Violet Addiction (7 page)

Now, sitting at the backstage bar that was being enjoyed by the staff who had finished their shift, Cain was laughing and celebrating with Loui and Jason, our lighting guy. They were surrounded by a group of women, laughing loud enough to show the men their ample interest; the feathered yet not so subtle touches also a dead giveaway that the boys would kick off their new year in warm beds. Meanwhile, I was fighting off an imminent crash. Along with the jitters and racing heart, my thoughts and emotions were all over the place following Cain’s somewhat angry and desperate kiss. When a beautiful young woman placed her hand brazenly on Cain’s knee and leaned in to whisper seductively in his ear, I quickly looked away, jealousy surging through my body without mercy. A glass of whiskey was pushed my way by an unsuspecting hand.

“You look like you could use this,” purred a familiar voice. I turned to Ben who sat beside me, his place behind the bar now relinquished.

“I think I need something stronger than that,” I whispered. Ben’s brows shot up, quickly replaced by a confident smile. He leaned forward and I caught a whiff of his aftershave, a musky male scent that I wasn’t particularly fond of. Cain never used aftershave, and over the years I had become accustomed to the clean, natural, earthy smell that was synonymous with Cain Everett.

“I can help you with that if you like,” Ben whispered softly in my ear. My eyes fluttered shut, his claim bringing me some relief. No doubt noticing the need in my eyes, he pulled a phone from his back pocket. “I have a friend who can deliver. I just need an address.” He looked at me expectantly.

“Here?” I shrugged.

Ben shook his head. “Not at my work place. And I live too far out of town, so he won’t deliver there.” I glanced at Cain who had at some stage shrugged off the woman’s wandering hands; he didn’t seem to be enjoying the attention. For a moment I entertained the thought of walking over to him and leaning into his embrace that I knew he would never reject. He would take me, hold me and never let me go. But then thoughts of my mother and the endless battle with her drug addiction that had been my father’s life too, I couldn’t do that to Cain. Regardless of our earlier kiss and his less than cautionary open affection for me lately, I knew I would never take that next step with him. Cain would be better suited to spending the night with little miss brazen hands. He would follow our rule to the letter and go back to her place, no overnight visitors allowed in our room. Meanwhile, it left our room empty and available. I nodded to Ben and gave him the hotel details.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” I whispered from behind Cain, right into his ear. He spun around just as Ben pulled me away. A lingering gaze over my shoulder made me wince, the outrage and desolation was not only in his eyes but in his taut body. I turned away, unable to bear the foreign anger that radiated from him at this moment. I felt his eyes on me all the way to the stairs that led us away from the stage, and not once did I dare look back. That terrifying anger and disappointment was stronger than I had ever felt before, and right now I wasn’t strong enough to cope with it.

“This is Flip,” Ben said easily as we approached a tall, handsome, young man leaning casually against the wall within the hotel’s foyer. His hair was shaved short, dark lashes framing pale green eyes. He was quite a stunning man, but easily more than a few years younger than me.

“Flip?” I wondered out loud.

Ben laughed. “Yeah, his real name is Philip, but somewhere along the line we got lazy and just started calling him Flip.” Flip held out his hand, and when I placed my much smaller one in his, he surprised me by raising it to his lips for a chaste kiss. The hunger under the dark fringe of his eyelashes was anything but chaste. For the first time in my life, I felt nervous around a man, or in this case, men. Bringing two strange males back to my room was definitely not the smartest thing I had ever decided to do. They both seemed friendly enough, but their overt attention had alarm bells screaming in my head. As usual, my need to get stoned outweighed any sensibility I might have possessed.

Once we reached my room, I began to pace nervously. With the door closed and the two men making themselves comfortable in the living area, the room felt too small. I felt trapped. As soon as Flip opened his small backpack to show off an array of powders, pills, and crystals, my nervous tension disappeared. My old friend stared inoffensively at me from within the confines of a clear, plastic bag.

“How much?” I immediately asked.

“Nothing, beautiful, this is my New Year’s gift to you. We just ask you allow us to stay and party.” Ben’s warm smile was easy and could almost pass for harmless, if his gaze hadn’t dropped to my breasts. I was more than happy to party with others, though with two strange men I was a little more hesitant.

“She doesn’t even know us, Ben. You’re probably freaking her out.” Flip’s gorgeous green eyes moved back to mine; no breast gawking for Flip. “If you would prefer to party alone, just point out what you want. It’s on B.” Ben cast Flip a surprised look, and Flip laughed. “What? You told the lady it was on you. You gonna go back on your word now?”

