Waiting for Her Soldier (13 page)

You have one new message. Beeeeep.

“Hi, I’m trying to reach Darren Henderson. Hi Darren, it’s Jessica Phillips, I wanted to get in touch since I heard you were back from active duty. I figured we could grab dinner and catch up. Let me know when you’re available, my number is…”

I immediately turned off the answering machine. What the hell? This was the last thing I needed after a day like this. Then, against my better judgment, I listened to the message again.

Dammit, I thought. What the hell am I supposed to do? Momentarily, I thought about deleting it. What harm would it do? I didn’t want her interfering with me and Darren. From a personal standpoint, this made the most sense. But what if she was persistent? If she kept trying and trying, Darren would eventually find out I’d tried to hide it from him, and then how would I look?

Maybe she really did just want to catch up. Maybe she didn’t have any romantic ambitions and I didn’t have anything to worry about. But I was skeptical of that idea. I wasn’t exactly friends with Jessica, but I thought I knew her pretty well. She was interested in Darren because he was finally back in town. Who wouldn’t be? I thought.

I wrestled with the different possibilities for awhile, pouring myself another glass of wine and going back to the living room. I watched reality shows for the next hour while I waited for Darren to get home, but I wasn’t really paying attention. My mind was reeling, wondering what impact this damn message would have on my newly perfect life.

When Darren finally got back I had fallen asleep, partially from exhaustion, partially from the wine. It was the sound of his truck pulling in that startled me from my slumber. Now that Darren’s arm had healed he could drive again. He’d used his savings to purchase a sparkling new Ford F-250. Damn, he loved that thing. I was awake when I heard his key turning in the door.

I got up to greet him, giving him a soft kiss on the lips.

“Someone’s been partying,” he said jokingly. “Long day at the shop?”

“Oh, you wouldn’t even believe it. One of the girls put in a huge order incorrectly and we ended up having to comp an entire lunch for some corporate conference. Honestly, I don’t even want to talk about it. We stayed open late to make up the difference.”

“I’m sorry, babe.”

“It’s alright. These things happen.”

I stood there awkwardly before him, hands in my pockets and feeling groggy after just waking up.

“Any dinner left?”

“Aww, damn. I was going to order in, but I just ended up falling asleep. Let me make you something.”

“No, no. I got it.”

“What?”

“I’m gonna make dinner.”

“You?” I laughed. “You’re going to make dinner. You’ve got to be kidding me?”

“Trust me, babe,” said Darren with a wink. “I can cook.”

“Suuuuuure.”

Hell, I didn’t think he knew what he was doing, but I was so tired and hungry I’d probably eat anything. I went back out to the couch and laid down.

Twenty minutes later Darren came out with two plates of grilled cheese sandwiches.

“Well, well, well, look at you,” I said, taking a plate from him. Darren winked and sat down next to me on the couch.

Wow. Maybe it was because I was practically starving, or because I was so tired that I was nearly delusional, but this was one of the best meals I’d had in my life.

“Is there bacon in this?” I asked.

“Yes, bacon, cheddar and tomato.”

“I knew I loved you. This is absolutely amazing right now.”

“Anything for you, babe.”

After I finished the sandwich, I fell back into the couch completely satisfied and happy in this moment. I nestled into Darren’s shoulder, sleepy and contented, ready to fall asleep as Darren watched the college basketball game he’d just switched over to. Then I remembered the reason I’d drank so much wine tonight. Jessica’s call. I knew I had to tell him, but when? Couldn’t I just lay here, feeling contented and happy?

Sooner rather than later I figured. The more I put it off the worse it would get. So, I just blurted it out.

“You got a call from Jessica today,” I said, trying to sound as if I didn’t care, as if this call was just in the normal realm of daily occurrences, something totally fine and predictable.

Darren froze.

“What?”

“Jessica. I guess she found out you were staying here?” I said hesitantly. “She called and asked if you wanted to go to dinner. To catch up or something.”

“Oh,” said Darren. Then suddenly he got quiet, turning pensive as he thought about this prospect.

