Vicious Circles (18 page)

I…” she heaved a huge sigh and studied the carpet while she gathered her thoughts. “You were right about a lot of things. I guess I judged you before I took a long look at my past. Look what I did? What right did I have to say those things to you?”

“You were trying to protect Morgan.”

It was her turn to snort. “A fat good that did, huh?” I laughed.

“The thing is, I total y understand what happened. Maybe neither of us did the right thing, but I understand how you feel. How much in love you can be and how those feelings just take over and you can’t think rational y. If you feel anything for Col in that I do for Lucas, then I know.”

“Thanks,” I said, shaking my head as I turned my face. I hated the awkward apology. I knew she hadn’t meant what she'd said – hel probably knew it right after she'd said it. It was cool.

“So, what do we do now?” she asked.

“Kiss and make up?” I suggested.

She barked a shaky laugh. “I mean about Morgan.”

“Hel . That’s the mil ion dol ar question. I do not know.”

“Did she say where she was going?” Irelyn asked, her face stricken and her pretty eyes ful of concern. It was hurting her as bad as it was me.

The fact of the matter was that even though Morgan was different than me and Irelyn, we were stil friends. We al three meshed wel together. And Irelyn and I weren’t as alike as Morgan made it out to be. Hel , Lucas and Col in were twins but they were stil two different personalities.

“She’s renting an apartment above the bookstore,” I said.

“Wel , I guess we should let her cool off then maybe try again?” she asked more than stated.

“It’s as good a plan as any,” I said.

I finished my water and squeezed the bottle, relishing the crunching sound in my fist. Maybe I needed a gym membership so I could go beat the hel out of a punching bag – it might relieve my stress.

“What are you going to do about Col in?” she asked.

“Don’t know,” I said.

“I know you spent the night with him Sunday night,” she said, trying to hide a smile.

“What happened?”

“Ha,” I laughed. “Nothing. I went out and tied one on and when I couldn’t drive, I cal ed him. He shoved me in a shower – no sex you pervert,” I said with a grin. She blushed and smiled. “Then he tucked me in his bed and let me sleep it off.” I frowned as I remembered the next morning and his mysterious conversation with Tori.

“Is that al ?”

“Yep,” I said, not wanting to discuss the Tori scene only because I didn’t want to relive it myself. “That’s al . No hanky panky – just hangover cures.” She bobbed her head and final y took a drink of her water. I watched her but didn’t real y see her. A plan was sort of forming in my head. Wel , maybe not a plan but an idea of where to get started.

“Hey, do you think I should talk to Spencer?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” she frowned. “What wil you say?”

Another mil ion dol ar question. I wished fervently that I had answers for then I’d be able to quit school and live on my own and never have to ask my father for another cent. Hel , I wouldn’t even need my trust fund.

“Wel , I could probably start with Morgan. Maybe I could convince him that he should date her. I know you can’t force people to feel things they don’t but maybe he doesn’t want to date her because he thinks I’l be upset.”

“That’s true,” she said.

“Yeah,” I agreed but it didn’t real y sound al that feasible. What if he was using me as an excuse so that he didn’t hurt her? “Do you know what bugs me the most?” I said as a thought flew in my head.

“What?”

“Why he cried on her shoulder. Why didn’t he talk to Luke or Col in?” I asked. Irelyn offered no answer and I didn’t expect her to. “And is he real y al in love with me?

We both agreed that we’d keep things simple when we first started seeing each other. We both agreed that it wouldn’t get serious. He said he didn’t want a serious relationship.”

“Maybe things changed,” Irelyn offered softly.

“Then why didn’t he tel me?” I asked.

She drew a deep breath and released it slowly. “Probably because of your agreement to keep it simple. Maybe he was afraid to tel you that he felt more than what you thought he did.”

That made perfect sense – especial y to me. Wasn’t I the expert at hiding behind a mask? Didn’t I want to keep people guessing at what I was real y feeling? Would I want someone prodding into my heart?

“Should I speak to him, I wonder?” I mused aloud. “I don’t real y want to hurt Spencer anymore than I already have.”

“I agree,” Irelyn said. “But, I also agree that maybe you should speak to him. I just worry that he might figure out that you slept with Col in.”

“Yeah, ya think?” I snorted. “I real y don’t want him to know but yet, I do. Damn, Irelyn. This real y sucks.”

“Tel me,” she said with a grim smile. “Been in a similar situation, remember?”