Ben rolled his eyes. “Asshole,” he chuckled. “Whatever you need, sweetheart, my treat.” Ben waved his hand at the backpack.

Their good humor and teasing helped me relax a little. A little company on New Year’s would be nice. Cain probably wouldn’t be back until late the next day, and I didn’t really want to be alone right now. Lines were cut and I inhaled my first, the drugs sinking into my body like a warm and comfortable blanket. More whiskey, more powder, and my distant, uncaring void was found. My eyes fluttered shut as I enjoyed the feeling of power and beauty that absorbed me. Music was playing loudly, and the TV was on in the background. Flip and Ben were laughing and teasing. I stood and began to sway, the music wrapping around my body. I felt so light and free, like nothing could touch me, nothing could hurt me. I was in my happy place, far away from my reality. Another line, another shot of whiskey. When my eyes flickered open, I wondered when I had drifted off to sleep, and for how long. I was no longer in the living area but sprawled out on my bed, my dress discarded as hands caressed my body, too many hands. I didn’t want those hands on me, yet I couldn’t find my voice to object. My body betrayed the unease I felt as I automatically arched into the touch. My eyes slipped shut again, and when they opened I was completely naked, bare and cold, as hard hands turned me to my hands and knees. While a hard male intrusion speared me from behind, a hand on my cheek brought my attention to the body in front of me. “Open, beautiful.” Ben stood there, naked and aroused. It caused me to wonder who was enjoying my body from behind, but when my lips parted to ask the question, his smooth, hard member slipped into my mouth. “Good girl.” The touches, thrusts, and moans passed by in a blur of incoherent confusion. Suddenly, the body at my backside was gone, and Ben had disappeared from in front of me, but before I could feel any relief, Flip appeared before me, his manhood jutting into my face. I barely noticed the sliver of light that pierced the darkness of the room. All movement had stopped and I turned my head to take in Cain’s form in the doorway. The look on his face slammed hard into my chest, yet my mind did not comprehend the emotion. He stared at me for the longest time, and while I wanted to call out and ask him for help, my tongue felt thick, my throat dry, words completely eluded me. The shock in his eyes was palpable, and his mouth hung open, his own words also lost in that moment. With a curled lip and look of clear disgust, he slammed the door shut and I was once again alone with the two men. With an unprepared and indelicate force, my body was invaded once more from behind. My mouth slipped open to protest, my words once again silenced as Flip slipped his length onto my tongue. I coughed as he pushed hard and deep. “Breathe through your nose,” he commanded, his words demanding and callous. A single tear escaped the corner of my eye as my body continued to be used.
Whore
, whispered through my mind. I was once again using my body to buy the drugs it sought, and that said body betrayed my inner turmoil as it exploded with an orgasm under the hands of these two strangers. The shame, the abject horror of what was happening, and how far I continued to fall tainted me further. Surely I had hit rock bottom by now. I couldn’t imagine how I could fall much further. I had shred every ounce of humanity I could possibly ever possess.

“Open your eyes, Violet.” The voice held such command I almost opened them, the voice familiar yet not. I was too tired, so very tired, so very sick, so very empty. I was exhausted, but even in sleep I didn’t feel restful. My unconscious mind stirred with anxiety and unease. Something hurt, everything hurt. So much pain. I shied away from awareness and retreated to the safety of darkness. I tried to ignore the way my body ached, my skin flaming with so much heat and sensitivity I wanted to scream, yet I couldn’t find the energy to open my mouth. Fear of the unknown had me crawl back into the cushion of unconsciousness, ignoring the vocal command to do the opposite.

When I opened my eyes again, it was with groggy difficulty. My eyelids protested heavily, flickering open once, then falling shut again. I floated into an abyss, somewhere between wakefulness and sleep, images in my mind lazy and blurred. I was curious about the time, hungry, and I needed to pee. My body gradually roused me, and I tried to open my eyes again. The light speared my vision like a painful arrow, and I groaned under the onslaught of a too bright room. I always went to sleep with the blinds drawn, preferring to sleep late into the morning. Cain had a habit of pulling them open and forcing me to face the ungodly hour of sunrise. It was a game to Cain, to prod the beast that dwelled under my skin before a reasonable hour, and today, my head pounded with ungodly persistence. I was not in the mood to play.

“Pull the damn blinds closed, Cain,” I managed through lips that felt thick and dry. God, my mouth was dry, so dry I wondered if I would find sand on my tongue.

