Waking Anastasia (28 page)

“Not first hand, but I understand what you’re saying.”

THE TRIP WAS
a short one by cab and their table was waiting in a corner, surrounded by old black and white photos depicting streets, people, and the jazz scene. As the hostess seated them, Lee-Anne turned to Jerry. “Do you mind a corner seat, Jerry? The window tables are lovely, but it’s hard to talk when the world is watching us like fish in a tank.”

“This is fine, Lee-Anne.” And it was. The place wasn’t big, but the high ceiling and quiet jazz music in the background swallowed the lunchtime chatter before it reached the other tables. If Ana ate, this would be a terrific place to bring her. He saw a drum kit in the corner. “They have music here?”

“Jazz, blues, mostly the mellow stuff.”

“That’s cool. I’ll have to bring Ana. She’s developing a taste for jazz.”

Lee-Anne reached over and took his hand. “How’s she doing with all of this?”

“She’s holding up really well. She’s my rock, along with everyone at the station, of course.”

A waiter swung by, took their drink orders, and slipped away so quickly it was surreal.

“If she needs to talk to anyone about it, please have her call me. If she’s half as scared as I was when my sister got sick, she’s probably feeling pretty helpless. How about your family? Aren’t they back in Ontario? They must be going crazy with you this far away right now.”

“I’m not surprised your sister’s illness scared you. Manny said you’re twins.”

“Identical, except she was the pretty one.”

Jerry choked on his water. “The . . . ?”

“A joke, Jerry. I know
I’m
beautiful because I look just like her and I always thought she was the most beautiful girl in the world. That’s not ego talking. Mary-Anne’s beauty was soul-deep. She never got into half the trouble I did. The boys all noticed her, too, but she didn’t care a bit. I wasn’t so lucky. I probably cared too much.” A glass of white wine and a tumbler of ginger ale arrived. “Did you want to try Manny’s suggestion? I love their lasagna.”

“Sure. I might as well enjoy solid food while I can.”

Lee-Anne smiled up at the waiter. “Two of the Cajun Beef Lasagna, please, Karl. With house salads . . .” She raised an eyebrow at Jerry and he nodded. “And the Italian dressing, please.” Karl smiled back and left. “So, your family. What did they say?”

“Nothing. I haven’t called, yet. It’s a hard thing to do long distance. I have a young friend I’m going to Skype tonight and break the news to, so that’ll probably be the rehearsal for telling my mother. We haven’t always seen eye-to-eye, so it’ll be an interesting conversation.”

“But it’s still one you have to have. Mary-Anne was a very private person, so she told just her girlfriend and me in the beginning. The first words out of her mouth to me were ‘Go get a mammogram, tomorrow.’ She didn’t tell my parents for another month, until she was well into the treatments. They were still having trouble with her being gay, so she didn’t speak to them very often.” She sipped her wine. Jerry could tell it was painful for her, but he couldn’t think of anything to say or do. “My parents are great people, although a bit too conservative for my taste. But as soon as Mary-Anne told them, their arms and hearts were wide open for both Mary-Anne and Charise. Tell your family. Soon.”

“I will. I promise. After the planning scan today, I might know a bit more. My mother tends to be a little judgmental, with the emphasis on mental, so the more facts I have when I call, the less criticism I’ll have to listen to about whether or not it’s psychosomatic or something else entirely, like drugs.”

She laughed. “I don’t envy you. I’m glad you’ll have Ana there with you. What is it about parents judging their children as inadequate or unable to make their own decisions? I never see my parents without Tom with me. That’s
Tom’s
idea, because he knows I’d rip into them and take out all my anger at Mary-Anne’s death on them.”

“Do you get tested regularly?”

She lit up and lowered her voice. “Jerr-bear, my breasts get squished so often I’m thinking of leaving Tom for the screening machine.”

