Victoria Victorious: The Story of Queen Victoria (43 page)

But all too soon we must return to London. And there trouble awaited us.

We had talked constantly about the children. Pussy had given us some anxiety during the last autumn; she had grown a little thin and rather listless. But she had seemed much better during Christmas.

“She is so pretty now,” I said. “That white and blue dress that Mama gave her is most becoming.”

“Your mother is very fond of the child. How glad I am to see you settling your differences. They should never have existed. Nor would they if …”

I looked at him appealingly as though to say: Please Albert, don't spoil these idyllic days at Claremont. Please do not say that Lehzen ruined my character, indulged me, did not check my temper with the result that it is now uncontrollable…or I shall lose that temper and everything will be spoiled.

Albert understood although I had not spoken, and he did not want to spoil the holiday either.

He said instead, “She is getting too old for Pussy now. She should be called by her proper name.”

“Then I shall not know whether you are speaking to her or to me.”

“She shall be Vicky.”

“Vicky! Very well. I don't suppose we shall be able to drop Pussy or Pussette right away. I hope she is all right. I do worry about her. Though she did seem better at Christmas. How she loved those candles in the trees!”

“She is adorable,” said Albert.

When we arrived back at the Palace the first thing we did was go to the nurseries. The Boy was asleep, the picture of health. Not so our daughter.

We gazed at her in consternation. Then Albert snatched her up. “The child is ill,” he said. “How thin she is! She is being starved.”

The nurse—Mrs. Roberts, I think her name was—glared at Albert. I was afraid the nurses took their cues from Lehzen who must have impressed on them that Albert was of no account, particularly in the nursery.

The nurse said, “We carry out the doctor's instructions here in the nursery.”

Albert put the child back into her bed and strode out of the nursery. I followed him.

In our room he said, “This is malicious. It seems to me that there is a conspiracy to keep me out of the nursery.”

I was very worried about the child; I hated these upsets and I knew that this was really another conflict between Albert and Lehzen. I lost my temper.

I cried, “Do you mean that
I
am keeping you out of the nursery?”

“I am sure those who have your support wish to do so.”

How he hated Lehzen! How could he? How I should have loved to see those two good friends; but they hated each other and were constantly letting me know it.

My temper flared. “I suppose
you
would like to keep
me
out of the nursery.
You
would like to be in charge. Then you could as good as murder the child.”

Albert stared at me as well he might. He looked bewildered. “Murder our child,” he murmured. “What are you saying…?” He stood very still, his lips compressed as though he were fighting hard to retain his composure.

Then I heard him murmur, “I must have patience.” And he strode from the room.

I was hurt; I was angry with myself, but more with him. He made no attempt to get along with Lehzen. He had hated her from the first day of our marriage, and was determined to do battle with her.

I knew Lehzen.
He
did not know her. I knew she would give her life for me and the child. Yet Albert was suggesting that Lehzen was responsible for Vicky's illness.

I could not restrain my anger. I went to him.

He was standing by the window looking out.

“So you are now avoiding me,” I said. “You walk out when I am talking to you.”

“Considering your uncontrollable temper there is little else one can do.”

“Our child is ill,” I said. “Can you think of nothing to do about that except to abuse those who serve her loyally?”

“It is because I fear they are not serving her wisely that I am concerned.”

“You have upset them in the nursery.”

“
Mein Gott!
” he cried. “They need to be upset. They are incompetent fools. I am expected to stand by and see my daughter neglected just because some old fool has to be placated.”

“Please do not call Daisy an old fool.”

“I shall call her what I please. It is through her that we have this trouble. She is unfit for the care of children.”

“She was my nurse, my governess, and my dearest friend.”

“And…we see the result. Ungovernable furies that should have been checked in childhood.”

“Albert, you should be careful what you are saying.”

“I shall say what I please. There is an attempt to shut me from the nursery. I am denied the care of my child. I am shown every day that I am of no importance in this household.”

“Albert, I am the Queen.”