“So, what’s the right thing to do?” I asked, hoping she’d have a bril iant resolution. “I keep thinking maybe I should speak to Col in, first, but since I don’t know what precisely is going on with us, I don’t know what help he’l be.”

“Um,” Irelyn said, shifting uncomfortably. I furrowed my brow at her. I thought al the awkward moments were over between us. At least for now.

“What?” I asked.

“When’s the last time you talked to Col in?” she asked, her darting eyes avoiding contact with mine.

“Monday night,” I said. “I tried to cal him Tuesday but I got his voice mail. I left a message and he never cal ed back,” I admitted, ignoring the twinge of pain shooting through my heart. “I haven’t cal ed since.” I shrugged, acting as if I didn’t real y care. “I’l talk to him Friday night after their gig.”

“They’re not playing Friday,” Irelyn said, her face suddenly going white.

“Why?” I asked as I narrowed my eyes. “What’s going on?”

“Wel ,” Irelyn said, scratching the back of her head. “Okay, I’m going to just tel you.”

“Please do,” I said dryly.

“Lucas told me that Col in took the rest of the week off of work. He left Tuesday evening. With Tori.” My heart crystal ized into an icicle then fel to my feet and shattered into a thousand pieces.

Chapter Fourteen

My life was nothing but an agonizing hel . I couldn’t even pluck up the ambition to go tie one on. I fought self-pity with strength and courage I never dreamed I had and I managed to keep it at bay – though it taunted me from the sidelines.

I didn’t want to think what Col in was up to with Tori – it made me physical y il . It seemed as if Tori had final y succumbed to Col in’s charms and they’d gone away together to celebrate their new found love.

I wanted to puke.

Irelyn cal ed me frequently and prattled on mostly about nothing. I knew she had an ulterior motive – she was checking up on me. I appreciated it but it was real y starting to wear on my last nerve - I just didn’t have the heart to tel her that.

The condo seemed far larger than it real y was now that Morgan was gone. I was happy to have Otis to keep me company – he was also keeping me sane. I showered him with loads of affection and he accompanied me everywhere he could.

I took Otis to the dog park Sunday afternoon and watched as he romped with another puppy about his size. Otis had grown quite a bit and when I'd taken him to the vet for a checkup and his puppy shots, the vet had informed me that Otis would probably get to be about forty pounds when ful grown. The vet hadn't been sure what sort of dog Otis was – a combination of al sorts – but it didn't matter. Otis was perfect the way he was.

I rested on an iron bench and kept a close eye on Otis while I contemplated the events that had turned my life into such a messy thing. It had al started when I'd realized that I was in love with Col in. Things had gone strictly downhil from there.

What if I hadn’t broken up with Spencer? Would things stil be like they used to be?

Would Morgan have left?

Groaning, I pinched the bridge of my nose. This whole business was giving me one humungous headache.

“Is anyone sitting here?” a soft voice asked.

I sighed and squeezed my eyes shut. “Um, no – if there was then certainly you’d see them.” The voice laughed and I opened my eyes in time to see a man plop down next to me. He smiled, a dimple indenting each cheek. He had blond hair with hazel eyes hidden behind the lenses of a pair of stylish glasses. He was quite handsome – in my opinion – but my heart just wasn’t into flirting.

“I’m Craig Flint,” he said, extending a rather large hand. “And you are?”

“Annoyed and irritated,” I said.

He lowered his hand as uncertainty flickered across his face. Shame flooded my body.

“Sorry,” I said with a hint of a smile. “Bailey Foxworth.”

“If I’m disturbing you…”

“No,” I said as a real smile floated across my lips. “Just having a bad week.”

“I understand,” Craig said as he stretched his arm across the back of the bench.

“Been there myself plenty of times.” I scanned the park and located Otis near the fence, tugging on a rope toy with a Chihuahua. “Where’s your dog?” He pointed his long index finger at a tawny Boxer trotting the perimeter with his head raised regal y. “That’s Skipper. He’s sort of an arrogant thing.”

“I see,” I said and smiled. It was sort of funny.

“So, Bailey,” Craig said, drawing out each syl able of my name. “Do you have a husband? Boyfriend?” I snorted a laugh – had to. I’ve had men try to pick me up in al sorts of places but never on a bench in an enclosed yard fil ed with dogs barking and crapping al over the place. Not the epitome of romance.

