Waiting to Exhale (12 page)

""Listen to Miss Frigid, would you? Well, if something weird has happened to Bemie, I'll just have to interrupt you. You've waited a hundred years to get some, a few more minutes won't kill you."

"Shut up, Robin. I just hope Bernie's okay."

"Me too. Talk to you later."

After she hung up, Gloria walked outside to look for any sign of Tarik. None. She heard the timer for the sprinkler system come on, and found herself staring at the desert flowers and vegetation in her front yard: jumping cholla, ocotillo, prickly pear, organ pipes, purple and pink verbena, Mexican bird of paradise, and mesquite trees. She remembered when she used to think the colors of the desert were ugly, but now this yard looked like an oasis.

She walked back into the house, put a pot of water on for the spaghetti, then made a salad. She was buttering the French bread when the phone rang again. She hoped it was Bernadine.

"Ma, can I spend the night at Bryan's?"

"Don't be ridiculous. Your daddy should be here any minute, so get your behind home. Now. I mean it, Tarik."

"I don't want to see him."

"What?"

"I said I don't want to see him."

"Tarik, all you're doing is making a bad situation worse. Don't make me come over there. Put Bryan's mother on the phone."

"She's not here. And if you come over here, I'll be gone by then."

"Why are you doing this, Tarik? What's it proving?"

"It's proving that this man hasn't been in my life for my whole life, so why's he keep making special appearances and thinking I'm supposed to be so happy about it? What does he want from me? That's what I want to know. I don't know him and don't want to know him." He was quiet, and then he said, "I just hope he doesn't spend the night."

So that's what this was about. Now Gloria knew why he'd been acting so ugly all week. "Well, look, I don't want to force you to see him, but why didn't you tell him yourself?"

"Because I couldn't, Ma."

"Well," she sighed, "go ahead, stay on over there. I'll figure out something to tell him. But what about the plans he made for you tomorrow?"

"Tell him to cancel them or go down to Big Brothers of America. They're looking for stand-ins down there."

"Watch your mouth, Tarik."

"I'm sorry, Ma. And thanks for listening to me this time. Will you do me a favor?"

"What's that?"

"Don't have too nice an evening."

He hung up before she could answer. This was all her fault, really. All she ever wanted was for him to know who his father was. That's all. Now she realized that it was causing more harm than good. She didn't know what she was going to tell David.

Gloria was stirring the spaghetti sauce when she heard a car pull into the driveway. She ran over to the sink and peeked through the mini- blinds. He was still gorgeous, she thought, as she watched him get out of the car. Tarik was built just like him. Strong and muscular. Since she didn't want to appear eager, she stepped away from the window. When the bell rang she counted to three before walking over to the door. She took a deep breath and opened the door slowly. "Hi, David," she said.

"Hello, Gloria," he said, and gave her a weightless hug, then he walked over and sat down in a chair. "So how are you?"

"I'm fine," she said.

"You're looking healthy," he said.

She knew he meant fat, but she said, "Thanks," anyway. He was wearing a navy-blue suit with a pale-pink shirt and what she knew was a silk tie and real lizard shoes. He was clean-shaven now-she'd never seen him without a mustache-and he looked like one of those men on the cover of GQ.

"I must say your landscaping is stunning," he said, and crossed, then uncrossed, his legs. He sounded so formal, she thought. No, it wasn't formal. If she closed her eyes, she'd have sworn he was white.

"Thank you," she said.

"So," he said, and started drumming the arms of the chair, "w^ere's Tarik?"

"He's not here right now."

"Well, I can see that. When will he be back?"

"I'm not sure."

"Didn't you tell him what time I said I'd be here?"

"Yes, I did."

"Is there a problem, Gloria?"

"Well, he's feeling a little awkward about seeing you."

"I'm feeling pretty awkward myself. I mean, I don't even kno
w w
hy I continue to do this. I don't know the boy, and he's almost an adult now anyway."

David was obviously feeling uptight; Gloria saw his jawbone jumping. It also looked as if he was grinding his teeth.

"I made spaghetti, if you'd like to have some dinner," she said. Now she sounded like him.

"No, thanks. I'm not hungry," he said. His tone was strained, and it was clear that he was annoyed, but Gloria couldn't much blame him.

"Would you like a glass of wine?"

"A glass of wine would be perfect. Exactly what time are you expecting him?"

"Tomorrow," she said, and darted toward the kitchen.

"Wait a minute, Gloria. Did you say tomorrow?"

"Yes," she said.

"Forget about the wine," he said, and got up.

Gloria turned around to face him. She had a mournful look on her face. "Are you leaving now?" she asked.

"Yes," he said.

"You're welcome to stay here."

"Here?" he said.

"Well, I just thought, maybe, that because last time, well, I just thought that you'd like to stay with us."

"Look, Gloria. I might as well be honest with you."

"About what?"

"About me."

"What about you?"

"Do you remember what happened when I was here the last time?"

"Of course I remember."

"Do you remember how I didn't respond to you?"

"Well, yes."

"Did you have any idea as to why?"

"I thought it was because I'd put on so much weight."

"That was only part of it."

"Well, what was the other part?" she asked.

"I've been bisexual for some years," he said, and didn't flinch.

"You've been what?"

"You heard me right. But I'm not anymore. I'm gay."

"You're what?"

"Don't sound so shocked. You're the last person I had to tell, and now it's done."

"Look, you don't have to go to this extreme just because you don't want to spend the night. I understand."