“Of that all must be aware. As for myself I am constantly reminded of the fact.”

“Albert, that is not true.”

“It is apparent to all. You should listen to the truth and stop treating as gospel what is said by that crazy, common, stupid intriguer who is obsessed by her lust for power, and regards herself as a demi-god; and anyone who refuses to acknowledge her as such, as a criminal.”

“Oh, how dare you! I wish…I wish I had never married.”

“Has it occurred to you that that is something on which we might both agree? Baroness Lehzen…Dr. Clark…My daughter is in the hands of this incompetent pair. One only has to look at her to see the result. Dr. Clark has poisoned her with his chamomile; he has starved her by giving her nothing but asses' milk and chicken broth. We have seen his skills before…in the case of Flora Hastings. If this Court had been managed in an efficient manner that man would have been dismissed long ago. I suppose he is a friend of the worthy Baroness who can do no wrong. Oh, I know you are the Queen—it is a fact that is driven home to me every day—and that I am brought in merely to provide heirs to the throne and do as I am told. Take the child away from me. I have no rights. If she dies it will be on your conscience.”

I had never heard Albert make such a long and bitter speech and I had never felt so desperately unhappy in the whole of my life.

And as I stood there, he turned abruptly and left me.

I
WEPT STORMILY
, angrily. How dared he say such things! Yet he felt them, and I could see that they were in a measure true. I could not think what to do. I wanted him to come back. Let us shout at each other. Let the storms of abuse flow. What I could not endure was silence.

I passed a wretched night. The next morning Albert went to open the new Stock Exchange. I sat in the Palace brooding.

I could bear it no longer. We must talk calmly, reasonably. The child's health was important and it was necessary for her parents to look after her jointly.

I wrote a letter to Albert in which I said that we had been hasty and we had based our assumptions on evil rumors. There were always those who maligned others. I had already forgiven him the cruel things he had said to me; and I thought he should come to me and we should talk together.

I knew that Albert confided a great deal in Stockmar. We both did. Uncle Leopold had sent him to be an adviser to us both, and from our childhoods Uncle Leopold had been our guardian. I guessed that, upset as he was, Albert would go to Stockmar and tell him his side of the story.

As a result Stockmar came to me and said he wished to have a very serious talk. He had heard, through Albert, of the disagreement between us. He said, “I find these continual quarrels very disconcerting. For some time now I have been toying with the idea of returning to Coburg. My family is there. I should like to be with them. And when I see how things go here, I feel I can make no progress with the task your uncle has set me.”

“You would not leave us!” I cried.

“It is in my mind. I can see that you are unaware of the great blessings that have been bestowed on you. There could be so much happiness… so much that is good, but—”

“Albert should not provoke me. I know I am hot-tempered and when my temper is aroused, I say things I do not mean. I hate these scenes. Albert should remember that it is not long since my son was born. One suffers not only before but after a birth. Men do not understand…”

“There are reasons other than physical weakness behind those outbursts. There are too many conflicts in the household.”

“What do you mean?”

Stockmar had never treated me as the Queen; he had always been frank and open, and implied that if he could not speak his mind he would not speak at all, but return to his family in Coburg.

He said, looking at me very shrewdly, “Let us face the truth. There will always be these scenes while Baroness Lehzen remains in your household.”

I stared at him in horror.

He went on, “It is a fact. There is not room in one household for the Prince and Baroness Lehzen.”

“I love them both…”

Stockmar shrugged his shoulders. “The time has come for you to decide which is the more important to you.”

“Albert is my husband.”

“Exactly. He will always be with you. But you cannot hope for a happy marriage while the Baroness remains.”

“She is my dearest friend…She has been with me all my life.”

I was thinking: I could not live without Albert. I love Albert, yes, but I love Lehzen, too.