“No, I don’t,” I admitted with half a smirk. “No girlfriends, either.” He laughed. “Wel , that’s good.”

“If you say so,” I muttered and shaded my eyes as I fol owed Otis with my gaze. I knew I was being rude and Craig seemed like a nice guy, but I didn’t want to encourage him. I didn’t want to involve myself with anyone else. I couldn’t handle the smal circle of friends I’d once had.

“Look, I don’t mean to pry, but sometimes it helps to talk to a stranger,” he offered. I slowly turned my head to face him, my hand stil above my eyes as if in a salute.

“That’s nice of you – real y – but I don’t think it wil help my situation. Thanks anyway,” I said. I dropped my hand and contemplated whistling for Otis and making a graceful escape but I real y had nowhere else to go except for the empty condo.

“Okay,” he said with a shrug. “Suit yourself.”

He relaxed against the bench, his arm stil draped over the back of the bench. He was far enough away that it didn’t stretch behind me and for that I was grateful – I’d hate to have to snap it in two.

“So,” he said in a casual tone. “How about if we grab a cup of coffee or something?”

“I’ve sort of taken myself out of the dating pool,” I said trying my best to sound aloof. “Men have been a total pain in the ass lately.” He laughed and winked at me.

“Okay, understandable. How about this – I’l give you my number and if you decide that you’d like to grab lunch or something, you give me a cal ?” I imagined taking him to Rusty’s one Friday night and cuddling up next to him while we watched Out Back play and hastily swept the thought from my mind. I wouldn’t use this man in my vain efforts to try to make Col in jealous. Not only was it wrong and I was tired of being the bad guy, but I didn’t think Col in would care much. He’d more than likely be relieved.

“I guess that wouldn’t hurt anything,” I said. I pul ed out my cel and programmed his number. “Just, don’t hold your breath.” He chuckled. “I won’t, I promise.” Grinning, I stood, whistling for Otis. He loped to my side, accompanied by the Chihuahua. I clipped his leash to his col ar then shook Craig’s hand. “Maybe I’l see you around sometime.”

“Sure, Bailey. Take care.”

I led Otis out of the enclosure and headed toward home. I’d no more than waved one last time at Craig when my cel phone rang. My heart nearly jumped out of my throat when Col in’s name flashed on the ID. Taking a deep breath, I answered.

“Hey, what’s up?” I asked as if he hadn’t total y disappeared for damn near a week.

“Nothing,” he said. “Just got back in town. What are you doing?”

“Walking Otis.”

“Um, me and the guys are going to practice tonight. Care to come by?” he asked, his voice a little hopeful.

What the hel , I thought. It wasn’t like my heart hadn’t been broken over and over before. “Sure. I’l bring Otis and he can play in the backyard with Milo.”

“Excel ent,” he said and I could almost see him grin. “Um, do you want to cal Morgan and invite her? I’m sure Luke wil bring Irelyn.”

“Not on your life,” I snorted.

“That doesn’t sound good,” he said apprehensively. “What’s going on?’

“Nothing to worry your pretty little head about,” I said. I was dying to ask him where he’d been and if Tori would be joining our little gathering but I didn’t want him to know that I cared. I’d see for myself soon enough.

“Luke told me that you and Irelyn fixed things but something is stil going on with Morgan,” he said. “Did she real y move out?”

“Yeah and do you know what – who cares?” I said as I drew closer to my building.

“If she wants to be that way then let her. Irelyn and I both tried to talk to her and I’m not bending over backwards anymore.”

“Relax,” Col in said. “Chil . It’s fine, Bailey, honest. I was just wondering.”

“Okay. I’l be there later,” I said as I entered the security code for the building. “See you then.” I hung up before he could say anything else.

***

I stood before my closet wondering what to wear. Should I go al demure and mysterious or should I go slutty? Deciding it real y didn’t matter I went with denim capris and a designer t-shirt. I slipped on the flip flops, grabbed the dog, and darted out the door. I contemplated cal ing Morgan on the drive but decided against it.

Maybe one of the guys could cal her – she probably wouldn’t ignore them.

It was so tempting to just throw in the towel and say forget Morgan and her high horse. Who needed her anyway? But I just couldn’t. I truly missed her. She’d been a good friend to both Irelyn and I since we al met last year. And it bugged me that she might be honestly hurting. I didn’t like pain, either, and I could only imagine how she was feeling.