“Violet?” The whispered voice, however familiar, was not the one I was expecting.

“Harry?”

“Oh shit, honey, let me call the doctor.”
Doctor?
I forced my lids open once again, and my eyes watered under the bright light. “Shhh, just relax. You’re safe. You are in a hospital now. You scared the shit out of me, Violet. I swear to god, as soon as you are well enough to sit on that ass of yours, I’m gonna flip you over and spank the ever loving shit out of you.” Despite the confusing circumstances and heavy pain that seemed to rest in every part of my body, I smiled. I tried to open my eyes again, and this time it wasn’t quite as difficult. Around the watery vision and bright light, I managed to take in my surroundings.

“Hospital?” I murmured. Just then a middle aged man with a head of thick, grey hair and almost comical bushy grey eyebrows entered the room. He wore a white coat, two pens in the front pocket. His smile was warm and concerned.

“Miss Trivoli, nice to have you back in the land of the living.” I attempted to laugh, wondering just how damn big my bender had been, when my effort was brought up short due to the pain that lanced my chest. “Rest easy, Miss Trivoli, you’ve had a difficult week.”
Week?
The doctor began to check over my body with obvious concern.

“Week?” I said in a husky, unpracticed voice.

“I’ve been told you were brought in by a young man named Ben, no last name. You overdosed. I am going to take a look at your chest if you don’t mind, Miss Trivoli.”

“Violet,” I said, my thoughts far from my name.

“Violet.” The doctor smiled gently.

“What’s wrong with it?” I wondered as his hands carefully pulled the gown down to check my chest. I was so confused; the fact my breasts were suddenly exposed to the strange doctor and cool room barely registered.

“You were resuscitated, twice,” he explained as he gently pressed my abused ribs and chest. “We did chest compressions. It took quite some time, and to say you are lucky is beyond measure.” Obviously satisfied with whatever he was seeing, the doctor carefully put my gown back in place and pulled the starched white sheet up high.

“I’m Doctor Willis. I worked on you when you were first brought in and have been monitoring you since. We were able to revive you, obviously, and you’ve been in a coma since then, which was probably for the best. Your body was able to carefully and slowly repair itself somewhat naturally. It also meant you missed the painful period of detox, where you would have been in a considerable amount of discomfort.” The doctor stepped back, and from behind him Harry stepped forward. I wondered why Harry was here, and where exactly was Cain?

“We’re going to monitor you for another day or so, and if everything seems okay, we will let you go. However, I recommend you head straight to a rehabilitation clinic.” Doctor Willis gave me an apologetic smile. “I am sorry to be so blunt, Violet, but I don’t see many patients come back from this. You were clinically dead for three minutes, and it took your body six days to wake up. That kind of toll on the body usually comes with lasting consequences which we won’t know of immediately. You’ve been given a second chance, don’t throw it away.” I rubbed my head as I nervously wondered what the hell had happened. My skin felt dry and actually dirty, maybe…salty? “We haven’t been able to do more than sponge bathe you this past week. The detox had you perspire quite a lot, which is normal. You will likely find your skin covered in the residual toxins that your body pushed out, as well as a fair amount of salt. We’ve been pumping fluids back into you, but you will need to drink plenty of water and try and get some food into your stomach. You’ve lost a lot of weight in a very short period of time.” The doctor became quiet and what should have been an uncomfortable silence ensued. I was too busy allowing the doctor’s words to sink in. I had OD’ed? I had died?

“Thank you, doctor,” Harry murmured, which was obviously the doctor’s cue to leave. With a cordial smile, he made a hasty retreat from the room. I glanced around the small private hospital room, taking in the stark decorations. A couch sat against one wall with a discarded blanket on one arm. I guess Cain had been sleeping here. Cain…he would be so pissed at me. Harry’s mouth opened to speak, but I beat him to it.

“Where’s Cain?” My manager shifted nervously; it was an odd look on him. Harry was never nervous. “He’s gone for Starbucks, hasn’t he? So typical. Missed my grand entry back into the land of the living.” My voice was scratchy, and Harry must have noticed, grabbing a glass of water and helping me raise my head to take a long sip. While I drank, my eyes shifted to Harry’s. He was doing his damnedest not to look at me. “What?” I finally asked as he lowered me back to the pillow.

“I’m going to find you a clinic, Violet. I don’t care if it leaves me broke, but I won’t let you do this to yourself anymore.” He was angry, and if Harry was angry, Cain would be livid.