Their laughter was interrupted by the arrival of lunch. Karl offered fresh-grated Parmesan cheese and fresh ground pepper, and they both accepted generous sprinklings of each. He then left with a smile and a promise to come back with refills for their drinks. Jerry waited politely for Lee-Anne to take her first forkful, and then he dug in, suddenly famished. They ate for a few minutes in silence, save for mumbled approvals of taste and texture, but Jerry finally had to ask a question that kept nagging at him.

“Did she ever give up? Mary-Anne, that is. Did she ever get so tired of the whole cancer thing and just want to flop on the couch and just stay there until her time was up? I mean, I haven’t even started radiation and have only known about this shit growing in my head for a little while, but I’m just so exhausted, emotionally.”

“Not in the beginning, no.” Lee-Anne put her fork down on her plate, gently. “Mary-Anne laughed and smiled and fought and raised awareness and funds for breast cancer research, but after her second radical mastectomy, it was like someone punched her in the gut, every day. In the beginning there was a lot of hope and promise and everyone had their fingers crossed, but when the treatments started losing ground to the disease, yeah, the couch became her best friend.”

“I love my couch these days. I wish I didn’t.”

“And I wish I knew a secret to give you hope or cheer you up or get you off that couch. Charise was able to get Mary-Anne up for a while, but even love and affection run out of steam, as my dad said. If I let my imagination loose, and we were both single and you weren’t my boss, I could come up with more than a few things to give you energy and a reason to live, but I can’t. That’s Ana’s job and I would never insult either her or Tom by suggesting it beyond this table. Besides, that’s just my mischievous sex drive talking, trying to make you smile. Charise and I have had long, long talks about this, and in the end, it was more about Mary-Anne dying with peace and dignity. We made sure she got to say everything she wanted to everyone she had to.” Lee-Anne’s voice softened to a barely audible whisper and Jerry had to lean in a bit to hear her. “She said her last goodbyes to Charise and me at the same time, while we held her hands to our hearts. Peace, and dignity, Jerry.”

“I guess that’s all anyone can ask for. She was lucky to have you.”

“It’s what sisters are for.” She picked up her fork and continued to eat, her eyes glistening with sadness.

“Yeah, I suppose. I’m sure my sister would be glad to do that for me, but we’d probably have to gag my mother if she was in the room, too.”

They finished their meals over less-important small talk about life in Victoria, Lee-Anne’s children, and Jerry’s newly acquired skill on the dance floor. Lee-Anne switched to green tea after her second glass of wine and they kept up the conversation right through dessert. Jerry suspected that they would have kept up the banter right up to dinner, but the alarm on his phone went off. He pulled it out and read the message on the screen.

“I’ve got forty minutes until my appointment.”

“Lots of time. What is it they’re doing today?”

“The planning scan, I think it’s called. This is the long one where they scan the tumour in depth and then use the data to plan the course of treatment.”

“Is Ana meeting you there? Because I can hang out with you if she isn’t.” Jerry believed she really would, too.

“She’s meeting me at the hospital. She had to take care of a few things and wanted to let us have our lunch together.”

“She’s a real cutie, Jerry. She’s funny and smart and there’s a retro-old-Europe-kinda-thing about her that makes me feel like I’m talking to someone who’s seen the whole world. She’s a keeper.”

“I suppose. As much as either of us can be ‘keepers’, I guess.” He let it drop at that.

The bill arrived, Lee-Anne used her company credit card, and lunch was on Manny. They got another taxi almost as fast as the first one and pulled up at the hospital a few minutes later. Lee-Anne moved to get out of the cab with Jerry, but he put a hand on her thigh, stopping her.

“Thanks, Lee-Anne, but I’ve got it from here. Ana will be here in a couple minutes and Manny just said for you to make sure I got here. You’ve been a real boost to my spirits, but you should get back to the office to do what you do so well and keep that place solvent. Just remember that you’re bright, talented, and beautiful,
in that order
. I’m sure that wherever Mary-Anne is, she’s damned proud of you.” Lee-Anne was speechless. Tears trickled down her cheeks so Jerry reached up and wiped one away. “Thanks for lunch. I’ll see you at the office tomorrow.” He got out of the taxi and walked into the hospital, looking around for a good place to free Ana from the book.

