 
It’s impossible!
 
He
can’t be gone!
 
Tell him to return to me,
now!
 
I demand it!
 
My thoughts again flashed to the bed.
 
He was in my arms, his mouth against mine,
whispering, “I am yours.
 
Only yours.
 
Always remember that.
 
Only death could drag me away.”
 
His body was hard and warm against mine and
his deep voice reverberated through me.
 
Lightning flashed and I was again at the window, the letter pressed
against my chest which was heaving with sobs.
 
“Robin, you can’t leave me,” I cried, even as they banged on the heavy
door to get in.
 
I felt the urge to jump
from the window, the pain from the loss of him beyond excruciating.
 
No one
will understand.
 
All will never be right
again.
 
I am lost, forever.
 
He should
have been with me!
 
I should have been
his, legally his.
 
I should have been his
wife!
 
I reached for the window, my
arm encased in a heavy black dress.
 
I
pushed open the glass and reached out to feel the rain.
 
Did I have enough strength to lift myself?
 
I looked towards the door just in time to see
it splinter from its hinges and several men rush inside.
 
“Your Majesty!” I heard them yell, running
towards me.
 
Go Away!
 
I screamed at them,
Go Away!
 
A bearded man reached for me, pulling me from
the window.

“Ellie!”
I heard my name in a fog of sleep, “Ellie, wake up!”

I
opened my eyes and saw a panicked Ronan staring down at me.
 
I sat up, tears streaming down my face and
leaned into him, “Oh God,” I murmured, “She’s going to kill me.”

“Who?
 
Elizabeth?
 
Tell me what happened” he asked frantically, his arms encircling me as
he tucked my head into his shoulder.

“These
dreams.
 
They’re so real,” I was
breathless, “It’s like she wants me to see something, wants me to feel what she
felt.”

Ronan
squeezed me gently, “Tell me.”

I
pulled away from him, wiping the tears from my face, “It was the same dream
from before.
 
Except there were women
there with her in her room this time.
 
She told them to get out when he got there.
 
They were,” I shrugged, not knowing any way
to say it, “together, you know, again and he was telling her that he was hers,
only hers.
 
But then I got a flash of her
at a window, in another room.
 
She was
crying, hysterically.
 
I think she had
just found out that he was dead.
 
She was
inconsolable.”
 
I shook my head, “I could
feel every ounce of her pain.
 
She didn’t
want to believe it.
 
She thought about
jumping from the window.”

Ronan
was shocked, pulling away from me, “She what?” his voice barely a whisper, his
face contorted in disbelief.

I
nodded, “They were there, beating on the door, demanding to get in but she had
locked them out.
 
She opened the window,
it was raining.
 
She reached out and
pushed open the glass and felt the rain.
 
She was about to climb out and jump when they broke the door down.
 
She was screaming at them to go away.”

Ronan’s
face was frozen in distress, “She was going to jump?”

I
nodded, “Yes.
 
Some older man reached for
her and pulled her away from the window.”

“Lord
Burghley,” Ronan whispered, his hands reaching for mine, “You’re sure.
 
She wanted to jump?”
 
The concern on his face was something I had
never seen etched there before.
 
It
wasn’t the revelation of this entirely unknown fact.
 
It was something different.
 
There was genuine anguish creased into his brow.

“She
was completely destroyed at the loss of him.
 
She thought there was no way she could go on without him,” I closed my
eyes, trying to remember what she had said in those moments before the door had
broken, “She said she should have been his … legally.
 
He should have been with her.
 
She said she should have been his wife.”

Ronan
looked up at me, his hand running through his disheveled hair, “She said that?”

I
shook my head, “There wasn’t anyone there to hear it.
 
She was alone, at the window before that man
came in.
 
But she said it, those words …
to herself.”
  
He reached for me again,
pulling me towards him.
 
“It’s like she’s
trying to tell me something.
 
Or show me
something, I can feel it.
 
But one second
I’m there, with him and he’s making love to her and I can feel how completely
in love she is with him and then the next, she shows me how devastated she is
at his loss.”

“I
know,” Ronan whispered.
 
“I heard you
screaming out “go away” … it scared me to death.”

“I’m
sorry,” I felt ridiculous, “I didn’t realize I was saying it, I thought it was
her saying it in my dream.”

He
pulled away to look at me, his thumbs tracing away my tears, “Are you alright?”

I
nodded, “Yes … I guess.”

“Are
you sure?”

“Yes,”
I nodded, “Maybe she’ll let me sleep the rest of the night.”

He
smiled, “She is … forceful.”

I
shot him a sarcastic raise of my brow, “You have no idea.”

He
offered me a lopsided grin, his eyes twinkling with mischief, “Oh, I have some
idea of it.”
 
Before I could question
what that meant he kissed me on the forehead, “Try to go back to sleep.”

I
closed my eyes in defeat once again, “Sure.”

His
brow raised in question.

“I’m
fine,” I nodded tight lipped while my head screamed,
liar!