“That is all I can say,” said Stockmar. “While she is here there will be trouble and although at this time there is great affection between you and the Prince, constant disagreements and violent quarrels will kill love in time. I know the Baroness is devoted to you, but she loves you too possessively. She dislikes the Prince because she is jealous of anyone who takes you from her. I repeat, the Baroness should go, if you are to live in harmony with your husband and family.”

“No,” I said. “
No
.”

Stockmar lifted his shoulders. “Then there is nothing more I can say.”

“I could not do it. How could I tell her? It would break her heart.”

“If she stays she will break yours… and Albert's.”

“I cannot see why people can't be nice to each other. It is a big palace. Why is there not room for us all?”

“It is not a matter of area,” said Stockmar.

He looked at me hopelessly and I could see he was preparing to take his leave.

“Wait a moment,” I said.

“Yes, Your Majesty?”

“Isn't there some way out… something we could do?”

I knew that I was telling him that at all costs I must keep Albert. Stockmar realized this and I fancied I saw something of triumph in his eyes.

“The Baroness has a sister in Coburg,” he said. “The sister has children. The Baroness is very fond of children. She could go to her sister… adequately pensioned. She could have a very comfortable life.”

“How could I tell her? Oh no, no. I could not.”

“A holiday…at first. It could grow into a long holiday.”

I was silent.

I knew that he was right. I loved Lehzen. It would be heart-breaking to say goodbye to her. But Albert was my husband. My allegiance was to him; more than that he was what I wanted. If Lehzen were not there— much as I should miss her—there would be an absence of that tension which was so worrying to me. I should be at peace and happy.

Stockmar was going on, “The Baroness has been ill recently. She has not yet recovered from her attack of jaundice. She needs rest, freedom from responsibility. A holiday should be suggested for her, just a holiday…at first…a holiday that should grow into a very long holiday.”

I nodded, slowly, wretchedly.

Stockmar was smiling. He said, “Your Majesty shows great wisdom.”

I
HAD KNOWN
it would have to come. They could not exist peacefully under the same roof. This had been inevitable ever since Lehzen had been confronted by him. Their dislike was mutual. They were enemies through their love of me.

I had to accept that, and I wondered how I was going to tell Lehzen.

How delighted Albert must be! He had achieved what he had always wanted. He was going to be rid of Lehzen at last.

I would have to know that she was comfortable; she would have to be most adequately provided for. She had often talked to me about her sister and the children. Oh, it would be a terrible wrench but she would be happy in time.

Albert would come to me in delight. He would tell me how happy he was because I had come to this decision. It was for him, he knew, and he would be gratified. He must not go on thinking that he was of no importance
in the Palace. I must show him that he was of the utmost importance to me.

I waited but he did not come.

Where was he? Stockmar had said he would go to him at once. Then as I was making such a sacrifice why did he not come at once and thank me?

The minutes ticked by and at last I could bear the waiting no longer. I went to his sitting room.

To my surprise he was sitting in an armchair, a book in his hands. Reading…at a time like this! I felt myself growing angry again.

He looked up at me and smiled.

“Why did you not come to see me?” I demanded.

“You were not in a very good mood when we last met,” he replied.

“I did not think you were in a very good one either. Albert, put that book down when I speak to you.”

“Is that a royal command?” asked Albert a trifle coldly.

Oh dear, I thought. This is not going as I expected it would. How can he behave so, after all I have done?

“When I come in I expect you to pay attention to me.”

He said, “A thousand pardons.” He stood up and bowed.

“Oh not like that,” I said. “Just talk to me.” He was still holding the book.

“Put it down,” I cried.

“If you ask me, instead of command me, I shall do so.”

“It seems that you would like me to request you to speak to me.”

“Perhaps that would be a courteous thing to do.”

The temper was rising. “Perhaps you would like me to curtsy, beg permission to speak, and walk out backward.”

Albert stood up, and taking his book with him, walked into the bedroom. He shut the door.

I was now furious. I had come ready for reconciliation. I had agreed—much against my will—that Lehzen should take a holiday. And my reward was this. Another quarrel. I would not have it.