He found the Food Court and the Info Desk, but no place that he could have thirty seconds unaccosted. The ding of an elevator arriving decided it for him. “I guess we ride up and down until we’re alone.” There were two people on the elevator when the doors opened and although both exited, an older woman joined him. She pressed the 3 and looked up at him.

“You going to 3, too?”

“Um, no.” He looked at the panel, pressed the top button, then leaned back against the comfort of the mirrored wall. He closed his eyes for a moment but the elevator arrived at the third floor. The woman left, but no one got on, so Jerry whipped the book out of his pocket, rubbed his thumb along the spine, and hoped that Ana had enough time.

The elevator started up, the book glowed blue, and Ana slowly took shape beside him. She was still too transparent for comfort when they passed the fourth floor, but Jerry sensed the elevator slow for the fifth and held his breath. As she coalesced, Ana assessed the situation and the risk and floated behind Jerry and into the corner nearest the buttons. The elevator drifted to a stop on the fifth floor and just as the door slid slowly open, Jerry felt a hand touch his shoulder and lips kiss his ear. Two doctors entered the box, too wrapped up in their own conversation about a patient with some kind of arrhythmia to pay much attention to the couple who stepped into the back corner. One of the men pressed the button for the next floor.

“How was lunch with Miss Giggles-and-Wiggles?” Ana whispered in Jerry’s ear. He turned to face her.

“It was good. It was a cute little restaurant not far from the loft and they have jazz there on weekends, so all I could think of the whole time was when I’m going to take you there.”

“You thought of
me
, while you were out to lunch with a beautiful woman? Silly man.” The elevator stopped, the doctors exited, still oblivious. No one else got on. Jerry checked his watch. They still had twenty minutes to get over to the BC Cancer Wing. The elevator clunked upward.

“Of course. I think about you all the time. We even talked a bit about you. Lee-Anne thinks you’re charming and a keeper.”

“A ‘keeper’?”

“It means that I’m never supposed to let you go.” He pulled her in and kissed her firmly.

The elevator dinged and stopped. They reluctantly stepped back from the kiss as the doors opened. They were one stop from the top. An elderly man in hospital gown and robe rolled his IV-equipped wheelchair in and winked at them. “Don’t tell them, but I’m running away.” He looked at the illuminated button for the top floor. “They got a nice view from up there. I sneak out every chance I get. I figure I’ve got a half hour of peace and quiet before they miss me. A half hour of Heaven, away from prodding, poking, and pills.”

Ana laughed, “I sympathize completely, good sir. My younger brother was always looking for places to hide from the doctors and nurses.” She winked back at him. “We promise not to tell anyone you are here.”

The man smiled broadly, his huge dentures dominating his tiny face. “You’re a sweetie!” The doors opened and he wheeled himself out as fast as he could, rolling around the corner and out of sight. They laughed, and Jerry pushed the button for the Main floor.

“I guess we should get to that appointment, Shvibzik. You know that this scan is going to take as long as an hour. I hope you brought something to read.”

Ana gently tugged the Blake book out of Jerry’s hand. “Always.” She snuggled into him and he put his arms around her, drawing strength from her presence.

ANA DIDN’T READ
very much while Jerry was having the planning scan done. She was fascinated by the whole process and watched intently as the staff shaved a small patch of hair on Jerry’s head and then drew three small marks in the area with a black pen. They explained that it was to help take measurements and aim the device, and they would do tiny permanent tattoos after this scan. They then positioned Jerry on the flat, padded table they called a couch, cradling Jerry’s head in a mould made specifically for him, to keep his head perfectly still. The radiographer, Gemma, gladly explained everything as they went along, to reassure both Ana and Jerry.

“The couch will move in and out and in and out of the ‘polo hole’ here as the scan is performed. It’s perfectly safe. Nothing will touch you or hurt you. If you need us for an emergency, just raise your hand and we’ll be right in.”

Jerry tried to look up without moving his head. “You’re not in here with me? That doesn’t exactly fill me with confidence.”