"I don't have to lie about this, Gloria. I'd been lying too long as it was, but I thought it was time you knew. By the way, I'm staying at the Biltmore," he said, and walked toward the door. "If and when Tarik gets home, tell him where I am. If I don't hear from him by noon, I'm checking out. I mean that literally and figuratively. When and if he ever wants to see me, he'll have to make the next move." He opened the door, started toward the car, and got in. Then, before he started the engine, he turned and looked at Gloria. There was no expression on his face at all. She watched the wheels of his rented blue Celebrity back out of her driveway, and her eyes followed that car until it turned the corner. The sprinkler clicked off. Gloria backed inside the doorway and closed it. When she sat down, the top button of her blouse popped off, but she didn't get up to find it. Because she couldn't.

Chapter
5

After Joseph left, Bernadine put on a pair of shorts and a T-shirt, packed the kids' overnight bags, told them to get in the car, and headed for Sun City.

"Why come we're going to Granny's?" Onika asked.

"
How come. Because Mama and Daddy are going on a trip."

"Why can't we go?" John junior asked.

"Because where we're going is only for grownups."

"Can't Auntie Robin baby-sit us?"

"No, she can't."

"I don't want to go to Granny's/' he said.

"And why not?"

"Because she's too mean."

"She is not mean," Bernadine said.

"Yes she is."

"The only reason you think she's mean is because she doesn't let you do whatever you want to do."

"Uh uh. She yells at us all the time, doesn't she, Onika?"

"Not all the time," Onika said.

"She does too!"

"Look. Your granny's just got a heavy voice, and you might think she's yelling, but she's not."

"She won't even let us play in the front yard."

"You're not supposed to play in the front yard."

"Or the back."

"I don't believe you."

"Uh huh. She won't let us pick the oranges or the grapefruit, and she won't even let us climb that big tree."

"The fruit's not ripe yet. And that tree is dangerous."

"She makes us go to bed too early, and she doesn't have Nintendo, and it's boring at her house."

"That's just too bad. So stop whining."

John junior let out a defeated sigh.

Bernadine knew they were telling the truth. Her mother could be a bitch sometimes, but Geneva loved her grandchildren. She just had a strange way of showing it. After driving a school bus for twenty- eight years, she was sick of kids. Her grandchildren were the two exceptions, although sometimes Geneva had to remind herself that they were blood.

"Ma, Onika doesn't have her seat belt on."

"Onika, put your seat belt on."

Bernadine pushed the CD button for George Winston's "Autumn." She always played him when she needed to relax, but right now she couldn't really appreciate the beauty of much of anything, let alone piano playing. She had forgotten to do something important, but she couldn't remember what it was.

"Ma, do we have to listen to that piano music again?" John junior asked.

"No," she said, and pressed it off.

"Raffi, Raffi, Raffi!" Onika shouted.

"Stop screaming. I can hear you," she said. She was not in the mood for kiddie music, but what the hell. She sifted through a stack of tapes until she found it. John junior was now searching for Waldo. "There's Waldo! I found him again, Ma!" Onika could never find Waldo, and John junior wouldn't tell her where he was when he knew where Waldo was and she'd cry and Bernadine would have to threaten to take the book away and then he'd still only tell his sister if she was getting warm. But Wheres Waldo? kept them occupied when she drove.

"Good, good, good," she said to John junior. "Now let's see how long we can be quiet."

One whole minute went by.

"Mama, look! McDonald's!" Onika yelled. "I'm hungry. And I want a toy. Can we have a Happy Meal, please, Mama, please?"

"I'm hungry too," said John junior. "But I just want McNuggets with barbecue sauce and french fries and a vanilla shake."

"All right, all right, all right. Now settle down." Bernadine didn't have time to put on her blinker. She turned the car into the entrance and whipped up to the drive-through window and gave her order.

"Mama, can we eat it here? I wanna play on the balls," Onika said.

"I don't want to eat it here. Inspector Gadget is coming on in a few minutes, Ma. Ma, can't we eat it at Granny's?"

"Be quiet! We're already at the drive-up window, I'm in a hurry, and I'm in no mood to sit. You will eat these Happy Meals in the car and enjoy them. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes," Onika said.

John junior didn't answer but flipped the large page of his book. "There's Waldo again!"

When Bernadine handed the kids their boxes, she realized that Onika's hair was a mess. She hadn't combed it in two or three days, and the child looked wild. She wanted to let Gloria give the girl a perm, but John had refused to let her put any chemicals in his daughter's hair. Onika had enough hair for two grown women. Her braids were long and thick. She was so tender-headed that when she even heard the word "hair" she'd start wailing. A few months ago, Ber- nadine had finally reached the point where she couldn't stand the squirming and crying anymore and started letting Gloria wash it and run a warm comb through it every other Saturday morning. And now that John was gone, Saturday after next, which also happened to be Onika's seventh birthday, she was getting this girl a perm.

Bernadine was on the last long stretch that led to Sun City, a two- lane highway usually filled with old drivers who were afraid to do the speed limit. Traffic was backed up, and Bernadine went through two or three cigarettes just waiting to get to her turnoff, which was five miles up ahead. Thank God it was dinnertime, she thought. Sun City was a sterile place, where mostly retired people lived. For some reason, her mother loved it there. Right after Bernadine's daddy died two years before, Geneva sold their home of forty-two years and bought a town house out here. She said she wanted to be near one of her children in case anything happened to her. Bernadine's two brothers lived in Philadelphia, less than a fifteen-minute drive from Geneva.