“Are you going to call her back?” I asked, trying my best to seem as if I didn’t care.

It was a few seconds before Darren answered.

“I don’t know,” he said. “I really don’t know.”

I had no idea what to say in this moment. I wanted to tell Darren to forget about her, that he had me now and there was no reason to ever talk to her again. But I didn’t want to seem controlling. And I knew to some extent that if he still had feelings for her it would come out one way or another. Maybe he had to go see her, to get some sort of closure. But I knew there was a risk in this, a risk that their affection would be rekindled and that Darren would fall back under her spell just like he had in college. Jessica was the skinny, pretty girl. The natural choice. I didn’t want to seem like some controlling, jealous girlfriend, but I also didn’t want to lose Darren.

“Well, if you want to go see her, it’s fine with me,” I said.

“Really?” asked Darren.

“Yes, really. I understand you two had a past together. You probably have things you need to say.”

“Yeah…” said Darren, trailing off. “So, you’re actually ok with this?”

“Of course, no prob,” I said. I was trying to make myself seem nonchalant, as if I didn’t care at all. But I did. I cared so much. I was afraid of losing Darren, but I didn’t want to hold him back. I wanted him to choose me for me. I knew I was taking a risk, but it was a risk I had to take. It was the only way I could know for sure he really wanted me.

Long story short, Darren called Jessica. I could hear them talking on the phone from the other room, as I tried my best to focus on TV and ignore their conversation. But how could I ignore it? They were making plans for dinner, and whatever they talked about at dinner threatened to ruin all the plans I’d subconsciously been building for a future with Darren’s. But maybe I was to blame, maybe I wasn’t warranted in thinking of this relationship as long term. Dammit, I thought. Why now? Why did she have to come back into his life just when things were finally getting off the ground in our relationship together?

They made plans to go out the following Friday night to a local steakhouse. Since it was Friday, I’d be working late at the shop anyways. There was no conflict; I wouldn’t be home waiting for him, waiting to hear how the dinner had gone. I’d be busy, I’d be pre-occupied. Sure, I’d be thinking about what was happening between them, but at the very least I’d be somewhat distracted by my work. Dammit, I hated this. Why couldn’t I just tell him how I felt? Why couldn’t I just tell Darren I didn’t want him to see Jessica?

So that Friday morning I went to the shop, feeling depressed and hopeless, worrying about what might happen between Darren and Jessica later that night, hoping that the dinner was just a formality, a way for Darren to get closure and finally leave Jessica in the past where she belonged.

When I came home that night I was feeling damn near hopeless. It had been a horrendous day at the shop. We’d done a lot of business, but there had been a number of problems here and there. And of course I was the only one who could sort them out.

To top it off, I hadn’t received a single text from Darren. The entire night I’d expected to at least hear something from him, some sign, some indication that he had closed things off with Jessica for good. I kept checking my phone, thinking I’d felt it vibrate in my pocket. But there was nothing. Darren hadn’t said one word since we’d talked over breakfast this morning.

I pulled my car into my parking space and walked the weary steps up to my apartment. Should I text him? I wanted to, but I also didn’t want to come off as needy. Why the hell hadn’t he said anything all day? It was so unlike him to do that. Didn’t he know how much I had riding on this dinner? Did he have any idea how much I’d wanted him to just tell Jessica “no”, to tell her that he was done with her and didn’t ever want to see her again?

I placed my key into the keyhole and unlocked my apartment, wearily pushing the door open into the darkened hallway. I could see that the light was on in the kitchen and I kicked myself for not turning it off when I’d left that morning.

I walked into the kitchen and tossed my purse on the counter, only to find Darren hovering over the stove.

“Lauren,” he said with a rich smile. “You’re finally back.”

He came over to greet me, giving me a deep, passionate kiss. But I was reluctant, confused by the scene I saw before me.

“What is this?” I asked.

“Dinner. I made you dinner, babe.”

I was shocked. Well, more confused than shocked. What did this mean? What had happened to his date with Jessica?

“I thought you were going to dinner with Jessica tonight.”

“I did. I’m back.”