Violet (The Silver Series Book 4) (23 page)

Chapter 18

The cell phone Kaynan had given me before we
left began to beep. He had given me a tiny wind-up charger and I
charged it faithfully each night as I had promised to alleviate his
worries about me returning to the forest. I called once in a while
to keep in touch, but it had been over a week.

“
Your turn,” Rafe
said.

I laughed. It was always my turn. I answered
the phone and was surprised to hear Grace on the other end.

“
Hi, Colleen, how are
things going?”

“
Great,” I answered, but
there was a tightness to her voice that made my stomach turn. “Is
everything alright?”

“
Oh, yes, of course.” She
hesitated, and her warm, welcoming voice turned desolate. “Well,
maybe not.”

I waited for a moment, but she didn't go on,
so I guessed, “Is it Kaynan?”

She sniffed and my heart ached at the pain
in her voice. “He doesn't sleep, he barely eats, and when I ask
him, he brushes it off like it's nothing; but whatever happened to
you guys at Base Omega changed him. I don't know what to do
anymore.”

The images that the forest had slowly erased
from my mind surfaced and I fought down a shudder of the wolf
trying to fight free so I could forget them again. I met Rafe's
eyes and he nodded. I took a calming breath. “When can you pick us
up?”

“
We can meet you at the gas
station as soon as you can get there.”

The relief was so strong in Grace's voice
that I couldn't help but smile. “We'll leave right away.”

“
I'm so excited to see
you,” she gushed, the warmth and kindness I always associated with
her surfacing again in her voice.

“
I'm excited to see you,
too,” I replied. “It feels like it's been forever.”

“
It really does,” she said.
“And you'll be just in time for Christmas! Your parents are coming
and we’ll be able to celebrate.”

A rush of excitement filled me at the
prospect of seeing my family again. Rafe was already gathering
supplies for the trip through the snow, and there was still half a
moose left so the wolves would be fine by themselves until we
returned.

I laughed inwardly and reminded myself that
the wolves had done just fine without me before. I felt protective
about them, like they were a second family I needed to watch
over.

The mother wolf observed our preparations
solemnly. When we were ready to go, she took my hand in her mouth
and held it firmly, her golden eyes staring into mine. She then
dropped it and walked to the back of the cave where she settled
onto the pile of furs that made up my bed.

“
What was that about?” I
asked Rafe.

He smiled at her. “She's saying farewell.
It's her way of showing she thinks of you as part of the pack.”

I touched my hand where her teeth had rested
and smiled. “Thank you,” I said. I knew she couldn't understand,
but it felt better than saying nothing. I waved at the pups, then
ducked through the entrance after Rafe.

***

Mom and Dad reached Jaze's home the day
after we did. Mrs. Carso was overjoyed to have such a full house
for Christmas, and refused to send any of us over to Meg and
Roger's, arguing that she liked having the house stuffed to the
brim. Meg, Roger, and Nikki complied by bringing their own presents
to put under the tree and spending the evenings with us.

It didn't take long to see that Kaynan's
cheerful facade covered a deep depression. He disappeared from the
dinner table before anyone was through eating, he went to bed early
but paced the floors far into the morning, and his gaze was often
distant and pained. I pulled him aside the second night and made
him follow me onto the porch to talk.

“
I'm fine, Cole, really,”
he said with false lightness.

I gave him a droll look. “You really think
that after all these years you can really hide how you feel from
me?” I glanced at the house. “I'm not the only one who's noticed
that something's wrong. Grace-”

“
What about Grace?” Kaynan
asked, cutting me off.

“
Well,” I sighed. “She's
worried about you. That's why she called us to come out. Christmas
was just a handy cover-up.” I smiled. “But I'm glad to be here. I
missed everyone.”

“
We missed you, too,” he
said. His eyes took on a sheen of sorrow. “I don't want to worry
Grace.”

“
Well, she's worried, and
frankly, I am too. You're not taking care of yourself, you're
depressed, and I can't remember that last time I heard you
laugh.”

“
Laugh.” He turned away and
studied the darkening night. The shadows of the few remaining
leaves danced in the moonlight. The breeze that toyed through my
hair smelled of winter and frozen things, reminding us that a deep
chill was yet to come.

I took a deep breath and held it, then let
it out slowly. “I saw what you had to do at Base Omega.”

Kaynan stared at me, horror in his eyes.
“You did?”

I nodded. “I saw each level, all of the
terrible things they did there.”

“
I showed you them when I
was unconscious, didn't I?” But the self-loathing in his eyes
answered his own question. “You shouldn't have had to see
that.”

“
Neither should you,” I
pointed out. “But we did, so we have to deal with it.”

“
How?” The pain in his
voice throbbed against my heart.

I touched his shoulder. “By realizing how
much we have to live for.”

He turned away, but I continued, “It's the
same way I learned to control my phasing.” He paused by the corner
of the porch and I could tell he was listening. I continued, “I had
to accept what I had gone through and who I was because of it
before I could find any control. Everyone kept telling me to stop
phasing, to stay human, and to be the more acceptable side of
myself. It took Rafe to show me that being a wolf was just as good
as being human.”

“
What does this have to do
with me?” Kaynan asked with a bite of his old spark. He turned and
leaned against one of the porch support beams to face me, his arms
folded across his chest.

It made me smile to see the shadow of who he
was. “Everything,” I replied. He rolled his eyes, but I kept
talking. “You had to do horrible things, but your actions helped
release people from their suffering. You saved children from dying
and from horrible experiments, and you helped protect your loved
ones from the horrors they were creating at those labs.”

Kaynan's voice was soft when he spoke. His
dark red eyes took on a haunted light. “That doesn't make it any
easier.”