“You sound like Cain,” I said, smiling.

“Yeah, well, he said something to that effect when he phoned me six days ago. Mind you, he didn’t offer to pay, but his words were something along the lines of, ‘I’ve had it, get her into a clinic or I will kill her myself’.” Harry laughed, nervous again. “Shit, he would crap himself good and proper if he realized you actually did fucking die.”

My brow furrowed with confusion. “Where is he, Harry?” I asked, a small amount of panic jolting through my veins.

Harry sighed deeply as he ran a hand down his tired looking face. It was then I noticed his clothes were rumpled, his hair mused from sleep. I glanced back at the couch then once again to Harry. He had been sleeping there, not Cain.

“I couldn’t tell you where he is at this moment, honey. All I can tell you is he is not here nor has he been all week. I received a phone call at some ridiculous hour New Year’s morning. He was furious; I could tell because he was so calm. You know the eerie sort of oh-crap-you’re-in-for-it-now calm that only one pissed off Cain Everett can do? Anyway, he said he was done. He wasn’t prepared to watch you destroy yourself and him in the process.” My mouth opened to say something, but the words were lost with disbelief. “That very same night I get a call from this very hospital telling me you’ve been dumped here, and I arrive five hours later to be told you had died, twice no less!” Harry’s voice was starting to rise with obvious panic as he recalled the ordeal. “I tried to call Cain, but his phone is dead, and I mean like dead, no voicemail, nada. I called his parents and all they would tell me is he needed a break and he would contact me when he was ready to talk. They also told me they didn’t know where he was. I told them it was an emergency, I told them you were in hospital, and they sounded sincere when they told me they didn’t know how to reach him.”

My hand automatically rose to the pendant that should have hung from my neck, but clearly didn’t any longer. Cain had left me. My breathing grew rapid as panic threatened to overtake me.

“Violet?” Harry was blessedly distracted from his little rant.

“My necklace,” I wheezed out. He spun around and fumbled through a pile of bags and clothing sitting on the floor by the couch.

“They took it off you in the emergency room, but I’ve got it here.” He was quickly back at my side, the amethyst diamond hanging from the simple white gold chain. I pulled it away from Harry’s fingertips and held it to my chest that was hurting for a whole different reason now. “Ahhh, honey, I promise I’ll find him,” Harry whispered. “He’s just having one of those tantrums Cain is prone to. As soon as he finds out what happened here, he’ll come charging in to save the day.”

I shook my head. God, I wanted that more than anything in the world, but as it stood right now, Cain had escaped. He was free of me and my tainted soul.

“Don’t tell him, Harry. Promise me you won’t tell him.”

Harry gave me an incredulous look. “He would want to know, Violet.”

I clenched my eyes closed tightly. “I don’t want to guilt him into coming back. He’s pissed and he has every reason to be. You told his family I was in the hospital. They’ll tell him, and if he wants to know more, he’ll contact you. Until then, promise me you won’t say anything.” After a far too long silence, in which I held Harry’s dominant stare, he finally gave me a small nod. I closed my eyes with relief and tried with everything I had to fight off the tears that were building under my lids. “Just find me a clinic; I want to get better, Harry.”

“Okay,” he said with a long, drawn out sigh. “I’m gonna go make some calls. There is a rehabilitation facility out near Vegas that has a good reputation, one of the best actually. They’re discreet and they’re strict and they have a track record better than any thoroughbred race horse.”

I nodded, my eyes still closed. I heard the withdrawal of Harry’s footsteps and the gentle click of the door closing. Enveloped by silence and privacy, I let the tears go. Like the opening of the flood gates, they emptied from a heart that deserved no less. He was gone and I should have been happy because this is what I had hoped and prayed for, yet it hurt so bad. Someone once told me crying was not a sign of weakness, but simply someone who had been strong for far too long. My last remaining fragments of strength had been Cain Everett, and with his loss, I was now vulnerable and weak. Suddenly the death that had unknowingly brushed by my door only days before was welcomed, in fact, I longed for it. For not the first time in my life, I cursed my parents for giving me this pitiful existence. It was easy to point the finger of blame, for in my mind, they created me, they gave their child front row seats to a family production of hopelessness and addiction. They gave birth to my piteous life. Cain was free from drowning in my pathetic existence, free to spread his wings and fly. Meanwhile, I fell into the dismal depths of loneliness and despair. I tumbled into darkness so thick and endless it must surely have been hell. I sank into the long, agonizing battle that was recovery.