I fell
back into the pillows and he pulled the covers up around my neck, “Sweet
dreams,” he grinned, “maybe my words will force her to show you more of the
good stuff, less of the bad,” he winked.

I
let out a pent up sigh, “I’m not too sure I can handle that either.”

He
clamped his lips shut, attempting to hide another smile, “Goodnight, again,
Ellie.”

He
disappeared behind the sheer curtain towards his room.
 

My
hands were trembling as I brought them to my lips, remembering when he kissed
me.
 
This was torture.
 
He was torturing me.
 
As was she.
 
I remembered feeling how desperate she was with the thought that she
would never see him again.
 
He should have been here with me!
I
could hear her saying.
 
She had so
desperately wanted him, wanted to be his wife and yet she never was.
 
What
had stopped her?
 
What was stopping me?
 
I sat up and reached for my phone and
immediately found his number.
 
I entered
the words of a text:
 
I want you to come back … please …
 
Did it sound desperate?
 
Needy?
 
Did I honestly care?
 
I hit send,
my heart thundering in my chest.
 
I
waited as I stared at the single word that popped up beneath my text.
 
Delivered.
 
It was too late now.
 
It was
done.
 
There was no response.
 
Maybe his phone was across the room.
 
Maybe he was already asleep.
 
Maybe … he had read it and wasn’t going to
respond.
 
Feeling confused, frustrated
and rejected I put the phone back on the nightstand and fell back into the
pillows.
 
I shouldn’t have come!
 
Maybe his
feelings weren’t the same?
I closed my eyes, trying to shut out my
thoughts.
 
Torture.
 
Complete and utter torture.
 
A sound tore me from my anxiety and my eyes
snapped open.
 
I sat up, feeling anything
but alone and saw Ronan standing at the foot of the bed.
 
He was just drawing the sheer curtain aside,
his eyes fixed firmly on mine in the darkness.
 

I
opened my mouth to draw in a ragged breath, “Where have you been?” I heard
myself say with the same brazen authority I’d heard from
her
.
 

In
one swift motion Ronan reached behind him for the neck of his shirt, snatching
it deftly up and from his shoulders and tossing it to the floor.
 
I reached for him and like a lion he crawled
towards me.
 
My hands buried in his hair,
drawing his mouth to mine.
 
He was so
soft and gentle with me and I was the complete opposite.
 
The night had been too much.
 
Between the visions provided by Elizabeth and
the constant pull to Ronan all day only to have him leave me alone and craving
him twice that night, I was overwhelmed with need now that he was finally
here.
 
I didn’t understand it, the
feeling of all consuming hunger I had for him.
 
I pulled him down to me and felt him shove away the blankets that
separated us.
 
I groaned against his
mouth when I felt his body settle between my legs.
 

He
pulled away and hovered over me, his eyes searching mine.
 
I could see a torment there that I didn’t
understand.
 
Was he unsure of us?
 
What was
holding him back?
 
I reached up and
caressed his cheek, for a split second forgetting my insatiable yearning for
him, “What is it?” I asked softly.
 

“You,”
he whispered in return, his lips lowering to mine, “You consume me … since the
second I met you,” his voice was ragged, tormented.

I
smiled, thankful for his answer and unsure what I would have done had he said
something else, “It sounds good but the look in your eyes tells me it scares
you,” I answered softly against his lips.
 
I ran my hands down the side of his bare body until I reached the
drawstring pants that proved to be the barrier to what I wanted most.
 
I slipped my fingers beneath the waistline
and ran them lightly towards the center of his taunt stomach.
 
I was possessed by the desire to take what I
wanted now that it was finally within reach.
 
I had waited in the shadows long enough.
 
I was determined to conquer him and to not be denied once again.
 
I moved my mouth to his ear and took the lobe
in my teeth gently, “You’re over thinking it,” I whispered wickedly, my hand
boldly seizing him.

Ronan
released a guttural groan and pressed is hard body into mine.
 
If I was ever in doubt about his desire for
me it was immediately banished.
 
I raised
my hips eagerly and suddenly his hands were there, tugging at the waistline of
my thin pants and pulling them roughly from my legs.
 
I reciprocated and quickly tossed his to the
floor.
 
I was impatient to feel him where
I craved him the most but he brushed my hands away and quickly removed my
shirt.
 
His head lowered and I felt his
open mouth searing its way across my bare chest and neck.
 
My hands buried in his hair and I arched
against him.
 
His hand ran down the side
of my body, his thumb grazing my breast, until he reached my hip.
 
I felt his warm hands reaching for the small
of my back and raising me up where he pressed fully into me.
 
I gasped, the delicious feeling of him moving
against me at long last was blissfully euphoric.
 
I felt as if I’d been thirsty for centuries
and he was the sole mouth watering relief that could quench me.
 
The feel of his body felt marvelously
familiar, and I pulled him closer as if I could envelope him completely.
 
His mouth opened on mine, his tongue swirling
deliciously inside my mouth.
 
Ronan
pulled away from me to gaze down at me in total adoration.
 
I raised my hips to meet him as he thrust
slowly and erotically, completely consuming me.