“
Does Grace?” I asked
quietly. When he didn't reply, I said, “Because without you, she
would still be there.”

He let out a small breath, then said, “There
were also clones at the first center. They were all dead and
decaying, their faces twisted in pain. I had to destroy them,
too.”

My breath caught. “I had no idea.”

His fists clenched. “The thing that bothers
me is the backup plan. What if there are more of us at that lab,
left to die or being tested and tormented?”

I closed my eyes at the same thought that I
had also pushed away because there was nothing I could do about it.
Maybe I had developed more of the wolf's acceptance of fate than I
realized. I sighed. “Then Jaze will find it or they'll find us.
Either way, we don't know and it's not worth ruining your life
over.”

“
That's awful.” His voice
was accusing.

“
Worse than throwing away a
good life with people who love you because of something that you
can't even prove is happening?”

The question hung in the air between us and
I gritted my teeth to keep from taking it back.

His brow furrowed. “I have nightmares.”

“
I did, too,” I admitted.
“Their faces used to haunt me when I closed my eyes, calling for me
to help them, to fix them.”

“
How do you
sleep?”

I smiled. “Rafe sings to me. It helps with
my insomnia, too.”

He pursed his lips and I thought for a
minute that he was going to brush me off, but a smile touched his
face. “I wonder if I could get Grace to sing to me.”

I laughed. “If she won't, I will. I'll
record it and then you could play it every night.”

“
I'm trying to get rid of
the nightmares,” he said with a laugh.

“
Hey!” I pushed his
shoulder, then smiled. “It's good to hear you laugh
again.”

“
It feels good to laugh.”
He sighed. “But I still can't stand the thought of others suffering
because of us.” His voice thickened. “You know, if it wasn't for
that car accident they wouldn't have been able to fuse our DNA, and
they never would have succeeded on their werewolf experiments. They
would have had to give up eventually.”

I fought back tears. “You can't go through
life hating your existence.”

“
Can't I?” he shot back. I
blinked, hurt, and he looked immediately sorry. He touched my arm,
but I turned away. “Look, now who’s protecting whom?” His voice was
probing, trying to get a smile out of me.

I wanted to stay mad, but I had never been
able to stay angry at him. I sighed and turned back. “Grace tries
to take care of you, but you make it hard.”

“
I know,” he said
apologetically.

“
We just want to help.
We're worried about you.”

He gave a small smile. “And maybe that's
enough. I told myself I wouldn't cause anyone else pain. I hadn't
realized how much I was affecting everyone.”

I frowned, not completely convinced by his
sudden change of direction. “But you'll still have the dreams.”

“
Maybe I just need to find
my own way to cope with them like you did.” He smiled and it
touched his eyes. “Maybe I need to visit your forest.”

“
Come with us after
Christmas?” I asked, happier at the thought.

“
Do you think Grace will be
welcome?”

I thought of the pups and how much she would
love them. “Without a doubt.”

He nodded with another true smile. “We'll go
back with you, then. Maybe you can help me find the escape you
did.”

I held out my hand. “Deal.” He shook it and
we both grinned like we were little kids again making promises in
Dad's workshop.

Kaynan laughed and led the way back inside.
“I still think your Barbies looked ridiculous in my truck.”

I shoved his back and laughed, “At least
they fit.”

He grinned and we walked to the kitchen
jostling each other like we used to when we were teenagers.

***

Opening presents on Christmas morning felt
like a dream come true. My parents were there with Rafe and my
brother, and we were surrounded by friends who cared about us even
after everything they had gone through to protect us. I felt so
warm and safe I never wanted the moment to end.

Brock and Mouse came over about ten minutes
after we started opening gifts, their arms laden with presents of
their own to share. It felt like coming home in the best possible
way. I leaned against Rafe and he sat against the back of the couch
my parents were sharing, their well-worn checkered blanket over
them and Mom's feet nestled snuggly in Dad's lap.

Meg and Roger shared the overstuffed
armchair and wore the matching sweaters Nikki gave them over their
pajama tops. Jaze sat next to Nikki on the floor, a piece of ribbon
wrapping in his hair and a bow stuck to his forehead. Nikki toyed
with the necklace he had given her, a promise knot of which both
their parents approved with only mild glances.

Mrs. Carso bustled between everyone with
plates of cinnamon rolls and gingerbread men that had been
decorated by all of the girls the day before. I made Rafe eat one I
had shaped into a drooling, snarling werewolf. He, in turn, made me
eat a chocolate cherry even though I told him I hated them. They
turned out to be his favorite food and the first time he had ever
tried them, so he was convinced I would like them as much as he
did. He was only slightly disappointed when I didn't because there
would be more left for him if he could keep them away from Brock
and Jet.

Jet had actually let down his guard enough
to step away from his usual sentry position. He knelt next to Taye
while she wrapped a black and red scarf she had knit around his
neck. He was actually blushing and he ran the scarf through his
hands like it was the best gift he had ever received.

While I was watching him, Jet straightened
and stared at the door. He then turned and glanced toward the
kitchen, his eyes narrow.

“
Something's wrong,” he
said softly.

My heart slowed.

Everyone stopped what they were doing. A
footstep creaked on the porch, then the door burst open and fifteen
guys in bullet-proof vests, black masks, and carrying machine guns
filed in. We heard the door to the kitchen slide open as well and
footsteps followed along with Mrs. Carso's startled gasp. She was
jostled into the living room and forced to sit down next to my
parents. Nausea rose in my stomach and it was all I could do to
stand still.

“
What's going on here?”
Jaze demanded.

“
We've come for Colleen and
Kaynan. The rest of you won't be harmed if you don't put up a
fight.”

“
You'll take them over our
dead bodies,” Jet growled. He moved to grab one of the men despite
the machine gun pointed directly at his chest.